Class of November 2015 Part 11
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Class of November 2015 Part 11
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome back Pams and Rah 
Tufty I worked out relapse was really quite simple - if I don't want to relapse, I won't.
Too often I think we think of addiction as an Other but its got no power of it's own - it needs us to be a participant.
No play, no way
D
Tufty I worked out relapse was really quite simple - if I don't want to relapse, I won't.
Too often I think we think of addiction as an Other but its got no power of it's own - it needs us to be a participant.
No play, no way
D
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
Hi, All. SM, good to hear from you! Glad you are well!
I too have the occasional thought of using, but oddly enough it hasn't been about drinking most of the time. A few times I've caught myself having the thought of "I wish I could just take a pill(s) that would numb me the f out..." and then I catch myself like whoa where did that come from. That is definitely my AV. When I drank I always drank to check out/go numb. I think I've accepted that I don't want to drink again, so my AV is trying to put other crazy ideas in my mind. I took vicodin for that effect years ago but mixed it with alcohol and ended up with one of the worst hangovers so I never went near it again. But that's what my AV wanted. Something so freaking strong it would knock me out and sabotage everything. No way, AV! I know exactly where that behavior will lead and I want none of it.
Anyway, just thought I'd share that. Otherwise I am well and so grateful to be sober. Keep up the good work everyone!
I too have the occasional thought of using, but oddly enough it hasn't been about drinking most of the time. A few times I've caught myself having the thought of "I wish I could just take a pill(s) that would numb me the f out..." and then I catch myself like whoa where did that come from. That is definitely my AV. When I drank I always drank to check out/go numb. I think I've accepted that I don't want to drink again, so my AV is trying to put other crazy ideas in my mind. I took vicodin for that effect years ago but mixed it with alcohol and ended up with one of the worst hangovers so I never went near it again. But that's what my AV wanted. Something so freaking strong it would knock me out and sabotage everything. No way, AV! I know exactly where that behavior will lead and I want none of it.
Anyway, just thought I'd share that. Otherwise I am well and so grateful to be sober. Keep up the good work everyone!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 933
Hi all, wishing everyone a lovely weekend when it arrives.
Today marks five calendar months sober for me.
Cue damp firework. I want to say how good I feel but that would be a complete lie.
I'm feeling absolute rubbish. Can't settle to do a single thing, complete lack of motivation to even lift a finger and I have LOADS to do.
I should be grateful for my health and my sobriety and my job and my family and and, and....
But I'm not.
This week I have been a lazy useless arse and right now I hate myself.
Today marks five calendar months sober for me.
Cue damp firework. I want to say how good I feel but that would be a complete lie.
I'm feeling absolute rubbish. Can't settle to do a single thing, complete lack of motivation to even lift a finger and I have LOADS to do.
I should be grateful for my health and my sobriety and my job and my family and and, and....
But I'm not.
This week I have been a lazy useless arse and right now I hate myself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Midwest usa
Posts: 13
Hi guys, checking in at 132 days. Went to my first sober concert last week and have my first sober vacation coming up next week. No real urges or cravings but I've been feeling kind of flat lately and am looking forward to getting back on with life.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 933
Good work dustmeoff, that's awesome.
Enjoy your vacation. Well earned!
Just be aware of that nasty AV; if yours is anything like mine it gets really loud and animated when I do something for the first time without drinking?
A first sober vacation could may just give it a voice?!?
Enjoy your vacation. Well earned!
Just be aware of that nasty AV; if yours is anything like mine it gets really loud and animated when I do something for the first time without drinking?
A first sober vacation could may just give it a voice?!?
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 933
Originally Posted by blueberry2015 
Hello all, checking in for the first time on this thread Day 136 for me and feeling grateful
Day 136 for me and feeling grateful Settle down and make yourself a regular why don't you, or at the very least keep popping your head round the door.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 933
Originally Posted by Dee74
Those are pretty strong words Tufty. What are you gonna do about this funk?
D
D
1. Stop procrastinating and get my act together.
2. If 1 fails, accept it as part of who I am and stop being so full of self loathing.
It sounds easy but it's a behavioural pattern that's been part of who I am for as long as I can recall. I have an emotional attachment to the feelings of uselessness and the negative self talk that accompanies it.
It's like I'm addicted to the stress that procrastinating causes and that feeds into my depression too.
