Class of February 2016 Support Thread Part 5
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by jobei 
My only true relationship has been with alcohol for a very long time... and it has been the worst kind of abusive relationship there is. It's pretty clear why I've been single. It has stunted my growth on all levels and prevented me from maturing as I should have... I'm ready to leave it and grow again.
No more. Gonna show the world the real me. I am ready too. So so ready
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Southern California
Posts: 554
Hey all checking in on day 13. We had a non-drinking couple over for dinner last night and had a great time. Planning on keeping busy this weekend so that I don't drink.
Have a great day everyone!
Have a great day everyone!
Brother of the Wolf
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
Day 3 is fantastic. It's 70° and sunny outside, I have no physical symptoms, and my wife gets back from the other side of the planet tomorrow afternoon. It's a good day to air out the house and get rid of my detox sweat stink and do some cleaning. Then, go for a nice long walk in the sun with my dog and spend another evening laughing hysterically at Family Feud with my sister. So much better than being chained to a bottle.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 451
njdellis and safeandsound,
I am having similar issues with my husband. He went out with an old friend this last week whose husband has drug issues and although they haven't lived together for over 10 years, they stay married because of health insurance for the kids.
Anyway, he came home talking all about addition...and comparing me to this other woman's husband...it was all I could do to stay silent and just not blow my gasket. He said he was up all night with "too many thoughts" and proceeded to rant on and on about gambling and other things like I'm just going to go out and find the "next crazy thing" to be addicted to at any moment.
I know that ANY problem is a problem...but it sure didn't feel good for him to compare me to this other guy who is in much worse shape than I ever was as a parent or spouse. It's like my own husband moved from encouraging, supportive and happy about where I am at and how I have been progressing since early Dec to all this gloom and doom of addiction and putting that all on me...just all of the sudden this last week I’ve seen a big change in him.
And when I have asked questions about something over the last couple of days he’s been claiming that he has already told me things the night before with that look and attitude of spite. I feek like he’s testing to see if I’m secretly drinking maybe? Or he might actually believe he told me about these things (he has a traumatic brain injury so he forgets things a lot)?
Either way, I can only imagine that he would find my change hard to believe in and question my resolve. I also think it is hard for him because now he’s feeling like he cannot drink when he wants to and has lost his drinking buddy. Last night he got take out for dinner and drank at the restaurant for example, when he would have normally drank at home. So he might be upset about that as well. I have told him he can go ahead and drink his beer and it won’t bother me or affect me and although he has chosen not to, which is very nice and seems supportive, I think there may be resentment there.
All I could bet out of him this morning when I said he doesn’t seem happy was “maybe it’s the winter blues”. So maybe it is a combination of factors that has him a funk (most likely).
They say us women are complicated?!?!?!?
Although his angst does trigger me, instead of going to that dark place I’m trying to use it to help fuel my resolve and make it even stronger in that “I’ll show him” kind of way.
I will NOT drink AT him!
It REALLY helps to KNOW that I remember everything about the night before and I’m not worried that his claims of already telling me are probably true!
Thanks to all the others who have already given the advice to stay as focused on our own recovery and goals as possible despite relationship issues.
I’m also trying to draw as much strength and compassion as possible in dealing with his issues as they surface and remembering that I should be very slow to speak (especially when angry) and really listen.
I am having similar issues with my husband. He went out with an old friend this last week whose husband has drug issues and although they haven't lived together for over 10 years, they stay married because of health insurance for the kids.
Anyway, he came home talking all about addition...and comparing me to this other woman's husband...it was all I could do to stay silent and just not blow my gasket. He said he was up all night with "too many thoughts" and proceeded to rant on and on about gambling and other things like I'm just going to go out and find the "next crazy thing" to be addicted to at any moment.
I know that ANY problem is a problem...but it sure didn't feel good for him to compare me to this other guy who is in much worse shape than I ever was as a parent or spouse. It's like my own husband moved from encouraging, supportive and happy about where I am at and how I have been progressing since early Dec to all this gloom and doom of addiction and putting that all on me...just all of the sudden this last week I’ve seen a big change in him.
