Blogs


Notices

Class of February 2016 Support Thread Part 3

Old 02-17-2016, 01:56 PM
  # 61 (permalink)  
Member
 
Carlygirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by Mel12 View Post
I cannot shake the thought that I never actually feel good. I can enjoy things to a certain degree, but I always seem to carry a good amount of discomfort in my "mind/body," as it were. If I do not go to the gym frequently, I start to feel quite bad, so I am glad to have exercise upon which to fall back. But exercise seems not enough to close the gap.

Of course feeling bad is a major trigger. This morning I awakened and the first thought was "I feel unbelievably weird; how I am going to get through the day?"

Perhaps others can identify with what I am saying here. Thank you for listening.

Mel
Hi Mel
Do you never feel good since you stopped drinking? Or do you never feel good full stop?
I identify with the feeling of discomfort since I stopped drinking- I don't 'reward' myself with a drink after a good day or rotten day or average day and it makes me uncomfortable BUT drinking was murder too- uncomfortable waiting for the first drink, the waiter is too slow bringing an order, the panic when you don't have enough left. Not comfortable.
What is your experience?
Carlygirl is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Carlygirl For This Useful Post:
Chinaski (02-17-2016), Dee74 (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), safeandsound (02-17-2016), SleepyDots (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016), tiredofme (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 01:58 PM
  # 62 (permalink)  
Member
 
Carlygirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 179
Ladybug- "hating life in the middIe of the night". Thanks for reminding me of this. How quickly we forget!
Carlygirl is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Carlygirl For This Useful Post:
Chinaski (02-17-2016), Dee74 (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), JL2014 (02-17-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), safeandsound (02-17-2016), SleepyDots (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 01:59 PM
  # 63 (permalink)  
Member
 
safeandsound's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 315
I usually read all the posts before posting, but I'll have to do it later.

Not sure anyone can relate to this. Every time I've quit, my husband kept drinking, yet I was able to stay sober (at one point in my marriage I had one year). This time he promised to moderate; he's very worried about me.

But he's an alcoholic. He means well, but he ended up increasing his intake since I got sober week by week until the last two days I had to deal with stumbling, blackouts, insane spending. He never gets mean like I did, thank God.

Once you take a drink, even if you're the best person in the world (and he comes close), all bets are off. You lose your judgment.

He is not open to recovery although he will go to couples counseling with me. He thinks he can "be better" and is so sorry and will try to moderate again. Sigh. I know where that goes.

I feel defeated. I don't want to leave him; he's so much more than an alcoholic. He's my best friend and love of my life. I get scared to post about this issue because in AA people said, "you have to leave him."
safeandsound is offline  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to safeandsound For This Useful Post:
Chinaski (02-17-2016), Dee74 (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), JL2014 (02-17-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Mia83 (02-17-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), SleepyDots (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016), tiredofme (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 02:02 PM
  # 64 (permalink)  
Member
 
Carlygirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by Badger07 View Post
I come here every day to reaffirm my commitment not to drink. I reaffirm the commitment to my fellow brothers and sisters here who share the same goal to stop drinking. I reaffirm the commitment to my family and those that depend on me.

I know this is necessary but I struggle. I have conflicting feelings. On the one hand I miss drinking. It was / is a release for me. Its like saying goodbye to an old friend. I realize the friend is not good for me but he has been with me for quite some time. On the other hand I am ashamed of my actions. I have let this go way too far. I have put my family in a difficult spot and I have done some stupid ****.

I am angry that I have this problem. I was born with depression (runs in the family) and it seems that I have to fight every day to be “normal” like others. I sometimes feel sorry for myself. Then I get angry again that I am being a wussy and force myself to buck up and continue the fight. I grow weary at times.

Thanks for listening to my rant. That is really all it is. I know what I need to do. There is only one answer here – stop drinking and continue to work on being a more healthy person.
Badger- the anger and weariness- it all sounds very hard. Please lean on us. As Camryn says "we've got your back"
Carlygirl is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Carlygirl For This Useful Post:
Chinaski (02-17-2016), Dee74 (02-17-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), safeandsound (02-17-2016), SleepyDots (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 02:18 PM
  # 65 (permalink)  
Member
 
soberjim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,243
Evening everyone.

