Class of October 2015 Part 6
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 506
Hi!!! It's so good to be back : ) It has been crazy and I haven't been able to check in, but I am still sober. Yesterday I didn't think I was going to end my day sober. I was so so stressed out, and I told myself when you get this done, you can drink. I went so far as to plan out my post here after I drank. Yeah, I was really close. But I did not do it!! It's a miracle I didn't. I told myself griz, if you don't drink after a day like this, you don't need to drink over anything. This whole weekend, I was running between two houses, dealing with deadlines, sleep deprived, hungry, dehaydrated, and thinking I was either going to cry or drink. I didn't do either one : ) the really weird thing is I woke up today feeling like I had a hangover. I'm like oh my God, just thinking about drinking gives me a hangover! Ugh!! I would have been so sorry to have drank over my stress this weekend. I can handle anything sober.
So I caught up on the posts. Juno, great job getting through friday!! That sounded like a really difficult day. I enjoyed Everest too. It was disturbing to me that that's what those people went through, but I did like the movie.
Winslow, no rain for us this weekend! Thank goodness because I still have some of my household belongings in the yard...
Great to hear from you Midton!!
Sydneyman, I'm sorry your trip didn't go as well as you hoped it would. But great job for getting right back to being sober!!
So I caught up on the posts. Juno, great job getting through friday!! That sounded like a really difficult day. I enjoyed Everest too. It was disturbing to me that that's what those people went through, but I did like the movie.
Winslow, no rain for us this weekend! Thank goodness because I still have some of my household belongings in the yard...
Great to hear from you Midton!!
Sydneyman, I'm sorry your trip didn't go as well as you hoped it would. But great job for getting right back to being sober!!
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,292
I remember after reading the book on Everest going onto YouTube and watching every related documentary I could. We are all just wired differently and, much as I'd like to visit that area, I'd never consciously put myself in such danger.
I'm feeling much better today. Just back from the gym and working around my, now chronic, elbow pain. Had a healthy lunch and have an easy word day ahead befor being off for three days. Weather is also pretty nice.
Grier, I was slightly worried reading how you were almost tempted, even to the point of planning a post. That worries me as I can get the months sober, then the false confidence come into play and I drink.
Juno , you seem to be chugging along nicely. I've always had confidence in you. You keep bouncing back and quickly to. Your posts clearly show how much you really want this.
Syd and Winslow (and me) we've done it before and we can do it again, only this time better.
I'm feeling much better today. Just back from the gym and working around my, now chronic, elbow pain. Had a healthy lunch and have an easy word day ahead befor being off for three days. Weather is also pretty nice.
Grier, I was slightly worried reading how you were almost tempted, even to the point of planning a post. That worries me as I can get the months sober, then the false confidence come into play and I drink.
Juno , you seem to be chugging along nicely. I've always had confidence in you. You keep bouncing back and quickly to. Your posts clearly show how much you really want this.
Syd and Winslow (and me) we've done it before and we can do it again, only this time better.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 506
Midton, I knew I would have a hard time with this weekend. I knew it was coming. My last three moves, I've used a combination of booze, pills, and coke to keep me going. I wondered how I would handle it sober. The answer to that is much more efficiently. What kept me from drinking this time was having this deal with myself that I can't do anything impulsively. Friday night I said make it to Saturday sober. Saturday I said make it til nighttime. Nighttime came and I said lock yourself in your house if you have to but do not drink!! When I was finally able to sit down last night and process everything that had happened so quickly, I knew I didn't really want to drink. I don't want everything that comes along with it, and with drinking I cannot separate the good from the bad. I have to be willing to accept it all. Not acting impulsively allows me time to come to my senses, be really honest with myself, and change my mind. I'm sorry to worry you! The thoughts still come, but they pass, and no harm done as long as I don't act on them. You're absolutely right! You can do this again : )
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,134
Hi guys! It's Monday morning here, Day 14 and I'm trying to wake up. My son and I went to the movies last night and saw the original Jaws from 1975. What a classic! The theater we go to shows old movies from time to time and it's fun to see them on the big screen. After that I watched my beloved Boston Red Sox play the NY Yankees in my beloved Fenway Park (spent a lot of time there as a kid). Did not stay awake until the end of the game but it was fun and the Sox won 8-7 (always a bonus!)
