Class of April 2015 Part 11
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
I can totally relate Amp!
I used to host numerous backyard fires which were little more than excuses to sit around and drink a lot. I had to pretty much stop hosting these during my first year sober, as I just generally didn't want to be around a lot of my drinking friends. I had at least one who kept insisting that I am not an alcoholic and don't have a problem. I found that I had to keep my distance from him the first year, though he has accepted that I am not drinking anymore finally.
That is funny about smelling the cork. My wife made a drink up while on vacation and for some reason I asked to smell it. She was somewhat taken aback, and I really had no idea why I asked. I knew I wasn't going to drink it.
As you said, it takes very little to kick the AV up.
I worked until midnight last night and was awoken early this morning by a phone call from a friend with six years sobriety. She has hit a rough stretch and was having drinking thoughts. I helped talk her through things and even volunteered to go to an AA meeting with her if she wanted, though I have never been to one.
It really struck me how even with a good stretch of sobriety under her belt, the AV is still alive and kicking. When life gets challenging, the first or second thought is to drink. It is a reminder that this is going to be a life long journey we have embarked upon. It's not a serve two years jail time and then you're free. Very humbling and really refocused me on my sobriety. At times, I have felt just a little complacent about things. I need the reminder to stay focused on what has gotten me and the rest of us this far.
I used to host numerous backyard fires which were little more than excuses to sit around and drink a lot. I had to pretty much stop hosting these during my first year sober, as I just generally didn't want to be around a lot of my drinking friends. I had at least one who kept insisting that I am not an alcoholic and don't have a problem. I found that I had to keep my distance from him the first year, though he has accepted that I am not drinking anymore finally.
That is funny about smelling the cork. My wife made a drink up while on vacation and for some reason I asked to smell it. She was somewhat taken aback, and I really had no idea why I asked. I knew I wasn't going to drink it.
As you said, it takes very little to kick the AV up.
I worked until midnight last night and was awoken early this morning by a phone call from a friend with six years sobriety. She has hit a rough stretch and was having drinking thoughts. I helped talk her through things and even volunteered to go to an AA meeting with her if she wanted, though I have never been to one.
It really struck me how even with a good stretch of sobriety under her belt, the AV is still alive and kicking. When life gets challenging, the first or second thought is to drink. It is a reminder that this is going to be a life long journey we have embarked upon. It's not a serve two years jail time and then you're free. Very humbling and really refocused me on my sobriety. At times, I have felt just a little complacent about things. I need the reminder to stay focused on what has gotten me and the rest of us this far.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 560
My addiction to cigarettes was very severe. I could never get down to my last packet without needing to make sure I immediately had another packet ready. I used to think it would be literally impossible to cope with stress without a cigarette. Now when I am stressed I never think of smoking. Nor do I covet a cigarette and don't even want one in any situation.
So I am hopeful that one day I will see alcohol for what it is. Might just take a while, or it might never happen. Meanwhile I will just carry on with life.
Best wishes
OMD
So I am hopeful that one day I will see alcohol for what it is. Might just take a while, or it might never happen. Meanwhile I will just carry on with life.
Best wishes
OMD
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
My concern will be when everything comes back together for me. I stress now, a lot, but the stress was put there by my alcoholism.
When all is fine and dandy and Im on top of the world is when I'll have to tread carefully. Especially as one who tends to self destruct / punish.
For now...I have nothing to worry about. I'm still climbing.
When all is fine and dandy and Im on top of the world is when I'll have to tread carefully. Especially as one who tends to self destruct / punish.
For now...I have nothing to worry about. I'm still climbing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
I'm off work for the next 4 days. I'm burning through 2 vaca days so I don't lose them when I get my, yet to be determined, new job. Using this time to finish my taxes that I have yet to do, and file bankruptcy. Man...I REALLY hope I get them done. Will be a huge relief. I've been putting off Bankruptcy for as long as you guys have known me, and taxes for 7months.
As bad as my procrastination sounds, it's actually improved. I'm applying to jobs and have not let anything else sit. Don't be surprised if you see me bouncing around a lot on SR today though :/ My plan is to just stop on by for the mental breaks. Although I've been good for burning entire days here.
I was going to only pop in as a reward, but I find supporting others to be motivational. Gives me energy. My first course of action after this post....PM Cauli. I miss her.
As bad as my procrastination sounds, it's actually improved. I'm applying to jobs and have not let anything else sit. Don't be surprised if you see me bouncing around a lot on SR today though :/ My plan is to just stop on by for the mental breaks. Although I've been good for burning entire days here.
