Class of November 2015 Part 11
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Thanks Kim appreciate your input - I re-read through a few of my recent posts too which helped put things into perspective.
It's when I get those thoughts and know that I won't / can't act on them and that I really do not like the person the drink and drugs turned me into - I then begin to feel guilty about even considering it to be any form of possibility or desire as it caused so much hurt by turning me into that other person and me being that way.
I really do like the person I am becoming and one that can express my feelings and be true to myself instead of a persona that I had created that was all about bravado and being the big I am, not a very nice person at all especially to those close to me, I was sneaky / a cheat / a liar etc etc etc, it's like I have a split personality and a real battle between the two at times - I know that good is winning though and without me giving in to temptation the bad side and alter ego that I could not control has no way of making an appearance again.
Watched a truly inspirational documentary last night about a man called Alex Lewis who lost both his legs and arms and half his face after he caught a cold !! To see his courage and determination was awe inspiring, there was also an underlying issue with alcohol that he referred too and admitted that his life was becoming problematic through excessive use of alcohol, it was only after this event in his life that it made him truly realise that he was taking things for granted, his situation and courage put things into perspective as to how lucky we are that it didn't take such a life changing event to make you realise what it is you have in life - this guy is definitely someone to look upto and think of his courage in dealing with such adversity with such a positive outlook, it really made me sit up and take note of just how lucky I am - even in his situation you could tell that he was happier within himself than he was when lost in a world of alcohol, I'm sure there isn't a second goes by where he wouldn't want to be back to where he was physically but mentally he seemed at ease and happy to get on with things - realising what was truly important in his life - that tells you something about how powerful sobriety can be. His partner was also an amazing woman and a wonderful son - if Alex can make things work in such trying circumstances then I'm damned sure I can.
It's when I get those thoughts and know that I won't / can't act on them and that I really do not like the person the drink and drugs turned me into - I then begin to feel guilty about even considering it to be any form of possibility or desire as it caused so much hurt by turning me into that other person and me being that way.
I really do like the person I am becoming and one that can express my feelings and be true to myself instead of a persona that I had created that was all about bravado and being the big I am, not a very nice person at all especially to those close to me, I was sneaky / a cheat / a liar etc etc etc, it's like I have a split personality and a real battle between the two at times - I know that good is winning though and without me giving in to temptation the bad side and alter ego that I could not control has no way of making an appearance again.
Watched a truly inspirational documentary last night about a man called Alex Lewis who lost both his legs and arms and half his face after he caught a cold !! To see his courage and determination was awe inspiring, there was also an underlying issue with alcohol that he referred too and admitted that his life was becoming problematic through excessive use of alcohol, it was only after this event in his life that it made him truly realise that he was taking things for granted, his situation and courage put things into perspective as to how lucky we are that it didn't take such a life changing event to make you realise what it is you have in life - this guy is definitely someone to look upto and think of his courage in dealing with such adversity with such a positive outlook, it really made me sit up and take note of just how lucky I am - even in his situation you could tell that he was happier within himself than he was when lost in a world of alcohol, I'm sure there isn't a second goes by where he wouldn't want to be back to where he was physically but mentally he seemed at ease and happy to get on with things - realising what was truly important in his life - that tells you something about how powerful sobriety can be. His partner was also an amazing woman and a wonderful son - if Alex can make things work in such trying circumstances then I'm damned sure I can.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
Originally Posted by learntofly 
I'm so glad that you're all in a pretty good place! Sobriety is definitely not easy, but I'm proud of you guys for sticking with it. I finally made a doctor's appointment for my depression. I'm relieved to finally take this step. I've been dealing with depression for as long as I cam remember. For the first time, I'm excited about what the future holds. Have a great day all!
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
Originally Posted by RedAndy
hi guys and girls,
Great news LTF and agree its good to be able to put it out there, I was in a board meeting yesterday and the CEO asked us to all share something that whilst everybody knows each other something that they wouldn't know about you - we've all been together for a good number of years, all started in our 20's and now most of us in our 40's and my antics have been well known for many years - a lot of time not a problem but also plenty of times it has caused issues and people telling me to take it easy, majority having done the lot it in our younger years but only myself making a fool of myself and continuing the party and gathering pace with age.
