Class of March 2016 Support Part 12
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
Originally Posted by CaseyW 
Please dump the wine right now, Fabela. Pick a different dish to cook that doesn't involve you having to buy and use booze. The wine is only going to make your other issues worse and probably cause even more additional problems. It's part of the problem, not the solution. Rah555, it really does get better with time. Alcohol is a depressant, an addictive one. Give your body and mind a chance to really heal. 2 days is wonderful, but it takes a while to come back from years of us abusing alcohol. Remember HALT--hungry, angry, lonely, tired. The easiest one of those to fix but also to miss is H. Are you eating enough today? Are you staying hydrated? You both are in my thoughts tonight.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,908
Originally Posted by rah555
I think my triggers from HALT are lonely and tired. I have experienced a lot of hurt and disappointment. At times I get filled with despair and end up saying screw it.
I apologize for not remembering every detail of your story if I've asked this before--have you considered adding AA or another recovery program or therapy to your recovery plan? Any of those might help with the loneliness. Just a thought.
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,908
Originally Posted by Fabela
The dish is already cooked. And I am cooked as well.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
Originally Posted by CaseyW
Well the booze is a false antidote to that despair. It only makes the situation worse. You're back here for a reason--alcohol is the problem, not the solution. I apologize for not remembering every detail of your story if I've asked this before--have you considered adding AA or another recovery program or therapy to your recovery plan? Any of those might help with the loneliness. Just a thought.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
I know if I got a box of wine right now I would have such a physical reaction it would be scary. Please be careful Fabela. Water water water, pour it out pour it out pour it out.
Kiki I've seen Oz so many times too! Have you seen the musical Wicked? It's great as well! I've also seen Return to Oz, Oz the Great and Powerful, Legend of Oz: Dorothy's return. Not to mention Mickey Mouse's version hahaha!!
Kiki I've seen Oz so many times too! Have you seen the musical Wicked? It's great as well! I've also seen Return to Oz, Oz the Great and Powerful, Legend of Oz: Dorothy's return. Not to mention Mickey Mouse's version hahaha!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Fabela
I don't know what I want to do, guys. One part of me says QUIT NOW; another part says MODERATION; while the third part says F*** YOU, LOSER, I WILL DESTROY YOU. These days, the latter part wins. I have been feeling good for too long, and that can't continue. Next Saturday is my son's confirmation and since I want to reduce the stress I'm feeling about this, I'm doing what I can to prepare food that can be frozen. So, I've baked rolls, and now I'm making the casserole. The thing is, that what I'm preparing is boeuf bourguignon, and that contains wine. OK, so I went to the Special Liquor Store to buy one bottle of red wine, but instead I ended up with a whole box. Guess what I'm doing now.
BUT....can you at least try to eat something and drink some water even if you are still drinking? Then maybe you could get some sleep and come up with a new plan tomorrow?
Charlie needs you. Your family needs you. We need you.
Praying for you!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Originally Posted by Applekat
I know if I got a box of wine right now I would have such a physical reaction it would be scary. Please be careful Fabela. Water water water, pour it out pour it out pour it out. Kiki I've seen Oz so many times too! Have you seen the musical Wicked? It's great as well! I've also seen Return to Oz, Oz the Great and Powerful, Legend of Oz: Dorothy's return. Not to mention Mickey Mouse's version hahaha!!
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Prayers sent for Fabela and rah. Fabela, I am also quite a cook, if I can say so myself, and I also struggle to not cook with alcohol on occasion. I struggle too with not pairing my meals with the right wine or other spirit. In fact, I went to the store just now to pick up some items for the weekend after loading my daughter up from college in the truck. My wife stayed behind to help my daughter clean up and then she will ride home with daughter. I called my wife en route and asked if she needed anything from the store, and even volunteered to pick up the wine and beer for a going away event we are having for a moving neighbor on Sunday. Luckily she said no. When I got to the store, I got my items and there were good sales on soda pop. When I get sober, I have to please my pallette with many different types of drinks for variety and to keep from getting bored. I was a vodka, bourbon, craft beer and wine drinker. Oh, and also anything else that contained alcohol.
Anyway, I remembered the good choices of ginger ales and na ginger beers and such and bought 6 twelve packs of pop. I forgot to buy decaf green tea bags for my standby decaf green iced tea, but I have some left in stock.
