Class of March 2016 Support Part 14
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Thanks for dropping in and sharing your experience Bim - great stuff there. Kiki you've had some decent runs at sobriety...why do you think your cravings are so tortuous now when you were able to get through them before...whats changed? 
D
DI consider myself to be a very strong person but these cravings knock me on my arse!
I am tired of this constant fight. It's like the same nightmare over and over and over and over! I am NOT giving up though....I can't. I won't!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by KiKi0615
I wish I knew Dee! I'm serious when I say my cravings are INSANE and literally take over my body & mind! Maybe this is normal?
I consider myself to be a very strong person but these cravings knock me on my arse!
I am tired of this constant fight. It's like the same nightmare over and over and over and over! I am NOT giving up though....I can't. I won't!
I consider myself to be a very strong person but these cravings knock me on my arse!
I am tired of this constant fight. It's like the same nightmare over and over and over and over! I am NOT giving up though....I can't. I won't!
One day at a time.
I said the Serenity Prayer literally thousands of times a day. I often spent eight hours a day on this site; all hours of the day and night. I exercised. In the first three months I went to over 125 AA meetings. If I was away from the computer and not at a meeting and I got a craving, I ran through the HALT thing, fixed it if one of them applied. I ate a lot of healthy food and a lot of ice cream. I would silently recite to myself all the usernames I could remember from this site and then I said to myself, "Every single one of them would tell me not to do it."
If someone made me mad, I stopped talking to them and stayed away from them. Seriously, my Serenity was my #1 goal at all times.
I made a decision not to drink no matter what happened. Once I had a few months sober time and it wasn't such a moment-by-moment battle, I started dealing with all the things in my life that I needed to heal in myself. We all have something. There is a solution for every problem under the sun.
Thing is, as long as I wasn't physically sober, I couldn't really effectively tackle the emotional and spiritual healing.
I prayed every day. I had a gratitude list. I posted here every day. The cravings are going to come, no way around it. Sometimes I still have a thought about a drink when I'm doing something I used to do that was involved with alcohol (so, lol, everything), but no way I'm going back to that horrible place and starting over.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by biminiblue
You asked how I got past them. One day at a time. I said the Serenity Prayer literally thousands of times a day. I often spent eight hours a day on this site; all hours of the day and night. I exercised. In the first three months I went to over 125 AA meetings. If I was away from the computer and not at a meeting and I got a craving, I ran through the HALT thing, fixed it if one of them applied. I ate a lot of healthy food and a lot of ice cream. I would silently recite to myself all the usernames I could remember from this site and then I said to myself, "Every single one of them would tell me not to do it." If someone made me mad, I stopped talking to them and stayed away from them. Seriously, my Serenity was my #1 goal at all times. I made a decision not to drink no matter what happened. Once I had a few months sober time and it wasn't such a moment-by-moment battle, I started dealing with all the things in my life that I needed to heal in myself. We all have something. There is a solution for every problem under the sun. Thing is, as long as I wasn't physically sober, I couldn't really effectively tackle the emotional and spiritual healing. I prayed every day. I had a gratitude list. I posted here every day. The cravings are going to come, no way around it. Sometimes I still have a thought about a drink when I'm doing something I used to do that was involved with alcohol (so, lol, everything), but no way I'm going back to that horrible place and starting over.
If it can work for you it can work for me....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Australia
Posts: 2,098
Morning all 
or evening to most of you!
Sorry to hear you're struggling Fabela and Kiki, there's some really great advice here though. One thing I think was particularly helpful for me was to keep trying different things, adding new ideas to what worked in the past. If one day I'm feeling particularly down or the cravings are so strong, I try to examine what was different about that day than say an easier happier yesterday. It's often something tiny or sometimes I can't even identify, but I still try to change things up a bit tomorrow. Small things really make a difference sometimes, to me at least. Healthier food, yoga, another meeting, some more alone time, earlier bedtime, reading more. All small things that affect how well I feel any given day.
Also, when I was having the worst cravings I'd tell myself it didn't matter what I did as long as I didn't drink (obviously excluding self harm etc) and that if I didn't drink that day it was a success, even if I accomplish nothing else. Sometimes I'd play a game all day, watch movies, draw. Just anything to keep me distracted until the craving went away, and if it meant all I did was play a game all day so be it.
