Class of February 2016 Support Thread Part 2
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 471
Hi everyone. I made it through today. I did want to drink coming home from work. I did go to an AA meeting and it helped a lot. Knowing I would be logging in here tonight helped a lot, too. I don't feel well at all, extremely tired and ache all over. But, I felt good this morning. It felt good to wake up and not be sick.
Bradley, I have had people telling me for years that I don't have a problem. Last time my son told me that was last time I tried to get sober. My sons are grown. I told him, "You don't live inside me, so you don't know," He's never told me that since. No one can know how much it's hurting us unless they are us, and they can't be, so they just need to be supportive or shut up. A big part of my drinking was hiding it, so it shouldn't surprise me that others don't see it.
Bradley, I have had people telling me for years that I don't have a problem. Last time my son told me that was last time I tried to get sober. My sons are grown. I told him, "You don't live inside me, so you don't know," He's never told me that since. No one can know how much it's hurting us unless they are us, and they can't be, so they just need to be supportive or shut up. A big part of my drinking was hiding it, so it shouldn't surprise me that others don't see it.
Stingy athlete recovery method
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 754
Thanks for the discussion Bradley and Camryn. My drinking friends want me to drink, which messes with my head, as you say, especially since I have a personality type that tends to be agreeable. But the alcohol--quite literally--has messed up my head. My brain, to be specific.
When I quit, I felt my brain chemistry go wild in the first days. When I experienced that, I knew I had gone too far with the drinking. Any illusion I had that I was exaggerating my "problem" was dispelled by the direct experience of my brain being fouled up during withdrawal. All the rationalizations ("I don't drink nearly as much as Bill," etc.) could not stand up to this plain fact: when I quit my brain behaved as if it had been damaged.
Even now my brain feels like it is still has some way to go towards equilibrium. How long will this brain recovery process takes? I hear different opinions on this question. But from my quitting experience, I do know my brain and alcohol simply do not get along. Maybe my friends can handle their drink, but I know that I cannot. Doing what I can to have a somewhat intact brain, especially as I get older, seems a good idea!
Mel
When I quit, I felt my brain chemistry go wild in the first days. When I experienced that, I knew I had gone too far with the drinking. Any illusion I had that I was exaggerating my "problem" was dispelled by the direct experience of my brain being fouled up during withdrawal. All the rationalizations ("I don't drink nearly as much as Bill," etc.) could not stand up to this plain fact: when I quit my brain behaved as if it had been damaged.
Even now my brain feels like it is still has some way to go towards equilibrium. How long will this brain recovery process takes? I hear different opinions on this question. But from my quitting experience, I do know my brain and alcohol simply do not get along. Maybe my friends can handle their drink, but I know that I cannot. Doing what I can to have a somewhat intact brain, especially as I get older, seems a good idea!
Mel
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 928
KarenO, I have a few family members who simply refuse to accept I have a problem. I agree, they should be supportive or shut up. I like what you said in response.
Day 4 here, tonight my AV is very active, per usual. There are a few things weighing heavily on my mind that my AV is telling me a drink would cure. Same story, different day.
I had IOP today and for the first time I got something out of it. Felt pretty good.
Will be glad when tomorrow gets here. Hang in there everyone.
Day 4 here, tonight my AV is very active, per usual. There are a few things weighing heavily on my mind that my AV is telling me a drink would cure. Same story, different day.
I had IOP today and for the first time I got something out of it. Felt pretty good.
Will be glad when tomorrow gets here. Hang in there everyone.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 118
Home from work. Two slow days in a row. Thank goodness my bills are paid up for the time being.
Going to go read in a hot bath for a bit and then watch a TV show or two before crashing. I'm sure I'll check in here again before bedtime though. I bought some dark chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Cups on the way home from work. About to devour them. So much for eating healthier today.
Glad to see this class being so active this evening!
Mel12 -- It really is that simple at times. Don't drink and you won't get drunk. If you feel like you want to drink, ask for help and don't drink in the meantime.