I was going to only pop in as a reward, but I find supporting others to be motivational. Gives me energy. My first course of action after this post....PM Cauli. I miss her.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
Enjoy your "time off" Inc! Hopefully you can wrap up those things that have been hanging over your head for a bit. Any feedback from your last interview?
I got home from work at 1:00am this morning and back at 10:00. Then I open the store at 5:00am tomorrow and Wednesday. I truly just drive home to sleep for a handful of hours and right back to work. The only advantage of my long commute is that I'm able to keep up on all the podcasts I subscribe to!
Have a great day everyone!
I got home from work at 1:00am this morning and back at 10:00. Then I open the store at 5:00am tomorrow and Wednesday. I truly just drive home to sleep for a handful of hours and right back to work. The only advantage of my long commute is that I'm able to keep up on all the podcasts I subscribe to!
Have a great day everyone!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
Ugh, rise and shine!
Funny how when I find myself unintentionally drifting away from SR for a moment or two, real life brings me right back to here. Though I haven't had a serious drinking thought in ages, the wisdom here just helps to keep me on the straight and narrow. It's kind of like taking a vitamin every day just in case.
Have a great day everyone!
Funny how when I find myself unintentionally drifting away from SR for a moment or two, real life brings me right back to here. Though I haven't had a serious drinking thought in ages, the wisdom here just helps to keep me on the straight and narrow. It's kind of like taking a vitamin every day just in case.
Have a great day everyone!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Well...yesterday was pretty much a waste. Not a complete waste, but maybe 25% productive. I feel like a large, heavy, train trying to get momentum.
On the plus side, I went to the gym yesterday after not exercising for a few days. My fiance wasn't working out with me previously. I made an effort to pump it up for her (pun intended) because I know she would jump on at some point.
Yesterday was her day. She wanted to hit the gym while I didn't. That's going to help big time keep my momentum going. IDK why it's sooo darn hard to stay on program. I love how I feel afterwards. I love the energy and motivation. My spirits always improve.
I firmly believe all I need is a good string of days / weeks then I wont want to stop. It's something I can get addicted to. No doubt in my mind. Beyond general health, my goal is to gain muscle weight. I am at the lowest weight in the healthy range for my height. So a little fat wont hurt.
To get there, I need to eat 2500 calories a day according to the program I am running. It's broken out by grams for protein, carbs, and fat. I have not been eating ANYWHERE near 2000 calories. Probably more like 1500....hence the 50lbs I've lost since I quit drinking. That's a lot of weight.
Anyway...
The train is moving. On to taxes.
Oh...SG..
I had one phone interview where I tanked it pretty much. Was not in a good mood at all and I could hear it. I recorded the conversation and played it back. Took some very valuable notes.
I also had a F2F interview the week before last. The person who does the 2nd interview was on vacation last week. I'm waiting to hear from her. I would love to get this job. On my initial interview though, I did not bring up any of the issues they are going to see on my background check. So I'll have to bring some of that up on the 2nd to shorten the gap between how awesome I portray myself vs what they are going to see.
Ok...
Off to taxes.
On the plus side, I went to the gym yesterday after not exercising for a few days. My fiance wasn't working out with me previously. I made an effort to pump it up for her (pun intended) because I know she would jump on at some point.
Yesterday was her day. She wanted to hit the gym while I didn't. That's going to help big time keep my momentum going. IDK why it's sooo darn hard to stay on program. I love how I feel afterwards. I love the energy and motivation. My spirits always improve.
I firmly believe all I need is a good string of days / weeks then I wont want to stop. It's something I can get addicted to. No doubt in my mind. Beyond general health, my goal is to gain muscle weight. I am at the lowest weight in the healthy range for my height. So a little fat wont hurt.
To get there, I need to eat 2500 calories a day according to the program I am running. It's broken out by grams for protein, carbs, and fat. I have not been eating ANYWHERE near 2000 calories. Probably more like 1500....hence the 50lbs I've lost since I quit drinking. That's a lot of weight.
Anyway...
The train is moving. On to taxes.
Oh...SG..
I had one phone interview where I tanked it pretty much. Was not in a good mood at all and I could hear it. I recorded the conversation and played it back. Took some very valuable notes.
I also had a F2F interview the week before last. The person who does the 2nd interview was on vacation last week. I'm waiting to hear from her. I would love to get this job. On my initial interview though, I did not bring up any of the issues they are going to see on my background check. So I'll have to bring some of that up on the 2nd to shorten the gap between how awesome I portray myself vs what they are going to see.
