Class of June 2016 Support Thread Part 4
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
Originally Posted by Dame 
Thank you JL2014. For the first time I feel real hope. What a blessing you all are. I'm starting my gratitude list tonight.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 159
Originally Posted by JG62
Day 31 - 1 whole calendar month! Really enjoying the clarity of mind I feel. Certainly not missing the shrivelled brain feeling, the fear I experienced every morning, not remembering if I had anything to apologise for from the night before, the trembling, not being productive. ....................... Thank you everyone
Day 46 for me today according to my Nomo app on my phone
I started running again, well I'm on day 3 of running again and my energy has increased tremendously. I've been waiting on that for 46 days now and feel like there has been some great progress in this sobriety thing. Y'all have no idea how thankful I am for this board. I went into sobriety scared and feeling alone until I found you all. I'm really not sure I would've held on without you all!
I'm learning a lot about myself, I'm learning to love who I am instead of polluting myself and brain. I'm having to redo myself which is weird, I'm learning that I'm actually a better person sober and I like myself. There for awhile I was super moody and still kind of am but I know alot of it has to do with my natural self. I'm not as impulsive as I used to be, I'm not as argumentative and alot more slower to anger. I'm quieter and listen more than talk. I have for sure changed, what about yall? Has anything personality wise changed? What about physical appearance?
I hope everyone has another SOBER Friday! This will be my 7th Friday of sobriety!
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
Day 54. soberforme, that's great that you started running! I haven't gotten around to exercise yet, but I feel more energetic today than I've felt in a while. I did stop eating gluten, surely that has to count for something, ha! As for physical appearance, I've been taking much better care of my skin so that's good, but my favorite change is in my eyes: Big and bright again, instead of sunken and bloodshot. Even though it's fat, my face is finally familiar again. 
I'm gearing up for the weekend, which is my most challenging time. I don't do well with unstructured time, especially when I'm in the house with my husband and kids. I really need a book to get into, since reading was my saving grace in very early recovery. I can lose myself in a book the same way I used to lose myself in drinking, with fewer negative consequences. Any ideas?
I'm gearing up for the weekend, which is my most challenging time. I don't do well with unstructured time, especially when I'm in the house with my husband and kids. I really need a book to get into, since reading was my saving grace in very early recovery. I can lose myself in a book the same way I used to lose myself in drinking, with fewer negative consequences. Any ideas?
I look young for my age.
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 932
Luvmygirls, come check out the weekenders thread. Tons of support for when you need it, and a lot of random discussion that's just plain fun. It's a good place to get your mind off drinking over the weekend.
So cool to see all the amazing progress here. Keep it up, Junes!
Day 32 for me here. This day seemed so far away on day 1, but the past month has gone by in a blink for me. I've finally started exercising again; work is better; normal anxiety; relationships better; etc. It's not like everything is nirvana--day to day life is hard a lot of the time. But, it's actually easier to deal with than doing it drunk or hungover--I actually want to face things rather than just put them off until they can't be ignored anymore!
The next week is going to be a big challenge for me. I'm going on a week long business trip, starting on Sunday. I usually use these occasions to have some "guilt free" drinking, both in the airport and during evening meals. I would never let myself get blotto, since I always had work to do the next day, but it was definitely an aspect of the trips that I enjoyed. I've been planning all week for what I'm going to do when the craving hits. I'll have work along, but also movies, books, music, etc. to occupy myself. Also snacks and plenty of NA beverages. I'm bringing my running shoes and gear, so I'll be able to keep up with the exercise while I'm gone.
I'm pretty confident, but I know I'll be tested when I first walk past the airport bar.
So cool to see all the amazing progress here. Keep it up, Junes!
Day 32 for me here. This day seemed so far away on day 1, but the past month has gone by in a blink for me. I've finally started exercising again; work is better; normal anxiety; relationships better; etc. It's not like everything is nirvana--day to day life is hard a lot of the time. But, it's actually easier to deal with than doing it drunk or hungover--I actually want to face things rather than just put them off until they can't be ignored anymore!
The next week is going to be a big challenge for me. I'm going on a week long business trip, starting on Sunday. I usually use these occasions to have some "guilt free" drinking, both in the airport and during evening meals. I would never let myself get blotto, since I always had work to do the next day, but it was definitely an aspect of the trips that I enjoyed. I've been planning all week for what I'm going to do when the craving hits. I'll have work along, but also movies, books, music, etc. to occupy myself. Also snacks and plenty of NA beverages. I'm bringing my running shoes and gear, so I'll be able to keep up with the exercise while I'm gone.
