Class of April 2015 Part 11
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,172
Sounds like a tough situation for the both of you Amp. I am sorry to hear of your brother's predicament. I think I kind of understand your ambivalence about things.
This got me to thinking that men often have difficulty talking about things without drinks in front of them. I think drinking offers an excuse to go somewhere to talk privately from other family, like" let's head out for a drink and then we can talk about things." Also, going out somewhere gives us something to do while listening. Staring at the glass, nodding to the bartender, looking up at the television. I feel most men have a difficult time looking at each other when having difficult discussions. The most serious conversations I have ever had with my Dad have happened while sitting at a bar. I think social barriers are removed. I feel there is an unwritten social stigma about a couple of dudes going out for coffee to talk, but no one things twice about the same guys going out for drinks. I am sure there have been times that one of my friends wanted to talk with me, but knew I wasn't going to hang in a bar for an afternoon to listen. In a bizarre way, I imagine that I am letting them down by me not drinking. Once in a great while, I think that maybe there is another drink left in me, that I am saving for a desperate situation. Maybe this situation didn't quite reach that level. Crazy logic. I am tired and rambling...
Tomorrow is another day. One that will begin without a hangover and self loathing. Life is hard at times. Life drinking is hard all the time.
This got me to thinking that men often have difficulty talking about things without drinks in front of them. I think drinking offers an excuse to go somewhere to talk privately from other family, like" let's head out for a drink and then we can talk about things." Also, going out somewhere gives us something to do while listening. Staring at the glass, nodding to the bartender, looking up at the television. I feel most men have a difficult time looking at each other when having difficult discussions. The most serious conversations I have ever had with my Dad have happened while sitting at a bar. I think social barriers are removed. I feel there is an unwritten social stigma about a couple of dudes going out for coffee to talk, but no one things twice about the same guys going out for drinks. I am sure there have been times that one of my friends wanted to talk with me, but knew I wasn't going to hang in a bar for an afternoon to listen. In a bizarre way, I imagine that I am letting them down by me not drinking. Once in a great while, I think that maybe there is another drink left in me, that I am saving for a desperate situation. Maybe this situation didn't quite reach that level. Crazy logic. I am tired and rambling...
Tomorrow is another day. One that will begin without a hangover and self loathing. Life is hard at times. Life drinking is hard all the time.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
SG... Very interesting perspective. I could not agree more. I appreciate your ability to paint a picture so vivid.
Amp... That sucks. I can almost feel the pit in my stomach your brother feels. Maybe because I'm reading this as I sit waiting my turn in bankruptcy court. The feelings, although a couple years old now, are still raw. Not that he lost his job, but the fear of it is just about as bad. If not worse in some ways.
When I lost my job, I remember telling everyone around me that it was a blessing. It meant greater things were to follow. New doors with new opportunities. I wish I had believed it.
Speaking of raw feelings, I've been giving thought to seeing a counselor. And normally when I think I should see one, I definitely need to see one. Lol.
I need to figure out how to move past those feelings of regret. They are nowhere near as bad. Time has healed a lot and I assume more time will heal further. But between the divorce I created, separating myself from my children, getting fired, wasting a good portion of my life seeking a high, and spending my entire 401k on alcohol and drugs... Theres just so much to stomach.
I probably have as many "bad" days as I do "great" days. I am super thankful for that. It's the middle ground where I think I'm holding myself back still. No... It's the bad days that are killing me.
As I type this out, I'm reminded that there's action I can take on my own. I've been through therapy enough times to know what to expect. I've learned a few tricks of the trade.
I want to dedicate some time to my mental health with meditation on a more regular basis. The only time I use meditation is when I'm really depressed, anxious, or dealing with withdrawal.
Spending a few minutes to visualize my past then accept them for lessons alone will help keep me on the straight and narrow. Visualizing the path I've taken and the growth I've experienced as a result will keep the torches lit. Then visualizing the future will guide the way and keep me excited for the possibilities.
When everything is going "ok", I basically run on autopilot. I'm now realizing that's why I'm feeling the way I do. Just cruising along with no specific destination in mind. All I feel are the bumps in the road. When I hit a bump, I examine it for a while.
It's different when I am moving forward with aggression and laser focus. I just plow through those bumps on the road then return my focus to the road ahead.
Yeah. That's the ticket. I think I recently turned on cruise control after I got my job. I'm still new and excited about the possibilities and working hard to prove myself there. But it's my personal life where I have set cruise control.
I'm glad I recognized this just now. Super glad I have a place where I can think out loud.
Amp... That sucks. I can almost feel the pit in my stomach your brother feels. Maybe because I'm reading this as I sit waiting my turn in bankruptcy court. The feelings, although a couple years old now, are still raw. Not that he lost his job, but the fear of it is just about as bad. If not worse in some ways.
