Class of November 2015 Part 11
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
Great job taking that step, LTF. I know that is a big hurdle to overcome (I've been there too), and it will only help 
Loved your last post, RedAndy. I feel so many similar feelings: just grateful and appreciative for the little things in life and and excitement about being alive.
This weekend I was visiting Portland, Oregon for the first time and I went out for a walk at sunset. I was so overwhelmed with the beauty and sensations of everything around me and I realized that I used to think that I had to get drunk to really "feel" those sensations. Like only alcohol could take me to this higher level where I could experience feelings beyond the range I was capable in sobriety. Well, I've definitely experienced a range and depth of feelings and emotions while sober that I never came close to while drunk (especially at the end of my drinking career, when alcohol stopped "working"). It's awesome. I'm sure there will be negative emotions that will come along as well, but I'll be better equipped to handle them when the time comes.
Hope you all are doing well
Loved your last post, RedAndy. I feel so many similar feelings: just grateful and appreciative for the little things in life and and excitement about being alive.
This weekend I was visiting Portland, Oregon for the first time and I went out for a walk at sunset. I was so overwhelmed with the beauty and sensations of everything around me and I realized that I used to think that I had to get drunk to really "feel" those sensations. Like only alcohol could take me to this higher level where I could experience feelings beyond the range I was capable in sobriety. Well, I've definitely experienced a range and depth of feelings and emotions while sober that I never came close to while drunk (especially at the end of my drinking career, when alcohol stopped "working"). It's awesome. I'm sure there will be negative emotions that will come along as well, but I'll be better equipped to handle them when the time comes.
Hope you all are doing well
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Wow. Kim that is it exactly - I'm finding that appreciation of my surroundings even just walking outside from my house to my mums which is a few doors away, breathing in the fresh air - it's an amazing feeling and one that as you say just feels great to be alive - that's how I feel alive and not just plodding through wishing it away just living for the next time I'd be getting on it and off my head.
So pleased to know that others are feeling this and the way I am too - this is way better than any artificial high and those places I was always trying to get to and I truly do mean that - the great thing is this is all so real and how life should be lived.
I sometimes like to have a peek at places that are mentioned - a little read about the town or state to have an appreciation and understanding of where others are talking about, it's a great way to learn also, always loved travel and visiting different places - I am fortunate in the fact I get to travel quite often however the sad thing is that for many years it was always about one thing when in some fantastic places - that's one thing that does excite me for the future though the fact that I can truly find some wonderful places and just appreciate them for what they are rather than just the inside of a bar or the bottom of another glass - as I say that now it just feels so shallow and that I have missed out on some fantastic places due to the need to get wasted - so glad it is a thing of the past.
Have a great day everyone
So pleased to know that others are feeling this and the way I am too - this is way better than any artificial high and those places I was always trying to get to and I truly do mean that - the great thing is this is all so real and how life should be lived.
I sometimes like to have a peek at places that are mentioned - a little read about the town or state to have an appreciation and understanding of where others are talking about, it's a great way to learn also, always loved travel and visiting different places - I am fortunate in the fact I get to travel quite often however the sad thing is that for many years it was always about one thing when in some fantastic places - that's one thing that does excite me for the future though the fact that I can truly find some wonderful places and just appreciate them for what they are rather than just the inside of a bar or the bottom of another glass - as I say that now it just feels so shallow and that I have missed out on some fantastic places due to the need to get wasted - so glad it is a thing of the past.
Have a great day everyone
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 120
No activity in here for awhile. Hope everyone is doing okay! I am also definitely more aware and appreciative of the beauty that is around me. I love how everything is in bloom right now!
I went to the doctor for my depression on Friday and she put me on antidepressants. She recalled that I told her I had a problem with alcohol when I saw her last and that she didn't recommend drinking and taking the antidepressants, but I let her know that I'm six months sober so it wouldn't be a problem. It felt so good to say that! She told me that I should be very proud of myself for making so many positive changes in my life. I'm so grateful for my sobriety right now. I don't want to ever go back to that dark place!
I went to the doctor for my depression on Friday and she put me on antidepressants. She recalled that I told her I had a problem with alcohol when I saw her last and that she didn't recommend drinking and taking the antidepressants, but I let her know that I'm six months sober so it wouldn't be a problem. It felt so good to say that! She told me that I should be very proud of myself for making so many positive changes in my life. I'm so grateful for my sobriety right now. I don't want to ever go back to that dark place!
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
hi guys and girls,
Great news LTF and agree its good to be able to put it out there, I was in a board meeting yesterday and the CEO asked us to all share something that whilst everybody knows each other something that they wouldn't know about you - we've all been together for a good number of years, all started in our 20's and now most of us in our 40's and my antics have been well known for many years - a lot of time not a problem but also plenty of times it has caused issues and people telling me to take it easy, majority having done the lot it in our younger years but only myself making a fool of myself and continuing the party and gathering pace with age.
When it came to my turn I was rather nervous to say the least but decided it was the right time to advise where I was upto and that I was nearly 6 months sober - plenty of comments to say well done and also a couple of messages of support later in the evening / this morning.