I'm pretty confident, but I know I'll be tested when I first walk past the airport bar.
I look young for my age.
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 932
GA, sorry to read about the relapse. I think the fact that you came back to us, were open with us about the relapse and have recommitted to sobriety is a really positive step! Remember, relapse is often part of the process of moving towards complete sobriety, and each time you learn something new to put in your toolbox.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
username, you sound like you're set up for success! Thanks for the tip about the Weekender thread, I sometimes pop in there, but I need to engage more.
JL, that sounds like a great plan! I'm sure the kids will love it.
JL, that sounds like a great plan! I'm sure the kids will love it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
We've not been to a beach in 5 yrs. Kids money death drama have all taken a toll.
This'll be the first sober trip for me in, well forever probably! Lol
What would be booze $ is spent on mega tons of snacks and diet rootbeer ! Only a sat-mon trip, but I hope it's the first of many. I'm ready to read my 24/7 meditation/devotion book on the beach for 2 early mornings with no hangover, and actually remember what the hell we did while walking down the beach with flashlights at night.
New memories to make.
Packing scramble later on tonight. Hard day cutting up fallen trees at work. Terrible hot. Done for 3 days !
This'll be the first sober trip for me in, well forever probably! Lol
What would be booze $ is spent on mega tons of snacks and diet rootbeer ! Only a sat-mon trip, but I hope it's the first of many. I'm ready to read my 24/7 meditation/devotion book on the beach for 2 early mornings with no hangover, and actually remember what the hell we did while walking down the beach with flashlights at night.
New memories to make.
Packing scramble later on tonight. Hard day cutting up fallen trees at work. Terrible hot. Done for 3 days !
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: London
Posts: 201
Day 32 and still feeling great about my sobriety but not so great about the separation from my husband. Worried that this will eventually have a detrimental effect on me and my sobriety. I have been searching for a forum where I can talk about this but had no success. So I am handing this to you guys. Opinions much appreciated and respected.
As many of you know my husband left after a bad fight, when I was ridiculously drunk, ashamed and not proud to say I slapped his face, twice, in the argument, so I am told, I was so drunk I do not remember.
He has somewhere else to live now and has signed for a years lease. He says he needs time to forget the memory of that night, how can you forget and why would you want to, wouldn't it better to learn from it? He comes over a few times a week, as he says I have no friends and he doesn't want me to be totally alone. I wish he would stop reminding me of that.... He's calling the shots, and maybe he has the right to? If I suggest meeting up, he can't but I feel he knows he can see me whenever he wants, however when he comes over, if I try to play it cool he gets weird and says there's no point in him being here and threatens to leave. Leaving is something he has done a lot when we have had any sort of disagreement (not talking fighting) even about household chores. He wants us to be 'like dating' but we are married not dating. I think he has had doubts about living with someone all along and now I feel he has his excuse to do what he has always wanted. Please don't think I am excusing my behaviour, I am not, it was dreadful. He says he can't commit to living together in the future but I didn't sign up for this and the thought of a year of this is driving me insane, it is all I can think about (guess at least I am not thinking about drinking, right now). I asked if he would go to counselling and he said he would because he wants me to get better. But he won't say what is meant to be wrong with me other than drinking!? I don't think he sees that he may have issues too, or am I just pushing all this onto him? I just want him to be honest about our future, and when I did push him on this, he said he was going (yet again). Not sure if this makes any difference but yes we are sleeping together, probably not a wise move? Asking you all because we all come from different backgrounds and have different experiences and would like to know your thoughts from male and female perspectives.
Hope everyone is having a great sober weekend. x
As many of you know my husband left after a bad fight, when I was ridiculously drunk, ashamed and not proud to say I slapped his face, twice, in the argument, so I am told, I was so drunk I do not remember.
