Class of February 2016 Support Thread Part 4
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,067
Thank you for this. Much of it rings true to me. Keep your head up.
Originally Posted by JL2014 
I used to love going to the beach fora weekend. We don't live close one though. Not been financially able, past yrs, but such is life with kids and all. I want to get better. It's been a few yrs since I made 100-120 days. I remember it as very Uneventful . Maybe at 44 I'm too problematic to work on problems that I may have , that caused drinking. I don't know. I know I've got emotional issues like anyone, and that drinking contributes to depression for me. There are some days I'm a glass half full person, rather than half empty. I tried to listen to a hypnosis program off youtube, about depression and alcohol. Put me right to sleep. This being day 2 , I'm up at 2-3am with insomnia, but not alcohol induced heart pounding and sweating.
I could go on and on about identifying the evils of booze, but I'm feeling weary. I've really tried a lot of things to stop, but I May have some mental problem or something. I usually forget some important point that I can use to bolster myself within a few days.
It may be just sheer pressure from life's troubles. Our famille has just been crushed ( me as well) by grief and ongoing things.
Oh I know my wife may never learn to control spending money and we may eventually "lose everything", because of it, but I've let that go. I've had to. She's been there for me when no one EVER would, and I for her- I hope.
There's always two ways to look at things and I see clearly that mental illness runs in my family. Not every single person but there's a lot. I don't live near any real facilities and don't have the desire or the money to travel to see a psychiatrist., ( if in fact there is some real issue).
I can only make time for 20-30 minutes on a treadmill, then suffer the next day at work while working 10.5 hrs days at a county road dept.
It's not even feasible to goto an AA meeting if I'm so tired at work from not getting into bed, that I drag through the next day ! Lol
Most aa meetings anywhere near are only filled with court-ordered folks who are there to avoid jail time, so I'm just not a fit for them.
I'm not griping, it's just 3 am and I'm hoping to make use of some non sleep to air out things I've tried.
What actually has worked for me was getting to a liquor store and riding around in circles for a minute or two asking myself what I'm doing and why the hell am I doing this. That works.
That last point of HALT- tired, that's or for me to. Friday, works over may PT emt job the next day. Need a "break" or small "reward".
Becomes 2-3 days of regret for the next week.
I don't do a lot of things I used to enjoy.
Last weekend I played the guitar for a hr or 2. My 2 yr old even got out his toy guitar and now walks around with it.
I used to enjoy it for hrs.
I never ever play it now.
Don't remember a thing I played because I was drunk.
Something in my life changed and took my joy for some things away.
Maybe because of drinking. The turning point of alcoholism caused depression ? I don't know.
I've got a life left to live and I don't want to waste it. I'm doing that being drunk.
If it's a generational curse/addiction, that's inherited I've got to break it somehow.
I'm glad you guys are here.
Feeling alone in this would be more than I could handle.
Gonna lay back down til workday starts up.
If my struggle helps anyone in some small way, I'm glad.
I feel kinda run-over at the moment.
Rather not be here again.
I could go on and on about identifying the evils of booze, but I'm feeling weary. I've really tried a lot of things to stop, but I May have some mental problem or something. I usually forget some important point that I can use to bolster myself within a few days.
It may be just sheer pressure from life's troubles. Our famille has just been crushed ( me as well) by grief and ongoing things.
Oh I know my wife may never learn to control spending money and we may eventually "lose everything", because of it, but I've let that go. I've had to. She's been there for me when no one EVER would, and I for her- I hope.
There's always two ways to look at things and I see clearly that mental illness runs in my family. Not every single person but there's a lot. I don't live near any real facilities and don't have the desire or the money to travel to see a psychiatrist., ( if in fact there is some real issue).
I can only make time for 20-30 minutes on a treadmill, then suffer the next day at work while working 10.5 hrs days at a county road dept.
It's not even feasible to goto an AA meeting if I'm so tired at work from not getting into bed, that I drag through the next day ! Lol
Most aa meetings anywhere near are only filled with court-ordered folks who are there to avoid jail time, so I'm just not a fit for them.
I'm not griping, it's just 3 am and I'm hoping to make use of some non sleep to air out things I've tried.
What actually has worked for me was getting to a liquor store and riding around in circles for a minute or two asking myself what I'm doing and why the hell am I doing this. That works.
That last point of HALT- tired, that's or for me to. Friday, works over may PT emt job the next day. Need a "break" or small "reward".
Becomes 2-3 days of regret for the next week.
I don't do a lot of things I used to enjoy.
Last weekend I played the guitar for a hr or 2. My 2 yr old even got out his toy guitar and now walks around with it.
I used to enjoy it for hrs.
I never ever play it now.
Don't remember a thing I played because I was drunk.
Something in my life changed and took my joy for some things away.
