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Class of August 2014 Part 22

Old 05-03-2016, 04:25 PM
  # 121 (permalink)  
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Greetings,

I think I need to stop reading the April, 2016 thread; it has me thinking I am not an alcoholic......


Conversation with myself..........

You have not had a drink since you joined SR, you can't be an alcoholic.
Many people keep joining month after month and are still drinking.

Hey, you tried quitting 1000+ times on your own before finding SR, maybe they just haven't found the right venue to quit.

But, am I an alcoholic?

YES, you are!!

Well, it really doesn't matter if I am or not, because if I am not, I was certainly headed that way!

OF COURSE YOU ARE ! ! ! 1000+ DAY ONES ! ! !

It doesn't really matter, one way or the other, I know I will never drink again. I definitely had a drinking problem, and do not want to go back to that.

A DRINKING PROBLEM????? You drank while driving! You lost friends, mostly from canceling plans at the last minute! You said, emailed, texted rotten things! You missed many Saturdays in bed. You spent nights with crazy thoughts, pounding heart, weird songs going through your head, shivering, debating whether to vomit......

Oh, I am so happy I am through with that......every now and then I need a reminder.






Anyone else argue with yourself like that???
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Old 05-03-2016, 04:27 PM
  # 122 (permalink)  
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not anymore SB. but for many years yes

D
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Old 05-03-2016, 05:52 PM
  # 123 (permalink)  
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Scooter, hell yes I do. But thank god my other voice has gotten stronger and shuts it down as insane AV talk. I just spent two days in airports and hotels. Those thoughts came, but then they went too. Good job my friend.
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Old 05-03-2016, 07:18 PM
  # 124 (permalink)  
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Scooter, I think we've all experienced that the bad memories fade the further along we get on the journey. At the same time we are making new, happy memories alcohol free.

I imagine this is what tempts many to "try again". On a stricly logical level we recognize that the risk/return ratio is way off. There's no reason to risk who one has become- and fall back into destructive Habbits, in hopes of drinking normally.

Yet, many decisions are made emotionally and there are plenty of posts about people who decided to give alcohol another go-- and are now struggling to regain what they had.

We don't need to define who we were to define who we are.

Great job handling and managing your thoughts
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Old 05-04-2016, 01:09 AM
  # 125 (permalink)  
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Scooter you nailed it. Yes I do have that conversation and that is why I check into no other newer thread. It doesn't help me to. It makes me think I'm recovered. I'm not, I'm Recovering! I think it's great that you turned this on its head, realised the av is full of crap and have firmly kicked it out the back door and bolted the door behind it, we'll done! Thank you for your message, you are a kind soul and I love you!

London, we had hail here yesterday! What the heck is going on this side of the Pond? Hail, and my magnolia tree in full bloom, and starling hatching in my attic, and then hail! What?! Hope you are well and that work is going smoothly, tell me about your next vacation, make me jealous and excited at the same Time! X

Ultra how's the running coming along my friend. Every time I do any exercise thee is a little voice in my head saying 'run further'. I think of it as you encouraging me along in sprirt! X

Grateful so sorry to hear you've had a tough time, hope you're pulling through. Put all your energy into being kind to yourself and making sure that you are ok, thinking of you and sending all the love in the world xxx

Determind thankyou for checking in. How you doing my friend? What sensational plans do you have for the upcoming summer mo the? Inspire me to do something crazy, you make life sound good fun over there! I need a good quote today, something about strength!

1Step, you out there mate? Hope you're well, thinking of you!
Dry, chris, same to you too guys, hope life is fantastic xxx

Dee, thanks for being the glue that's sticks us together, and picking us up when we stumble xxxx

Me? I've had a dark spell with the black cloak of depression, mixed with ad lot of other bad stuff and I needed to curl up and look and deter ,y self. Today I look out my window, I hear the baby starling chirrup, I see the squirrel stealing the nuts on the bird table, and I have a steaming coffee to hand. My cat is on my lap and my case is packed for my holiday and I have a cinnamon candle flickering gently next to me. Today is the first day in a long time I have felt peace in my heart, and this feels wonderful. K am so grateful for this feeling today. Thank you to whoever had the power to give me this feeling today!

I need a break, I will be away for a week, i fly in the morning so if you do not hear from me do not think I've gone crackers, I will be relaxing and rejuvenating. But it will be a challenge too, as it's an all inclusive resort. I don't know if you remember ant the start I had an anti inclusive booked, but then changed it anti inclusive was too frightened of the temptation back in 2014. Well, now I feel strong enough to order a virgin colada! So although I don't always feel like it, the proof is in ye pudding ad they say, I have progressed. Relentless forwad PROGRESS!