I also had a session with a new counsellor last night who I really connected with and was exactly on my wavelength, knew exactly what I was talking about and where I was coming from being 5 years clean and sober himself - we've had a great guy at the same place for couple counselling who has been hugely beneficial and we've taken a lot from and another one I've seen that whilst a nice guy is ex army and to put it bluntly always been a straight head so just couldn't relate to what I was telling him as he had no idea what I was on about - no connection / understanding at all, however this new guy was the one I needed to really lay it bare and help get my head around it all and make this really work long term - I came out feeling that I had met somebody who knew exactly where I was upto and just what I was on about - a relief to say the least.
There is no doubt that I am 100 % seeing the benefits of sobriety and making this work but also know the fact is this is how I have to live my life as there is no other option but I cannot lie in the fact that unlike many I genuinely did enjoy what I was doing and definitely do miss it, massively at times - the party really has stopped and I am trying my best to convince myself and others that it really is how I want to be, I just know it was way out of hand and getting too much of a problem and that it could not continue as the wheels were coming off and it was only going to get worse and worse - I'm doing my level best to get it right and things have improved infinitely in certain areas that I never dreamt possible. I have accepted I cannot drink or use drugs anymore but it doesn't hide the fact that there are times when I would just love to go again even playing the tape through and looking back to where I nearly ended up the last time - that's crazy as I really felt I was going crazy but I need to try to understand how to deal with up and down - fact is discussing this last night has made me realise just how much I am missing the old me whilst realising just how much I do like the new me too - I know I can't have both and this is the only way I can live a genuinely happy life and seeing my family thriving is the best feeling ever but I really need to let go of seeing what I did as fun and enjoyable - but that's what it was ?? I've tried to tell myself it was all bad but it really wasn't - the fact is I really know I can't do it and there's no return as I won't stop and the lot will disappear in a flash.
Great news LTF and agree its good to be able to put it out there, I was in a board meeting yesterday and the CEO asked us to all share something that whilst everybody knows each other something that they wouldn't know about you - we've all been together for a good number of years, all started in our 20's and now most of us in our 40's and my antics have been well known for many years - a lot of time not a problem but also plenty of times it has caused issues and people telling me to take it easy, majority having done the lot it in our younger years but only myself making a fool of myself and continuing the party and gathering pace with age.
When it came to my turn I was rather nervous to say the least but decided it was the right time to advise where I was upto and that I was nearly 6 months sober - plenty of comments to say well done and also a couple of messages of support later in the evening / this morning.
I also had a session with a new counsellor last night who I really connected with and was exactly on my wavelength, knew exactly what I was talking about and where I was coming from being 5 years clean and sober himself - we've had a great guy at the same place for couple counselling who has been hugely beneficial and we've taken a lot from and another one I've seen that whilst a nice guy is ex army and to put it bluntly always been a straight head so just couldn't relate to what I was telling him as he had no idea what I was on about - no connection / understanding at all, however this new guy was the one I needed to really lay it bare and help get my head around it all and make this really work long term - I came out feeling that I had met somebody who knew exactly where I was upto and just what I was on about - a relief to say the least.
There is no doubt that I am 100 % seeing the benefits of sobriety and making this work but also know the fact is this is how I have to live my life as there is no other option but I cannot lie in the fact that unlike many I genuinely did enjoy what I was doing and definitely do miss it, massively at times - the party really has stopped and I am trying my best to convince myself and others that it really is how I want to be, I just know it was way out of hand and getting too much of a problem and that it could not continue as the wheels were coming off and it was only going to get worse and worse - I'm doing my level best to get it right and things have improved infinitely in certain areas that I never dreamt possible. I have accepted I cannot drink or use drugs anymore but it doesn't hide the fact that there are times when I would just love to go again even playing the tape through and looking back to where I nearly ended up the last time - that's crazy as I really felt I was going crazy but I need to try to understand how to deal with up and down - fact is discussing this last night has made me realise just how much I am missing the old me whilst realising just how much I do like the new me too - I know I can't have both and this is the only way I can live a genuinely happy life and seeing my family thriving is the best feeling ever but I really need to let go of seeing what I did as fun and enjoyable - but that's what it was ?? I've tried to tell myself it was all bad but it really wasn't - the fact is I really know I can't do it and there's no return as I won't stop and the lot will disappear in a flash.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
To be honest Dee that's the biggest problem - yes there were blackouts / yes there were many times where I really messed up and caused problems for myself / my family etc / yes I did go too far virtually everytime I got started - yes the amount I was consuming was way out of hand but I never suffered hangovers - I just got up, that's if there was any shut eye and went again or wound it up on a sunday got my head down for 16 hours after no sleep for a couple of days up and off I went to work on a Monday - I know that's not right and I know it couldn't continue or be repeated but I do genuinely miss being out with the lads and having fun, the nightlife / the bars / the laughs etc, I was asked last night what my hobbies were and you know what my honest answer was - drink and drugs - that's the truth that's all I've ever really enjoyed - sad as it is to say it's the truth and I know its upto me to find other things and actually do them instead of talking about them, guess it was so easy to just sit back and crack a beer open or skin up - it didn't take much effort to get away and out of it and to where I wanted to be - I've had that for the whole of my adult life and i genuinely did enjoy it - I just went too far and now i really am struggling even with the good times to let the past and what i have always known and loved go - trying hard to replace it and do the good things and be this new person but I really do at times just want to say you know what I really do want to get out of it again.
