Class of December 2015 Pt 5
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It's nice to be back in my own home today. I'm so glad I didn't make Easter travel plans.
Nice going on sending that email, sleepie. You can just keep working down the list. Please don't give up if people don't answer. You know it's not personal. It's a combination of bad manners, being "too busy", thinking they'll get to it later which never comes, etc.
Giving a shout out to Tick. If you're lurking on this new thread
, please lurk away, post if you want to, whatever helps. We're here for you. I'm very sorry to hear about the problems you're facing, especially about your wife's health. But none of it would be made better by drinking - which I know you know but it's worth repeating!
I was thinking about my associate / client who was surprised I had stopped drinking. It's eye-opening that he didn't realise I had a serious problem. He even mentioned that line: "But it's not like you were drinking every night." Hmmm. I worked closely with him for over 2 years on a project. In that team, we all socialised a lot and went out drinking hard many a night. There must have been mornings I showed up to meetings with the stink of booze emanating from my pores. I can only think that there's a sort of selective blindness, that people see what they want to see, and that so long as someone is not stumbling around slurring their words with their trousers around their ankles, one doesn't think of them as alcoholics. I'm glad my AV did not react to his surprised reaction by suggesting I wasn't that bad. If anything I'm grateful that my problem went relatively unnoticed - at least professionally.
Have a good break those of you on holidays today. I've packed the schedule with gym and yoga and then this evening and tomorrow I need to sit still and organise thoughts around the meetings from last two days and the move back to Oz.
Nice going on sending that email, sleepie. You can just keep working down the list. Please don't give up if people don't answer. You know it's not personal. It's a combination of bad manners, being "too busy", thinking they'll get to it later which never comes, etc.
Giving a shout out to Tick. If you're lurking on this new thread
, please lurk away, post if you want to, whatever helps. We're here for you. I'm very sorry to hear about the problems you're facing, especially about your wife's health. But none of it would be made better by drinking - which I know you know but it's worth repeating! I was thinking about my associate / client who was surprised I had stopped drinking. It's eye-opening that he didn't realise I had a serious problem. He even mentioned that line: "But it's not like you were drinking every night." Hmmm. I worked closely with him for over 2 years on a project. In that team, we all socialised a lot and went out drinking hard many a night. There must have been mornings I showed up to meetings with the stink of booze emanating from my pores. I can only think that there's a sort of selective blindness, that people see what they want to see, and that so long as someone is not stumbling around slurring their words with their trousers around their ankles, one doesn't think of them as alcoholics. I'm glad my AV did not react to his surprised reaction by suggesting I wasn't that bad. If anything I'm grateful that my problem went relatively unnoticed - at least professionally.
Have a good break those of you on holidays today. I've packed the schedule with gym and yoga and then this evening and tomorrow I need to sit still and organise thoughts around the meetings from last two days and the move back to Oz.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
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Are you looking forward to returning to Australia MissP?
Good to hear you made no Easter travel plans and really don't know how you maintain your schedule it is frenetic lol. And I thought I had stamina.
Interesting your comment on "selective blindness".
People don't want to see lest they see themselves, or the notion of the alcoholic still taboo and frightening, not to be discussed in public.
I think people are afraid of "alcoholism". Still behind closed doors or office walls and that's sad. Loud and proud I say.
When do you expect to return to Australia and will it mean less travel?
Come back to the fold, the weather's great though cooling. It's sweet.
Good to hear from you and hi to all.
Good to hear you made no Easter travel plans and really don't know how you maintain your schedule it is frenetic lol. And I thought I had stamina.
Interesting your comment on "selective blindness".
People don't want to see lest they see themselves, or the notion of the alcoholic still taboo and frightening, not to be discussed in public.
I think people are afraid of "alcoholism". Still behind closed doors or office walls and that's sad. Loud and proud I say.
When do you expect to return to Australia and will it mean less travel?
Come back to the fold, the weather's great though cooling. It's sweet.
Good to hear from you and hi to all.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Well, it's a beautiful day here! The sun is shining for the first time in ages...
