wpainterw

Yes, I am very confident that she will check in soon. I know she is fond of all of us and appreciates our trying to help and support.
Although her doctor probably had the power to file charges against her for arrest or involuntary commitment (the latter requiring two docs and a court hearing in most U.S.states), increasingly law enforcement officials here are coming to believe that addiction, being a health issue, an illness, is best treated medically. Jails don't tend to do that. Back in 2003 our home was invaded by two criminals seeking drugs. Both were heroin addicts. At least one had maintained his heroin habit for ten years while in jail and had just been released. He and his colleague committed three other home invasions and he ended up being sentenced to over 45 years in prison. I wonder whether he has continued his heroin habit in our corrupt prison system.

Bill

Aiko

The aftermath day was a massive hangover of chemicals... and I could not cope but the doc Cut me Off Now of Any benzos....

Am on my second Day!

I have given in my two meds cards (S.S. and Private)
I have tried to visit friends but they run out at the same time
and it is a sign!!!

Every time I manage to get something and comes straight away to take off me and reminds me what I was like before (my mind blanks it)
He phones me, txt me constantly,,,,, what are you doing afternoon... go to the hair dresser, go to the this to do that... or collects me to walk for miles or got to the detox machines...

It is my decisions and the consequences of my actions!
I am in my shoes... I weight the exits/possibilities, the way to get out,...

I am still in sick leave, I do not know If I will get unemployment yet,
they can not make me redundant now is illegal... I do not intend to go back I have to prove to I am sick of Stress and Bullying... or they have to get to an agreement... Or I can find a job and then I go back and resign!!!
My family still thinks I am on holiday!!!!!!!!
The longest in my life!!!

I am starting to think it was meant to be...
So I can get better and learn to be in the outside world awake!!!
And realize and accept I am not right,
as much as I pretend to be ok outside!

I am so careful not to hurt anybody I swear...
I lost my brother on the road years ago!!!
When I am too stoned I walk or phone or I sit in the car for hours.
You can not imagine in how many accidents I have been and even once run over...
and I walk out unbroken!!!

Life is a cabinet of surprises...
one day all hope is gone... and suddenly a small door opens...
Bad things happens for a Good Reason...!!!!
It took me so long to understand!!!

I have not taken the night pill yet and is 1:33
so I am still able to write... Tomorrow telling off!!!

There is always worse than you!
You have two choices in life:
or you rot inside
or dance to the rhythm of life

I am recovering I swear I have no way out!!!
I have to learn to dance to the rhythm!!!

You have done nothing wrong but help me and give me Love!

I have no words to thank you for hearing me out!!!
And please never worry about me
I am a cat I fall always in my feet!!!

All my Love,
Aiko

wpainterw

Aiko: I am so relieved that you have told us what is happening! You are still free to make your own decisions. As you know, most if not all of us agree that you should reconsider and modify your program, we are happy that it has not reached the point where that decision making power is no longer available to you. Have you been in touch with Mera, read her postings? I think that would be helpful! Also I have one other suggestion. If you believe yourself incapable of driving your own car safely, can you not just take a taxicab? I am sure there are plenty of those in Marbella. I took them often a few years ago when I fell in the kitchen and broke my right leg. Take a cab! Good luck.

Bill

Hevyn

I'm really glad you posted, Aiko. I know a happy ending is possible.

SoberLeigh

Thanks so much for giving us an update, Aiko.

I am so very glad that you are completely off the benzos.

Coldfusion

I am glad to hear from you, Aiko. I hope this is the beginning of a permanent recovery.

Soberwolf

So good to hear from you Aiko

SoberLeigh

How are you today, Aiko?

thomas11

Bill, only so much we can do on an internet forum and thousands of miles away.

Aiko, this has been going on for some time, you are making some progress, but it sounds like you are fighting it as much as you are participating in it. You are smart, you'll get it figured out eventually, that I am sure.

thomas11

That's pretty much the conclusion I have come to.

thomas11

This sounds very postiive Aiko, but I am cautious, you have made me feel good about your progress before. Aiko, you are very smart, you know what you need to do. You either choose a life of being stoned until you are old and gray, or you cleanse your system and life out the remainder of your life "awake" as you call it. We can assure you, being awake is much more enjoyable and is calmer. Much calmer....no chaos, no fighting, no biting, no jumping out of cars, no pushing your dog, no leaving work, fighting with your boss, no being so stressed at work it drives you crazy....none of that stuff.

wpainterw

Hi Aiko:
You wrote, "And please never worry about me
I am a cat I fall always in my feet!!!"
I do worry. Cats land on their feet when they are sober and when they don't fall too far. If a cat is stoned and falls out of a window a hundred feet above the street it may not land on its feet but even if it does land on its feet, due to the height, it's a dead cat. The cat may also crush someone else and kill them. The falling cat travels 32 feet in the first second, 64 feet in the second, 96 feet in the third. If the cat weighs 10 pounds, it hits a person with energy consisting of its mass (10) times the square of its velocity. Never stand under a 10 pound cat traveling at 96 feet per second, stoned or not stoned. I'm sure you weigh more than 10 pounds.

Bill.

SoberLeigh

I worry, too, Aiko. I want so very much for you to know the beauty and serenity of sobriety and recovery.

entropy1964

And cats don't drive.

wpainterw

Cats take taxis. Dogs (at least English ones, like English Setters, English Cocker Spaniels) have limousines (Rolls Royces maybe). Jolly Good! Stiff Upper Lip!

W.

Hawkeye13

Glad you posted Aiko--all of us are concerned for you.
By the way, how is the dog you adopted?

wpainterw

Oh yes! A fur covered higher power!

W.

penguin23

This is just ridiculous....

Thomas / Jeff gets beatan senseless for considering buying or trying alcohol / drugs...

wpainterw

Not so! Not ridiculous! Desperately important. Pardon my frustration if occasionally I add a note of levity.. Perhaps I do that to relieve myself of sadness and deep depression. All this is no laughing matter. I should know for I have been there. Oh yes, I have been there! And for over two years I have watched this. I really have nothing else to say....

Bill

wpainterw

Penguin23:
Guess I had assumed you were referring to my "fur covered Prozac" remark and now I guess you were talking about Jefferson. After so many posts on this thread I believe my nerves are getting to me. My dear friend is and has been in a dangerous, dangerous situation. Some times time does not wait on such things.



Bill.