Class of February 2016 Part 14
Class of February 2016 Part 14
I've used this analogy before but..
I like to think of myself as an antique (in years not value lol) ...
you can look at all the layers of paint, the cracks, the chips...they all tell a story....my story....
and everything I've been through has bought me through to this - this point in time.
And this point, today, is not that bad at all
D
I like to think of myself as an antique (in years not value lol) ...
you can look at all the layers of paint, the cracks, the chips...they all tell a story....my story....
and everything I've been through has bought me through to this - this point in time.
And this point, today, is not that bad at all
D
I did not drink today. It's been an emotional roller coaster. Things that wouldn't normally illicit an emotional response have been overwhelming. I know this is nicotine withdrawal but that knowledge doesn't help.
My computer (livelihood) crashed. I had to call my employers to have them pick up the slack while I repaired the issue. I was too angry, sad, despondent, crying, etc. to even begin working on it. I ate a giant piece of chocolate cake, drank some chamomile tea and smoked 1/2 a cigarette to get my mind calm enough to handle the problem. By the time I had the issue resolved, I had lost 1/2 the work day. Here's the upside of the roller coaster part. My boss is sending me a new operating system, a really, really nice operating system. I am elated!
Later in the day the embodiment of all my addictions showed up on my doorstep and invited me to a party tonight. I know that I cannot go. I make another cup of chamomile tea and smoke the other 1/2 of the cigarette. My entire body is so tense that I feel like I am going to explode. I set the temperature on the Jacuzzi. It's not heating up. I simply do not have the mental capacity at this moment to diagnose and repair the Jacuzzi.
I should have already taken a shower and put jammies on so that the party would no longer be an option. I keep telling myself that I'm not going. But the intelligent voice in my head says, "If that's true, then why are you still dressed"? This is the most fragile, the most unstable, I have been since I quit drinking.
My computer (livelihood) crashed. I had to call my employers to have them pick up the slack while I repaired the issue. I was too angry, sad, despondent, crying, etc. to even begin working on it. I ate a giant piece of chocolate cake, drank some chamomile tea and smoked 1/2 a cigarette to get my mind calm enough to handle the problem. By the time I had the issue resolved, I had lost 1/2 the work day. Here's the upside of the roller coaster part. My boss is sending me a new operating system, a really, really nice operating system. I am elated!
Later in the day the embodiment of all my addictions showed up on my doorstep and invited me to a party tonight. I know that I cannot go. I make another cup of chamomile tea and smoke the other 1/2 of the cigarette. My entire body is so tense that I feel like I am going to explode. I set the temperature on the Jacuzzi. It's not heating up. I simply do not have the mental capacity at this moment to diagnose and repair the Jacuzzi.
I should have already taken a shower and put jammies on so that the party would no longer be an option. I keep telling myself that I'm not going. But the intelligent voice in my head says, "If that's true, then why are you still dressed"? This is the most fragile, the most unstable, I have been since I quit drinking.
Good idea Delizadee! I need to get back into my Tae Bo using the Tae Kwon Do kick bag my daughter has. I've been dealing with a lot of pain (migraines and shoulder/neck pain from neck trauma)...so I have to get moving more and build strength and do more stretching/yoga.
I keep telling myself that the old "cure" only helped for a few hours at night and actually just makes it worse. I think it's getting worse before it gets better right now and I need to put the work into physical therapy instead of "poison" therapy!
I keep telling myself that the old "cure" only helped for a few hours at night and actually just makes it worse. I think it's getting worse before it gets better right now and I need to put the work into physical therapy instead of "poison" therapy!
Stay strong Auggie! Its a lot to try to quit two things at once. I like to look at bad things in the past as having a purpose. You may not see it yet but later you will look back and see it made you change course which made other things change and when you are much happier in the future you can look back and see it needed to happen to get you where you are. I will get stuff gor a dessert bakeoff tomorrow. Was it Sadie? You made banana nut bread? Sounds delish. Put some real butter on it and yum-o! Night peeps!
Jeni--Congrats on 60 days. You are my twin from the March class of 2012!!
Okay today. I was a bit emotional today too, just kind of all over the map. Came home and rested and had a good dinner and heading to bed. Some days are just like that. 32 days sober!
Be good to yourselves!
Lee
Okay today. I was a bit emotional today too, just kind of all over the map. Came home and rested and had a good dinner and heading to bed. Some days are just like that. 32 days sober!
Be good to yourselves!
Lee
Thank you, Doodles. The workout was a really good idea. It helped get the tension out of my back and shoulders. I am safely in my cookie monster jammies. I've formulated a response for any texts or calls that might come in. I really need to work as hard on my quit smoking plan as I did on my quit drinking plan. I also need to get some professional help for the underlying issue that really triggered this near lapse. You guys saved me tonight. I really appreciate each and every one of you.
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Just checking in. Brutal day at work, another one tommorow. Ugh. I'm sober but hurting. Planning to move soon I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. Feel like a failure. When I was sober for a year I had a good job, good living situation, good friends around me. Now not so much, I'm scared of what is to come. I'm sober today, that is my one success... it's a big one. Going to try to get out of my head and just focus on the day tommorow... save the worry for later. I hope everyone is ok tonight.
Hi febradoodles.
Checking in to our new thread. Disappointed that knb has left. Really hope she's sober.
How are you today OldTomato? Hopefully feeling a little better?
I am making raspberry banana bread today for our bake off! Just went to a local gardening/ plant festival and blew lots of $ on lovely plants lol. Couldn't resist! Not sure what day I'm on. Will have to consult my app. Unfortunately it goes in months now though which is a bit annoying.
Checking in to our new thread. Disappointed that knb has left. Really hope she's sober.
How are you today OldTomato? Hopefully feeling a little better?
I am making raspberry banana bread today for our bake off! Just went to a local gardening/ plant festival and blew lots of $ on lovely plants lol. Couldn't resist! Not sure what day I'm on. Will have to consult my app. Unfortunately it goes in months now though which is a bit annoying.
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