Ah I've got to walk my dog now that it's stopped raining for a min, I'll be back to reply to some others. It's really good to see you posting thirteenth!
or evening to most of you! Sorry to hear you're struggling Fabela and Kiki, there's some really great advice here though. One thing I think was particularly helpful for me was to keep trying different things, adding new ideas to what worked in the past. If one day I'm feeling particularly down or the cravings are so strong, I try to examine what was different about that day than say an easier happier yesterday. It's often something tiny or sometimes I can't even identify, but I still try to change things up a bit tomorrow. Small things really make a difference sometimes, to me at least. Healthier food, yoga, another meeting, some more alone time, earlier bedtime, reading more. All small things that affect how well I feel any given day.
Also, when I was having the worst cravings I'd tell myself it didn't matter what I did as long as I didn't drink (obviously excluding self harm etc) and that if I didn't drink that day it was a success, even if I accomplish nothing else. Sometimes I'd play a game all day, watch movies, draw. Just anything to keep me distracted until the craving went away, and if it meant all I did was play a game all day so be it.
Ah I've got to walk my dog now that it's stopped raining for a min, I'll be back to reply to some others. It's really good to see you posting thirteenth!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,684
Originally Posted by KiKi0615
Thirteenth, no I haven't seen Carol's tips...I don't think....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,684
I’ve been doing my damndest to keep it together. I do have that good feeling, but I’m terrified. I’ve been more active in the hope that trying to help others might help me. Selfish to be sure, but as Dee said being a martyr isn’t the answer (he didn’t say it like that). Posting has made me realize how ****** up I am. Let me be clear that I don’t think anyone suggested I try to help to make myself feel better without getting better. I don’t mean that at all. I do mean that in trying to help that it’s made me realize that I need help too.
I’m a loner. I could spend days or weeks and not speak to anyone and it wouldn’t be an issue. Opening up here, even just a little, has been therapeutic in a way I couldn’t have imagined. It’s brought a cavalcade of issues to the forefront though. None of which I want to confront. I must do so rather than stick with the stuffing down all the ******** that keeps me drinking and running. Stupid though it may be, I often think of The Fugitive. The line toward the end: “It’s time to stop running!” That’s where I am. Trying to stop running and face it all. A movie metaphor to be sure, but apt in a general sense, I think.
I’m a loner. I could spend days or weeks and not speak to anyone and it wouldn’t be an issue. Opening up here, even just a little, has been therapeutic in a way I couldn’t have imagined. It’s brought a cavalcade of issues to the forefront though. None of which I want to confront. I must do so rather than stick with the stuffing down all the ******** that keeps me drinking and running. Stupid though it may be, I often think of The Fugitive. The line toward the end: “It’s time to stop running!” That’s where I am. Trying to stop running and face it all. A movie metaphor to be sure, but apt in a general sense, I think.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,197
Hi all,
I am really struggling tonight. There is no chance of me drinking as it's Sunday and the liquor store is closed but I want to.....I really want to.... I had nightmares last night for the first time in forever - I woke up shaking and sweating and crying. I have been recovering from how real it seemed all day.....and I am not there yet. I am nervous and scared to sleep tonight and the devil on my shoulder keeps telling me that it would be a lot easier to drink, pass out and not dream at all.....
I am cuddled up on the couch with Charlie and watching the movie Blended with two of my DD's just trying to hold on....I know that I need to be in a better head space by tomorrow - it's a day off and I am home alone....not a good combo....
This is my Charlie with her favorite toy....
I am really struggling tonight. There is no chance of me drinking as it's Sunday and the liquor store is closed but I want to.....I really want to.... I had nightmares last night for the first time in forever - I woke up shaking and sweating and crying. I have been recovering from how real it seemed all day.....and I am not there yet. I am nervous and scared to sleep tonight and the devil on my shoulder keeps telling me that it would be a lot easier to drink, pass out and not dream at all.....
I am cuddled up on the couch with Charlie and watching the movie Blended with two of my DD's just trying to hold on....I know that I need to be in a better head space by tomorrow - it's a day off and I am home alone....not a good combo....
This is my Charlie with her favorite toy....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by immri
Morning all or evening to most of you! Sorry to hear you're struggling Fabela and Kiki, there's some really great advice here though. One thing I think was particularly helpful for me was to keep trying different things, adding new ideas to what worked in the past. If one day I'm feeling particularly down or the cravings are so strong, I try to examine what was different about that day than say an easier happier yesterday. It's often something tiny or sometimes I can't even identify, but I still try to change things up a bit tomorrow. Small things really make a difference sometimes, to me at least. Healthier food, yoga, another meeting, some more alone time, earlier bedtime, reading more. All small things that affect how well I feel any given day. Also, when I was having the worst cravings I'd tell myself it didn't matter what I did as long as I didn't drink (obviously excluding self harm etc) and that if I didn't drink that day it was a success, even if I accomplish nothing else. Sometimes I'd play a game all day, watch movies, draw. Just anything to keep me distracted until the craving went away, and if it meant all I did was play a game all day so be it. Ah I've got to walk my dog now that it's stopped raining for a min, I'll be back to reply to some others. It's really good to see you posting thirteenth!