And when I have asked questions about something over the last couple of days he’s been claiming that he has already told me things the night before with that look and attitude of spite. I feek like he’s testing to see if I’m secretly drinking maybe? Or he might actually believe he told me about these things (he has a traumatic brain injury so he forgets things a lot)?
Either way, I can only imagine that he would find my change hard to believe in and question my resolve. I also think it is hard for him because now he’s feeling like he cannot drink when he wants to and has lost his drinking buddy. Last night he got take out for dinner and drank at the restaurant for example, when he would have normally drank at home. So he might be upset about that as well. I have told him he can go ahead and drink his beer and it won’t bother me or affect me and although he has chosen not to, which is very nice and seems supportive, I think there may be resentment there.
All I could bet out of him this morning when I said he doesn’t seem happy was “maybe it’s the winter blues”. So maybe it is a combination of factors that has him a funk (most likely).
They say us women are complicated?!?!?!?
Although his angst does trigger me, instead of going to that dark place I’m trying to use it to help fuel my resolve and make it even stronger in that “I’ll show him” kind of way.
I will NOT drink AT him!
It REALLY helps to KNOW that I remember everything about the night before and I’m not worried that his claims of already telling me are probably true!
Thanks to all the others who have already given the advice to stay as focused on our own recovery and goals as possible despite relationship issues.
I’m also trying to draw as much strength and compassion as possible in dealing with his issues as they surface and remembering that I should be very slow to speak (especially when angry) and really listen.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 451
apllekat and knb02, I ended up renting Room through Comcast (here in the US)...it was good. I am going to try to watch one more Oscar nomination before tomorrow if I can. I've seen Revenant, The Martian and Room so far.
And I have remembered the story line and ending of ALL of them (ha ha)!!! How nice is that? :-)
And I have remembered the story line and ending of ALL of them (ha ha)!!! How nice is that? :-)
Nature Lover & Plantoholic
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: The Golden State
Posts: 284
newbie here, day 3
Hi all, I'm at day 3. I slept better, and my blood pressure is going down, *****! My husband and son are back in town, which probably helps. My son was completely overwhelmed by 6th grade camp [never slept away from home], and doesn't really want to talk about it. This is giving me some [major] anxiety, but I'm not craving. Well, I never drink on weekends, because I'm not alone…
I can relate to so many of your posts; I'm really glad to have found SR. I think it will help me a lot to stay the course.
I have dealt with a LOT of pain in the last several years, which has taken me down this heavy drinking path. But I think I'm finally ready to let go of it and move on. I don't like the person I've turned into; I miss the old me! - positive and outgoing [well, and downright hyper, LOL].
My husband admitted to me just now that he drank on his business trip, but that he didn't get drunk. He says he will not drink around me, which is good. I guess I can live with that. He shouldn't have to give up some wine with dinner with colleagues when I can down 2-3 bottles, alone. Right?
It's a beautiful day in CA, so I'm going to do some gardening, which I very often do, but now no wine in hand. Have a good weekend!
I can relate to so many of your posts; I'm really glad to have found SR. I think it will help me a lot to stay the course.
I have dealt with a LOT of pain in the last several years, which has taken me down this heavy drinking path. But I think I'm finally ready to let go of it and move on. I don't like the person I've turned into; I miss the old me! - positive and outgoing [well, and downright hyper, LOL].
My husband admitted to me just now that he drank on his business trip, but that he didn't get drunk. He says he will not drink around me, which is good. I guess I can live with that. He shouldn't have to give up some wine with dinner with colleagues when I can down 2-3 bottles, alone. Right?
It's a beautiful day in CA, so I'm going to do some gardening, which I very often do, but now no wine in hand. Have a good weekend!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by amazingjoy
knb02, thanks so much for sharing how much joy you are feeling...that has been by hope about the light on the other side of the hardest parts of this journey (hence the screen name)!
Being single, I can literally shelter myself from anything that could upset me. Shut that door, turn off the phone. But it must be so difficult to do this with a live in partner who is driving you insane..can't run away that's for sure.