Maybe because of drinking. The turning point of alcoholism caused depression ? I don't know.
I've got a life left to live and I don't want to waste it. I'm doing that being drunk.
If it's a generational curse/addiction, that's inherited I've got to break it somehow.
I'm glad you guys are here.
Feeling alone in this would be more than I could handle.
Gonna lay back down til workday starts up.
If my struggle helps anyone in some small way, I'm glad.
I feel kinda run-over at the moment.
Rather not be here again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,021
Originally Posted by jobei
I would like to join this thread to try to find support. I'm on 24 hours now and I'm counting the minutes. I have full of pain and regret and can barely write this.
Peace
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 778
JL2014 - I hope you get over this flu bug quickly and things start improving at home. It will all work out in the end. Hugs.
Karen - That thread is fun. I really hope things were better at work today. You work some long hours. Would you change jobs/careers or decrease your hours if you could?
Karen - That thread is fun. I really hope things were better at work today. You work some long hours. Would you change jobs/careers or decrease your hours if you could?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by maximus97
Thanks Cococo,
Yep, back on that horse. Reply when you feel like it. Its ok, I sometimes lose long posts too. Hate when that happens. Im sorry I drank, now I feel fatter, and will have to work harder to burn those empty calories off. I am glad I came right back though. Sometimes, I just disappear after a slip. Its sad to admit setbacks, slips, whatever you want to call them. But, here I am.
Yep, back on that horse. Reply when you feel like it. Its ok, I sometimes lose long posts too. Hate when that happens. Im sorry I drank, now I feel fatter, and will have to work harder to burn those empty calories off. I am glad I came right back though. Sometimes, I just disappear after a slip. Its sad to admit setbacks, slips, whatever you want to call them. But, here I am.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by bluedog97
Evening. Been an ok day, a lot of thunderstorms. My counseling session was productive I think. My counselor and I butt heads, which frustrates me, but I see it as him challenging my thinking. After all, my thinking got me here, although I have a hard time letting go of my ideas. I think this frustrates him!
Anyway, been a busy thread day. Glad to see we're all hangin in. My AV is starting to creep in, gotta be careful.
Anyway, been a busy thread day. Glad to see we're all hangin in. My AV is starting to creep in, gotta be careful.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by JL2014
Thanks to folks wishing me well ! I'm not horrible right now, and thankful cause I was earlier today. My wife told me she's checking into a psychiatric outpatient facility on Friday. Thank you God !!!
Said she feels suicidal sometimes and although I've felt that bad years past when I first joined here actually, I now see my point of view was skewed and poisoned from alcohol.
Hers isn't that, and I'm so worried but I can't help her other than being there for her. I'm max stressed too and listen to church preaching on the radio when I can to try to do a better job. It kills me to admit when I open my mouth half the time and some jerk hole stressed out remark comes out. Being an ex marine doesn't help a lick in this situation. It feels catastrophic actually, but then again I'm on day 3 so I'm still a detoxing fool.
Thank you all so much for giving advice and opinions and kind thought.
Ok I made myself cry. I get depressed when I'm sick.
Sorry
Said she feels suicidal sometimes and although I've felt that bad years past when I first joined here actually, I now see my point of view was skewed and poisoned from alcohol.
Hers isn't that, and I'm so worried but I can't help her other than being there for her. I'm max stressed too and listen to church preaching on the radio when I can to try to do a better job. It kills me to admit when I open my mouth half the time and some jerk hole stressed out remark comes out. Being an ex marine doesn't help a lick in this situation. It feels catastrophic actually, but then again I'm on day 3 so I'm still a detoxing fool.
Thank you all so much for giving advice and opinions and kind thought.
Ok I made myself cry. I get depressed when I'm sick.
Sorry
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by kittycat3
Hi GN, welcome 
Thanks for posting about your weekend KNB. It really struck home with me, I've had weekends that are very similar......no more. Congrats!
Day 14. I had to turn down a HH invite and did so graciously. Yay, minor victory!
Looking forward to cravings declining at week 3
Thanks for posting about your weekend KNB. It really struck home with me, I've had weekends that are very similar......no more. Congrats!
Day 14. I had to turn down a HH invite and did so graciously. Yay, minor victory!
Looking forward to cravings declining at week 3
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by Outonthetiles
Going out for a short jog. What's nice is that I used to be trapped in my house. I'd get beer or vodka, come home and drink the second I got in the door, and I'd be a prisoner in the house for the rest of the night because I couldn't drive. Now if I want to go run at 10 p.m., I can.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by Cococo
Karen said "I want to choose Cococo from the February 2016 class. I picture her as being in her mid forties, long curly blonde hair, pale skin, pretty, comfortable figure (that means a little on the heavy side by today's standards), dresses in jeans and t-shirts and sneakers, blue eyes."