He has somewhere else to live now and has signed for a years lease. He says he needs time to forget the memory of that night, how can you forget and why would you want to, wouldn't it better to learn from it? He comes over a few times a week, as he says I have no friends and he doesn't want me to be totally alone. I wish he would stop reminding me of that.... He's calling the shots, and maybe he has the right to? If I suggest meeting up, he can't but I feel he knows he can see me whenever he wants, however when he comes over, if I try to play it cool he gets weird and says there's no point in him being here and threatens to leave. Leaving is something he has done a lot when we have had any sort of disagreement (not talking fighting) even about household chores. He wants us to be 'like dating' but we are married not dating. I think he has had doubts about living with someone all along and now I feel he has his excuse to do what he has always wanted. Please don't think I am excusing my behaviour, I am not, it was dreadful. He says he can't commit to living together in the future but I didn't sign up for this and the thought of a year of this is driving me insane, it is all I can think about (guess at least I am not thinking about drinking, right now). I asked if he would go to counselling and he said he would because he wants me to get better. But he won't say what is meant to be wrong with me other than drinking!? I don't think he sees that he may have issues too, or am I just pushing all this onto him? I just want him to be honest about our future, and when I did push him on this, he said he was going (yet again). Not sure if this makes any difference but yes we are sleeping together, probably not a wise move? Asking you all because we all come from different backgrounds and have different experiences and would like to know your thoughts from male and female perspectives.
Hope everyone is having a great sober weekend. x
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Hi JG
I'm not a marriage counsellor but I do remember it was hard for me when I wanted things to be normal but others had various resentments against me, or feelings of mistrust or anger.
Keep in mind I missed a lot of your backstory through being ill, but It sounds like your husband is in two minds - he wants space but he also wants to keep a connection.
I guess you could see that as playing games or control issues, but might he also just be hurt and scared? is that possible?
I was told the best thing I could do was stay sober.
That was great advice.
Rather than me telling people I'd changed, people saw the changes for themselves and made up their own minds about me.
It's still very early days. I didn't know who sober me was until at least three months had passed.
I think with a little time you'll be able to see things more clearly and hopefully have a better idea of what you should do.
I'm sorry it's so hard now tho.
If this situation is something you think might actually harm your recovery down the track have you considered counselling?
obviously couples counselling would be good, but if your husband's not into that, maybe it would be good for you anyway - you might be about to sort out some of the feelings you're having?
D
I'm not a marriage counsellor but I do remember it was hard for me when I wanted things to be normal but others had various resentments against me, or feelings of mistrust or anger.
Keep in mind I missed a lot of your backstory through being ill, but It sounds like your husband is in two minds - he wants space but he also wants to keep a connection.
I guess you could see that as playing games or control issues, but might he also just be hurt and scared? is that possible?
I was told the best thing I could do was stay sober.
That was great advice.
Rather than me telling people I'd changed, people saw the changes for themselves and made up their own minds about me.
It's still very early days. I didn't know who sober me was until at least three months had passed.
I think with a little time you'll be able to see things more clearly and hopefully have a better idea of what you should do.
I'm sorry it's so hard now tho.
If this situation is something you think might actually harm your recovery down the track have you considered counselling?
obviously couples counselling would be good, but if your husband's not into that, maybe it would be good for you anyway - you might be about to sort out some of the feelings you're having?
D
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: London
Posts: 201
Thank you Dee. Much appreciated. I was sober 2003 - 2007 and then thought I could be a 'social drinker' - WRONG! Every time I got stressed the drinking increased. It's been a very stressful 2 and 1/2 years, deaths etc. Been together over 7 years and married last August. The wedding was a nightmare - caused by the behaviour of his daughters and the only thing we have argued about since (3 occasions) has been about that. On the night he left 21st June, we had argued about the amount of money he was putting behind the bar for the wedding, £2,000 (don't know what that is in dollars) and they only have 60 guests (I wasn't invited) he had already given both his daughters £15,000 each in the past 2 years. He is 60 and I am 53, he doesn't seem to consider our future.
I have a counselling assessment on Monday and I really don't know what I am going to say. I don't know if it is different here in the UK, they make an assessment and decide if they can help. I just feel that he needs to acknowledge that he is part of the issue and he needs to be honest about his behaviour in the way he expects me to be about mine. Apologies rambling. I know I need to focus on myself and being sober but he is a big part of my life. Resisting texting him right now as it is always me that makes the first contact but also aware that he will see that as me being awkward. Maybe it is me, maybe I am just drawn to the wrong men. All I know is I have to stay sober - for me. Thank you x
I have a counselling assessment on Monday and I really don't know what I am going to say. I don't know if it is different here in the UK, they make an assessment and decide if they can help. I just feel that he needs to acknowledge that he is part of the issue and he needs to be honest about his behaviour in the way he expects me to be about mine. Apologies rambling. I know I need to focus on myself and being sober but he is a big part of my life. Resisting texting him right now as it is always me that makes the first contact but also aware that he will see that as me being awkward. Maybe it is me, maybe I am just drawn to the wrong men. All I know is I have to stay sober - for me. Thank you x
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
I hope things will be a little clearer on down the track, and hopefully less combative?