When it came to my turn I was rather nervous to say the least but decided it was the right time to advise where I was upto and that I was nearly 6 months sober - plenty of comments to say well done and also a couple of messages of support later in the evening / this morning.
I also had a session with a new counsellor last night who I really connected with and was exactly on my wavelength, knew exactly what I was talking about and where I was coming from being 5 years clean and sober himself - we've had a great guy at the same place for couple counselling who has been hugely beneficial and we've taken a lot from and another one I've seen that whilst a nice guy is ex army and to put it bluntly always been a straight head so just couldn't relate to what I was telling him as he had no idea what I was on about - no connection / understanding at all, however this new guy was the one I needed to really lay it bare and help get my head around it all and make this really work long term - I came out feeling that I had met somebody who knew exactly where I was upto and just what I was on about - a relief to say the least.
There is no doubt that I am 100 % seeing the benefits of sobriety and making this work but also know the fact is this is how I have to live my life as there is no other option but I cannot lie in the fact that unlike many I genuinely did enjoy what I was doing and definitely do miss it, massively at times - the party really has stopped and I am trying my best to convince myself and others that it really is how I want to be, I just know it was way out of hand and getting too much of a problem and that it could not continue as the wheels were coming off and it was only going to get worse and worse - I'm doing my level best to get it right and things have improved infinitely in certain areas that I never dreamt possible. I have accepted I cannot drink or use drugs anymore but it doesn't hide the fact that there are times when I would just love to go again even playing the tape through and looking back to where I nearly ended up the last time - that's crazy as I really felt I was going crazy but I need to try to understand how to deal with up and down - fact is discussing this last night has made me realise just how much I am missing the old me whilst realising just how much I do like the new me too - I know I can't have both and this is the only way I can live a genuinely happy life and seeing my family thriving is the best feeling ever but I really need to let go of seeing what I did as fun and enjoyable - but that's what it was ?? I've tried to tell myself it was all bad but it really wasn't - the fact is I really know I can't do it and there's no return as I won't stop and the lot will disappear in a flash.
Great news LTF and agree its good to be able to put it out there, I was in a board meeting yesterday and the CEO asked us to all share something that whilst everybody knows each other something that they wouldn't know about you - we've all been together for a good number of years, all started in our 20's and now most of us in our 40's and my antics have been well known for many years - a lot of time not a problem but also plenty of times it has caused issues and people telling me to take it easy, majority having done the lot it in our younger years but only myself making a fool of myself and continuing the party and gathering pace with age.
When it came to my turn I was rather nervous to say the least but decided it was the right time to advise where I was upto and that I was nearly 6 months sober - plenty of comments to say well done and also a couple of messages of support later in the evening / this morning.
I also had a session with a new counsellor last night who I really connected with and was exactly on my wavelength, knew exactly what I was talking about and where I was coming from being 5 years clean and sober himself - we've had a great guy at the same place for couple counselling who has been hugely beneficial and we've taken a lot from and another one I've seen that whilst a nice guy is ex army and to put it bluntly always been a straight head so just couldn't relate to what I was telling him as he had no idea what I was on about - no connection / understanding at all, however this new guy was the one I needed to really lay it bare and help get my head around it all and make this really work long term - I came out feeling that I had met somebody who knew exactly where I was upto and just what I was on about - a relief to say the least.
There is no doubt that I am 100 % seeing the benefits of sobriety and making this work but also know the fact is this is how I have to live my life as there is no other option but I cannot lie in the fact that unlike many I genuinely did enjoy what I was doing and definitely do miss it, massively at times - the party really has stopped and I am trying my best to convince myself and others that it really is how I want to be, I just know it was way out of hand and getting too much of a problem and that it could not continue as the wheels were coming off and it was only going to get worse and worse - I'm doing my level best to get it right and things have improved infinitely in certain areas that I never dreamt possible. I have accepted I cannot drink or use drugs anymore but it doesn't hide the fact that there are times when I would just love to go again even playing the tape through and looking back to where I nearly ended up the last time - that's crazy as I really felt I was going crazy but I need to try to understand how to deal with up and down - fact is discussing this last night has made me realise just how much I am missing the old me whilst realising just how much I do like the new me too - I know I can't have both and this is the only way I can live a genuinely happy life and seeing my family thriving is the best feeling ever but I really need to let go of seeing what I did as fun and enjoyable - but that's what it was ?? I've tried to tell myself it was all bad but it really wasn't - the fact is I really know I can't do it and there's no return as I won't stop and the lot will disappear in a flash.