I have lunch planned with friends at a restaurant by the beach, so it should be positively stunning. Then later my football team is playing their first match of the season, so I'll be glued to the telly. Used to be I'd drink and watch the footy, so it'll be a change to see it sober ... I reckon I'll remember a lot more of the game!
Steely, I move back to Australia in 3 months' time. I'm looking forward to it for sure. The better weather, the lifestyle, being close to my family ... it's going to be good for the soul. But I sure hope it doesn't mean giving up travel. I plan to travel back to Asia at least once a quarter for work. I love travelling. I have my set routines and the way I like things. I was afraid that stopping drinking would dim my enthusiasm for being on the road, but it hasn't. In fact, it's given me more energy for it.
I feel amazing today. I am sure I have some degree of seasonal affective disorder. When the sun is out, especially after days or weeks or poor weather, I almost feel a sort of mania.
Hope everyone is well!
I have lunch planned with friends at a restaurant by the beach, so it should be positively stunning. Then later my football team is playing their first match of the season, so I'll be glued to the telly. Used to be I'd drink and watch the footy, so it'll be a change to see it sober ... I reckon I'll remember a lot more of the game!
Steely, I move back to Australia in 3 months' time. I'm looking forward to it for sure. The better weather, the lifestyle, being close to my family ... it's going to be good for the soul. But I sure hope it doesn't mean giving up travel. I plan to travel back to Asia at least once a quarter for work. I love travelling. I have my set routines and the way I like things. I was afraid that stopping drinking would dim my enthusiasm for being on the road, but it hasn't. In fact, it's given me more energy for it.
I feel amazing today. I am sure I have some degree of seasonal affective disorder. When the sun is out, especially after days or weeks or poor weather, I almost feel a sort of mania.
Hope everyone is well!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
hi all.
Whew I am drained. I emailed a couple people yesterday and today heard back from one, and am in the process of scheduling a day to meet with this neuropsychologist.
it got overwhelming. I believe I need to do this but am so afraid for myself.
I am going to have to ask the doctor, if I go ahead with the tests, what do I do to handle any bad news since I have no support or family or anything.
this is all very hard to be alone with.
Whew I am drained. I emailed a couple people yesterday and today heard back from one, and am in the process of scheduling a day to meet with this neuropsychologist.
it got overwhelming. I believe I need to do this but am so afraid for myself.
I am going to have to ask the doctor, if I go ahead with the tests, what do I do to handle any bad news since I have no support or family or anything.
this is all very hard to be alone with.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,547
..........repeat after yourself sleepie, "I need to go see the neuropsychologist".
Great news that someone has gotten back to you.
I know you are scared of the unknown but I reckon unknowingness is even worse.
And you'll still be the same person after the assessment only better equipped.
I get the impression that you want it done.
Great news that someone has gotten back to you.
I know you are scared of the unknown but I reckon unknowingness is even worse.
And you'll still be the same person after the assessment only better equipped.
I get the impression that you want it done.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Maybe. It's just a very heavy load and I really need to be prepared, I'll need support and I don't have any. i am just trying to do this right and take care while I do. I mean nobody ever has. I don't want anything bad to happen to me mentally. i hope I don't get in trouble for saying so but when I discovered this on my own years back, it was like the last straw of what I could take in life, I couldn't handle being ld on top of everything else and long story short I ended up in the hospital.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
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Happy Easter, friends. Whatever your beliefs, today symbolises hope and renewal. I believe we are all in the process of being recreated this Easter.
sleepie, you have shown courage already by contacting the neuropsychologist, on top of all the other positive things you have done and are doing to change your circumstances.
You clearly have reservoirs of inner strength that you are drawing upon - they will serve you as you continue. You can only take things one step at a time: make the appointment, get the tests, get the results, and deal with the implications of the results. As you take each step, focus on that step and have faith that you will have have the strength to deal with the rest.
Peace, sleepie, and everyone else today. Have a great Easter.
sleepie, you have shown courage already by contacting the neuropsychologist, on top of all the other positive things you have done and are doing to change your circumstances.
You clearly have reservoirs of inner strength that you are drawing upon - they will serve you as you continue. You can only take things one step at a time: make the appointment, get the tests, get the results, and deal with the implications of the results. As you take each step, focus on that step and have faith that you will have have the strength to deal with the rest.