I know everyone's experience is different when it comes to the brain fog lifting in sobriety, but I usually found it pretty much gone by the end of the first month. Of course I also have gone back out and drank after that a whole bunch of times, so what do I know?
safeandsound -- Congrats on two big weeks!
forabetterlife -- Yep, asking for that help before we take that first drink is all important. It's how I failed last year after five months sober. I had a good support system in place and, on purpose, I avoided it just so I could drink again.
bradley26 -- Good on you for recognizing you have a problem even if others don't see it. Once again, 40 days is very inspirational to me. Glad you're sharing with us.
JL2014 -- Hang in there. Sorry you're sick but glad you're still checking in here.
Supertired -- Thanks for checking in. School work sounds like a much better idea than hangovers.
njdellis -- Congrats on four days!
KarenOskie -- Great job making the decision to go to that meeting instead of picking up that drink. The accountability I'm building by frequent check-ins here over the last week has been a huge help for me too.
bluedog97 -- Alcohol has never cured a single problem in my life. It's certainly made a few of those problems way bigger though. Glad you're here with us. I appreciate your honesty. It's a good example for me.
Glad you had a good session of IOP. I have only been to IOP once years ago and really enjoyed it but I wasn't able to complete the program because my probation officer dropped the ball and didn't get my probation for my DWI extended. I actually wanted to stay on probation instead of being released so I could stay in the court-sponsored IOP. Sounds crazy to not want your probation to be over, but I wish it had worked out that way. Of course I went back out and started drinking within a couple of weeks of that probation ending. But I know today that's my fault, not the probation officer's, though I blamed her at the time.
Sorry if I missed anyone who checked in tonight. Hope everyone who hasn't been in here today is doing OK. Talk to you all later.
Going to go read in a hot bath for a bit and then watch a TV show or two before crashing. I'm sure I'll check in here again before bedtime though. I bought some dark chocolate Reese's Peanut Butter Cups on the way home from work. About to devour them. So much for eating healthier today.
Glad to see this class being so active this evening!
Mel12 -- It really is that simple at times. Don't drink and you won't get drunk. If you feel like you want to drink, ask for help and don't drink in the meantime.
I know everyone's experience is different when it comes to the brain fog lifting in sobriety, but I usually found it pretty much gone by the end of the first month. Of course I also have gone back out and drank after that a whole bunch of times, so what do I know?
safeandsound -- Congrats on two big weeks!
forabetterlife -- Yep, asking for that help before we take that first drink is all important. It's how I failed last year after five months sober. I had a good support system in place and, on purpose, I avoided it just so I could drink again.
bradley26 -- Good on you for recognizing you have a problem even if others don't see it. Once again, 40 days is very inspirational to me. Glad you're sharing with us.
JL2014 -- Hang in there. Sorry you're sick but glad you're still checking in here.
Supertired -- Thanks for checking in. School work sounds like a much better idea than hangovers.
njdellis -- Congrats on four days!
KarenOskie -- Great job making the decision to go to that meeting instead of picking up that drink. The accountability I'm building by frequent check-ins here over the last week has been a huge help for me too.
bluedog97 -- Alcohol has never cured a single problem in my life. It's certainly made a few of those problems way bigger though. Glad you're here with us. I appreciate your honesty. It's a good example for me.
Glad you had a good session of IOP. I have only been to IOP once years ago and really enjoyed it but I wasn't able to complete the program because my probation officer dropped the ball and didn't get my probation for my DWI extended. I actually wanted to stay on probation instead of being released so I could stay in the court-sponsored IOP. Sounds crazy to not want your probation to be over, but I wish it had worked out that way. Of course I went back out and started drinking within a couple of weeks of that probation ending. But I know today that's my fault, not the probation officer's, though I blamed her at the time.
Sorry if I missed anyone who checked in tonight. Hope everyone who hasn't been in here today is doing OK. Talk to you all later.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,479
Hi all. It was a good day here. I didn't get as much as I wanted done but that's ok. We got outside to play for a few hours and man that makes all the difference in the world. I've been doing a lot of thinking about my plan as I move forward. I think I'm finally and truly starting to accept that I can never drink again. That has been the hardest thing for me to swollow. It feels like I'm on the right path this time instead of going in circles. I want to close that long dark chapter that was put into motion when I was 7!