So happy for you....and proud!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
As I mentioned yesterday to a fellow November class mate I'm extremely grateful to SR and the opportunity to get to know and share with and now also meet some truly amazing people.
Glad to say I had the pleasure of meeting and sitting and chatting with Tufty, thanks mate I took a lot from it and look forward to calling you a friend and someone I value who I can turn to for support in the future, likewise you know where I am anytime.
We were both in agreement just how much we had taken from SR and those of you especially in this class who have helped us along this journey so far - thought I'd share that with you and also thank you all too.
Have a good weekend.
Glad to say I had the pleasure of meeting and sitting and chatting with Tufty, thanks mate I took a lot from it and look forward to calling you a friend and someone I value who I can turn to for support in the future, likewise you know where I am anytime.
We were both in agreement just how much we had taken from SR and those of you especially in this class who have helped us along this journey so far - thought I'd share that with you and also thank you all too.
Have a good weekend.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 924
Hey folks,
Hope everyone is well and enjoying some peaceful time.
As you can see Andy & I met up and put the world to rights over a cup of joe.
For the benefit of all the November class, I can honestly say he's the most courageous man I've ever met & and I'm sure I have a friend for life there.
I'm bumbling along. still in the process of clearing my life out and quite frankly if I never use a vacuum cleaner again in my life, it will still be to soon.
For once I'm feeling on the level. No major whoop whoop highs and no real lows either.
Very very grateful to be sober though.
Hope everyone is well and enjoying some peaceful time.
As you can see Andy & I met up and put the world to rights over a cup of joe.
For the benefit of all the November class, I can honestly say he's the most courageous man I've ever met & and I'm sure I have a friend for life there.
I'm bumbling along. still in the process of clearing my life out and quite frankly if I never use a vacuum cleaner again in my life, it will still be to soon.
For once I'm feeling on the level. No major whoop whoop highs and no real lows either.
Very very grateful to be sober though.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 924
I went past the six month sober mark a couple of days ago. Woo-hoo!
For years I've been telling myself not to drink so much, it never really occurred to me that the reason I drank was because I was an alcoholic.
It seems I now have absolute clarity that the only way to lead a full and happy life is through continued and unwavering abstinence. It's possibly the second most important & gratifying thing I've ever done in my life, the first being raising a wonderful family.
Next challenge is a leaving party I'm having, I've been holed up in this house & in the sleepy south west since 03.07.1997 so I've decided to go out with a bang and have a house party.
I've never been to a party sober but I'm looking forward to it. I've hired a silent disco so my neighbours don't get disturbed. Should be a hoot.
And just in case I don't get a chance to post before then....
".....I will not be drinking"
For years I've been telling myself not to drink so much, it never really occurred to me that the reason I drank was because I was an alcoholic.
It seems I now have absolute clarity that the only way to lead a full and happy life is through continued and unwavering abstinence. It's possibly the second most important & gratifying thing I've ever done in my life, the first being raising a wonderful family.
Next challenge is a leaving party I'm having, I've been holed up in this house & in the sleepy south west since 03.07.1997 so I've decided to go out with a bang and have a house party.
I've never been to a party sober but I'm looking forward to it. I've hired a silent disco so my neighbours don't get disturbed. Should be a hoot.
And just in case I don't get a chance to post before then....
".....I will not be drinking"
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
whats a silent disco? Everyone with headphones?
LOL I was being a wiseguy but it looks like I'm right
D
LOL I was being a wiseguy but it looks like I'm right
silent disco
noun
Britishinformal
noun: silent disco; plural noun: silent discos
an event at which people dance to music that is transmitted through wireless headphones rather than played over a speaker system.