Today the drive home was a struggle. My AV is was trying to convince me it was ok .. One more evening. I started to think how would I post tomorrow. I drove by the store.

Keep strong everyone
soberjim is offline  
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to soberjim For This Useful Post:
Chinaski (02-17-2016), Dee74 (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), JL2014 (02-17-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), Outonthetiles (02-17-2016), safeandsound (02-17-2016), SleepyDots (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 02:23 PM
  # 66 (permalink)  
Member
 
Chinaski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 118
Good on you, soberjim.

Anyone thinking of drinking tonight, hang close to here. I wish I had done so this weekend. The drinking doesn't get any better after a little time off from it. I was right back to where I'd last left it.
Chinaski is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Chinaski For This Useful Post:
Dee74 (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), JL2014 (02-17-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), safeandsound (02-17-2016), SleepyDots (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 02:26 PM
  # 67 (permalink)  
Member
 
soberjim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,243
Safeandsound...

I read your post several times and keyed in on the part that your husband is receptive to couples counselling..

I am not a counsellor. I just know I have been married 26 years to a wonderful woman who has seen me drink too much black out and pass out.

She made it quite clear she was getting tired of seeing her husband like this. She makes me want to be a better person. You are quite correct once that first drink is taken all bets are off.

It is really positive your husband is willing to go to counselling with you. I wish you the best.
soberjim is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to soberjim For This Useful Post:
Chinaski (02-17-2016), Dee74 (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), JL2014 (02-17-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), safeandsound (02-17-2016), SleepyDots (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 02:38 PM
  # 68 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 188,439
Blog Entries: 1
Originally Posted by Mel12 View Post
I cannot shake the thought that I never actually feel good. I can enjoy things to a certain degree, but I always seem to carry a good amount of discomfort in my "mind/body," as it were. If I do not go to the gym frequently, I start to feel quite bad, so I am glad to have exercise upon which to fall back. But exercise seems not enough to close the gap.

Of course feeling bad is a major trigger. This morning I awakened and the first thought was "I feel unbelievably weird; how I am going to get through the day?"

Perhaps others can identify with what I am saying here. Thank you for listening.

Mel
It took me about 3 months to feel happy Mel - and another few weeks to trust that feeling.

It may seem a long time but I drank for many many years and it colured every thought I had even after I got sober... it took that long for the dead hand of alcoholism to leave me...y'know?

Originally Posted by Badger07 View Post
I come here every day to reaffirm my commitment not to drink. I reaffirm the commitment to my fellow brothers and sisters here who share the same goal to stop drinking. I reaffirm the commitment to my family and those that depend on me.

I know this is necessary but I struggle. I have conflicting feelings. On the one hand I miss drinking. It was / is a release for me. Its like saying goodbye to an old friend. I realize the friend is not good for me but he has been with me for quite some time. On the other hand I am ashamed of my actions. I have let this go way too far. I have put my family in a difficult spot and I have done some stupid ****.

I am angry that I have this problem. I was born with depression (runs in the family) and it seems that I have to fight every day to be “normal” like others. I sometimes feel sorry for myself. Then I get angry again that I am being a wussy and force myself to buck up and continue the fight. I grow weary at times.

Thanks for listening to my rant. That is really all it is. I know what I need to do. There is only one answer here – stop drinking and continue to work on being a more healthy person.
It really can be like an abusive relationship - we move on for our own good but we still mourn a loss.

I think, in time, you'll see it's not a loss at all Badger

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Chinaski (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), JL2014 (02-17-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), safeandsound (02-17-2016), SleepyDots (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 02:40 PM
  # 69 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 188,439
Blog Entries: 1
Congratulations to all those hitting a milestone today - no matter what it is

safeandsound - many of our members have to deal with spouses whop drink - it's tough but it needn't be a dealbreaker. There is always recovery support here and other places.