Peace, sleepie, and everyone else today. Have a great Easter.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,547
Lunch with your friends by the beach sounds like a good day MissP. Hope you enjoyed it. What's the surf like there? Is there a surf?
Can't say I'm much of a football fan, it all became a bit macho for me but hope your teams wins and even better that you'll remember the score.
I do like soccer but the FIFA scandal put paid to that as have most of the drugs in sport disappointments. At least when we drank our performance was reduced they (and their managers) go for the improved performance.
Three months is not far off, the same amount of time we have been sober. You'll come back with 6 months up and I know it's not the counting. It is so very good and Australia (bias) will be good for your soul.
Returning to Asia each Quarter sounds great. You seemed to be either on a plane or preparing to board in a lot of your posts maybe they were domestic flights?
Travel is great but have reduced my own travel plans to travelling Australia, we have so much here that I have never seen. Some of the beaches do not even have a name. Bliss.
Not ready for it yet as the thought of me sitting in an outback pub doesn't have a really good look.........yet.
Glad you are feeling as well as you do and I've had those semi-manic feelings too.
I don't have bi-polar just garden variety alcoholism with depression and anxiety. My psychiatrist pinned me with PTSD saying that he had to call it something for the books. He reckons I'm sane, but he's a psychiatrist. He really is a good man.
I don't think he's made a penny out of me.
Feeling a bit glum here today and have done very little, must be the Sunday blues.
My friend is coming down this evening and we always manage a laugh whatever the circumstance.
Good thing is that no matter how glum, I am sober and that makes me very happy.
Hope everyone is travelling well and will be glad when all the eggs have been found.
Can't say I'm much of a football fan, it all became a bit macho for me but hope your teams wins and even better that you'll remember the score.
I do like soccer but the FIFA scandal put paid to that as have most of the drugs in sport disappointments. At least when we drank our performance was reduced they (and their managers) go for the improved performance.
Three months is not far off, the same amount of time we have been sober. You'll come back with 6 months up and I know it's not the counting. It is so very good and Australia (bias) will be good for your soul.
Returning to Asia each Quarter sounds great. You seemed to be either on a plane or preparing to board in a lot of your posts maybe they were domestic flights?
Travel is great but have reduced my own travel plans to travelling Australia, we have so much here that I have never seen. Some of the beaches do not even have a name. Bliss.
Not ready for it yet as the thought of me sitting in an outback pub doesn't have a really good look.........yet.
Glad you are feeling as well as you do and I've had those semi-manic feelings too.
I don't have bi-polar just garden variety alcoholism with depression and anxiety. My psychiatrist pinned me with PTSD saying that he had to call it something for the books. He reckons I'm sane, but he's a psychiatrist. He really is a good man.
I don't think he's made a penny out of me.
Feeling a bit glum here today and have done very little, must be the Sunday blues.
My friend is coming down this evening and we always manage a laugh whatever the circumstance.
Good thing is that no matter how glum, I am sober and that makes me very happy.
Hope everyone is travelling well and will be glad when all the eggs have been found.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Thanks MissP. I am trying. I did get out to see some friends today and that did make me feel better, despite being in the closet about this dirty little secret I carry with me. And nobody knows I quit my job either. I also quit last year a job I had and the one before that. So... I don't want anyone catching on what a loser I appear to be.
Everyone was drinking and I had zero desire. It is fun to watch others though. It does not bother me at all. I get to see all the phases and types. Chatty, argue-y, sleepy, silly, pontificate-y, friendly and happy. Little Ms. Sober and the drunken dwarves.
I dragged myself out of bed, showered, wore something that wasn't a baggy pair of pants and a tee shirt for once and even put on a little scent and jewelry, these arty one of a kind pieces I have that are handmade. So it felt nice to just pretend I was "normal" for awhile. And I wore all black which I used to do most every day and it made me feel good.
I have a really cute and abnormally for me, "femmie", flowered shirt dress thing to wear to dinner tomorrow. It's an unusual piece and very atypical from my usual tee shirts... you know I'll be wearing my combat boots with it though.