Thank you all for your support
#nosausages ?de0a
Love you xxxx
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Old 05-04-2016, 03:01 AM
  # 126 (permalink)  
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Happy hump day kids!

First presentation in the bag. Next big one tomorrow. To build on the AV conversation, I did have the "maybe I could" thoughts enter my head. Then played the tape, what would it have done except disappoint, waste time and cause massive regret and depression. I sat in restaurants making presentation notes instead of completely wasting time drinking while kidding my self that my presentations would be "fine" and I would prepare "later"

There is too much fun to be had and accomplishments to check off to put life on pause again. Don't believe the lies kids, we are dong what we set out to do. Sometimes, well often times, I just do something completely silly stupid just because I can. It somehow helps keep the AV away, realizing I don't need a crutch to be a nut or jackass. Try whatever your version of that is. It helps.

Pink, here's a few for you.

"Strength is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear."

And

"My courage is loud and wears heavy boots." Henry Rollins. I remembered you liked that one.

Get out there and make some freakin noise up in this joint today!
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Old 05-04-2016, 05:01 AM
  # 127 (permalink)  
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I'm easing into running again Pink. My six month training plan for my next 50k starts soon. I'm trying to get more used to the treadmill for rainy days.

We're at a different stage of the sobriety journey now. Let's keep in mind a few things from the start of our final day 1:

While we're not going through the trials of being new to this-- we were.

While we are no longer at the stage of the 'novelty' wearing off and really having to embrace the choice-- we were.

While 'forever' is no longer angst provoking-- it was.

While we're not watching Team members struggle to string a few days together-- we have.

While we're not watching Teammates disappear, we have.

While we're no longer putting in as much energy into 'not drinking' as we did into drinking-- we did.

Those remaining on our Team have weathered the early storms and are resolutely marching forward.

Reflecting on what brought us to the journey- and what we overcame in the first part of the journey can be useful in keeping us steadfastly moving forward.

But ultimately the present journey, and the one to follow will, is where the treasure lies.

Trying again to drink responsibly carries with it the risk of loosing who we are and what we've accomplished- and ultimately re-experiencing all that the newer classes are encountering now.

Let's recognize and be proud of the tremendous effort that we've put into this and send some positive thoughts to those at a different stage.
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Old 05-04-2016, 09:09 AM
  # 128 (permalink)  
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Great post, Ultra! I don't think we need to define who we were to define who we are. That's a powerful statement of relentless forward progress.

For me, my memory of the horror of the drinking years is most vivid in my very wrong thought that I was somehow "healed", and I could moderate after 5 years of sobriety. I quickly returned to all of my old habits and failings. It wasn't long before I was trying to climb my way out of a deep pit again.

I've come to expect that I have drinking thoughts in both spring and fall. It turns out though, that every time I really think it through, I come to a place where I'm thankful for sobriety in general. Every drink I see in another's hands makes me feel grateful that it's not in my own.

I apologize for my absence! I missed you all, and I'm glad to see you are all doing well, even if there are ups and downs. I'm thankful that I can share them with you, or rather that you share them with me!

Shortly after my last post, I went through quite a pre-employment evaluation and accepted a new job. It's been kind of a rough ride the past month, but it's all for the best, and I think I'm at the beginning, rather then at the end of another period of growth.

Scooter, I'm glad you made it home! I hope spring is arriving in your neck of the woods! It's been cold here (of course), but the grass is now green and suddenly everything is in bloom! And I look like I've been punched in the face and pretty much covered in hives. I should have anticipated that living next to a large botanical garden might require extra allergy medication! Ha.

Dry, congrats and congrats! You've got some wonderful things coming your way!

Determined, thanks for being such a great, positive role model for us!

Pink, you hope you are relaxing and rejuvenating! You have progressed! And you are wonderful, even if you don't feel like it every day.

Hi London! Glad your team won!!

Grateful, I'm so glad to hear from you! Spend some time here with us-we welcome you with open arms! I'm sorry about your friend.

Love to you all!
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Old 05-04-2016, 10:08 PM
  # 129 (permalink)  
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Choobie, my love, thank you, hope you are well my friend xxx
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Old 05-04-2016, 10:08 PM
  # 130 (permalink)  
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Right folks at rhe airport see you next Friday stay cool. Love you guys x
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Old 05-06-2016, 12:38 AM
  # 131 (permalink)  
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Hey guys

Yey! It's Friday 😀

I love the posts the last couple of days. A lot of really good thoughts.

