Class of March 2016 Part 19
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: US
Posts: 16,899
Thanks for the motivation to get my butt back to the gym! I need to get one of those fit-bit things...or whatever they're called.....
I did manage to pick up a copy of Drinking: A Love Story. My A.D.D. likes to kick in while attempting to read but I have gotten through a couple of chapters so far
I did manage to pick up a copy of Drinking: A Love Story. My A.D.D. likes to kick in while attempting to read but I have gotten through a couple of chapters so far
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: St. Louis, Mo
Posts: 7,334
Kiki, here is what I'm getting out of this case: first of all, a few years back you wouldn't have heard about it. People are speaking up like crazy. It's all over social media, my daughter and her friends are discussing it. It me be slower than we want, but it's progress.
Getting over the past: well, nothing that anyone has ever done to me, including myself, can determine how strong I am. Only me. What I did yesterday, will not determine who I am going to be tomorrow. What happened to my 9 year old self, will not determine who I am going to be today.
Getting over the past: well, nothing that anyone has ever done to me, including myself, can determine how strong I am. Only me. What I did yesterday, will not determine who I am going to be tomorrow. What happened to my 9 year old self, will not determine who I am going to be today.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,684
I’m not been posting much since I’m still crazy at work. It’s difficult to post during the day and I’m often exhausted and at a loss for words at night. Also, the constant slips are an issue. I don’t mind telling on myself (much, anyway) but with so many others struggling I’d rather help go to those further along in their development.
That said, sorry to hear of the recent slips for Kiki, bbg and CH.
Specifically I want to respond to Kiki. I’ve said many times that I’m a runner and no more so than in my own case of abuse. The male relative who abused my brother and myself is still alive and living across town from me. I had to face him at my Nana’s funeral eight years ago and somehow didn’t lose control and kill him. There are more potential funerals where I might have to see him. He’ll be barred from my mother’s funeral just as he was from my brother’s. I mention a fraction of the background just to give a sense of where I can be at times and what I often allow to drive me to drink. I was just thinking about potential upcoming funerals in the shower this morning. Not exactly a pleasant start to my day.
I’m sure there are vast differences between what it’s like for men and women, but we each hurt, a lot.
I do know a lot of people have gotten a lot out of counseling and therapy. There are support groups for survivors of abuse of all forms. You said before you were halting therapy to work on your sobriety. It makes sense to me but perhaps you ought to rethink that. I’m still rethinking that for myself. In fact, when I finally told a close friend of my drinking problem this weekend, she had a therapist who specialized in addiction that I could contact. I don’t know if I will, but it’s on my mind. I also have other therapy names that I’m looking at.
I’ve never called what happened to me rape, but that’s basically what it was. I was 13 and 14 during the handful of times it happened. We suspect it happened to my brother countless times over many years. He never gave us many specifics. We both drank as a result of it. It destroyed him and it will destroy me. I know this isn’t the sunniest post, but I just want to remind you that you are not alone; you know it’s not your fault but I’m reminding you anyway; and you know drinking will not help.
I agree with what Bobbie said about it not defining us.
As to the case at Stanford, I’m disgusted. The US is outraged, immri, coverage is everywhere as well it should be. There’s another case at WPI where lawyers went into victim blaming and it turns my stomach.
That said, sorry to hear of the recent slips for Kiki, bbg and CH.
Specifically I want to respond to Kiki. I’ve said many times that I’m a runner and no more so than in my own case of abuse. The male relative who abused my brother and myself is still alive and living across town from me. I had to face him at my Nana’s funeral eight years ago and somehow didn’t lose control and kill him. There are more potential funerals where I might have to see him. He’ll be barred from my mother’s funeral just as he was from my brother’s. I mention a fraction of the background just to give a sense of where I can be at times and what I often allow to drive me to drink. I was just thinking about potential upcoming funerals in the shower this morning. Not exactly a pleasant start to my day.
I’m sure there are vast differences between what it’s like for men and women, but we each hurt, a lot.
I do know a lot of people have gotten a lot out of counseling and therapy. There are support groups for survivors of abuse of all forms. You said before you were halting therapy to work on your sobriety. It makes sense to me but perhaps you ought to rethink that. I’m still rethinking that for myself. In fact, when I finally told a close friend of my drinking problem this weekend, she had a therapist who specialized in addiction that I could contact. I don’t know if I will, but it’s on my mind. I also have other therapy names that I’m looking at.
I’ve never called what happened to me rape, but that’s basically what it was. I was 13 and 14 during the handful of times it happened. We suspect it happened to my brother countless times over many years. He never gave us many specifics. We both drank as a result of it. It destroyed him and it will destroy me. I know this isn’t the sunniest post, but I just want to remind you that you are not alone; you know it’s not your fault but I’m reminding you anyway; and you know drinking will not help.
I agree with what Bobbie said about it not defining us.
