CaseyW

Reasonably quick and boring night at work.

Thirteenth, I don't view you as a fraud or poseur by any means. You've never represented yourself to us as anything other than the struggling alcoholic that you are. We've all been there. Some of us are still there now, (well, we all are to some degree) but we're all glad you're here with us in whatever capacity and I hope that you are able to take that next step soon. I promise this is a better way of life. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't.

I'm starting on Drinking: A Love Story tomorrow, Bobbieka and others. Though I've read it before, of course. Don't know that I have ever read it with more than a few days sober at most before. Will be interesting to see if I view it differently. Have a safe trip home!

Glad you've had a nice day, Fabela.

My AV's plans and the police department's plans for my DWI didn't coincide too well, KiKi. Glad you didn't take that first drink tonight. Stay on this road--you'll be glad to have a clearer mind on Tuesday rather than having to fight those rough first couple of days of not drinking. You've done good today!

I seldom wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed either, Applekat, and I don't even have the valid reasons that you do. But just like you, I have still woken up sober for quite a few days in a row and I know, bright-eyed or not, it sure as heck beats waking up hungover and full of regrets.

Glad you made it through the party, ManInTheArena. Keep building those sober muscles! Keep digging those worms--maybe you can start a bait stand business!

"We will not regret the past, nor wish to shut the door on. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace..." is maybe my favorite of "the promises" that are read at many AA meetings, Purplrks. You're doing great--hang in there, my friend.

Wonderful to see your name here again, Dee. Hope your break was just what the doctor ordered.

I see you hitting the thanks button, immri. Hope you and The Beast are doing OK today.

Always nice to see you check in, LillianG. Hope you got some good non-work time for yourself today.

Ladybug2! I saw your name floating around earlier. Check in please!

That goes for anyone else who's been quiet the last few days. You don't have to do this alone.

Working the lunch shift tomorrow for Fathers Day. And we're opening an hour earlier than normal, which seems kind of weird to me. I've been in this business a long time and don't remember Father's Day ever being especially busy. I always thought of it more as a barbecue at home type of day, but our bosses seem to think different and they've got a lot of corporate numbers and research and history to back up these decisions normally so they're probably right. So anyways, this is a long way of saying, I'm going to go put on an old movie and try to get to bed very early tonight.

Thanks to every one of you for keeping me sober one more day. And if you're struggling tonight, remember you don't have to take that first drink today no matter what. It's not the answer. Period.

Thirteenth

Thanks, MITA. Guess I needed to hear that more than I realized.

Dee74

I know for me drinking had been my life for so long I was scared to let it go.

I could see intellectually recovery was the best course for me,

I could see recovery was working great for my friends who were sober, but I was convinced (or let myself be convinced) that I was different.

What if not drinking just made everything worse?

There's no real answer to that except to say not drinking didn't make anything worse for me; and I've never heard of anyone for whom that was true on a long term basis.

Sure early recovery was hard - but no tougher than my drinking life was, and easier in lots of ways.

I learned I was a lot more capable and a lot tougher than I let myself believe.

Sadly, noone was able to convince me of this - I had to crash and burn and have no other choice before I took that road not travelled.

You have several things I didn't tho Thirteenth - you have SR, and a month group, and you have the realisation, deep down, that sooner or later you need to quit.

Putting off quitting never made the problem better. The easiest point to quit is right now.

D

KiKi0615

I totally relate to how you feel! We probably ALL do. NOW is when our lives begin and for the first time we can be truly happy. We will appreciate each moment so much more now that we've been to hell and back with our addiction. WE will be the people TRULY living from this day forward because we know what it's like to almost lose it all. Xo

KiKi0615

(((Thirteenth))) Stay with us. We aren't giving up on you so YOU can't give up on you, ok?

Keep coming back. We care about you! Drinking or not! Xo

Dee74

^ Seconded

D

KiKi0615

Thanks Casey! I've been a real B-tch today but better a sober B than a drink B! Lol.

Just watched 13 Hours (The Benghazi Story) and it pissed me off! I can't believe the US just left those men there to die! If Hilliary Clinton gets elected President I'm moving to Australia with immri!

KiKi0615

(((DEE))) I'm so glad you're back! We've really missed you!

My NEWS: After another slip last week I decided to start outpatient treatment on Tuesday (in 3 days). I need more support and we met our deductible with our insurance so we can afford it! Yay! I'm really looking forward to working on ME for a while.

It's 3 nights per week, 1 day of therapy, relapse prevention, required AA meetings and alcohol screenings are required weekly. It ends up being about 20-25 hours of recovery per week for 8 weeks, not including SR and other things I do like read recovery books, treatment homework, exercise, etc.

I'm really happy and for the first time in a long time I have hope!!!

