CaseyW

I think there were many of you who had a part to play in the class blowing through part 10. Many of you. Not little old demure me though. *whistles in the dark*

That's a beautiful sweater, Fabela, and I like the colors you're choosing for yours. I can't even sew buttons properly. And I don't think any of us would mind seeing a little of good old Charlie's hair on your sweater. He's kind of the class dog. Well, him and immri's The Beast. Sorry you decided to drink yesterday. Are you planning on drinking today? I hope you don't. You're on the right road, make this a slip and not a freefall. We're here if you need to talk about it.

And also, I'm now always going to picture you in a Viking helmet. And that sweater.

"19th Nervous Breakdown" is now playing on my stereo. I think I was on my 190th before I found this place.

Bobbieka

Fabela - read your thread. I hope you feel you overcame your demons. You sound like you feel stronger.

That sweater is going to be gorgeous. Especially with Charlie hair.

Fabela

As I explained in my own thread, Casey, I chose to drink yesterday as an experiment. I don't feel bad for doing it, and I woke up this morning without feeling regret or shame. I have no intention of drinking today, or tomorrow, for that matter. It just didn't do anything for me. If I can recognize the danger situations where drinking would be a bad choice for me, I will do just fine. I have been through many of those lately, and I can handle them. I need to work on the underlying problem, the intense self hate I feel. If I can work through that, I won't have to be so self destructive, and then my need to use alcohol will diminish.

Fabela

Casey, something like this?

ladyboo

checking in- don't think i did yesterday. but, still walking thru my nightmarish tragedy my life is right now clean & sober- only way to do it! grateful to be clean & sober!

Fabela

Hi ladyboo, glad you checked in, sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time. Good job on staying sober!

CaseyW

Sorry I hadn't read your thread yet, Fabela. I do read it very regularly as you know, just hadn't got there yet today.

I've heard a lot of folks in here and AA talk about how drinking was not really the problem, at least not to start with, that it was more a misguided attempt at a solution to other underlying problems, But then the drinking ballooned into the biggest issue of them all, the one that had to be addressed before those other problems could be worked on too. I'm glad you recognize today that drinking is not the solution for you today. You're in my thoughts...

Fabela

I feel stronger. I have realized that my goal is not to be sober. It is to stop using alcohol as a weapon. Having said that, I know that staying away from alcohol all together is the safest thing to do, and I will do my best to achieve that. But I have to have the option to fail, or else I will destroy myself.

BTW (I knew that acronym, Casey. ) I think I have gotten a "sponsor". There's this woman that is 14 months sober (alcohol and pills) and she wants to meet me for coffee. Sounds interesting.

CaseyW

Glad you checked in, ladyboo. I know you're worried about your anonymity, but we're here if you ever need to vent more about what's going on in your life. Good on you for seeing that staying sober is an important part of taking care of those issues today! Wishing you the best...

And, yes, Fabela, something like that, only with less midriff showing and more of your sweater. And Charlie instead of a wolf. I like the addition of the bow and arrow to my visualization though.

I'm getting out of the house for a bit. Thank you Marchapaloozians for helping me start my day off right with a good dose of recovery.

Keets

Looks good so far.
I'm making a blanket right now it's with huge gigantic needles they are almost as big around as my wrist and using to skeins of yarn at the same time. It took 2 Spain's just to get a 3x3 square it's super soft. I assume it's going to take about 30 thinks of yarn to fit the bed for next winter

Bobbieka

I don't even know what you are talking about, Keets.

I hope everything went well, Clearlyheaded and that you are not in too much pain.

CaseyW

Yes, I hope you'll be back posting soon, clearlyheaded.

Keets

Good morning everyone
Im feeling much better today after yesterday's meltdown. I didn't drink and i won't today. I feel I'm getting in the groove of not wanting to drink like I was if that makes sence? I also feel like losing so much weight makes me not want to drink even more I am down to 120(I'm only5'2)which I haven't been since I was 18-20. I want to keep it off so I'm even eating healthy now. Yesterday I started the day with a pineapple banana and spinach smoothie and today tuna salad with spinach and just a little bit of mayo. I can't wait till I'm able exercise again and really start seing the results. Before I didn't see any spresults because i was drinking too much and also led me to not eat healthy.
I'm doing a complete overhaul on myself I'm hoping it lasts I know I slipped up on my first attempt to be sober but I'm feeling much more confident now the longer I go. I'm on a journey to become a better me I guess you could say. My next goal is to rover my business and get back out there and be booked solid with photo shoots so we have the extra income coming in again.

Keets

A skein of yarn is like the ball you buy all wound up

CaseyW

You're sounding darn good today, Keets. Heck, most everybody is sounding good so far today. That's nice to see. I think it's important that we don't just use this class when we're feeling down--my addiction is just as likely to try and sweet talk me when I'm happy as when things aren't going great. So it's important for me to get in the habit of sharing here regularly--good or bad.

Hope anyone else who hasn't posted yet today does so soon. You don't have to be a in good mood! Just let us know you're still here. Give us a chance to help you.

CaseyW

I was just talking about this privately with someone here, but decided it'd be good for my accountability to post it to the class too:

While it wasn't a thought of drinking really, when I was coming home just now from running my little errand, the thought popped in my head that it would be OK to go eat lunch at this bar a couple of blocks away from me. I wasn't planning on drinking but why would I want to even get eat crappy greasy food from what is primarily a bar? I suspect my addiction was trying to pull a fast one on me.

I never drank at this bar a whole lot, like I've said before I was primarily drinking at home alone for most of the past three years. But I did maybe go in there once or twice a month in the afternoon and sit and slowly drink while I read. Then when I got home I'd take the drinking up a notch. I will say that even though I didn't drink in there often, being in the restaurant/bar business myself, I tip crazily well so the daytime bartender still always recognized me and remembered my drink of choice there. I had lots of bartenders throughout the years who loved me. I'm sure they've found other means to pay their bills. There's always a new alcoholic ready to take your seat at the bar.

I'm cooking lunch at home now. I think that's the wiser decision.

Bobbieka

Thanks for sharing that, Casey. I've noticed lately that my drinking "habits" flare up at times I think I'm good. My husband leaves, I automatically think it's time for a drink. Everyone's gone, I should have a drink.

Time to develop new habits.

Bobbieka

Btw, Casey, I don't want you to struggle, but it is a little reassuring knowing you are human.

CaseyW

Yeah, I don't think there was any chance I would have drank if I went in there today. But much like I say it's good to come in here and check in whether life is going good or bad because it gets you used to being here when you do need help, I think if I went in that bar today it would have been easier for me to head in that direction on some day when I am thinking of drinking.

Building new better habits in sobriety. Absolutely right.

CaseyW

And I am so human it hurts sometimes, Bobbieka.