I hope everyone had a good day!
I hope everyone had a good day!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Chicago
Posts: 38
Made it through day 4
It seems so silly to even say the words day 4, but I'm much better off than I was last week. I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate this forum and the best ways to post and reply. Monday's are my hard days. I work long hours, the spouse has boys night out, I don't work on Tuesdays and can easily down 2 bottles of wine and some misc vodka cocktails only to make phone calls I don't remember, verbally attack my husband and forget why he is mad at me in the morning. The insomnia is tough but if I can't sleep, I guess I'll read, or do laundry anything to keep me busy and productive. Few moments of weakness and frustration this weekend. But right now I'm feeling pretty good.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 197
Checking in - have been busy with work and have had few opportunities for drinking, which is great and keeping me on the wagon. Reading and thinking of all. I noticed some other recent threads that are so sad. The self-loathing and desparation so very universal - we all know it too well and can empathize 
I hope we all get to these long term sobriety milestones...it is so inspiring. I have yet to see a person with a solid history of sobriety say it is "worse" than the ups and downs and insanity of a life with alcohol
I hope we all get to these long term sobriety milestones...it is so inspiring. I have yet to see a person with a solid history of sobriety say it is "worse" than the ups and downs and insanity of a life with alcohol
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Good morning everyone. I like the discussion on what other people think of my drinking. My drinking friends loved me to drink for obvious reasons...my non-drinking friends don't care if I drink or not. They didn't see the real effects of my drinking of course. The anxiety. The guilt. The reckless and thoughtless behaviour which hurt others. The spending days lying on the sofa hungover and neglecting my children.
Alcoholism is such a dangerous thing because it re-writes history in our minds. I haven't drunk recklessly like that for 4 years, since I've been in recovery really. I have had stretches of good solid sobriety. I've had a couple of one night binges and a spell at the beginning of last year when I drank sporadically.
I'm just over a week away from my last one night of drinking. I'm still suffering from the emotional fallout. Yet in my head....well it wasn't THAT bad!!
Don't get me wrong. I know it was. I'm going all out for recovery. I'm doing meetings, going on a retreat, reading, praying, meditating, staying in contact with other alcoholics......
But, I will never again underestimate the power of this disease. It tries to persuade me that I'm different, I'm not like you, I can perhaps return to the days many years ago when drinking was fun.
Over the past weekend I began to hatch a plan to end my life. I was distraught and just really crushed. THAT is how this disease will kill me. I'm unlikely to go with the physical effects, but mentally and spiritually it robs me of hope. And I cannot live without that.
Anyway, just needed to type that out. I work in a school and we've pancake races today. Seeing their smiling faces will lift me no end.
Pleased to be here with you all. Much love. Stay safe everyone ❤️
Alcoholism is such a dangerous thing because it re-writes history in our minds. I haven't drunk recklessly like that for 4 years, since I've been in recovery really. I have had stretches of good solid sobriety. I've had a couple of one night binges and a spell at the beginning of last year when I drank sporadically.
I'm just over a week away from my last one night of drinking. I'm still suffering from the emotional fallout. Yet in my head....well it wasn't THAT bad!!
Don't get me wrong. I know it was. I'm going all out for recovery. I'm doing meetings, going on a retreat, reading, praying, meditating, staying in contact with other alcoholics......
But, I will never again underestimate the power of this disease. It tries to persuade me that I'm different, I'm not like you, I can perhaps return to the days many years ago when drinking was fun.
Over the past weekend I began to hatch a plan to end my life. I was distraught and just really crushed. THAT is how this disease will kill me. I'm unlikely to go with the physical effects, but mentally and spiritually it robs me of hope. And I cannot live without that.
Anyway, just needed to type that out. I work in a school and we've pancake races today. Seeing their smiling faces will lift me no end.
Pleased to be here with you all. Much love. Stay safe everyone ❤️
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 315
Jeni, please don't do it. And if that's not on your mind, please understand that others know exactly what you are going through. You can message me tonight; I'll be up for a couple hours at least.