I'm home alone again this weekend - will get myself to a meeting or two and meeting up with a friend for coffee - it just feels all so slow - I've always liked, no loved the fast pace of the party scene - I know I can't return to it and that is when it all starts feeling like it is closing in and I'm just completely trapped - I've had a couple of really good weeks but right now can feel it building again and need to put a stop to it before it gets a grip.
I'm home alone again this weekend - will get myself to a meeting or two and meeting up with a friend for coffee - it just feels all so slow - I've always liked, no loved the fast pace of the party scene - I know I can't return to it and that is when it all starts feeling like it is closing in and I'm just completely trapped - I've had a couple of really good weeks but right now can feel it building again and need to put a stop to it before it gets a grip.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
To add to that I'm not waiting until weekend for a meeting will make sure I go to one tonight - all of a sudden in my head there I had the thought I'm alone this weekend - who will know - that is not happening but the fact I'm even thinking it is worrying me.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 933
There's some really powerful posts on this page!
Well done everyone
Three little words can some up my last couple of weeks.
Joie de vivre.
Love and peace and sobriety to everyone.
And no I haven't been smoking, but it turns out all the lodgers I've got in to look after the house are off-the-scale-hippies. Their happiness and soulfulness is becoming so infectious.
There's a long way still to go but man I wish I'd tried this sobriety gig years ago. It's the best drug in the world by a long way.
:-)
Well done everyone
Three little words can some up my last couple of weeks.
Joie de vivre.
Love and peace and sobriety to everyone.
And no I haven't been smoking, but it turns out all the lodgers I've got in to look after the house are off-the-scale-hippies. Their happiness and soulfulness is becoming so infectious.
There's a long way still to go but man I wish I'd tried this sobriety gig years ago. It's the best drug in the world by a long way.
:-)
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 933
Originally Posted by RedAndy 
To add to that I'm not waiting until weekend for a meeting will make sure I go to one tonight - all of a sudden in my head there I had the thought I'm alone this weekend - who will know - that is not happening but the fact I'm even thinking it is worrying me.
I'll know!!!
:-)
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Ha ha that was already mentioned as meeting up for coffee in my previous post - it's after that I'm on me jack jones !!
Crazy how quickly after being so on top of it the past couple of weeks that takes a grip of my thinking.
Crazy how quickly after being so on top of it the past couple of weeks that takes a grip of my thinking.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 933
Originally Posted by tufty13
And no I haven't been smoking, but it turns out all the lodgers I've got in to look after the house are off-the-scale-hippies. Their happiness and soulfulness is becoming so infectious.
:-)
I do miss my bacon sarnies, I'll probably evict them all.
My house, my menu.
(*really hoping you guys have got accustomed to my idea of humour*)
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
Hi RedAndy, thank you for sharing what you're going through. Recovery isn't easy - there are good parts; as you described getting to tell your coworkers you have almost six months of sobriety, but there are rough parts as well. Sometimes I miss the reasons I drank. For me it was to check out; it was my escape. No more alcohol means no more escape. That can be hard sometimes. But I've made up my mind that I can't go back to the life I had before because I hated myself in that life. It's not a life worth living.
It sounds like you're in the "grieving" process. Do you talk to your counselor about it? I think it's great that he's a sober alcoholic as well.
I see hope and opportunity in your sober life, RedAndy. I don't think you will have those things in your drunk life. You will have genuine happiness in your sober life, but merely a drunk "high" in your drunk life. And don't forget, alcoholism is progressive, so even if you "went back out," you might not get the same fun you used to have. Alcohol: cunning, baffling and powerful. Don't overthink this Andy!
Those are my two cents
It sounds like you're in the "grieving" process. Do you talk to your counselor about it? I think it's great that he's a sober alcoholic as well.
I see hope and opportunity in your sober life, RedAndy. I don't think you will have those things in your drunk life. You will have genuine happiness in your sober life, but merely a drunk "high" in your drunk life. And don't forget, alcoholism is progressive, so even if you "went back out," you might not get the same fun you used to have. Alcohol: cunning, baffling and powerful. Don't overthink this Andy!
Those are my two cents
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 123
Hello all,
Well, I'm still going. Had to check and it's day 103.
I'm sorry I've not been posting. To be honest, isolating and being on the internet too much didn't help as it was something I used to do when I drank. Being sober, I am trying to do active things rather than reading online etc.
I just wanted to let you all know I am well and thinking of you.
We can do this. One day at a time.
Well, I'm still going. Had to check and it's day 103.
I'm sorry I've not been posting. To be honest, isolating and being on the internet too much didn't help as it was something I used to do when I drank. Being sober, I am trying to do active things rather than reading online etc.
I just wanted to let you all know I am well and thinking of you.
We can do this. One day at a time.
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