I said it before, your attitude is spot on. Preserver because there is light at the end of the tunnel. Things will click into place the longer you have sobriety. It will change your partner too. You will see
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by amazingjoy
apllekat and knb02, I ended up renting Room through Comcast (here in the US)...it was good. I am going to try to watch one more Oscar nomination before tomorrow if I can. I've seen Revenant, The Martian and Room so far.
And I have remembered the story line and ending of ALL of them (ha ha)!!! How nice is that? :-)
And I have remembered the story line and ending of ALL of them (ha ha)!!! How nice is that? :-)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by GardenGal
Hi all, I'm at day 3. I slept better, and my blood pressure is going down, *****! My husband and son are back in town, which probably helps. My son was completely overwhelmed by 6th grade camp [never slept away from home], and doesn't really want to talk about it. This is giving me some [major] anxiety, but I'm not craving. Well, I never drink on weekends, because I'm not alone…
I can relate to so many of your posts; I'm really glad to have found SR. I think it will help me a lot to stay the course.
I have dealt with a LOT of pain in the last several years, which has taken me down this heavy drinking path. But I think I'm finally ready to let go of it and move on. I don't like the person I've turned into; I miss the old me! - positive and outgoing [well, and downright hyper, LOL].
My husband admitted to me just now that he drank on his business trip, but that he didn't get drunk. He says he will not drink around me, which is good. I guess I can live with that. He shouldn't have to give up some wine with dinner with colleagues when I can down 2-3 bottles, alone. Right?
It's a beautiful day in CA, so I'm going to do some gardening, which I very often do, but now no wine in hand. Have a good weekend!
I can relate to so many of your posts; I'm really glad to have found SR. I think it will help me a lot to stay the course.
I have dealt with a LOT of pain in the last several years, which has taken me down this heavy drinking path. But I think I'm finally ready to let go of it and move on. I don't like the person I've turned into; I miss the old me! - positive and outgoing [well, and downright hyper, LOL].
My husband admitted to me just now that he drank on his business trip, but that he didn't get drunk. He says he will not drink around me, which is good. I guess I can live with that. He shouldn't have to give up some wine with dinner with colleagues when I can down 2-3 bottles, alone. Right?
It's a beautiful day in CA, so I'm going to do some gardening, which I very often do, but now no wine in hand. Have a good weekend!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by SweatyHands
Day 3 is fantastic. It's 70° and sunny outside, I have no physical symptoms, and my wife gets back from the other side of the planet tomorrow afternoon. It's a good day to air out the house and get rid of my detox sweat stink and do some cleaning. Then, go for a nice long walk in the sun with my dog and spend another evening laughing hysterically at Family Feud with my sister. So much better than being chained to a bottle.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,067
It's great to hear that ppl are not drinking... helps me a lot thank you. I'm not able to do much today, I am battling a respiratory infection and the antibiotics are pretty intense... it is also my day 5 thank god and my withdrawls are at a minimum... the mental withdrawals will last for quite some time though I need to be prepared. Have any of you heard of the "Pink cloud of sobriety"? You can Google it, very interesting concept if you're not familiar with it. Basically it's when you feel really amazing right after giving up what you're addicted to but then shortly after the excitement fades and you kind of crash back to reality. It's a theory like most things but personally I've experienced it BIG TIME. It worries me a bit so I plan to stay vigilant and not let my guard down. I will continue to pay attention to what's really going on in my head. As soon as I start feeling good is when my trouble comes.
I wish that I could do more but truthfully I need to rest and heal. I'm mad that my brain won't just accept that.. give my body a chance. This will be the last time that I go through this confusion and pain. I might run into other pain but it will not be from drinking alcohol.
I wish that I could do more but truthfully I need to rest and heal. I'm mad that my brain won't just accept that.. give my body a chance. This will be the last time that I go through this confusion and pain. I might run into other pain but it will not be from drinking alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Good job guys. Ahhh, the old detox sweat. How I shall never, ever miss that. I only sweat now when I exercise! Amazing how fast the body heals when two weeks prior you're pretty sure you're dying of multiple organ failure.
Who compulsively google-doctored at their sickest?? Me!! I've self-diagnosed everything from liver and kidney failure to multiple kids of cancer.
Even knowing it was dumb and that it was the alcohol making me sick, and I COULD end up with those things, I still didn't want to just be falling ill by my own hand.