As to the case at Stanford, I’m disgusted. The US is outraged, immri, coverage is everywhere as well it should be. There’s another case at WPI where lawyers went into victim blaming and it turns my stomach.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Immri! I literally logged in just now to write you a short "hey, how ya doing" note. First off, 58 days is amazing! Second, I think those are all very reasonable and well-thought out daily goals to have. Keep on doing the next right thing. Very proud of and happy for you. Now go wake up Mish!
Drinking isn't going to help you heal, KiKi. I know you say you usually drink at bars--if so, I hope you will call a cab or other sober ride and get out of there immediately. Get some water and some rest. If you're already home, I hope you'll pour out any poison you have left and, once again, get some water and some rest. You don't want to live the drinking life anymore so stop drinking. You've proven over and over again that it's not the answer.
Glad to see you check in as always, Purplrks. Hope your day has been a good one!
Great job on the two miles, Bobbieka! I got sucked into a book so am just now starting television show #2. Not sure what I'm going to watch yet...maybe a Louis Theroux documentary. Next one on my list is about body builders. I'm sure he can make that entertaining.
Thanks for your thoughtful post, Thirteenth.
Wishing everyone the best tonight. Don't drink. It sucks.
Drinking isn't going to help you heal, KiKi. I know you say you usually drink at bars--if so, I hope you will call a cab or other sober ride and get out of there immediately. Get some water and some rest. If you're already home, I hope you'll pour out any poison you have left and, once again, get some water and some rest. You don't want to live the drinking life anymore so stop drinking. You've proven over and over again that it's not the answer.
Glad to see you check in as always, Purplrks. Hope your day has been a good one!
Great job on the two miles, Bobbieka! I got sucked into a book so am just now starting television show #2. Not sure what I'm going to watch yet...maybe a Louis Theroux documentary. Next one on my list is about body builders. I'm sure he can make that entertaining.
Thanks for your thoughtful post, Thirteenth.
Wishing everyone the best tonight. Don't drink. It sucks.
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 1,224
Thirteenth - thank you for that post. I'm glad you continue to check in here. I think you have some great thoughts to share.
Kiki - I agree with Bobbie, too. What happened to you was awful, but it doesn't have to define you. That is giving the bastard who hurt you more power than is deserved. And it doesn't allow you to claim the power you have as a survivor.
As I mentioned in a much earlier post, I don't remember exactly the turning point for me, but I do know therapy had a hand in that. And I NEVER thought I would get to a place of acceptance with my abuse. Ever. I thought it would have a hold over me forever. But I'm here. And I'm okay.
Somehow I need to remember to apply that lesson to my sobriety and have faith that my life is sobriety can be serene instead of a constant battle.
I'll be thinking of you, and hope that you check in again soon. We love you!
Kiki - I agree with Bobbie, too. What happened to you was awful, but it doesn't have to define you. That is giving the bastard who hurt you more power than is deserved. And it doesn't allow you to claim the power you have as a survivor.
As I mentioned in a much earlier post, I don't remember exactly the turning point for me, but I do know therapy had a hand in that. And I NEVER thought I would get to a place of acceptance with my abuse. Ever. I thought it would have a hold over me forever. But I'm here. And I'm okay.
Somehow I need to remember to apply that lesson to my sobriety and have faith that my life is sobriety can be serene instead of a constant battle.
I'll be thinking of you, and hope that you check in again soon. We love you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Goodnight all. I didn't read any of the book yet but I did rent and watch Smashed.
Just wanted to check in before sleeping. I mean, "sleeping".
Edited: well look at that, still have time in the edit window to say, up already with a kiddo.
Just wanted to check in before sleeping. I mean, "sleeping".
Edited: well look at that, still have time in the edit window to say, up already with a kiddo.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Just wanted to show visual proof that much like Bobbieka and samantha14 with their goals to exercise today, I also have achieved my goal of watching three television shows tonight. As you can see, I am wearing my special television watching outfit, also known as pajama pants. I find the lightweight comfort of these pants really brings out the best in my television viewing ability. I selected an episode of our own beerbgone's favorite television show to commemorate this special occasion. Thanks again to all of you--I could not have achieved this wonderful milestone without the supoort of each and every one of you!
Aw, poor Applekat...hopefully this latest kiddo sleep interruption is the last of the evening. Sweet dreams!
Aw, poor Applekat...hopefully this latest kiddo sleep interruption is the last of the evening. Sweet dreams!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Thank you ALL for your heartfelt responses. You have no idea how much it means!!!
I'm starting to realize how deep the pain from the trauma I suffered really is. I need help!
Tonight I went to a bar & met a friend and had ALOT to drink for my small 5'3 135 lb frame and I even told the bartender to make sure he didn't let me drive home.
At the end of the night, I paid my tab and the bartender asked if I had a taxi waiting. I lied and said yes. I had a DUI (drunk driving charge) 10 years ago so I KNOW how terrible it is!
I went to my car and drove home KNOWING I was drunk but also knowing there was no one on the road this time of night except cops....so...I wouldn't hurt anyone but ME! (Still a terrible choice!!!)
I literally swerved my car a few times hoping I would get pulled over, get a DUI (OVI) and be taken to jail! At least in jail I wouldn't be able to drink! I visualized myself being pulled over and thanking the police officer! Sad.