When I got home, I was putting them away in the fridge formerly known as the beer fridge, and there stood a single can of my second favorite IPA. I thought, ya know, I just fought an hour and a half of traffic and sweated my arse off moving my daughter out. I deserve a cold one, right? I almost drank it, but I decided that maybe I was just thirsty, and poured an Ale 8 ginger ale, that was more satisfying than any beer, and had as much bite as an IPA. I put the IPA back in the fridge, unopened, and came here. I am home alone and couldve easily had the beer, but I wouldnt have gotten away with it, since the other half liter (actually 40% of it) of vodka that I didnt kill Tuesday night sits right in the bar cabinet next to the fridge. I am happy and sober and here. Had I started, to Kiki's point, I wouldnt have stopped until the booze was all gone, and then I would have rationalized drinking for the dinner party on Sunday. It's a slippery, slippery slope, for me.
Rah, I understand depression. If you find the right counselor, they will not judge, but will likely help you get your perspective and thinking back on track. I highly recommend it, not just from my experience this week, but many times before.
Thanks for being here, folks!
Anyway, I remembered the good choices of ginger ales and na ginger beers and such and bought 6 twelve packs of pop. I forgot to buy decaf green tea bags for my standby decaf green iced tea, but I have some left in stock.
When I got home, I was putting them away in the fridge formerly known as the beer fridge, and there stood a single can of my second favorite IPA. I thought, ya know, I just fought an hour and a half of traffic and sweated my arse off moving my daughter out. I deserve a cold one, right? I almost drank it, but I decided that maybe I was just thirsty, and poured an Ale 8 ginger ale, that was more satisfying than any beer, and had as much bite as an IPA. I put the IPA back in the fridge, unopened, and came here. I am home alone and couldve easily had the beer, but I wouldnt have gotten away with it, since the other half liter (actually 40% of it) of vodka that I didnt kill Tuesday night sits right in the bar cabinet next to the fridge. I am happy and sober and here. Had I started, to Kiki's point, I wouldnt have stopped until the booze was all gone, and then I would have rationalized drinking for the dinner party on Sunday. It's a slippery, slippery slope, for me.
Rah, I understand depression. If you find the right counselor, they will not judge, but will likely help you get your perspective and thinking back on track. I highly recommend it, not just from my experience this week, but many times before.
Thanks for being here, folks!
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,908
Good on you for not taking that first drink, Lofty. Hope you'll lose the remaining booze in your house sooner rather than later. You can't drink it if it's not there.
Heading to work now. Talk to you all later.
My thoughts are with all of you, struggling today or not. Remember it's the first drink that causes the problems and you really don't have to take that first drink no matter what rationalizations and lies and promises your addiction is feeding you.
Heading to work now. Talk to you all later.
My thoughts are with all of you, struggling today or not. Remember it's the first drink that causes the problems and you really don't have to take that first drink no matter what rationalizations and lies and promises your addiction is feeding you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 259
Hello again
Hello,
I have not posted in a while. I have been throwing myself into AA and also going through some legal stuff that I feel many cant relate to. Many in AA seem to though so I have people to talk to. I feel depressed. I see a therapist already and ssri's don't work for me. They don't work for everyone and I have tried every one, given it time, and dr.'s agree I am resistant. Or actually they make me feel worse and trigger more panic attacks. SRI's are better but barely take the edge off. No panic though. My kids are often disrespectful to me. They will bring up my alcohol problem. I had my last episode March 25th but they have been through a lot and are angry. I am not motivated to do anything. I am having a bad day and just need to hang low and use the tools I have learned.
Lilly
I have not posted in a while. I have been throwing myself into AA and also going through some legal stuff that I feel many cant relate to. Many in AA seem to though so I have people to talk to. I feel depressed. I see a therapist already and ssri's don't work for me. They don't work for everyone and I have tried every one, given it time, and dr.'s agree I am resistant. Or actually they make me feel worse and trigger more panic attacks. SRI's are better but barely take the edge off. No panic though. My kids are often disrespectful to me. They will bring up my alcohol problem. I had my last episode March 25th but they have been through a lot and are angry. I am not motivated to do anything. I am having a bad day and just need to hang low and use the tools I have learned.
Lilly
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 10
Checking in to say that today marks 7 weeks sober for me. I'm only starting to put things back together, but I attended a big social event for the first time since quitting last week, and I was amazed to find I could get through it without a drink. That's very rare for me, and I feel so pleased that I was able to do it; it gives me strength for the journey ahead.
Prayers and best wishes to you all, and hoping you stay strong in recovery.
