Class of February 2016 Support Thread Part 3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 2,031
Here I am, back to Day 2 after an usuccessful run. I made it to 2 weeks in January and fumbled. A few drinks here and there but I need to come clean. I have to figure out a way to deal with stress. Work stress is fine...I just get the work done...it's the personal stuff, stuff I can't do anything about that throws me into a tailspin.
So, here I go again.
So, here I go again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Optimist - I'm "back" too. Let's do this.
Seriously though, I will never stop trying - and I don't slip HARD - however slipping for random days and then being sober for days, weeks, or months again - makes those little slips hurt even more. It's taking its toll. My body must be saying, really, Kat? You're gonna do this again? Ouch.
Seriously though, I will never stop trying - and I don't slip HARD - however slipping for random days and then being sober for days, weeks, or months again - makes those little slips hurt even more. It's taking its toll. My body must be saying, really, Kat? You're gonna do this again? Ouch.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Hi everyone,
I made it through last night, but it was very close. My AV almost got me. And I was in a miserable mood while I was fighting it, my poor husband. We ate a good dinner and all of a sudden I was fine. So weird how our minds can just flip like a switch. I feel so happy today that I made it through. This is the first "win" I have had over my AV in awhile.
Day 8 and don't ever want to forget this feeling. I am so tired of being a prisoner of alchohol. You don't realize when you are in the midst of it how much you actually miss. Congrats to everyone who is having another sober day and for those trying again just keep trying. We can all do this!
I made it through last night, but it was very close. My AV almost got me. And I was in a miserable mood while I was fighting it, my poor husband. We ate a good dinner and all of a sudden I was fine. So weird how our minds can just flip like a switch. I feel so happy today that I made it through. This is the first "win" I have had over my AV in awhile.
Day 8 and don't ever want to forget this feeling. I am so tired of being a prisoner of alchohol. You don't realize when you are in the midst of it how much you actually miss. Congrats to everyone who is having another sober day and for those trying again just keep trying. We can all do this!
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
There is a chilling account of the AV in this excerpt from "The Lost Weekend" (1945):
HELEN
What aren't you that you want to be,
Don?
DON
A writer. Silly, isn't it? You see,
in college I passed for a genius.
They couldn't get out the college
magazine without one of my stories.
Boy, was I hot. Hemingway stuff. I
reached my peak when I was nineteen.
Sold a piece to the Atlantic Monthly.
It was reprinted in the Readers'
Digest. Who wants to stay in college
when he's Hemingway? My mother bought
me a brand new typewriter, and I
moved right in on New York. Well,
the first thing I wrote, that didn't
quite come off. And the second I
dropped. The public wasn't ready for
that one. I started a third, a fourth,
only about then somebody began to
look over my shoulder and whisper,
in a thin, clear voice like the E-
string on a violin. Don Birnam, he'd
whisper, it's not good enough. Not
that way. How about a couple of drinks
just to put it on its feet? So I had
a couple. Oh, that was a great idea.
That made all the difference. Suddenly
I could see the whole thing -- the
tragic sweep of the great novel,
beautifully proportioned. But before
I could really grab it and throw it
down on paper, the drink would wear
off and everything be gone like a
mirage. Then there was despair, and
a drink to counterbalance despair,
and one to counterbalance the
counterbalance. I'd be sitting in
front of that typewriter, trying to
squeeze out a page that was halfway
decent, and that guy would pop up
again.
HELEN
What guy? Who are you talking about?
DON
The other Don Birnam. There are two
of us, you know: Don the drunk and
Don the writer. And the drunk will
say to the writer, Come on, you idiot.
Let's get some good out of that
portable. Let's hock it. We'll take
it to that pawn shop over on Third
Avenue. Always good for ten dollars,
for another drink, another binge,
another bender, another spree. Such
humorous words. I tried to break
away from that guy a lot of ways. No
good. Once I even bought myself a
gun and some bullets.
(He goes to the desk)
I meant to do it on my thirtieth
birthday.
He opens the drawer, takes out two bullets, holds them in
the palm of his hand.
DON
Here are the bullets. The gun went
for three quarts of whiskey. That
other Don wanted us to have a drink
first. He always wants us to have a
drink first. The flop suicide of a
flop writer.
HELEN
What aren't you that you want to be,
Don?
DON
A writer. Silly, isn't it? You see,
in college I passed for a genius.
They couldn't get out the college
magazine without one of my stories.
Boy, was I hot. Hemingway stuff. I
reached my peak when I was nineteen.
Sold a piece to the Atlantic Monthly.