"the organizers chose to have a silent disco because it eliminates noise complaints"
noun
Britishinformal
noun: silent disco; plural noun: silent discos
an event at which people dance to music that is transmitted through wireless headphones rather than played over a speaker system.
"the organizers chose to have a silent disco because it eliminates noise complaints"
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 924
You got it Dee!
Trying to be a good neighbour although I believe that in the case of the lady next door it's less about the noise and more about she doesn't like to think other people are enjoying themselves.
I've invited her. She won't come though.
Absolutely love your new signature. I've copied and pasted it to all my friends!
(which is about three people lol)
Trying to be a good neighbour although I believe that in the case of the lady next door it's less about the noise and more about she doesn't like to think other people are enjoying themselves.
I've invited her. She won't come though.
Absolutely love your new signature. I've copied and pasted it to all my friends!
(which is about three people lol)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 924
Was that tumble weed I saw blowing past a moment ago?
Happy sober Monday to all my classmates. I hope everyone is grooving to the tune of a wonderful alcohol free life; isn't it fab!
I signed my contract on Friday so just waiting for my Visa before departing to the other side of the world.
I hear the Aussies like to take a drink now and then?!
Happy sober Monday to all my classmates. I hope everyone is grooving to the tune of a wonderful alcohol free life; isn't it fab!
I signed my contract on Friday so just waiting for my Visa before departing to the other side of the world.
I hear the Aussies like to take a drink now and then?!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 924
Hey guys, thank you so much for the messages of congratulations. They're really appreciated. :-)
So, I'm not quite sure what's happening with me at the moment, it could be the fact summer is almost here, it could be I'm a bit de-mob happy or it could be my brain is healing?
The point being for the first time for a long, long time I've fallen head over heals, rolly-polly style in love. In love with life that is.
I didn't imagine, in my wildest dreams that life without alcohol could be this special. I'm pretty sure that my depression will return at some point but for now I'm just rolling with it, giving gratitude through prayer and trying to be the best person I can be.
I'm also letting go of some of the self-hatred which I've carried with me for as long as I can remember.
So thank you SR, thank you class mates for your companionship and thank you Sage Dee for being a rock and an inspiration to me.
So, I'm not quite sure what's happening with me at the moment, it could be the fact summer is almost here, it could be I'm a bit de-mob happy or it could be my brain is healing?
The point being for the first time for a long, long time I've fallen head over heals, rolly-polly style in love. In love with life that is.
I didn't imagine, in my wildest dreams that life without alcohol could be this special. I'm pretty sure that my depression will return at some point but for now I'm just rolling with it, giving gratitude through prayer and trying to be the best person I can be.
I'm also letting go of some of the self-hatred which I've carried with me for as long as I can remember.
So thank you SR, thank you class mates for your companionship and thank you Sage Dee for being a rock and an inspiration to me.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 678
Hi to everyone that's left out there from the November 2015 group. Today marks 170 days sober for me. Thanks a lot for your unconditional support and just for being there when I needed this place most.
Being sober seems to be just the norm for me now as my past, often reckless, unhealthy lifestyle continues to fade away. I had someone tell me recently that 'you're a shadow of your old self', despite knowing nothing of my sobriety. For me, that was the greatest compliment yet. Looking back I despise the person that alcohol made me and I'm fully committed to never revisiting that person again. Although I don't regret everything from my past and admit that there were truly some fun times, I am proud to be living a life that's real now and wouldn't trade this sober reality for anything.
All the best everyone. Will continue to check in from time to time but otherwise you may find me in some of the more general discussion forums!
Being sober seems to be just the norm for me now as my past, often reckless, unhealthy lifestyle continues to fade away. I had someone tell me recently that 'you're a shadow of your old self', despite knowing nothing of my sobriety. For me, that was the greatest compliment yet. Looking back I despise the person that alcohol made me and I'm fully committed to never revisiting that person again. Although I don't regret everything from my past and admit that there were truly some fun times, I am proud to be living a life that's real now and wouldn't trade this sober reality for anything.
All the best everyone. Will continue to check in from time to time but otherwise you may find me in some of the more general discussion forums!
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