When I lost my job, I remember telling everyone around me that it was a blessing. It meant greater things were to follow. New doors with new opportunities. I wish I had believed it.
Speaking of raw feelings, I've been giving thought to seeing a counselor. And normally when I think I should see one, I definitely need to see one. Lol.
I need to figure out how to move past those feelings of regret. They are nowhere near as bad. Time has healed a lot and I assume more time will heal further. But between the divorce I created, separating myself from my children, getting fired, wasting a good portion of my life seeking a high, and spending my entire 401k on alcohol and drugs... Theres just so much to stomach.
I probably have as many "bad" days as I do "great" days. I am super thankful for that. It's the middle ground where I think I'm holding myself back still. No... It's the bad days that are killing me.
As I type this out, I'm reminded that there's action I can take on my own. I've been through therapy enough times to know what to expect. I've learned a few tricks of the trade.
I want to dedicate some time to my mental health with meditation on a more regular basis. The only time I use meditation is when I'm really depressed, anxious, or dealing with withdrawal.
Spending a few minutes to visualize my past then accept them for lessons alone will help keep me on the straight and narrow. Visualizing the path I've taken and the growth I've experienced as a result will keep the torches lit. Then visualizing the future will guide the way and keep me excited for the possibilities.
When everything is going "ok", I basically run on autopilot. I'm now realizing that's why I'm feeling the way I do. Just cruising along with no specific destination in mind. All I feel are the bumps in the road. When I hit a bump, I examine it for a while.
It's different when I am moving forward with aggression and laser focus. I just plow through those bumps on the road then return my focus to the road ahead.
Yeah. That's the ticket. I think I recently turned on cruise control after I got my job. I'm still new and excited about the possibilities and working hard to prove myself there. But it's my personal life where I have set cruise control.
I'm glad I recognized this just now. Super glad I have a place where I can think out loud.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Interesting comment from both of you, SG and Inc. Although I sometimes miss drinking because of the drink itself, mostly, if I miss it, it is related to the conventions that surround it. The moment to relax or share is so often indicated by bringing out the booze. Big conversations happen in bars and pubs. Most guys would probably agree, particularly if they are of a personal nature.
After a year and a half I think that the way I miss drink is not often related to cravings anymore. For me at least it is often nostalgic and that comes not only from me but also those around me who would like to have the old me back for an evening. Personally I was pretty sick of the old me but I guess in short doses I may have been fun.
Part of all of this, I think, is to recognise that there IS something to miss but we've moved on to better things... Like you kind of miss the old clapped out Ford you used to drive around in for 18 years but you wouldn't trade your new Mercedes for it!! Hahaha!
Have a good day!
After a year and a half I think that the way I miss drink is not often related to cravings anymore. For me at least it is often nostalgic and that comes not only from me but also those around me who would like to have the old me back for an evening. Personally I was pretty sick of the old me but I guess in short doses I may have been fun.
Part of all of this, I think, is to recognise that there IS something to miss but we've moved on to better things... Like you kind of miss the old clapped out Ford you used to drive around in for 18 years but you wouldn't trade your new Mercedes for it!! Hahaha!
Have a good day!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
I find it easier to share & be open now than I did as a drinker to be honest...
there was a great deal of bravado and posturing that went along with my drinking, simply because I was trying to be someone else.
It's much easier just being me
D
there was a great deal of bravado and posturing that went along with my drinking, simply because I was trying to be someone else.
It's much easier just being me
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 560
Sorry about your brother Amp but these things very often work out. He may end up finding a job that he never would have looked for otherwise. Anyway, fingers crossed but I can understand why it bothers you - you wouldn't be human if not.
We will all have our moments of nostalgia - I know I certainly do and my social circle is almost non existent now. It's all sleep , work and as much exercise as I can find time for, which doesn't necessarily address mental health issues. So that's a cost. Anyway, what to do? We all made a choice to be here, no one made us, and no one is making us stay, but we are here, and it's important not to lose sight of what brought us all here and not to romanticise the very thing that caused us so much misery to want to quit it for ever.
I refuse to romanticise any longer. Yes I had many great times but I also caused a lot of damage. Some of it is repaired, some will never be. And I think that alcohol does not dismantle social barriers, it's just somewhere between a convention and an excuse. Because it's a drug. So I will not mourn the passing of alcohol and I refuse to believe that my life would be better if only I could just have that one night back. Utter crap - it's an illusion and that's that. You never needed alcohol to have a good time when you were a kid - there you could just have pure joy and communicate as much as you wanted and live your life. Now because we have been drinking it is part of our psyche, for now at least. I have mentioned before that I used to smoke very heavily and could never imagine myself without a cigarette, ever. Now I can't imagine what I was thinking. I seriously have no desire and I believe that is where I will end up with respect to alcohol.