I agree with others here - if he's open to counselling, it may help?

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Chinaski (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), safeandsound (02-17-2016), SleepyDots (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 02:42 PM
  # 70 (permalink)  
Member
 
JamesSquire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Down Under
Posts: 350
Originally Posted by safeandsound View Post
I usually read all the posts before posting, but I'll have to do it later.

Not sure anyone can relate to this. Every time I've quit, my husband kept drinking, yet I was able to stay sober (at one point in my marriage I had one year). This time he promised to moderate; he's very worried about me.

But he's an alcoholic. He means well, but he ended up increasing his intake since I got sober week by week until the last two days I had to deal with stumbling, blackouts, insane spending. He never gets mean like I did, thank God.

Once you take a drink, even if you're the best person in the world (and he comes close), all bets are off. You lose your judgment.

He is not open to recovery although he will go to couples counseling with me. He thinks he can "be better" and is so sorry and will try to moderate again. Sigh. I know where that goes.

I feel defeated. I don't want to leave him; he's so much more than an alcoholic. He's my best friend and love of my life. I get scared to post about this issue because in AA people said, "you have to leave him."
You and my wife have something in common. I know she probably contemplating leaving me but wanted the 'old me', the one she married back.
I'm forever grateful she stuck by me as in the last year, though I haven't been perfect, I've been 95% better.
If he was violent then I'd have a different opinion.
He will need to want to change. My wife sat me down and told me how sad she was, I hated seeing her cry, still chokes me up thinking about it.
Any counselling is better than none.
Hope you can work it out together.
Maybe you join SR as a husband and wife team.
JamesSquire is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to JamesSquire For This Useful Post:
Chinaski (02-17-2016), Dee74 (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), safeandsound (02-17-2016), SleepyDots (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 02:46 PM
  # 71 (permalink)  
Member
 
360startstoday's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 617
Originally Posted by safeandsound View Post
I usually read all the posts before posting, but I'll have to do it later.

Not sure anyone can relate to this. Every time I've quit, my husband kept drinking, yet I was able to stay sober (at one point in my marriage I had one year). This time he promised to moderate; he's very worried about me.

But he's an alcoholic. He means well, but he ended up increasing his intake since I got sober week by week until the last two days I had to deal with stumbling, blackouts, insane spending. He never gets mean like I did, thank God.

Once you take a drink, even if you're the best person in the world (and he comes close), all bets are off. You lose your judgment.

He is not open to recovery although he will go to couples counseling with me. He thinks he can "be better" and is so sorry and will try to moderate again. Sigh. I know where that goes.

I feel defeated. I don't want to leave him; he's so much more than an alcoholic. He's my best friend and love of my life. I get scared to post about this issue because in AA people said, "you have to leave him."
Just a quick note. Mine was the same way. It made choosing to stop very hard for me. BUT, I didn't give up on him, he didn't ever give up on me. I'm 100% dedicated this time around. God has my back this time. I'm not saying this will happen with you, but now he's seen a change in me and is only a couple days behind me on sobriety days. (I still think I am WAY worse than him anyway), but his change of heart and effort is really helping me too. I would say, don't give up on him just yet. Maybe he will see how awesome sobriety is and want to join in a new party.
360startstoday is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to 360startstoday For This Useful Post:
Chinaski (02-17-2016), Dee74 (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), safeandsound (02-17-2016), SleepyDots (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 02:47 PM
  # 72 (permalink)  
Member
 
Carlygirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 179
Hi safeandsound
My situation is similar. Husband doesn't want to quit but sometimes cuts down while I watch his intake steadily return to previous. It affects how we spend time together and our hopes for the future but he's a great guy and I love him. I am running with it at the moment and trying to stay sober myself.
You love your guy too. Is this also about you staying sober? When I asked around sr about this, the response was 'its hard to quit when your partner drinks but it can be done. It's not a deal breaker and others have done it'. It's very encouraging that he is on board with counselling
Carlygirl is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Carlygirl For This Useful Post:
Chinaski (02-17-2016), Dee74 (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), Outonthetiles (02-17-2016), safeandsound (02-17-2016), SleepyDots (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 03:02 PM
  # 73 (permalink)  
Member
 