Anyone reading this would laugh at how rediculous this sounds but for me it's all real.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 933
Thanks for your input Dee.
This is why, to me, it's rediculous. The solution is so simple yet I fail to get motivated. I start but then get side tracked by less tedious or more pleasurable stuff.
I do anything other than what I should be doing.
This is why, to me, it's rediculous. The solution is so simple yet I fail to get motivated. I start but then get side tracked by less tedious or more pleasurable stuff.
I do anything other than what I should be doing.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 678
Hi everyone...sober Saturday night checkin.
Tufty - I know all too well what it's like to get stuck in an unmotivated funk. I find that I have to push myself pretty hard to get outta these states but once I'm out, I'm 100x better for it. You'll get there pal but don't be too hard on yourself if it takes you awhile.
Having an evening coffee now and it tastes awesome. 130-something days ago it would have been 2 bottles of red instead...how times have changed, and for the better!
Tufty - I know all too well what it's like to get stuck in an unmotivated funk. I find that I have to push myself pretty hard to get outta these states but once I'm out, I'm 100x better for it. You'll get there pal but don't be too hard on yourself if it takes you awhile.
Having an evening coffee now and it tastes awesome. 130-something days ago it would have been 2 bottles of red instead...how times have changed, and for the better!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 933
Originally Posted by SoberMarathon
Hi everyone...sober Saturday night checkin.
Tufty - I know all too well what it's like to get stuck in an unmotivated funk. I find that I have to push myself pretty hard to get outta these states but once I'm out, I'm 100x better for it. You'll get there pal but don't be too hard on yourself if it takes you awhile.
Having an evening coffee now and it tastes awesome. 130-something days ago it would have been 2 bottles of red instead...how times have changed, and for the better!
Tufty - I know all too well what it's like to get stuck in an unmotivated funk. I find that I have to push myself pretty hard to get outta these states but once I'm out, I'm 100x better for it. You'll get there pal but don't be too hard on yourself if it takes you awhile.
Having an evening coffee now and it tastes awesome. 130-something days ago it would have been 2 bottles of red instead...how times have changed, and for the better!
Thanks for the guidance. I know you're right.
There's either an emotional blockage somewhere or I just haven't found the self discipline to take your advice yet.
A bit of both maybe.
I'm feeling better today.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 933
Long post elert.
Nothing like a bit of honesty so here we go...
I got in a real fug last week. I haven't made a meaningful step out of the house for a over a fortnight (other than a couple sojourns to the pub which were futile because it was boring being in the company of drinkers when all I was looking for was company.
So I've pretty much isolated myself of late. My children have all left home and I'm finding things tough. Two left years ago but the youngest are currently one month into a four month trip round Asia.
It's made a bit worse by knowing they are both dreadfully homesick. "If I could click my fingers right now, and I'd be back home with you & the cats then I'd do it" is what one of them said.
I also split up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago and I'm finding that harder than I thought it would be. It's true to say I miss her and I miss us. That said, it was absolutely the correct thing to do.
Add to that I'm in the middle of trying to settle a claim from an accident I had years ago.
That's no more of a sideshow though, compared to my imminent move to Sydney.
I've got so much to do, the house is a tip because I started to clear it but got half way through before just collapsing in a depressive fug. Every room has got my detritus strewn over the floor. It's madness.
I'm having to rent the rooms out to cover all my outgoings whilst I'm away. That's not going to happen unless I get my arse into gear!
The girls will be back in August so I'd like to decorate their rooms before I leave. It will be nice for them to come back to.
The kitchen is spotless which is at least something. This is because I haven't been cooking. I've been eating bowls of cereal and toast but no good stuff.
My sessions with my therapist ended two weeks ago and I think in hindsight this was a misjudgement on both our parts. I'm feeling pretty stressed. When this happens I tend do shut down and would have historically drunk a lot of wine.
Last night I went out to buy sweets (my sweet tooth hasn't gone anywhere) and bumped into a friend and immediately scored some hash off her. She came back to mine and we had a great natter but the bad news is I pretty much caned it.
So, here I am having to reset my counter.
I want to be able to be clean of everything.
Nothing like a bit of honesty so here we go...
I got in a real fug last week. I haven't made a meaningful step out of the house for a over a fortnight (other than a couple sojourns to the pub which were futile because it was boring being in the company of drinkers when all I was looking for was company.