So stop being nostalgic, be grateful for where you are, and enjoy being present in your life!
Obviously, this was all addressed to me!
Best wishes
OMD
We will all have our moments of nostalgia - I know I certainly do and my social circle is almost non existent now. It's all sleep , work and as much exercise as I can find time for, which doesn't necessarily address mental health issues. So that's a cost. Anyway, what to do? We all made a choice to be here, no one made us, and no one is making us stay, but we are here, and it's important not to lose sight of what brought us all here and not to romanticise the very thing that caused us so much misery to want to quit it for ever.
I refuse to romanticise any longer. Yes I had many great times but I also caused a lot of damage. Some of it is repaired, some will never be. And I think that alcohol does not dismantle social barriers, it's just somewhere between a convention and an excuse. Because it's a drug. So I will not mourn the passing of alcohol and I refuse to believe that my life would be better if only I could just have that one night back. Utter crap - it's an illusion and that's that. You never needed alcohol to have a good time when you were a kid - there you could just have pure joy and communicate as much as you wanted and live your life. Now because we have been drinking it is part of our psyche, for now at least. I have mentioned before that I used to smoke very heavily and could never imagine myself without a cigarette, ever. Now I can't imagine what I was thinking. I seriously have no desire and I believe that is where I will end up with respect to alcohol.
So stop being nostalgic, be grateful for where you are, and enjoy being present in your life!
Obviously, this was all addressed to me!
Best wishes
OMD
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 691
Wonderful posts here guys. I was talking to my business partner today about the importance of self care, and recognizing when we need to shift out of cruise control, go into neutral and chill out. If we don't, we burn out and loose momentum in our businesses. My self care not only includes regular work outs and runs (I ran 6km on Thursday!!), but also I meditate everyday. I found a wonderful free app called Insight Timer. Check it out if you're looking for guided meditations. I listened to one called Honoring Life, and it brought me to tears, with its simplicity.
I found myself mourning my old friendships the other day...I realized that even though I am on the right path, meeting some incredible people and making some new friends, I found myself missing my old friendships. I was sad, until I literally heard a voice saying, they aren't your friends. It's all I needed to hear to move forward. It's a breakthrough! My old friends were drinking friends, and I've moved beyond that. I wish them well and hope they are happy, because I feel incredibly happy with my decision to be healthy!
We are the lucky few that are going to make it, and I'm so grateful!
1.5 years BOOM ya, we are awesome!!
I found myself mourning my old friendships the other day...I realized that even though I am on the right path, meeting some incredible people and making some new friends, I found myself missing my old friendships. I was sad, until I literally heard a voice saying, they aren't your friends. It's all I needed to hear to move forward. It's a breakthrough! My old friends were drinking friends, and I've moved beyond that. I wish them well and hope they are happy, because I feel incredibly happy with my decision to be healthy!
We are the lucky few that are going to make it, and I'm so grateful!
1.5 years BOOM ya, we are awesome!!
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,172
Great stuff here everyone!
Inc and Cauli, you make great points about living life in cruise control. I think as alcoholics, it is easy for us to fall into that kind of thinking. Life as an alcoholic was work, then drink, maybe with the family providing some outside distractions. I find myself being grateful for the simple things in life each day. Yesterday, while stuck in a traffic jam heading to work, I looked out the window and saw the clouds were glowing with early morning sunshine. It made my day and put things in perspective. I seldom took the time to notice things outside of my narrow routines previously.
OMD, I think that we fortunately have moved beyond the romanticizing stage of drinking at the point. Speaking for myself, I feel that after many decades, it initially took me a while to learn how to initiate conversation with others without the crutch of alcohol. though I find it far easier now. As you said, we all made a choice to be here and no one is making us stay.
I never want to have to deal with the constant self loathing and depression that alcohol caused me incessantly over the last few years. Any good times I had experienced drinking are just distant memories obscured by the clouds that having this disease long ago blocked out. My goal is to make new memories each day, ones that I can actually remember!
Have a great day all!
Inc and Cauli, you make great points about living life in cruise control. I think as alcoholics, it is easy for us to fall into that kind of thinking. Life as an alcoholic was work, then drink, maybe with the family providing some outside distractions. I find myself being grateful for the simple things in life each day. Yesterday, while stuck in a traffic jam heading to work, I looked out the window and saw the clouds were glowing with early morning sunshine. It made my day and put things in perspective. I seldom took the time to notice things outside of my narrow routines previously.
