Dee74

last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-3-a-20.html

D

Paix Amour

Oh yes, hello Blue, I was thinking about you specifically last night, I was too tired to read and post, but I quickly wrote your name down on a piece of paper to remind me to post to you today.

Welcome back!

Over the past few days you posted several times that you were feeling down. You did not sound positive at all. Looking back I now realise it was probably a bit of a red flag.

Please post your heart out on here. We don't know you, so you can say what you like. We wont judge you.

Its really important that you don't wallow in your slip. One needs a positive mindset to fight.

So youre on day 1 again, big deal, so what! Im only on day 4! The other important thing is that youre trying again.

Paix Amour

Day 4 is half over and I haven't thought about drinking at all. Im feeling positive and healthy.

bluedog97

Will do, Cococo. Thanks for the encouragement!

Congrats on day 4!

bluedog97

In light of your post, Cococo, I guess I'll share. I'm feeling really down about the past. There's a couple of things I just can't let go of. I'm pretty sure I'm hard on myself about it. I need to just accept that it happened and try to move on, instead of living in such regret. It's hard to do.

Paix Amour

Today I went for a walk along the "waterfront". Its almost the end of summertime here. I live in a small beautiful clean city that's on the coast. We have a beautiful big harbour. I haven't done that walk for a while. I got an urgent need for fresh sea air and sunlight, so I didn't ponder, I grabbed a few dollars, left my purse behind, jumped in the car, drove to the waterfront (10 minute drive), parked, walked for 30 minutes, stopped at an alcohol free café on the beach, order a coffee, sipped it peacefully and walked back to my car (another 30 minutes).

It was nice because I was around people, looking at nice houses (mansions) during my walk, seeing people happy, other walkers smiling at me and saying hello, it was nice,

Ladybug2

Glad you are feeling good Coco! I had a really good day myself. Went to a meeting this afternoon and did not have any visit from my AV. Wish every day could be this peaceful. Sigh. Just waiting for it to pounce on me again. Went back to my old gym and rejoined. That used to be help me a lot in the past and I got out of the habit when I had my second daughter ... 14 mos ago. No more excuses. I think exercise has been an important tool I have been missing this time around.

Hugs going out to those of you who are feeling down or may be struggling. Like Coco said, we are here to listen, not judge, so post away if it will help.

Paix Amour

Blue - I understand. Ive done some horrendous things Blue. Illegal things (not jailable crimes though)!!! And some terrible things to other people. Half of it alcohol related.

I feel ashamed and bad about what Ive done in the past. But I am really trying to change my mindset about what Ive done. Its not easy to change it, but it can be done. Im trying to change to a positive forward thinking mindset. I don't want to stay in my negative backward thinking mindset where I constantly rehash old ground. Send yourself mad doing that!

Ironically, its a good thing you have these feelings about what you've done in the past, because it means you realise what you did was wrong, and that you wont do them again. BUT, now send then adrift. Let them go. You cant go back and change the past. BUT you absolutely 100% hands down thumbs up CAN change what you do from here on in.

Whats done is done!!!

Ladybug2

I wish I lived near the beach Coco and I wish it were summer here

Caramel

Cococo There is something special and restorative about the sea and the shore, whether it has gentle waves soft on the sands, or white-crested breakers on rocks.

Paix Amour

Thank you Lady. Yeah, joining a gym (and going of course lol) is great. It gets you out of the same 4 walls (home). You are surrounded by positivity, health (most gym goers) and motivation. Its break from the little people (who can send you a bit mad sometimes, bless their little hearts).

I have to be EXTREMELY careful if I start feeling to good. I know that sounds weird, but I drink alcoholically when Im feeling both down and good. Theres another poster in here who is the same., I cant recall who.

Remember that AV is persistent, patient, persuasive and sly. Its good to never forget that so you are never caught off guard when you hear it.

Paix Amour

Hi Caramel, how are you? Thanks for joining our awesome February team. Or are you rejoining? Regardless, HELLO and WELCOME.

What day are you on?

I don't live on the beach (property is way too expensive) but I do live within a 10 minute drive, that's still close I guess. Its a very pretty waterfront and harbour. I don't know how lucky I am.

In saying that, Ive lived right inland near farmland and mountains and trees and that's beautiful too - serene.

Paix Amour

Blue - are you still there?

I just wanted to say 1 more thing.

NOBODY on this earth is perfect. EVERYBODY has done things they are ashamed of.

I really hope you can dig deep and forgive yourself. Then you can start working on not thinking about it. It can be done. Train your brain.

Ladybug2

Yep, I'm the same way. I drank when things were bad, good, when I was happy or sad. I would drink to "reward" myself for cleaning the house, or getting a project done. I would drink to relieve stress or feel more relaxed or patient. Ugh, so sad when I think about it. It became such a crutch and I didn't even realize it. So glad to be breaking free of that. Life is too short.

Paix Amour

I don't know what Id do without this thread and SR!

Im so lonely. I don't have many friends. No family. I have not and will not tell anybody that Im an alcoholic. I was a secret drinker. Now Im recovering secretly. I prefer it that way. People knowing would actually upset me because I would feel very judged, regardless if they actually did it or not.

But have no fear.....Im not dwelling on any negative thoughts......Im quite happy at the moment. Sober and quite happy.

Paix Amour

Exactly the same! I always 'rewarded' myself with 2 bottles wine after Id cleaned the house from top to bottom. Actually! Most of the time I drank whilst cleaning, not after!

Its NOT sad Lady. Think of it as a positive thing now, because now the curtains/drapes have been opened and you can clearly see what was going on. The sad thing is not being aware of it and refusing to accept it.

:-)

Paix Amour

"I WAS the same way" love. NOT "I AM the same way" ..............just saying :-)))

Im a bit pedantic lol

Caramel

Cococo - thank you for your greeting. I am in the January '16 class, day 31, just happened to look in here. Yes, farmland, mountains and bush are lovely too. Your avatar - is that someone special to you? Looks cute!

Dee74

I think there's two problems here tho bluedog?

One is your inability to let go of the past and the other is your use of alcohol to try and manage those feelings?

if you can can work hard on the latter and stay sober, I think you'll eventually see some inroads on the former?

D

KarenOskie

Thanks for sharing about your beach walk Coco. It sounded wonderful, I could picture it. I love the ocean so much. I'm getting ready to go to bed. Sober! What a great feeling. And I'm so sleepy, I think I'll actually sleep tonight. I live with my son and his wife and their three children, and even though it's ten o'clock and a school/work night, they are all up and the neighbor came over. I have a sound-maker that makes ocean sounds that I go to sleep with to cover the noise. It still irritates me when I'm sober though. I'm just going to ignore it as much as possible. Can't try to change anything right now, only stay sober.