Ok...
Off to taxes.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Helllloooo! I am so sorry I've haven't been checking in. I think of this forum and of you all everyday though, which in a way keeps me grounded and firm in my sobriety. I read all the posts, and I am so happy for you all. Just keep plugging away and never give up!
I spent the weekend on a mini work vacation and it was fantastic! I went with a new friend and business partner, and we had the best time together, without alcohol. No drinking, meant no hangover, meant that I was able to completely absorb every inch of the positive energy, and come away inspired and motivated! You all must know that I shot myself in the foot so many times from drinking, and in my line of business, to be down, depressed, and feeling defeated and guilty from drinking only compounds when my business was suffering. Now I understand why I was failing so often, and not getting ahead. Hmmm. I mean it's pretty obvious now, and it's pretty obvious to those who don't have an problem, but it takes me a while to get it...and I get it now!
This summer is going by so fast! We are leaving on a family road trip next week for 2 weeks then coming back for a wedding mid august.
Gotta post this before I loose my internet connection...I see rain clouds moving across the lake! eeeek
I spent the weekend on a mini work vacation and it was fantastic! I went with a new friend and business partner, and we had the best time together, without alcohol. No drinking, meant no hangover, meant that I was able to completely absorb every inch of the positive energy, and come away inspired and motivated! You all must know that I shot myself in the foot so many times from drinking, and in my line of business, to be down, depressed, and feeling defeated and guilty from drinking only compounds when my business was suffering. Now I understand why I was failing so often, and not getting ahead. Hmmm. I mean it's pretty obvious now, and it's pretty obvious to those who don't have an problem, but it takes me a while to get it...and I get it now!
This summer is going by so fast! We are leaving on a family road trip next week for 2 weeks then coming back for a wedding mid august.
Gotta post this before I loose my internet connection...I see rain clouds moving across the lake! eeeek
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Inc. I want to say that I am now on the weight gain upswing. It's strange, but even after I quit smoking, I was losing more weight then I could afford. It's all good now. I am exercising everyday, and eating healthy, but also let myself enjoy my food, be it a hotdog and fries or a big old pancake for breakfast every once in a while....guilt free! I guess maybe your body is adjusting to not having empty calories from alcohol, and is just now performing the way it should be. 
Keep exercising, even if its only for 15 minutes, it will become habit before you know it!
Keep exercising, even if its only for 15 minutes, it will become habit before you know it!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 560
Nice to hear from you Cauli! So glad all is well.
And from you Dee, although you haven't been away that long
Ok Inc: if you wait until you feel like it before exercising, you may be waiting for some time. There is a part of your brain which is not really you. The same bit that says ah I'll go tomorrow instead is the same bit that says wouldn't it be great to have a drink. (This is not scientific but stay with me). The real you wants to go do some exercise and the real you doesn't want a drink, in both cases for all the right reasons. You've told your other you why you're not having any drinks. Now is the time to tell your other you why you are going to eat well and exercise. The real you has it right! I have 100% faith in the real you!
Best wishes
OMD
And from you Dee, although you haven't been away that long
Ok Inc: if you wait until you feel like it before exercising, you may be waiting for some time. There is a part of your brain which is not really you. The same bit that says ah I'll go tomorrow instead is the same bit that says wouldn't it be great to have a drink. (This is not scientific but stay with me). The real you wants to go do some exercise and the real you doesn't want a drink, in both cases for all the right reasons. You've told your other you why you're not having any drinks. Now is the time to tell your other you why you are going to eat well and exercise. The real you has it right! I have 100% faith in the real you!
Best wishes
OMD
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Well, we did it. My son and have Pokemon Go.
We looked around here with no luck, so we really must be in the middle of nowhere! Tomorrow is another day, gotta catch em all.
Yesterday I was so angry with the hubby the thought of running out to the store for smokes ran through my my mind. I used to to drink and smoke At Him. Thinking I was getting back At Him by hurting myself. I don't do that anymore, thankful I recognized the craziness in that! I am not the same self defeating person anymore.
Good Night, hope all is well! x
We looked around here with no luck, so we really must be in the middle of nowhere! Tomorrow is another day, gotta catch em all.
Yesterday I was so angry with the hubby the thought of running out to the store for smokes ran through my my mind. I used to to drink and smoke At Him. Thinking I was getting back At Him by hurting myself. I don't do that anymore, thankful I recognized the craziness in that! I am not the same self defeating person anymore.
Good Night, hope all is well! x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Originally Posted by Cauliflower 
Well, we did it. My son and have Pokemon Go.