I'm also a teacher. I think you should feel proud about the people you have helped. But I also understand depression. Maybe a trip to the doctor? I finally admitted what I was going through, and he helped me with a few pills for withdrawal (which can kill you if you are used to drinking as much as I was) and depression. It was so embarrassing because I know him professionally, but it was worth it, and he was way more understanding than I thought he would be.
Sorry not to respond individually. I am not doing too well. Thank you for your posts.
I'm also a teacher. I think you should feel proud about the people you have helped. But I also understand depression. Maybe a trip to the doctor? I finally admitted what I was going through, and he helped me with a few pills for withdrawal (which can kill you if you are used to drinking as much as I was) and depression. It was so embarrassing because I know him professionally, but it was worth it, and he was way more understanding than I thought he would be.
Sorry not to respond individually. I am not doing too well. Thank you for your posts.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 534
Hi everyone
Jeni-hope you're ok? Please come on here and chat.
I'm on day 2 and feeling strong. Going to my doctor was both the hardest and best thing to do. I'm so glad I did it.
Feel really embarrassed about the way I behaved on the last day I drank.
Jeni-hope you're ok? Please come on here and chat.
I'm on day 2 and feeling strong. Going to my doctor was both the hardest and best thing to do. I'm so glad I did it.
Feel really embarrassed about the way I behaved on the last day I drank.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Scotland
Posts: 396
It's a big Month for me. 24th Feb 2015, was when I finally gave in. I went to an AA meeting early March last year, I joined a group within a few weeks. and I have been regular ever since. My aim to share at my Birthday group meeting on the 24th. I have not currently shared yet, although I have spoken. I also figured in sobriety, I have social anxiety. I can deal with this as well as long as I keep doing what I'm doing. Thanks to SR and AA. ODAAT.
Well done everyone, new or old.
Well done everyone, new or old.
Sober Soldier
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,911
Morning everyone.
Day 8 for me which means I have completed a full week sober!
I feel really good and this thread and SR in general has been key to making it this far. I have been logged in the whole time and have kept the page open on my phone and ipad so that anytime I have the chance I could check in.
Thanks and stay strong everyone!
Day 8 for me which means I have completed a full week sober!
I feel really good and this thread and SR in general has been key to making it this far. I have been logged in the whole time and have kept the page open on my phone and ipad so that anytime I have the chance I could check in.
Thanks and stay strong everyone!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 216
I am with the ones whose friends and family wouldnt think I have a problem. A lot of my friends drink a lot. I drink a lot less them when out with them but thats where the problem starts when they go home they stop thats when my real drinking begins arrg so sick of this madness.
I did really think I had hid it well but a comment a few weeks ago about opening a bottle of wine when my kitchen is finished (if it ever will be more problems yesterday just love old houses lol) made me realise with a few people I have a reputation for liking my drink not good, hopefully this will change with more sober time under my belt.
Jeni hugs hope the pancake race lifted your mood a little.
Thank you all for your posts they really are helping hope you have a good sober day.
I did really think I had hid it well but a comment a few weeks ago about opening a bottle of wine when my kitchen is finished (if it ever will be more problems yesterday just love old houses lol) made me realise with a few people I have a reputation for liking my drink not good, hopefully this will change with more sober time under my belt.
Jeni hugs hope the pancake race lifted your mood a little.
Thank you all for your posts they really are helping hope you have a good sober day.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 928
Good morning all. It always amazes me how much better waking up is without a hangover, regardless of how much I slept.
NH primary today, I'll be interested in how it turns out. Also Mardi Gras *gasp*. Thinking of all those drunk revelers down on the coast and how glad I am not in the middle of it.
I also have thanks for all who post. Great day everyone, let's make it happen.
NH primary today, I'll be interested in how it turns out. Also Mardi Gras *gasp*. Thinking of all those drunk revelers down on the coast and how glad I am not in the middle of it.
I also have thanks for all who post. Great day everyone, let's make it happen.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 471
I couldn't sleep most of the night and woke up feeling nauseated. I almost feel like I have a hangover. I'm on day 4! Going to push through, I know it will get better. I have a big day today. I'm trying to keep in mind that my one real goal is not to drink. Whatever else, good or bad, is nothing in comparison. Thanks everyone for writing, it was a great start to the day to read all your comments.
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