Grizzly, I'm so glad you're back!! I was worried about you because we hadn't heard from you in so long. Truthfully I wasn't really worried that you were drinking because you have been so strong in all situations (even difficult ones!) But I was just worried because you weren't posting and wanted to make sure you were okay! This weekend sounded like a true and difficult challenge for you ... and you made it! I agree with you - it means you can make it through any future challenges as well. So glad you're back!!
Sydneyman, sorry about the lapse over the weekend on the getaway. The great news is that you came back and told us and are starting a new day 1. This is a hard thing we're doing - it's REALLY hard at times. The world is set up in such a way that alcoholic beverages are cherished and loved and glorified and it's our job to sort through the lies of those images and remember what really happens to us. Just this weekend one of my Facebook friends (yes, I'm back on but doing okay) posted a picture of a beautiful summer beach cottage on a hill with a glass of red wine in the foreground with the caption "Drinks on the hill... happy almost May!" Now of course I'm not faulting her for this, but these are the images in our lives and in our society that we are faced with. It'm my job to picture myself drinking that red wine and and then spending the night throwing up red chunks in the toilet for 4 hours. Sorry to be graphic, but that's what happens to me. But soooooo glad you still here and still working on this.
Midton, I hope you're feeling better today. So glad to have you back. Sounds like the holiday weekend will be a good chance for you to reset and get back into a sober lifestyle. Since you had 5 months before, something I have never been able to do (yet), I know you can do this. Thanks for your kind words about me - I am trying and am determined and feel pretty strong lately because I'm making all sorts of changes - not just quitting alcohol. We are works in progress, aren't we?
Winslow, hope you had a good weekend. You sound very strong and happy after getting some sober time under your belt. We can do this!!
As for me, I'm getting ready for my work week. My goals for the week are:
1. Stick to the workout plan (it's not too ambitious, really, I can stick to this.)
2. Try to get in all my work hours during the week so they don't spill over to the weekend and I can have a TRUE weekend. I think this is important to my overall health and well being.
3. Repeat over and over in my head the word "BOUNDARIES." This is an important word for me. Too many times in my life, too many people overstep some boundaries with me and too often I have allowed that to happen. In yoga, a lot of the teachers often talk about being "open" and allowing new things and people and experiences to enter your life. Now this is all very nice and cheerful, but they often neglect to talk about the other side of the coin which is less fun and less pleasant - setting boundaries and saying "No." I have taken it upon myself to make this my mission and recognize when it's happening to me and put a stop to it.
Case #1: Ex-BF sees I'm struggling with alcohol (a couple of weeks ago). Offers to "be there for me." I say, "Thank you." Then he proceeds to take advantage of the situation, bother me every day and tries to strike up conversations, demands that I call him to talk on the phone (when I never even expressed the need to talk to someone on the phone) because that's what HE wants to do. That's not being there for someone. And that's not respecting my boundaries. He has been blocked and that's the end of him.
Case #2: Neighbor guy who does work for me - is not respecting my boundaries. He does occasional work for me because I have a lot of projects in my house. He always gives me a good deal and I know I'm not going to get ripped off, so that is why I have used him. Lately, I believe his GF has broken up with him and he moved out of her house. He has been needy and controlling in his own way. On Saturday night, at 10:00 pm while I was home watching a movie, he texted me with a simple "How are you"...that is overstepping my boundaries with him. He has no right to contact me at 10:00 on a Saturday night with a stupid text like "How are you." I did not respond, of course. The next day I went to yoga - when I came out and looked at my phone, I saw he had called but didn't leave a message. I did not call him back. No message, no call back. Nothing important to say apparently. I told my Mom about this and she was furious. She said, "No. No. He isn't allowed to do this to you. You did the right thing." The bottom line is, I can always get another handyman. I'm not trapped in this situation. I'll even pay a little more money if I have to, for peace of mind. We have a business relationship and a friendly neighbor type of relationship. It's fine if he asks me how everyone is doing when he comes to do a job. But it's not fine for him to be texting me and asking me how I am at 10:00 on a Saturday night. The word for the day for Juno: BOUNDARIES.