I guess I needed an ARMY to help me. Ha. I'm the most stubborn pain in the ass person I know! Lol. You know when you annoy YOURSELF it's bad! Hahahaha

I've been sober since I made my appointment for my treatment start date last week. I was sitting in a bar and I drank half the drink and asked for my check, paid and left. I had had ENOUGH! I made the call to the treatment center and told them I needed help. I cried. It was so hard to admit I needed help. Again, I'm stubborn. Ugh. But once I made the leap and asked for help I have been able to start to build a support team & be honest about my struggles. It's all good news!

How was your time off? Did you record any albums? ;-)

Dee74

I'm really glad you're moving forward Kiki

Not quite an album - maybe an EP (does anyone know what I'm talking about? LOL)

...have to mix them now.

D

KiKi0615

What's an EP? ;-)

KiKi0615

March 2016 Rocks! (I know...random...but just felt like posting cause I love our class!)

*Fred
*Bobbie
*Casey
*Clearlyheaded
*Beerbgone (BBG)
*ManInTheArena (MITA)
*Ladyboo
*Fabela
*Kiki (me!!! :-))
*immri
*AppleKat
*Ladybug2
*LillianGish
*Mish
*Purplrks
*Sam
*Jemma
*Spacegoat
*Thirteenth
*Missy7
*Surrender2win
*Rah555
*Kayak63
*LostLilly
*1Stepup
*Pelagic263
*Keets
*LoftyIdeals
*Forabetterlife (FABL)

LillianGish

Third-ed!!!

LillianGish

Ok, so I went to read DALS and my kindle was out of battery life. Doh!! Time to recharge the kindle. I have a three-day business trip coming up so I'll have lots of time to read. Going to stay sober on my trip and that will likely mean staying in my hotel room and reading.

The nice thing about the kindle is that no one can tell what I'm reading so I don't have to worry about everyone on the plane knowing I have "alcohol issues." The kindle also let me read "Fifty Shades of Grey" last year in quiet confidentiality too....HA! Really didn't care for that book though, just for the record.

Today is day 76 for me. That's a good number too, right Casey? It isn't prime but it is a very spirited number - Spirit of 76 and that song about the 76 trombones from "The Music Man."

Checking in here keeps me solid, so thank you all for being here.

CaseyW

76 is an amazing number! From wikipedia:

Any number of days sober is awesome from 1 to 76 to 98 to 115 to 3,300. Congrats to everyone who stayed sober today.

This going to bed early stuff is hard. Going to try it again now. Sweet dreams all!

KiKi0615

Haha I like my kindle for the same reason Lillian. ;-)

KiKi0615

Nite friends and happy Father's Day to all the dads in our class. Do we have a few?

clearlyheaded

I've been thinking of getting a Kindle for that very reason. I "have" an iPad, but let's be real, DD uses it more than I do and whenever I grab it the battery is on 5%.

Today is a bit of a downer with Father's Day tomorrow. It's strange that 11 years after his passing I'm having more trouble than usual with important dates. Last fall, on the 11th anniversary of his death, I was a wreak. Raw, guilt ridden, sadder than sad. I miss him, and it hurts like crazy.

Dee74

I hope everyone who is missing their dad is comforted by either good memories or some measure of peace tomorrow.

D

Fabela

Thirteenth, I would like to share what I have learned these past few weeks, if it's ok. I have had my ups and downs in the past, and every time I have a good day I have basically told myself that I can't feel that way - because of my trauma. I have told myself (in not so many words) that my trauma is so big that I cannot feel good. My default mood setting must be low. And of course this has been a self-fulfilling prophecy, and if I continue this way I will never feel good about myself. It is just the same with people living with chronic pain. If we focus on the bad, we will get more of it.

Now I have learned to look at this a bit differently. My trauma is still there, it will always be there, and nothing that I do can ever change that. But I can choose to focus more on what is ahead of me, not on my past. By gradually opening up to new experiences, by filling my life with tiny things that give me joy, I will be able to focus on the good. It makes me want to take better care of myself, it makes me want to act according to my values, it makes me want to be a good person. The biggest change for me is that I am starting to think that I'm maybe not such a bad person after all, maybe I am quite good? And whether I am a bad person or not, I want to start acting like a good person.

I am more mindful now. I am more aware of what I am thinking, what I am feeling. And most of all, I am more aware of all the choices that I have. I don't have to eat my feelings away now that I know what I am feeling and that the feeling will go away. I don't have to drink or to cut myself to feel bad now that I am allowing myself to feel good, that I no longer have to sabotage the good days to get to my default setting.

Of course this takes time, I have to work hard at this, but I have started a process that will be very good for me. It feels very scary to allow the negative emotions to come, to welcome them in, but I have tried it and it isn't that bad.

I hope that you will see what an amazing person you are, Thirteenth, and that you eventually will start acting according to your values. You don't have to treat yourself so badly, sweetie, you deserve only the best. Love you.

Fabela

And DEE! So incredibly good to see you!