Just checking in day 11 coming to an end. Weekend is always my toughest time, but i am feeling confident. The AV is leaving me alone.
going to watch the rugby tonight and have an awesome truly south african BBQ.
Enjoy the weekend all. Hope we all get out the other side sober.

Hey February class, just checking in! Day 27 and worst craving so far. Had a good day, just being Friday is the trigger I think. Leaving work and having that feeling of 'possibilities' and excitement and associating it with alcohol unfortunately! Going to read my book and eat something and try and get through it. Have a good eve guys :)

Food and a book is a MUCH better idea Mia! Reading anything good?

The versions of us? It's not got me particularly gripped which may be a problem! I've had a shower and putting on my sober superhero suit...the good old pjs! i think I'm just beginning to question why I'm not drinking so might go back and look at my post when I joined and remind myself what an unbelievable ass I am when I drink...it's so easy to start convincing yourself it's okay again you know? Think I need to examine my associations of fun = alcohol. This past month has been brilliant and haven't really missed alcohol but its in my head today. Checking in has helped. Think it's because my work mates bought me a bottle of wine for my birthday on Monday (all clueless of my problem drinking) and I left it in my car but it's been like a little evil voice calling to me! Must give it to someone who can drink it sensibly :)

I was told that we will have to re-learn fun since we all associated it with alcohol. I'm enjoying it. I also felt very liberated when I got rid of 20 bottles of wine and all the other junk in my house. I hope you do get rid of it and feel great about it!

Mia - I hadn't heard of that book. I just finished Me Before You! I would dump that bottle! I kept a bottle in the fridge for a month and was so proud of myself, until I caved and drank it all. Bleh!!

Ladybug - I hope party preparations are going well! Cleaning and party prep was always a trigger for me - it was the energy/exhaustion issue. Wine gave me power and energy to become super housewife.....until I just became super gross and sick feeling. Stay strong and sober for the celebration!

Day 12 :) seems like every 4 days I hit the wall. Get a good few days in sober where the voice in my head gets happy and complacent and wants to celebrate in all the wrong ways.

Really weird but not unexpected. At the times I feel low I don't have cravings at all. When I feel better or even think of -*gasp*- relaxing, those fantastical thoughts of indulgence slip in unobtrusively.
It's more like a deep passing craving for some fancy indulgent food like escargots or crab stuffed mushroom caps. An itch I can't scratch.
Writing about my last starting over helped me get through it yesterday.

Mia83 nothing would be more liberating than dumping it down the drain... It was a gift sure but dumping it will be even more if a gift to you. I have to keep myself away from alcohol and drinkers right now because I'm so fragile it's only been 70 hours but feels like a month. There is alcohol in my current residence that is not mine and I have resolved to leave this place as soon as possible. I'd dump it all if I could. Day 4 of withdrawing is upon me and while the shakes are minor I just woke up and it felt like I was hit in the head with a bat... a throbbing numbness and ringing in my ears. I hate it. I hate what I've done to myself, what I've become. I took a leave from work because I simply cannot do it. I don't get paid if I don't go to work so I just can't mess up anymore. My family all look at me as such a weak selfish loser, perhaps they're right I will not make any excuses for what I have done but I learned a long time ago that I need to distance myself from them or else and how can I expect them to understand my struggle? Everytime I've explained it they just kind of change the subject. I think my admission threatens their status quo and therefor I am ostracized. I don't care about any of it now I just care about not drinking and let the pieces fall where they may. I'm extremely grateful to have all you kind people in the world that do understand, thanks for listening.

I loved me before you, have you read the follow up its called after you I think- was really good too :)
Yes delizadee I know that feeling- just something imperceptible that's missing. I will get rid of the wine tomorrow. Thanks guys :)

Stay strong jobie, your moving in the right direction. Do what you need to to keep on track- try to surround yourself with kind people, and once you start feeling a bit healthier physically and mentally you can start piecing things together. You're not a loser, you have recognised your problem and it really is never too late to change. Take care of yourself :)

Checking in. Friday. For me it's my, reward for a good job, day. I would check out mid-day and pick up a fresh 12 pack and/or bottle of something and celebrate my accomplishments of the week.

Not today. I'm having a low day, I guess. My plan is to spend the afternoon working outside. Then I'll do the same thing I've been doing for the past week. Drink some herbal tea and finish my novel. Find something else to read after that.

The Goldfinch, by Donna Tartt. It's just interesting for about the first half of the book. Then it becomes engaging to the point of not wanting to put it down. (Note: Although not the theme of the book, it has both alcohol and drug abuse scenes. Some I read actually helped strengthen my resolve but I wanted to notate because different people have different triggers).

Be strong, everyone. Enjoy the sober of today.

I usually have a flashlight when I run after dark, but I left it at home last night.

Hey Auggie, I read The goldfinch too- then read The secret history and The little friend, amazing author! Apparently she only writs a book every ten years or something which is a shame.
Sounds like you have a good plan :)

Hi Mia, The other two books are on my list!

Day 24.

My second "systems test" is tonight. I was invited out by my fiance to meet some of her work friends. At an establishment that we used to frequent. I acted nonchalant and said that I'd "probably just have iced tea."
I know the advice from everyone is to skip it and not go, but I think I can do it.

OOTT try to eat lots of food that can help your body focus on something else.

If you go, my advise is to go knowing you can do it, not just thinking you can do it. In the words of Yoda, “Do. Or do not. There is no try.”happyface:

happyface: I thought the same thing after I posted---poor choice of words on my part.


I feel secure about it. I know I can do it. I do not want to destroy what I've accomplished this month, and I don't want to let The Class down.

Hi all, just popping in to give my old friend Jobei a virtual hug. I'm on day 25. Feeling very tired, and still up and down emotionally, but definitely better than I was.

No cravings, and I'm trying to stop beating myself up now for my stupidity and weakness. Time to move on...❤️

Hey jeni thanks for the hug it means a lot same to you *hug* and also *hugs* to everyone else here I'm grateful for you all. I guess ups and downs is better than just one long down? When I drink that's really what it is, I just become numb to the down but it's still where I am. I've been beating myself up terribly for several years since I was really sober last and also letting other people join in on it. Whenever things have gotten good (always during sober windows) I find a way to knock myself back down... I liken it to masochism and or/self abuse... I guess I need to figure out why I feel the need to hurt myself like that?

Anyway keep your head up sis I'm extremely grateful that you are here. I'm going to the doctor right now and I'm really scared =/