I hope we all have a good week. So glad the gang is all back together!
Grizzly, I'm so glad you're back!! I was worried about you because we hadn't heard from you in so long. Truthfully I wasn't really worried that you were drinking because you have been so strong in all situations (even difficult ones!) But I was just worried because you weren't posting and wanted to make sure you were okay! This weekend sounded like a true and difficult challenge for you ... and you made it! I agree with you - it means you can make it through any future challenges as well. So glad you're back!!
Sydneyman, sorry about the lapse over the weekend on the getaway. The great news is that you came back and told us and are starting a new day 1. This is a hard thing we're doing - it's REALLY hard at times. The world is set up in such a way that alcoholic beverages are cherished and loved and glorified and it's our job to sort through the lies of those images and remember what really happens to us. Just this weekend one of my Facebook friends (yes, I'm back on but doing okay) posted a picture of a beautiful summer beach cottage on a hill with a glass of red wine in the foreground with the caption "Drinks on the hill... happy almost May!" Now of course I'm not faulting her for this, but these are the images in our lives and in our society that we are faced with. It'm my job to picture myself drinking that red wine and and then spending the night throwing up red chunks in the toilet for 4 hours. Sorry to be graphic, but that's what happens to me. But soooooo glad you still here and still working on this.
Midton, I hope you're feeling better today. So glad to have you back. Sounds like the holiday weekend will be a good chance for you to reset and get back into a sober lifestyle. Since you had 5 months before, something I have never been able to do (yet), I know you can do this. Thanks for your kind words about me - I am trying and am determined and feel pretty strong lately because I'm making all sorts of changes - not just quitting alcohol. We are works in progress, aren't we?
Winslow, hope you had a good weekend. You sound very strong and happy after getting some sober time under your belt. We can do this!!
As for me, I'm getting ready for my work week. My goals for the week are:
1. Stick to the workout plan (it's not too ambitious, really, I can stick to this.)
2. Try to get in all my work hours during the week so they don't spill over to the weekend and I can have a TRUE weekend. I think this is important to my overall health and well being.
3. Repeat over and over in my head the word "BOUNDARIES." This is an important word for me. Too many times in my life, too many people overstep some boundaries with me and too often I have allowed that to happen. In yoga, a lot of the teachers often talk about being "open" and allowing new things and people and experiences to enter your life. Now this is all very nice and cheerful, but they often neglect to talk about the other side of the coin which is less fun and less pleasant - setting boundaries and saying "No." I have taken it upon myself to make this my mission and recognize when it's happening to me and put a stop to it.
Case #1: Ex-BF sees I'm struggling with alcohol (a couple of weeks ago). Offers to "be there for me." I say, "Thank you." Then he proceeds to take advantage of the situation, bother me every day and tries to strike up conversations, demands that I call him to talk on the phone (when I never even expressed the need to talk to someone on the phone) because that's what HE wants to do. That's not being there for someone. And that's not respecting my boundaries. He has been blocked and that's the end of him.
Case #2: Neighbor guy who does work for me - is not respecting my boundaries. He does occasional work for me because I have a lot of projects in my house. He always gives me a good deal and I know I'm not going to get ripped off, so that is why I have used him. Lately, I believe his GF has broken up with him and he moved out of her house. He has been needy and controlling in his own way. On Saturday night, at 10:00 pm while I was home watching a movie, he texted me with a simple "How are you"...that is overstepping my boundaries with him. He has no right to contact me at 10:00 on a Saturday night with a stupid text like "How are you." I did not respond, of course. The next day I went to yoga - when I came out and looked at my phone, I saw he had called but didn't leave a message. I did not call him back. No message, no call back. Nothing important to say apparently. I told my Mom about this and she was furious. She said, "No. No. He isn't allowed to do this to you. You did the right thing." The bottom line is, I can always get another handyman. I'm not trapped in this situation. I'll even pay a little more money if I have to, for peace of mind. We have a business relationship and a friendly neighbor type of relationship. It's fine if he asks me how everyone is doing when he comes to do a job. But it's not fine for him to be texting me and asking me how I am at 10:00 on a Saturday night. The word for the day for Juno: BOUNDARIES.