Cococo replied "Sorry Karen youre miles off"
Short brown curly hair, and quite a lot of it
Brown eyes
Short hairy legs (I don't shave my legs)
Large ears
Average weight
Long tongue
Cococo replied "Sorry Karen youre miles off"
Short brown curly hair, and quite a lot of it
Brown eyes
Short hairy legs (I don't shave my legs)
Large ears
Average weight
Long tongue
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 778
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Right need to vent.
Just before I was going to bed I got a notification of facebook messenger from a friend of mine. Let's just call him Rick.
Rick and I have known each other for three years but we never spoke to each other. He confessed to me last christmas that he wanted to date me. I told him that we can only be friends. But We had a few coffees together and then I stopped meeting him because I noticed it was giving him false hope. We were still friends on facebook as he seemed ok with that.
So that was nearly two months ago and we have had no contact.
Last week he sent me a message asking how I was and would I like to have a friendly catch up over coffee sometime. I said yes but told him I am busy for a while and would let him know when I have a Sunday free. He was okay with that.
Last night he sent me two extremely long messages that really upset me. In a nutshell he called me a user, that I don't know a good thing , that I am not nice, that I waste my time on idiots when he would have looked after me and my son. It went on and on. Very aggressive .
I could tell he had been drinking. His spelling was awful . I have blocked the guy but it took me a while to calm down. He will prob try and contact me to apologise but I have no patience for this kind of chaos.
That was another reminder of what I am like and what I do when I am drunk. I put my hand up. I have contacted people and given them a piece of my mind after drinking...then regretting what I wrote/ said and apologising.
What a waste of time
Just before I was going to bed I got a notification of facebook messenger from a friend of mine. Let's just call him Rick.
Rick and I have known each other for three years but we never spoke to each other. He confessed to me last christmas that he wanted to date me. I told him that we can only be friends. But We had a few coffees together and then I stopped meeting him because I noticed it was giving him false hope. We were still friends on facebook as he seemed ok with that.
So that was nearly two months ago and we have had no contact.
Last week he sent me a message asking how I was and would I like to have a friendly catch up over coffee sometime. I said yes but told him I am busy for a while and would let him know when I have a Sunday free. He was okay with that.
Last night he sent me two extremely long messages that really upset me. In a nutshell he called me a user, that I don't know a good thing , that I am not nice, that I waste my time on idiots when he would have looked after me and my son. It went on and on. Very aggressive .
I could tell he had been drinking. His spelling was awful . I have blocked the guy but it took me a while to calm down. He will prob try and contact me to apologise but I have no patience for this kind of chaos.
That was another reminder of what I am like and what I do when I am drunk. I put my hand up. I have contacted people and given them a piece of my mind after drinking...then regretting what I wrote/ said and apologising.
What a waste of time
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by Cococo
What country are you from?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 3,403
Originally Posted by Cococo
I just wanted to apologise for the tone of some of my posts today.
Im registered early childcare teacher. I haven't worked as a teacher for 8 years but I did for 16 years.
Im registered early childcare teacher. I haven't worked as a teacher for 8 years but I did for 16 years.
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 778
Knb02
Thanks for asking.
Im feeling good right now. I had a bad spell where AV surfaced from about 4pm until about 6pm (same time as yesterday) where I was very easy agitated. I used to typically start drinking around that time. I rode the waves and eventually came right about 6pm, but it was touch and go at points in the 2 hour attack. I become very calm and peaceful after that.
Im just really struggling with getting my head around the fact this current sobriety isn't just me having a temporary break from alcohol, and is in fact a permanent fixture. It feels like Im having a holiday from drinking.
Yep in 1.5 hours day 7 is over.
I live in New Zealand. Do you know where that is?
I wouldn't fret about this man. I think you did the right thing. I wouldn't give it another thought. I would just concentrate on your sobriety and son. Im keeping things REALLY plain and simple in my life for the first 90 days - drama free as much as I can.
Thanks for asking.
Im feeling good right now. I had a bad spell where AV surfaced from about 4pm until about 6pm (same time as yesterday) where I was very easy agitated. I used to typically start drinking around that time. I rode the waves and eventually came right about 6pm, but it was touch and go at points in the 2 hour attack. I become very calm and peaceful after that.
Im just really struggling with getting my head around the fact this current sobriety isn't just me having a temporary break from alcohol, and is in fact a permanent fixture. It feels like Im having a holiday from drinking.
Yep in 1.5 hours day 7 is over.
I live in New Zealand. Do you know where that is?
I wouldn't fret about this man. I think you did the right thing. I wouldn't give it another thought. I would just concentrate on your sobriety and son. Im keeping things REALLY plain and simple in my life for the first 90 days - drama free as much as I can.
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