Prayers and best wishes to you all, and hoping you stay strong in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
Evening all, day 4 coming to a close, got my girls here and had a nice evening with them. Feel very tired though so going to try and hit the sack before midnight tonight. Planning to take girls out on their bikes tomorrow.
Sorry to hear of the struggles here- it's so hard for first week and a battle not to listen to our thoughts- they aren't real though and just like the cravings and obsessions of the mind they DO pass- my head convinced me to try and moderate few weeks back when I had 13days sober under my belt- just a few Guinness- its weak- only 4%ish and it'll bloat me up- no way could I go on a binge on this stuff, have a meal after two and if it works it means I've got control, I'm in a city where no-one knows me- lets just try this- all these thoughts were going through my head an hour before I gave in and 'tried' my moderation experiment for the 1,000,000th time.
Two pints down I felt slightly woozy but nowhere near drunk, went and had that meal- its worked I'm not an alcoholic after all- my head was telling me, after meal I left feeling ****-sure of myself, as I walked towards the bus stop to get home another 'thought' came in, 'hey I've had two and I managed to walk away if I've done it once I can do it again 'just another two'- my head told me, walked away from bus stop and to nearest bar, had two more 'hey there's a jukebox there this feeling will feel even better with music, but that'll mean more Guinness- oh well I've started now lets just enjoy it- says my thoughtful head'.
Several hours later I leave that pub at closing near enough in black out- last thing I remember is ordering a gin and tonic as the Guinness was bloating me, ordered a taxi- don't remember journey home.
Woke up next day so ill but when I opened my eyes- my first thought was I want more, even when I checked my wallet and realised I was down over £100 my only concern was getting myself looking ok enough to get out of the door and have more, stayed out until early hours couldn't get drunk- was just drinking to not feel ill. As I walked home I thought experiment failed I CAN'T MODERATE, I CAN'T DRINK ALCOHOL without wanting more and more and more.
That first thought that it might be a good idea or it'll be different this time, or what's the use anyhow? I'm sad now how can I get any sadder? Well these are all lies our addictive brains tell us to put that poison back into our system to feed it and trigger the allergy.
If I feel sad alcohol will make me sadder- ten-fold, maybe not the first few drinks or even the first evening but somewhere along the binge I know I'll be in despair and wishing I'd ignored that little voice in my head that tricked me again.....
Sorry to hear of the struggles here- it's so hard for first week and a battle not to listen to our thoughts- they aren't real though and just like the cravings and obsessions of the mind they DO pass- my head convinced me to try and moderate few weeks back when I had 13days sober under my belt- just a few Guinness- its weak- only 4%ish and it'll bloat me up- no way could I go on a binge on this stuff, have a meal after two and if it works it means I've got control, I'm in a city where no-one knows me- lets just try this- all these thoughts were going through my head an hour before I gave in and 'tried' my moderation experiment for the 1,000,000th time.
Two pints down I felt slightly woozy but nowhere near drunk, went and had that meal- its worked I'm not an alcoholic after all- my head was telling me, after meal I left feeling ****-sure of myself, as I walked towards the bus stop to get home another 'thought' came in, 'hey I've had two and I managed to walk away if I've done it once I can do it again 'just another two'- my head told me, walked away from bus stop and to nearest bar, had two more 'hey there's a jukebox there this feeling will feel even better with music, but that'll mean more Guinness- oh well I've started now lets just enjoy it- says my thoughtful head'.
Several hours later I leave that pub at closing near enough in black out- last thing I remember is ordering a gin and tonic as the Guinness was bloating me, ordered a taxi- don't remember journey home.
Woke up next day so ill but when I opened my eyes- my first thought was I want more, even when I checked my wallet and realised I was down over £100 my only concern was getting myself looking ok enough to get out of the door and have more, stayed out until early hours couldn't get drunk- was just drinking to not feel ill. As I walked home I thought experiment failed I CAN'T MODERATE, I CAN'T DRINK ALCOHOL without wanting more and more and more.
That first thought that it might be a good idea or it'll be different this time, or what's the use anyhow? I'm sad now how can I get any sadder? Well these are all lies our addictive brains tell us to put that poison back into our system to feed it and trigger the allergy.
If I feel sad alcohol will make me sadder- ten-fold, maybe not the first few drinks or even the first evening but somewhere along the binge I know I'll be in despair and wishing I'd ignored that little voice in my head that tricked me again.....
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