I hope we all have a good week. So glad the gang is all back together!
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
Hey all,Sydney, what happened? The picture of your getaway sounded so romantic and peaceful I was jealous, Midton,yeah auto correct sucks and yes we can do this😊 Juno,dudes trying to get in your pants,I would just be honest and tell him straight up that you've appreciated the work he's done for you but you'll call him if you need any further work,he's probably just lonely so I wouldn't be too rude,unless he started getting creepy,how old is he? Grizz,was worried too but I figured you were busy with the move,keep wondering how different I'd feel if I'd have stuck with my original quit date?probably happier,more confident,and more at peace,I'm so dumb cuz I act like drinking is forced on me by some invisible attacker that's gonna hit me out of the blue,that's such B.S cuz I chose to drink those times,nobody forced me,grrr,just thinkin out loud,alrighty off to work hope we all have a nice day😊
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,134
Hi guys, I had a yucky wine craving tonight. I hate when that happens. I think Monday evening has become the new difficult time for me. I drank exactly 14 days ago tonight. Last Monday I had cravings, too. I was doing great all day and then around 5:00/5:30 just wanted a glass of wine. It was very difficult. How I handled it was to just not give in to the craving and stayed home. It sounds too simple, but I just didn't get in my car to get wine. I cooked some dinner and had chocolate cake for dessert. You can bet the cravings are gone now. I only crave on a empty stomach, usually around 5:00 pm, after I get home from work. I made it through the day, but that was very tough.
I hope you all had an easier time than I did tonight.
Trying not to stress about all the things I could get stressed about. I think it's time to change the tone of the day and try to relax.
Hi to everyone!
I hope you all had an easier time than I did tonight.
Trying not to stress about all the things I could get stressed about. I think it's time to change the tone of the day and try to relax.
Hi to everyone!
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,134
The cake was crazy good. Homemade - made by my Ex husband's GF. It helped me a lot tonight!! Wish I could share with the group.
We got a thunderstorm right now. Scary!! Guess I'll put off my trip to CVS for a little while..
We got a thunderstorm right now. Scary!! Guess I'll put off my trip to CVS for a little while..
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 506
Thank you all for thinking of me : ) That means a lot to me. The girls at work today got a present for our boss's birthday, and they never said anything to me about it. They also got lunch and never asked if I wanted anything (they do that everyday). I was feeling left out and thought of you all. I thought "I fit in with my SR group. They don't leave me out." That made me feel better. I really appreciate you all being here for me!!
Juno, great job getting through that wine craving!! Those cravings can hit hard sometimes, but you rode it out. That is awesome!! I read your post this morning before I left for work, and I didn't have time to respond, but it reminded me of the late night texts I've been getting from a few exes lately. Getting a text from a guy between the hours of ten pm and 2 am, it's pretty clear what is on his mind. What is the deal with these guys lately?!
Winslow, I hope you had a good day at work! You said in one of your posts over the weekend that you are starting to feel better. Yay!! Also, the taco sampling sounds like a lot of fun : )
Midton and sydneyman, how are you guys today?
My boss was celebrating his birthday all this past weekend, and he looked pretty rough today. He seemed very tired and a little irritable too. He was telling me about it, and it all revolved around drinking. I was thinking about how I am really glad to not be in that place anymore. I was also really glad to not feel like he did today!
Juno, great job getting through that wine craving!! Those cravings can hit hard sometimes, but you rode it out. That is awesome!! I read your post this morning before I left for work, and I didn't have time to respond, but it reminded me of the late night texts I've been getting from a few exes lately. Getting a text from a guy between the hours of ten pm and 2 am, it's pretty clear what is on his mind. What is the deal with these guys lately?!
Winslow, I hope you had a good day at work! You said in one of your posts over the weekend that you are starting to feel better. Yay!! Also, the taco sampling sounds like a lot of fun : )
Midton and sydneyman, how are you guys today?
My boss was celebrating his birthday all this past weekend, and he looked pretty rough today. He seemed very tired and a little irritable too. He was telling me about it, and it all revolved around drinking. I was thinking about how I am really glad to not be in that place anymore. I was also really glad to not feel like he did today!