Oroszlan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pa
Posts: 50
I hear you soberjim. These evenings are terrible for the AV. It sucks not being able to drink and relax. It also sucks waking up feeling like death. This is going to be hard.
Oroszlan is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Oroszlan For This Useful Post:
Chinaski (02-17-2016), Dee74 (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), Outonthetiles (02-17-2016), SleepyDots (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 03:14 PM
  # 74 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 188,439
Blog Entries: 1
Things do get better Oroszlan - you'll find new ways to relax and you won;t wake up like death forever

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Chinaski (02-17-2016), JL2014 (02-17-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), SleepyDots (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 03:14 PM
  # 75 (permalink)  
Member
 
Outonthetiles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 3,330
A little quick and dirty math: my beer/vodka addiction averaged about US $10 a day. So that's $150.00 I've saved so far. $300 a month extra, that's a nice little dividend.
Outonthetiles is online now  
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Outonthetiles For This Useful Post:
Carlygirl (02-17-2016), Chinaski (02-17-2016), Dee74 (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), OldTomato (02-17-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), SleepyDots (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 03:31 PM
  # 76 (permalink)  
Member
 
OldTomato's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 2,675
Blog Entries: 8
Originally Posted by Outonthetiles View Post
A little quick and dirty math: my beer/vodka addiction averaged about US $10 a day. So that's $150.00 I've saved so far. $300 a month extra, that's a nice little dividend.
I hear ya. Also, not having to constantly worry about saving enough money to fund my drinking every day until the next payday is a HUGE weight off my shoulders!
OldTomato is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to OldTomato For This Useful Post:
Carlygirl (02-17-2016), Chinaski (02-17-2016), Dee74 (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), least (02-17-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), Outonthetiles (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 03:53 PM
  # 77 (permalink)  
Member
 
Oroszlan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Pa
Posts: 50
Anyone else finding themselves worried about future events and relationships with friends? I know it is all part of my AV but it really gets me anxious. I just keep questioning how I will have fun and enjoy things without drinking?
Oroszlan is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Oroszlan For This Useful Post:
Carlygirl (02-17-2016), Chinaski (02-17-2016), Dee74 (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), least (02-17-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), Outonthetiles (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 03:54 PM
  # 78 (permalink)  
Member
 
Chinaski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 118
Definitely some thoughts of drinking going on here. Coming in here to try and make myself more accountable. Even though it's not even 6 o'clock yet, I'm already in my pajamas and I will not be leaving the house no matter what. I don't really want to drink. I don't really need to drink. I really do want to stay sober.
Chinaski is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Chinaski For This Useful Post:
Carlygirl (02-17-2016), Dee74 (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), JamesSquire (02-18-2016), least (02-17-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), safeandsound (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 03:58 PM
  # 79 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 188,439
Blog Entries: 1
Originally Posted by Oroszlan View Post
Anyone else finding themselves worried about future events and relationships with friends? I know it is all part of my AV but it really gets me anxious. I just keep questioning how I will have fun and enjoy things without drinking?
Most of my friends were drinking buds by the end - they didn't so much have to go as they left of their own accord...but my real friends supported me...and I found new friends as well.

My life is vastly different to what it was...but there's no sense of loss anymore (give yourself a little time to transition) because this new life is better in every way and it's entirely and authentically me

D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Carlygirl (02-17-2016), Chinaski (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), least (02-17-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), safeandsound (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)
Old 02-17-2016, 04:00 PM
  # 80 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 188,439
Blog Entries: 1
If you guys haven't read this it's worth it

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html
D
Dee74 is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Carlygirl (02-17-2016), Chinaski (02-17-2016), Emandm (02-18-2016), least (02-17-2016), Mel12 (02-19-2016), Olivia2011 (02-17-2016), Time2Rise (02-18-2016)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:10 PM.