So I've pretty much isolated myself of late. My children have all left home and I'm finding things tough. Two left years ago but the youngest are currently one month into a four month trip round Asia.
It's made a bit worse by knowing they are both dreadfully homesick. "If I could click my fingers right now, and I'd be back home with you & the cats then I'd do it" is what one of them said.
I also split up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago and I'm finding that harder than I thought it would be. It's true to say I miss her and I miss us. That said, it was absolutely the correct thing to do.
Add to that I'm in the middle of trying to settle a claim from an accident I had years ago.
That's no more of a sideshow though, compared to my imminent move to Sydney.
I've got so much to do, the house is a tip because I started to clear it but got half way through before just collapsing in a depressive fug. Every room has got my detritus strewn over the floor. It's madness.
I'm having to rent the rooms out to cover all my outgoings whilst I'm away. That's not going to happen unless I get my arse into gear!
The girls will be back in August so I'd like to decorate their rooms before I leave. It will be nice for them to come back to.
The kitchen is spotless which is at least something. This is because I haven't been cooking. I've been eating bowls of cereal and toast but no good stuff.
My sessions with my therapist ended two weeks ago and I think in hindsight this was a misjudgement on both our parts. I'm feeling pretty stressed. When this happens I tend do shut down and would have historically drunk a lot of wine.
Last night I went out to buy sweets (my sweet tooth hasn't gone anywhere) and bumped into a friend and immediately scored some hash off her. She came back to mine and we had a great natter but the bad news is I pretty much caned it.
So, here I am having to reset my counter.
I want to be able to be clean of everything.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Been away for a few days as I wanted to shut off from everything / internet / emails etc just to give my mind a bit of rest from over analysing each and every bit of what's going through my head 24/7, few plans changed in the week off more due to weather than anything but kept myself busy by decorating and re-arranged a couple of rooms - turned into a bit of an unexpected costly exercise with new sofa and tv and furnishings but wanted to spruce it up and make another room for my daughter and her friends to hang out together as they're all turning teenagers this year, enjoyed doing it and we had some great time together doing stuff - she was a great help and good fun - previously I would have spent that week off trying to show willing but mainly concerned with drinking, heavily. Great to feel like I've accomplished a few things and had a good time without the need to drink at all or to be honest even the thought of it.
Tufty, sounds like you are having a fair bit to deal with and can see exactly why you feel that way - your explanation of procrastination rings oh so true for yours truly and also the mess that is created by starting clearing and only partially completing - guilty of that myself a lot of the time and it doesn't help at all - I always find that whenever I try to clear out / tidy things in such a manner that I end up just moving the mess from one place to another in a slightly tidier manner which exasperates the frustration at not actually completing what I set out to do.
Don't beat yourself up about a few joints mate that's done and dusted now and you can't change what's done but just don't go out buying more and get rid of whatever you have left to remove any further temptation to smoke it, you've been one my biggest rocks along this journey togetherness helped me out of my recent blip so let's get things back on track yeah ;-)
Agree with Dee regarding the lists - something simple that I hadn't thought of either - thanks for that.
I'm kicking the sweets and rubbish into touch this week back on healthy eating - and getting my backside back in the gym - I know it's what's needed just need to push myself to actually do it instead of just thinking about doing it.
Tufty, sounds like you are having a fair bit to deal with and can see exactly why you feel that way - your explanation of procrastination rings oh so true for yours truly and also the mess that is created by starting clearing and only partially completing - guilty of that myself a lot of the time and it doesn't help at all - I always find that whenever I try to clear out / tidy things in such a manner that I end up just moving the mess from one place to another in a slightly tidier manner which exasperates the frustration at not actually completing what I set out to do.
Don't beat yourself up about a few joints mate that's done and dusted now and you can't change what's done but just don't go out buying more and get rid of whatever you have left to remove any further temptation to smoke it, you've been one my biggest rocks along this journey togetherness helped me out of my recent blip so let's get things back on track yeah ;-)
Agree with Dee regarding the lists - something simple that I hadn't thought of either - thanks for that.
I'm kicking the sweets and rubbish into touch this week back on healthy eating - and getting my backside back in the gym - I know it's what's needed just need to push myself to actually do it instead of just thinking about doing it.
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