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Join Date: Oct 2015
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Sydneyman, I really would consider postponing the trip. For my first three months, I hardly left the house except for the things that had to be done. I just wasn't ready for a lot of things early on. And that's ok, those things will be there when we're ready.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,292
I'm really struggling. I drank and am drinking as I type, last glass. I so down and beginning to get really worried about myself.
Today was a holiday. We went for a drive but the road were unbelievable and I got really frustrated. I spent a lot of money and then my kids got really boisterous on the way back. I used all of this as an excuse to drink.
I was also so angry at being unable to find a parking place. My youngest even got embarrassed and asked me to calm down. I wasn't violent or abusive just frustrated. I think I was feeling the stress of not drinking.
Really don't know where to go from here. I feel such a fake.
Today was a holiday. We went for a drive but the road were unbelievable and I got really frustrated. I spent a lot of money and then my kids got really boisterous on the way back. I used all of this as an excuse to drink.
I was also so angry at being unable to find a parking place. My youngest even got embarrassed and asked me to calm down. I wasn't violent or abusive just frustrated. I think I was feeling the stress of not drinking.
Really don't know where to go from here. I feel such a fake.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: East Coast
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Midton -- I'm so sorry you are struggling! You are NOT a fake! This is not an easy task. We are here for you!! Please keep checking in and I hope we can help you to get the sober streak going. You did it before and I have no doubt that you can do it again!!!
Grizzly, I'm so sorry that your co-workers are treating you like that. That's not nice - not at all. It sounds like you're doing a good job of not letting it get to you, so that is good. I think that's all you can do - take care of yourself first!! RE: the guys texting us late night and otherwise, I'm so over it!! Maybe it's harder for me because I'm not in a relationship so guys just assume I'm interested/single/available. While the single part is true, the interested and available part is not. I think as long as we are clear about what we want and what we don't want, what we can tolerate and what we can't tolerate, then we'll be just fine. ADDED LATER: How's the new house???
Winslow, hope your Tuesday is a good one....
Sydneyman, let us know how you're doing when you can.
Today is Tuesday and I had a lot of anxiety going to bed last night. I even had bad dreams - which was upsetting. Traditionally Tuesday is a tough day for me, but I'm not going to allow my mind to go there today. I'm going to stay positive and say it's going to be a good day. Positive thoughts!! Later tonight I'm meeting a friend (female) for dinner. She's visiting from out of town. I'm a little stressed about going but not because of the possibility of drinking. She's a health nut and a essentially a non-drinker - we had a nice bottled water the last time we got together. I plan to do the same again - bottled water and a nice dinner. I'm more stressed because going out on a weeknight is a disruption of my normal routine. I will try to stay positive and have fun - it's always good to see her - and if something comes up at home, I will deal with it and cancel if I must.
Have a good day folks!!
Grizzly, I'm so sorry that your co-workers are treating you like that. That's not nice - not at all. It sounds like you're doing a good job of not letting it get to you, so that is good. I think that's all you can do - take care of yourself first!! RE: the guys texting us late night and otherwise, I'm so over it!! Maybe it's harder for me because I'm not in a relationship so guys just assume I'm interested/single/available. While the single part is true, the interested and available part is not. I think as long as we are clear about what we want and what we don't want, what we can tolerate and what we can't tolerate, then we'll be just fine. ADDED LATER: How's the new house???
Winslow, hope your Tuesday is a good one....
Sydneyman, let us know how you're doing when you can.
Today is Tuesday and I had a lot of anxiety going to bed last night. I even had bad dreams - which was upsetting. Traditionally Tuesday is a tough day for me, but I'm not going to allow my mind to go there today. I'm going to stay positive and say it's going to be a good day. Positive thoughts!! Later tonight I'm meeting a friend (female) for dinner. She's visiting from out of town. I'm a little stressed about going but not because of the possibility of drinking. She's a health nut and a essentially a non-drinker - we had a nice bottled water the last time we got together. I plan to do the same again - bottled water and a nice dinner. I'm more stressed because going out on a weeknight is a disruption of my normal routine. I will try to stay positive and have fun - it's always good to see her - and if something comes up at home, I will deal with it and cancel if I must.