We looked around here with no luck, so we really must be in the middle of nowhere! Tomorrow is another day, gotta catch em all.
Yesterday I was so angry with the hubby the thought of running out to the store for smokes ran through my my mind. I used to to drink and smoke At Him. Thinking I was getting back At Him by hurting myself. I don't do that anymore, thankful I recognized the craziness in that! I am not the same self defeating person anymore.
Good Night, hope all is well! x
We looked around here with no luck, so we really must be in the middle of nowhere! Tomorrow is another day, gotta catch em all.
Yesterday I was so angry with the hubby the thought of running out to the store for smokes ran through my my mind. I used to to drink and smoke At Him. Thinking I was getting back At Him by hurting myself. I don't do that anymore, thankful I recognized the craziness in that! I am not the same self defeating person anymore.
Good Night, hope all is well! x
Maybe it really has to be the right time for you on a personal level if you're going to kick an addiction... or maybe you just have to make that time right. There is a lot of personal growth required to make the leap.
Either way, I suppose I just mean to say well done to all of us for seeing this through so far!!
On not realizing I'd passed 15 months, it seems interesting to me given the way the days leading up to the first 3 months seemed eternal that now I hardly notice the pass of time since my own independence day. Strange how even the most remarkable things become normal!
Anyway, I'm back in the UK and Ireland for a month with the family for our annual visit. The sun is shining in London for once!!
Have a good day everyone!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
Hi Cauli! I'm glad that you have a different attitude towards dealing with everyday life now. It takes a long time to learn to not reflexively act out in our previous ways, which never ended well for anyone.
My life is so stable now that I occasionally reminisce about the excitement of the old days, albeit ever so briefly. I was thinking yesterday how summer now is nowhere near as exciting as when I was drinking. Summer was a steady stream of drinking outside, hosting BBQ's and fire pit gatherings with people in order to consume mass quantities of alcohol. It was always my favorite time of the year.
On the other hand, being more stable has huge advantages. Conversely, for me, winter meant an ongoing march of darkness and depression and morning drinking trying to avert the doom and gloom that filled my days.
I have happily sacrificed the highs of summer and the crushing lows of winter for the even handed day to day sober life. I think that I occasionally secretly miss the adrenaline rush that alcohol forced upon me. My life was a non stop seeking of highs and recovering from lows when drinking.
Very happy to be sober and stable. Drama is emotionally exhausting.
Good thoughts to all!
My life is so stable now that I occasionally reminisce about the excitement of the old days, albeit ever so briefly. I was thinking yesterday how summer now is nowhere near as exciting as when I was drinking. Summer was a steady stream of drinking outside, hosting BBQ's and fire pit gatherings with people in order to consume mass quantities of alcohol. It was always my favorite time of the year.
On the other hand, being more stable has huge advantages. Conversely, for me, winter meant an ongoing march of darkness and depression and morning drinking trying to avert the doom and gloom that filled my days.
I have happily sacrificed the highs of summer and the crushing lows of winter for the even handed day to day sober life. I think that I occasionally secretly miss the adrenaline rush that alcohol forced upon me. My life was a non stop seeking of highs and recovering from lows when drinking.
Very happy to be sober and stable. Drama is emotionally exhausting.
Good thoughts to all!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
SG, I find that my life is more exciting now that I am sober. I was so closed off, so full of fear and regret, and of course ashamed of who I became by allowing alcohol to take over. Even at bbq's or parties, I never let myself be myself... back then I wanted to get wasted but I was fighting that urge to over drink, and wanted nothing more then to leave parties and events and so I could go home and drink. Strange as it seems, that was my life. Now I feel free to just be me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 560
Hi everyone!
Nothing much to report - just a quick check in. Was out with people earlier who were drinking. I didn't fancy any of it. That's how it is most often these days. We've all come a long way!
Enjoy the rest of your weekends!
OMD
Nothing much to report - just a quick check in. Was out with people earlier who were drinking. I didn't fancy any of it. That's how it is most often these days. We've all come a long way!
Enjoy the rest of your weekends!
OMD
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,180
Good to see things are rolling nicely OMD!
Inc, how did your "vacation" go? I hope you declared bankruptcy and paid a lot in taxes, lol! Good times. We often have to put out several fires before we can move forward.
Have a great rest of the weekend everyone!
Inc, how did your "vacation" go? I hope you declared bankruptcy and paid a lot in taxes, lol! Good times. We often have to put out several fires before we can move forward.
Have a great rest of the weekend everyone!
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