Hi Steely Sorry to hear you have the blues, I hope you will have fun with your friend. Now someone on "Whiners" mentioned it but I admit I too am tickled by your Aussie slang. I am quite fond of it.
Everyone was drinking and I had zero desire. It is fun to watch others though. It does not bother me at all. I get to see all the phases and types. Chatty, argue-y, sleepy, silly, pontificate-y, friendly and happy. Little Ms. Sober and the drunken dwarves.
I dragged myself out of bed, showered, wore something that wasn't a baggy pair of pants and a tee shirt for once and even put on a little scent and jewelry, these arty one of a kind pieces I have that are handmade. So it felt nice to just pretend I was "normal" for awhile. And I wore all black which I used to do most every day and it made me feel good.
I have a really cute and abnormally for me, "femmie", flowered shirt dress thing to wear to dinner tomorrow. It's an unusual piece and very atypical from my usual tee shirts... you know I'll be wearing my combat boots with it though.
Hi Steely
Sorry to hear you have the blues, I hope you will have fun with your friend. Now someone on "Whiners" mentioned it but I admit I too am tickled by your Aussie slang. I am quite fond of it.
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Join Date: Dec 2015
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You wouldn't get in trouble for saying you ended up in hospital sleepie, I've ended up in hospital too, so have many others.
MissP pretty much laid it out sleepie, and you do have reservoirs of strength but the choice is yours to make just as it should be.
From my own experience not knowing is so much the worse. My mind can go to some wild places if I give it rein. I start to make things up as I go along, and I like the evidenced based.
It is one step at a time sleepie. You have made the first step by e-mailing,
What sort of supports do you need to help you keep the appointment? Would your boyfriend be any help there? Is it the thought of having your self diagnosis confirmed that troubles you? If so, nothing will have changed if you proceed and you can carry on as before, and you might get a few good tips and contacts in the process.
Hope you decide wisely.
MissP pretty much laid it out sleepie, and you do have reservoirs of strength but the choice is yours to make just as it should be.
From my own experience not knowing is so much the worse. My mind can go to some wild places if I give it rein. I start to make things up as I go along, and I like the evidenced based.
It is one step at a time sleepie. You have made the first step by e-mailing,
What sort of supports do you need to help you keep the appointment? Would your boyfriend be any help there? Is it the thought of having your self diagnosis confirmed that troubles you? If so, nothing will have changed if you proceed and you can carry on as before, and you might get a few good tips and contacts in the process.
Hope you decide wisely.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Oh, it's all set for next week. I have an appointment to meet with a neuro dr. who I will speak with before I decide to do any testing. I plan to bring some things and see what he thinks. My boyfriend is going with. I am a little bothered at the thought of an official diagnosis, it would be kind of a relief but also an awful thing to have confirmed. I mean it's not like life has been too kind to me so far.
I hope most of all that this guy will at least approach with compassion but not be condescending. I have been pretty damaged by therapists who were careless with their choice of words in the past. I need to write down a few things to remember before I go as well.
What I am trying so hard to remind myself is that even though I may be damaged, I never made that choice. And despite that, I am fairly decent in writing skills (fair, not great) and that possibly this can help me and I do have a small amount of talent in drawing. Small but maybe this can figure into something... I don't know, I hope I am not just desperately grasping at straws here.
Also, this is another step in my great plan I devised so long ago, step one get sober and off benzos- huge step.
Step 2, get to the truth of the matter regarding this learning disorder and neuro situation.
I hope most of all that this guy will at least approach with compassion but not be condescending. I have been pretty damaged by therapists who were careless with their choice of words in the past. I need to write down a few things to remember before I go as well.
What I am trying so hard to remind myself is that even though I may be damaged, I never made that choice. And despite that, I am fairly decent in writing skills (fair, not great) and that possibly this can help me and I do have a small amount of talent in drawing. Small but maybe this can figure into something... I don't know, I hope I am not just desperately grasping at straws here.
Also, this is another step in my great plan I devised so long ago, step one get sober and off benzos- huge step.
Step 2, get to the truth of the matter regarding this learning disorder and neuro situation.
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