Have a good day folks!!
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 506
Midton, I'm sorry you had such a rough day. You did this before, and I know you can do it again. Just don't drink today, whatever that takes. Eat a lot. Take a nap. Go to bed early. Getting that first day is so hard. But you can do it. If you're irritable, just tell the kiddo's you aren't feeling well. It's better to have you irritable now and healthy in the long run. I believe in you, Midton!!!
Juno, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate today. I hope it all goes smoothly! I agree, if the stress of making it to dinner is too much, reschedule with her. You've made it through Tuesdays sober before, and you can do it again : )
The house is a work in progress. A lot of work. But I'm getting there... Thank you for asking!
Off to get ready for work. I hope we all have a great sober day! We can do this : )
Juno, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate today. I hope it all goes smoothly! I agree, if the stress of making it to dinner is too much, reschedule with her. You've made it through Tuesdays sober before, and you can do it again : )
The house is a work in progress. A lot of work. But I'm getting there... Thank you for asking!
Off to get ready for work. I hope we all have a great sober day! We can do this : )
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Join Date: Oct 2015
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Morning friends,Midton((hugs)) you're not a fake! I've felt like that before too though so I understand, I dunno how we were humming along just fine and now its hard to get the momentum again! I have to,I'm in a fight for my life,I don't drink a few glasses of wine you guys,when I'd drink it was over a 12- pack of beer,I'd feel my side hurting, still drink, Ive puked blood,kept drinking, I've blacked out still drank,the madness has got to stop for me,anyways day 10 and I have anxiety, yippee, it'll pass though,usually does,much love to all hope we have a GREAT day😊
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Join Date: Oct 2015
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I'll just be a thread hog😊 felt really low blood sugar around 3 made dinner early then ate so much I look/feel 6 mos pregnant!! 3 year old g-son says I have a baby puppy in my tummy,gee thanks haha,had anxiety most of the day but I just told myself I'm not dealing with this b.s and its passed now,hope everyone is well😊
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 1,292
I'm back, feeling low but determined.
I think I drank because I had alcohol in the house and subconsciously didn't want it tempting me. I wanted it out of the way so I drank it.
When I reach a real decision to stop drinking I usually get a feeling of serenity. I had this yesterday morning. I really felt that this was the start.
I also getting more and more concerned about my health. Drinking inflames my throat and I can feel my blood pressure rise. This madness has got to stop.
Thanks for all your support. I will, will, will succeed.
I think I drank because I had alcohol in the house and subconsciously didn't want it tempting me. I wanted it out of the way so I drank it.
When I reach a real decision to stop drinking I usually get a feeling of serenity. I had this yesterday morning. I really felt that this was the start.
I also getting more and more concerned about my health. Drinking inflames my throat and I can feel my blood pressure rise. This madness has got to stop.
Thanks for all your support. I will, will, will succeed.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 1,486
Midton,you WILL succeed😊 you reminded me about the blood pressure rising,I could see my heartbeat in my wrist while drinking,that can't be good,also the acid reflux that burns like fire omg,so over all of it
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Join Date: Mar 2015
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Hi guys - Midton, so glad you have your determination back. You can do this!!
I'll keep this brief because I feel another migraine coming on. Whenever I do social things, I seem to be susceptible to them. Maybe it's just too stressful for me. But it was great to see my friend - I won't be seeing her for several months, so I'm glad I made the effort. I just have to tackle this migraine for now. We drank bottled water and I thought I drank enough not to be dehydrated but these migraines for me seem to be stress induced. I got a terrible one at my grandmother's funeral - will never forget that.
Okay, time to rest.....
I'll keep this brief because I feel another migraine coming on. Whenever I do social things, I seem to be susceptible to them. Maybe it's just too stressful for me. But it was great to see my friend - I won't be seeing her for several months, so I'm glad I made the effort. I just have to tackle this migraine for now. We drank bottled water and I thought I drank enough not to be dehydrated but these migraines for me seem to be stress induced. I got a terrible one at my grandmother's funeral - will never forget that.
Okay, time to rest.....
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