or evening to most of you! Sorry to hear you're struggling Fabela and Kiki, there's some really great advice here though. One thing I think was particularly helpful for me was to keep trying different things, adding new ideas to what worked in the past. If one day I'm feeling particularly down or the cravings are so strong, I try to examine what was different about that day than say an easier happier yesterday. It's often something tiny or sometimes I can't even identify, but I still try to change things up a bit tomorrow. Small things really make a difference sometimes, to me at least. Healthier food, yoga, another meeting, some more alone time, earlier bedtime, reading more. All small things that affect how well I feel any given day. Also, when I was having the worst cravings I'd tell myself it didn't matter what I did as long as I didn't drink (obviously excluding self harm etc) and that if I didn't drink that day it was a success, even if I accomplish nothing else. Sometimes I'd play a game all day, watch movies, draw. Just anything to keep me distracted until the craving went away, and if it meant all I did was play a game all day so be it. Ah I've got to walk my dog now that it's stopped raining for a min, I'll be back to reply to some others. It's really good to see you posting thirteenth!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Thirteenth
CarolD was a shining light. The world is lesser without her, but she left a wonderful legacy. This is the thread to which I referred.
I can have the best intentions & "plans" in the world but ACTION is something I have been struggling with. I try to put the cart before the horse.
"I'll go to an AA meeting after I have a week of sobriety" (how stupid)
"I will go to a meeting after I get my to do list done...I have to much to do!" (Really?)
Excuses excuses.....! I don't know what my problem is! Why do I have such a lack of willingness to take ACTION?
I can't just WILL this disease away...
Am I giving up on myself? I'm just so tired of fighting. I'm so tired of this nightmare. Tired of climbing a mile up the mountain (that is 100 miles high) only to fall all the way to the bottom and have to start over!
BUT....if I was REALLY that sick and tired of being sick and tired wouldn't I be willing to go to ANY length???
I don't know what my problem is. I just need to force myself to go to a meeting tomorrow no matter what. Do I want to go to an AA meeting? NO!
Do I want to be an alcoholic? NO!
But I want out of this hell! Soooo......
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Thirteenth
I’ve been doing my damndest to keep it together. I do have that good feeling, but I’m terrified. I’ve been more active in the hope that trying to help others might help me. Selfish to be sure, but as Dee said being a martyr isn’t the answer (he didn’t say it like that). Posting has made me realize how ****** up I am. Let me be clear that I don’t think anyone suggested I try to help to make myself feel better without getting better. I don’t mean that at all. I do mean that in trying to help that it’s made me realize that I need help too. I’m a loner. I could spend days or weeks and not speak to anyone and it wouldn’t be an issue. Opening up here, even just a little, has been therapeutic in a way I couldn’t have imagined. It’s brought a cavalcade of issues to the forefront though. None of which I want to confront. I must do so rather than stick with the stuffing down all the ******** that keeps me drinking and running. Stupid though it may be, I often think of The Fugitive. The line toward the end: “It’s time to stop running!” That’s where I am. Trying to stop running and face it all. A movie metaphor to be sure, but apt in a general sense, I think.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by samantha14
Hi all, I am really struggling tonight. There is no chance of me drinking as it's Sunday and the liquor store is closed but I want to.....I really want to.... I had nightmares last night for the first time in forever - I woke up shaking and sweating and crying. I have been recovering from how real it seemed all day.....and I am not there yet. I am nervous and scared to sleep tonight and the devil on my shoulder keeps telling me that it would be a lot easier to drink, pass out and not dream at all..... I am cuddled up on the couch with Charlie and watching the movie Blended with two of my DD's just trying to hold on....I know that I need to be in a better head space by tomorrow - it's a day off and I am home alone....not a good combo.... This is my Charlie with her favorite toy....
Hang in there. I'm holding on for dear life! Your Charlie is so cute!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,684
Bobbie, you almost made me cry. I haven't cried since I lost someone close to me over ten years ago. I should cave and do so. I think I will, just don't know when.
Hope it helps, Kiki. It helps me when I pay attention. It frustrates me and angers me when I don't. That doesn't help but I'm working on it.
Hope it helps, Kiki. It helps me when I pay attention. It frustrates me and angers me when I don't. That doesn't help but I'm working on it.
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