It was reprinted in the Readers'
Digest. Who wants to stay in college
when he's Hemingway? My mother bought
me a brand new typewriter, and I
moved right in on New York. Well,
the first thing I wrote, that didn't
quite come off. And the second I
dropped. The public wasn't ready for
that one. I started a third, a fourth,
only about then somebody began to
look over my shoulder and whisper,
in a thin, clear voice like the E-
string on a violin. Don Birnam, he'd
whisper, it's not good enough. Not
that way. How about a couple of drinks
just to put it on its feet? So I had
a couple. Oh, that was a great idea.
That made all the difference. Suddenly
I could see the whole thing -- the
tragic sweep of the great novel,
beautifully proportioned. But before
I could really grab it and throw it
down on paper, the drink would wear
off and everything be gone like a
mirage. Then there was despair, and
a drink to counterbalance despair,
and one to counterbalance the
counterbalance. I'd be sitting in
front of that typewriter, trying to
squeeze out a page that was halfway
decent, and that guy would pop up
again.
HELEN
What guy? Who are you talking about?
DON
The other Don Birnam. There are two
of us, you know: Don the drunk and
Don the writer. And the drunk will
say to the writer, Come on, you idiot.
Let's get some good out of that
portable. Let's hock it. We'll take
it to that pawn shop over on Third
Avenue. Always good for ten dollars,
for another drink, another binge,
another bender, another spree. Such
humorous words. I tried to break
away from that guy a lot of ways. No
good. Once I even bought myself a
gun and some bullets.
(He goes to the desk)
I meant to do it on my thirtieth
birthday.
He opens the drawer, takes out two bullets, holds them in
the palm of his hand.
DON
Here are the bullets. The gun went
for three quarts of whiskey. That
other Don wanted us to have a drink
first. He always wants us to have a
drink first. The flop suicide of a
flop writer.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 2,675
Optimist - Welcome to the February class! Are you attending meetings or getting any other kind of support? It could be helpful to talk through these problems and find other ways of coping, like you said. It can be difficult to get back into the swing of things after using alcohol as a crutch, stay strong. Please keep checking back!
Kat - You're right, I've also had similar experiences when it comes to slipping/relapsing. I'd quit for a few days or weeks... or "successfully control" (ha!) my drinking for a little while, then I'd get blackout drunk. I'd develop awful withdrawal symptoms... a lot worse than the symptoms I got from daily drinking.
Ladybug - Well done for beating the AV! Use this experience and keep in mind next time you're struggling that you just have to wait for the switch flip back again and you'll feel better after that.
Mel - Thank you for sharing that, I could relate to it. I'd refer to myself as being split into two personas as well, drunk me and 'normal' me. 'Normal' me had a considerably quieter voice for a while there, visiting this site has allowed me to realise that drunk me is my AV talking.
Kat - You're right, I've also had similar experiences when it comes to slipping/relapsing. I'd quit for a few days or weeks... or "successfully control" (ha!) my drinking for a little while, then I'd get blackout drunk. I'd develop awful withdrawal symptoms... a lot worse than the symptoms I got from daily drinking.
Ladybug - Well done for beating the AV! Use this experience and keep in mind next time you're struggling that you just have to wait for the switch flip back again and you'll feel better after that.
Mel - Thank you for sharing that, I could relate to it. I'd refer to myself as being split into two personas as well, drunk me and 'normal' me. 'Normal' me had a considerably quieter voice for a while there, visiting this site has allowed me to realise that drunk me is my AV talking.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 2,675
Originally Posted by Applekat 
OldT- yes! Kindling is a real thing. I've read accounts where someone with some sober time then slips, binges, and that's it. That time did it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 2,031
Originally Posted by OldTomato
Optimist - Welcome to the February class! Are you attending meetings or getting any other kind of support? It could be helpful to talk through these problems and find other ways of coping, like you said. It can be difficult to get back into the swing of things after using alcohol as a crutch, stay strong. Please keep checking back!
Today, I'm cooking and baking! I really should be doing other things around the house but I'm cutting myself some slack because I am so run down.
Thank you for the advice!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: England
Posts: 2,675
Originally Posted by Optimist4ever57
Today, I'm cooking and baking! I really should be doing other things around the house but I'm cutting myself some slack because I am so run down.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: South Africa
Posts: 86
7th day coming to an end. Feeling tired so the AV is bugging me. Rather going to bed and wake up feeling fresh and ready to take on this ultimate challenge with fresh legs tomorrow.
Everyone stay strong and believe that this is one battle worth fighting for!!!!
Everyone stay strong and believe that this is one battle worth fighting for!!!!
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