OMD, I think that we fortunately have moved beyond the romanticizing stage of drinking at the point. Speaking for myself, I feel that after many decades, it initially took me a while to learn how to initiate conversation with others without the crutch of alcohol. though I find it far easier now. As you said, we all made a choice to be here and no one is making us stay.
I never want to have to deal with the constant self loathing and depression that alcohol caused me incessantly over the last few years. Any good times I had experienced drinking are just distant memories obscured by the clouds that having this disease long ago blocked out. My goal is to make new memories each day, ones that I can actually remember!
Have a great day all!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Yup. Bankruptcy went well. DONE! Holy crap! I'll be released in 6wks or so. Free to rebuild my credit.
I've been spending some time here and there for me. Haven't really done any meditation, but closed my eyes and just recognized how awesome I am.
I have a new addiction....
I just keep adding them on. I'm addicted to work and addicted to zero based budgeting and YNAB (You Need A Budget) software, Reddit (never made public so it's new to you), and now.... My NEW addiction.... Couponing!
Yup. Never saw myself as one who would get into that. But here I am. Addicted to couponing. Scored my first "money maker" today at Target. Bought some natural dog food for Skittles (yellow lab mix). Retail $27.98. I left the store paying $1.87 and got a $5 Target Gift Card. I MADE $3.13 buying $28 worth of stuff! Yay me! Even got a "wow" from the cashier.
Been scoring freebies here and there and saving a crap ton of money on food. Got $175 worth of groceries for $50 this week too. All stuff we use. I have my fiance all over it too.
Takes a lot of work. But when it's an addiction, there's always time
I've been spending some time here and there for me. Haven't really done any meditation, but closed my eyes and just recognized how awesome I am.
I have a new addiction....
I just keep adding them on. I'm addicted to work and addicted to zero based budgeting and YNAB (You Need A Budget) software, Reddit (never made public so it's new to you), and now.... My NEW addiction.... Couponing!
Yup. Never saw myself as one who would get into that. But here I am. Addicted to couponing. Scored my first "money maker" today at Target. Bought some natural dog food for Skittles (yellow lab mix). Retail $27.98. I left the store paying $1.87 and got a $5 Target Gift Card. I MADE $3.13 buying $28 worth of stuff! Yay me! Even got a "wow" from the cashier.
Been scoring freebies here and there and saving a crap ton of money on food. Got $175 worth of groceries for $50 this week too. All stuff we use. I have my fiance all over it too.
Takes a lot of work. But when it's an addiction, there's always time
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
Just realized...
My home team baseball team (Cleveland Indians) is on track to win the world series. Been watching all the games and it has been a fun ride so far.
But it just dawned on me that I didn't have the slightest thought of drinking or partying. Nothing at all. That would have been a HUGE reason to drink.
Last night, I was talking to my fiance about buying tickets to a watch party. They open up the ball field while Cleveland is playing away games. I was partially interested in going. If I was drinking, I would have definitely gone so I had the excuse to drink. Cause that's what you're supposed to do at baseball games.
Speaking of which, at the 7th inning stretch in Chicago, they hall Bill Murry sing "take me home to the ball game" . He was obviously drunk and that annoyed me big time. He said it was last chance to buy beer. That annoyed me too. Then he defaced the song by singing it like daffy duck. Jerk.
My home team baseball team (Cleveland Indians) is on track to win the world series. Been watching all the games and it has been a fun ride so far.
But it just dawned on me that I didn't have the slightest thought of drinking or partying. Nothing at all. That would have been a HUGE reason to drink.
Last night, I was talking to my fiance about buying tickets to a watch party. They open up the ball field while Cleveland is playing away games. I was partially interested in going. If I was drinking, I would have definitely gone so I had the excuse to drink. Cause that's what you're supposed to do at baseball games.
Speaking of which, at the 7th inning stretch in Chicago, they hall Bill Murry sing "take me home to the ball game" . He was obviously drunk and that annoyed me big time. He said it was last chance to buy beer. That annoyed me too. Then he defaced the song by singing it like daffy duck. Jerk.
Quit 4/17/15
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Pa
Posts: 15,172
Old ball parks are awesome. There were some pictures from the last time the Cubs were in the Series and everyone was dressed in a coat and tie. I got to see a game in Boston's Fenway a couple of years ago and I could feel the history of the place. It's like Man U's Old Trafford.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Spain
Posts: 2,004
Originally Posted by stargazer016 
Old ball parks are awesome. There were some pictures from the last time the Cubs were in the Series and everyone was dressed in a coat and tie. I got to see a game in Boston's Fenway a couple of years ago and I could feel the history of the place. It's like Man U's Old Trafford.
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