I don't know whether my AA helps with reading the old threads but I try and look for similar patterns to me in my early days and spot the similarities. That said, my head will often argue with me about whether I could have "one drink" and I can shut this down quickly.

I can't believe you had hail Pink! It's been amazing weather all week in London with no clouds. Have a great holiday and relax 😀

Hoping everyone else is good and have a great Friday people
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Old 05-06-2016, 03:20 PM
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Greetings,

Choobie, great to hear from you. I think the fact that you were sober for 5+ years, thought you were okay, and went right back to where you had been, is the perfect reminder for us all as we get more sure of our sobriety. How is your new home working out? hmmm - allergies vs. sports stadium???

No sign of Spring around here; my heat is on and my footwear of necessity is high rubber boots with two pairs of thick socks. I keep reminding myself that we had a mild winter, and I had a crazy month - first in Florida, then driving up the coast. Summer will come to the Cape at some point, it always does.

Pink, your last posts sounded so, so much better than the previous one. I love the way you rallied! This vacation will help you, too. Enjoy!!! I am glad my pm helped.

Determined and London, I think we all argue with ourselves about whether we could......I would not dare try; this sobriety is too precious to me after 1000+ false starts. But, I still wonder if I could.......and, I will never know because I assume what happened to Choobie would happen to any and all of us if we decided to try.

Ultra, my friend Bob and I are going to go to Yankee Stadium for the Red Sox games in July. I am a bit nervous, and we will not wear anything with Red Sox or Patriots gear - hell, I might buy two Yankee shirts so we are not bothered!

Before I decided to stop reading other threads, I read posts from our old members Maximus, 1Step and AppleKat. I am relieved they are all still trying, and I hope everyone else is, too.

Take care, my friends.
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Old 05-07-2016, 03:48 AM
  # 133 (permalink)  
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Good morning and happy Saturday peeps!

Great posts guys, fantastic insight. Great to see you choobie!

Pink, enjoy some well earned time off my friend.

Have a lovely weekend gang, any plans?

"We are what we repeatedly do." Aristotle
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Old 05-07-2016, 10:34 AM
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Hi guys

Happy weekend

Had a nice relaxing day and spent some time in the sun. It's been lovely in London. A good feeling in the air after our mayor election too.

Just relaxing at home and watching football as my team get the English Premier League trophy presented today 😀

Wishing you guys a lovely weekend
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Old 05-08-2016, 02:40 AM
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Hello guys

Time for a Sunday check in

Today I am in home office mode - working on my laptop to catch up and get ahead. I'll be able to take a day off at some point to make up for it. The weather is lovely here today and luckily my wifi works on my apartment balcony which is great!

Wishing you all a lovely Sunday no matter what you will be doing
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Old 05-08-2016, 03:54 AM
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Good morning,

I am on my way out to walk the beach-it is still cold and raw here, more like early March than May.

After having all new windows put in two weeks ago, I have decided to start redoing room by room.

Have a great day, and Happy Mothers' Day.
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Old 05-08-2016, 07:38 AM
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Going out for lunch with the family to celebrate Mother's Day, then doing homework for the rest of the day. I start my new job tomorrow, and I'm planning to be massively successful! I've reorganized my closet and have everything ready to go in preparation for some busy weeks ahead.

Spent the day yesterday working on landscaping. We are creating a meditation area next to the pond we live on. Other than not being able to see through my puffy eyes, our new home is a very relaxing and peaceful place. Much better than living next to a sports arena! However, my daughter can't think of a more exciting place to live than next to a sports arena, so she's now living in our old home as a renter. It's been hectic trying to get everything settled, with school and interviews, but I'm hoping to get back to being focused.

Love to you all!
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Old 05-08-2016, 07:41 AM
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Oh a happy Mothers Day friends!

I forget the UK one is a different Sunday
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Old 05-08-2016, 03:08 PM
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Happy Mother's Day moms!

Great day, parents just left and I just collapsed on the chair!

Good luck on the job choobie! Awesome!
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Old 05-09-2016, 12:08 AM
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Good morning everyone

A very happy Monday to all of you

It's another bright and sunny day in the UK - like summer has come early. On my way to work and feeling quite content because of the extra work I have put in. I will get the balance back!

Have a great day all 😀
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