When I think about it, I was constantly sick for 2 years. In the past year I have been in the hospital more times than I can remember. I had sinusitis for 4 months that was incredibly painful, nosebleeds, I started bleeding through my skin, the constant bowel problems, bruises all over my body, I ached, suffered nighttime asthma attacks, bronchitis, my legs and feet would swell up like sausages and get so sore and stiff. And I'm not a very big girl so it didn't look all that appealing.
And then the nightmares, the hallucinations, the throwing up, the sweating, the retching.....
Ugh ugh ugh ugh! WHAT in my right mind makes me EVER want to drink again?!?
*I think I'ma write this down in my recovery journal.
Who compulsively google-doctored at their sickest?? Me!! I've self-diagnosed everything from liver and kidney failure to multiple kids of cancer.
Even knowing it was dumb and that it was the alcohol making me sick, and I COULD end up with those things, I still didn't want to just be falling ill by my own hand. When I think about it, I was constantly sick for 2 years. In the past year I have been in the hospital more times than I can remember. I had sinusitis for 4 months that was incredibly painful, nosebleeds, I started bleeding through my skin, the constant bowel problems, bruises all over my body, I ached, suffered nighttime asthma attacks, bronchitis, my legs and feet would swell up like sausages and get so sore and stiff. And I'm not a very big girl so it didn't look all that appealing.
And then the nightmares, the hallucinations, the throwing up, the sweating, the retching.....
Ugh ugh ugh ugh! WHAT in my right mind makes me EVER want to drink again?!?
*I think I'ma write this down in my recovery journal.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2,049
I'm staying in tonight, but we don't go out anyway.
Feel terrible, but half if it is just realization of all the stupid things I've done while drinking or detoxing. I don't blame my wife a bit for being crappy towards me, grief/emotional issues aside.
Depressing as hell, but eye opening to be sure.
Nothing can make me drink tonight.
Feel terrible, but half if it is just realization of all the stupid things I've done while drinking or detoxing. I don't blame my wife a bit for being crappy towards me, grief/emotional issues aside.
Depressing as hell, but eye opening to be sure.
Nothing can make me drink tonight.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 451
knb02, it's hard to say which of the 2 Oscar nominated movies were my favorite because they are all 3 different genres or types of movies really. So I like them all very much for different reasons.
But if I have to pick only ONE...I'm going with Revenant because I really like Leo DiCaprio's acting. I think he's been under appreciated and the movie was intense!
But if I have to pick only ONE...I'm going with Revenant because I really like Leo DiCaprio's acting. I think he's been under appreciated and the movie was intense!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
I admire all of you who are able to maintain relationships in sobriety, especially with partners who are drinking. I, for one, had to end my long term relationsthip with my partner due to his continued drinking. I was unable to stay sober being with him and his drinking. As well as how destructive his behaviour was when he was drinking. I may have chosen the worst possible way to get away from it, but leave I did and now am on the road to sobriety.
For the first time in my life I'm not afraid of being on my own and using alcohol as a crutch. I am just dealing with it day to day. Working on me.
For the first time in my life I'm not afraid of being on my own and using alcohol as a crutch. I am just dealing with it day to day. Working on me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Joy those are the three I've seen, too! I think all three are Best Picture noms. Revenant was so so intense; I do hope Leo wins for it.
I would love to watch one more tonight. Hubby wants Big Short.
I am def having cravings. Long Saturday already.
I would love to watch one more tonight. Hubby wants Big Short.
I am def having cravings. Long Saturday already.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 130
Been hanging out on the site for months, just got up the nerve to join today. Day 12 today. Didn't have any physical detox luckily, just have to fight the AV telling me "I wasn't too bad, I didn't drink everyday so that's ok, right? Oh, and lots of people can drink 2 bottles of wine without issue or hangover. I mean I hydrate, so what's the problem" UGH!!! Now I have more time, more money, more sanity and so much energy. I know how lucky I am to be stopping before I risk my job, my marriage, my health. Just keeping strong for today, tomorrow will take care of itself. Thanks for reading. I love reading everyone's posts and get so much strength from it.
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