Now THAT is pathetic and desperate! I need to get rid of the deep pain and trauma ASAP! I just want to be sober and happy.
I'm so sorry friends! I know I do not know you guys face to face but I really care abut you all! All of your comments meant sooo much to me!
I'm just a girl who went through ALOT of shite and I am having a really F-ing hard time dealing with it!
Prayers for aaLL of us!!!
I'm starting to realize how deep the pain from the trauma I suffered really is. I need help!
Tonight I went to a bar & met a friend and had ALOT to drink for my small 5'3 135 lb frame and I even told the bartender to make sure he didn't let me drive home.
At the end of the night, I paid my tab and the bartender asked if I had a taxi waiting. I lied and said yes. I had a DUI (drunk driving charge) 10 years ago so I KNOW how terrible it is!
I went to my car and drove home KNOWING I was drunk but also knowing there was no one on the road this time of night except cops....so...I wouldn't hurt anyone but ME! (Still a terrible choice!!!)
I literally swerved my car a few times hoping I would get pulled over, get a DUI (OVI) and be taken to jail! At least in jail I wouldn't be able to drink! I visualized myself being pulled over and thanking the police officer! Sad.
Now THAT is pathetic and desperate! I need to get rid of the deep pain and trauma ASAP! I just want to be sober and happy.
I'm so sorry friends! I know I do not know you guys face to face but I really care abut you all! All of your comments meant sooo much to me!
I'm just a girl who went through ALOT of shite and I am having a really F-ing hard time dealing with it!
Prayers for aaLL of us!!!
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Glad you made it home and didn't hurt yourself or anybody else, KiKi. Drink some water, get some sleep. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
It's not a sign, that's just the front side of an old wooden soda crate.
Going to bed myself. All this television viewing has worn me out. Thanks to all of you for being here today and for keeping me sober one more day. Sweet dreams!
Originally Posted by Bobbieka 
Haha! I was about to call you on that. Love the Dr. Nut sign on your bookcase.
Going to bed myself. All this television viewing has worn me out. Thanks to all of you for being here today and for keeping me sober one more day. Sweet dreams!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,197
Good early morning everyone,
I barely slept last night...no idea why but I just tossed and turned. Should make for a long day.
Kiki - I just read through your posts and my heart breaks for you....for all of us who suffered this heinous thing. But you know what I am realizing a little more every day? I am strong. I have power. I survived. And the same goes for you. This does not define us. We are more than and better than what we were taught we deserved. I am sending huge hugs and lots of prayers and love to you today. I hope you sleep well.
I am headed to work this morning but going for a run first.
Casey - I love the picture. Lol
Happy Thursday all!!
I barely slept last night...no idea why but I just tossed and turned. Should make for a long day.
Kiki - I just read through your posts and my heart breaks for you....for all of us who suffered this heinous thing. But you know what I am realizing a little more every day? I am strong. I have power. I survived. And the same goes for you. This does not define us. We are more than and better than what we were taught we deserved. I am sending huge hugs and lots of prayers and love to you today. I hope you sleep well.
I am headed to work this morning but going for a run first.
Casey - I love the picture. Lol
Happy Thursday all!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Abroad
Posts: 1,865
Kiki, sweetie, I feel so for you now. That must have been a huge trigger for you, and I have to admit that I totally get why you turned to the bottle. But please, please, for your own and other's sake, don't get into a car when you're drunk! I hope you feel better when you wake up. 
Bobbie, you were 9? Oh God.... I was 10.
Glad to see everyone else who've checked in. I'm still not feeling well, so I won't respond individually since my head is wrapped in cotton, but mentally I feel much better. That's a good thing. Day 6.
Bobbie, you were 9? Oh God.... I was 10.
Glad to see everyone else who've checked in. I'm still not feeling well, so I won't respond individually since my head is wrapped in cotton, but mentally I feel much better. That's a good thing. Day 6.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,197
Okay dressed for my run and just having some tea before heading out in the cold. I have had this weird achy pain in my left side since last night....annoying!
Clearlyheaded - hope you hear back today!! Good luck!!
Immri - Hi!!! Congrats on 58 days!!
Bobbie - 2 miles is amazing!!
Purplrks3647 - a FitBit will change your life!! Lol...well maybe not, but they are pretty great!
Thirteenth - thanks for sharing your story - I know it's not easy.
Apple - I hope you got some "sleep"
Fabela - Day 6 is amazing!! And it is around 4:45am here - I am a morning person for sure...hence the 8pm bedtimes...lol.
Clearlyheaded - hope you hear back today!! Good luck!!
Immri - Hi!!! Congrats on 58 days!!
Bobbie - 2 miles is amazing!!
Purplrks3647 - a FitBit will change your life!! Lol...well maybe not, but they are pretty great!
Thirteenth - thanks for sharing your story - I know it's not easy.
Apple - I hope you got some "sleep"
Fabela - Day 6 is amazing!! And it is around 4:45am here - I am a morning person for sure...hence the 8pm bedtimes...lol.
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