I'd just tell the truth with the counsellor, just as you have here...how you feel etc.
I hope they can help JG
D
I'd just tell the truth with the counsellor, just as you have here...how you feel etc.
I hope they can help JG
D
sober style
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 2,382
45 days, that's what I'm talkin' about. Not the roundest multiple of 5 around but a fine number nonetheless. Today will be 46. Catching a nice early caffeine buzz here, bopping around the internet on a muggy July morning here in beautiful south Texas. Great sober weekends for all of us!
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Way to go, snazzy! 45 days, woohoo!!!
JG, you will have to take this with a grain of salt, because I am neither a therapist nor a relationship expert (despite being in one for 18 years), but his behavior seems controlling to me. My husband and I saw a counselor a few times, and she said that saying "if you could just fix yourself, we would be fine" is a way for him to avoid taking any accountability for his own role in improving the relationship. I guess that the fact that WE are alcoholics doesn't automatically mean that they are saints, if that makes any sense.
My advice is to continue focusing on yourself, and the things in your life that you have the power to change. It sounds like he is kind of using your vulnerability against you, if that makes any sense? (((Hugs))) We are here for you! ❤️
Day 55 here. We are still moving in and unpacking, and my husband has spent the morning piling things from the garage on the kitchen island and taking a very manic approach to our day, which is not unusual. Serenity now!!! 😂😂😂
JG, you will have to take this with a grain of salt, because I am neither a therapist nor a relationship expert (despite being in one for 18 years), but his behavior seems controlling to me. My husband and I saw a counselor a few times, and she said that saying "if you could just fix yourself, we would be fine" is a way for him to avoid taking any accountability for his own role in improving the relationship. I guess that the fact that WE are alcoholics doesn't automatically mean that they are saints, if that makes any sense.
My advice is to continue focusing on yourself, and the things in your life that you have the power to change. It sounds like he is kind of using your vulnerability against you, if that makes any sense? (((Hugs))) We are here for you! ❤️
Day 55 here. We are still moving in and unpacking, and my husband has spent the morning piling things from the garage on the kitchen island and taking a very manic approach to our day, which is not unusual. Serenity now!!! 😂😂😂
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: London
Posts: 201
Originally Posted by luvmygirls
Way to go, snazzy! 45 days, woohoo!!!
JG, you will have to take this with a grain of salt, because I am neither a therapist nor a relationship expert (despite being in one for 18 years), but his behavior seems controlling to me. My husband and I saw a counselor a few times, and she said that saying "if you could just fix yourself, we would be fine" is a way for him to avoid taking any accountability for his own role in improving the relationship. I guess that the fact that WE are alcoholics doesn't automatically mean that they are saints, if that makes any sense.
My advice is to continue focusing on yourself, and the things in your life that you have the power to change. It sounds like he is kind of using your vulnerability against you, if that makes any sense? (((Hugs))) We are here for you! ❤️
Day 55 here. We are still moving in and unpacking, and my husband has spent the morning piling things from the garage on the kitchen island and taking a very manic approach to our day, which is not unusual. Serenity now!!! 😂😂😂
JG, you will have to take this with a grain of salt, because I am neither a therapist nor a relationship expert (despite being in one for 18 years), but his behavior seems controlling to me. My husband and I saw a counselor a few times, and she said that saying "if you could just fix yourself, we would be fine" is a way for him to avoid taking any accountability for his own role in improving the relationship. I guess that the fact that WE are alcoholics doesn't automatically mean that they are saints, if that makes any sense.
My advice is to continue focusing on yourself, and the things in your life that you have the power to change. It sounds like he is kind of using your vulnerability against you, if that makes any sense? (((Hugs))) We are here for you! ❤️
Day 55 here. We are still moving in and unpacking, and my husband has spent the morning piling things from the garage on the kitchen island and taking a very manic approach to our day, which is not unusual. Serenity now!!! 😂😂😂
Congratulations on Day 55 - and I hope the moving becomes a bit less manic, it's so stressful moving and especially when one partner doesn't apply logic to the process.
Happy sober Sunday to everyone
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