CloudStrife

During my morning readings I came across a quote that really touched me. I Just wanted to share with the rest of the class.

“Life is glorious, but life is also wretched. It is both. Appreciating the gloriousness inspires us, encourages us, cheers us up, gives us a bigger perspective, energizes us. We feel connected. But if that's all that's happening, we get arrogant and start to look down on others, and there is a sense of making ourselves a big deal and being really serious about it, wanting it to be like that forever. The gloriousness becomes tinged by craving and addiction. On the other hand, wretchedness--life's painful aspect--softens us up considerably. Knowing pain is a very important ingredient of being there for another person. When you are feeling a lot of grief, you can look right into somebody's eyes because you feel you haven't got anything to lose--you're just there. The wretchedness humbles us and softens us, but if we were only wretched, we would all just go down the tubes. We'd be so depressed, discouraged, and hopeless that we wouldn't have enough energy to eat an apple. Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us. They go together.”
― Pema Chödrön

Warm wishes for everyone today!

opalblue

Hi Maximus. I see a lot of members who joined around the same time as me. I started off in the Aug 2014 class. Some of the members are still there and still sober..amazing.
I hope that I will be sticking around for a long time. Alcohol is so addictive to people like us. Just keep trying

Ritm16

Well, after so many times of making it 3-4 days I end up drinking (I've been so good, I deserve just one drink), one turns into many and before I know it I've been back to my old drinking habits. Today is day one again.... I have to stay sober this time because it's hurting my marriage, my job, my health and so much more I probably don't even realize yet.

opalblue

Well done for the 3-4 days! Get back on it. You can do this. Don't let this addiction beat you

kittycat3

Hey guys, you can add me to the list of those that slipped, day 1 today. I had 3 beers last night. I came home, smoked too many cigarettes, and drank water the rest of the night before going to bed at 1030.
Sometimes these nights scare me more - nothing terrible happened, thank goodness, but I know that eventually it will if I keep drinking. Praying hard to my HP today to help give me strength to make better decisions in the future. I know these repeated slips are me giving my AV the control.

Chinaski

I'm off work today. Going to need it as this is going to be a LONG weekend at work with Valentine's being on Sunday.

Only goal I have is to do laundry. If I don't, I'll be going into work naked tomorrow.

I'm a bit irritated at one of my co-workers right now. I had been asleep for an hour when I got a text after midnight saying, "Sorry to text so late but I need a small favor." I didn't answer so they then called three times over the next hour and a half and texted once more. Of course, I turned my ringer/vibration all the way off after the first round. I have never drank with any of my co-workers so don't know if alcohol was involved on their end, and this is not someone who I've ever had any relationship with outside work though we do get along very well. Anyways, I'm not going to answer her back unless she texts/calls at a reasonable hour today.

PeacefulRain -- Hope you got your good night's sleep.

Jeni26 -- You've proven in the past that you can remain sober in the face of your husband's drinking. I know you're going to AA meetings--I'd make that and regular check-ins here a priority next week. Ask for help as soon as those thoughts pop up. We're here for you.

SansaS -- Have a great trip! And while it's sad to drop your dog off somewhere else for a few days, there's no better feeling in the world than how excited they are when they finally see you again. It's such a pure joy and love.

5upsersonic -- Thanks for checking in. How are you doing?

tiredofme -- Have a great visit with your sober friend.

knb02 -- Welcome to the Class of February 2016 and congrats on 17 huge days! We've got a great group going here, glad you've joined us.

Outonthetiles -- Congrats on day 9! That is quite fine.

JL2014 -- One foot in front of the other, you've got this. Hope you're recovering from your cold/illness.

KarenOskie -- Sorry you drank but glad you're back on the road of recovery. AA is absolutely wonderful if you can fully embrace the steps and fellowship. Hope that next time those urges/cravings hit that you'll call an AA friend or come post on these boards asking for help before you take that drink. We're here for you and have all been in that same spot very recently.

mns1 -- Good luck in your exam! Hope you walk out of it doing that same celebratory Rocky gesture from your avatar.

soberjim -- Great job on day 12!

maximus97 -- One day at a time, you can do this. Don't beat yourself up about your slip, focus on your positive decision to stay sober today.

ChrisBen -- Glad you checked in!

HighDraw18 -- Ditto!

CloudStrife -- Love the quote, especially as it pertains to empathy. Thanks for sharing.

Ritm16 -- Welcome to the Class of February 2016 and congratulations on choosing a better way of life in recovery!

kittycat3 -- Sorry you chose to drink yesterday but glad you're back with the goal of sobriety. And I agree that the unpredictability is maybe the most insidious part of our addiction--when I take that first drink I never know if I'm "just" going to have a couple more and then go to bed or if I'm going to wake up not remembering all the awful things I probably said and did the night before. Hope you'll give us a chance to help you before you take that first drink next time. You can do this! We all can do this.

My apologies if I missed anyone who posted since I last did. I hope today is a happy and sober day for all. Remember to ask for help before you take that first drink!

Outonthetiles

I ran a Systems Test a couple days ago when shopping. I walked down the beer aisle at grocery store to see if I could do it. No problem...I didn't look left or right, just kept on walking. It really wasn't that big of a deal... I didn't stop to caress any bottles of beer or look longingly at my old friends. It was kind of funny, in a way, just a way to say "eff you" to the disease.

kittycat3

Thanks for your encouragement chinaski, I need it very much right now. I am so discouraged by this constant rollercoaster of drink, vow to quit, abstain for a time, then repeat.....
Also how rude of your coworker, I agree late night calling is likely to be drinking related, but of course that's because mine always was I hope all is ok w your coworker and you can take some solace in being glad it isn't you drinking and calling others at inappropriate times.....ugh I know for me I have done that and suffered through the morning after regret of it.

Outonthetiles

I'm really enjoying my new lifestyle and my new attitude.
So... I put my last round of beer bottles in recycling before work this morning (no, I didn't need a forklift!)
No more need to hide bottles from the neighbors. I really don't know why I didn't embrace sobriety before.

Supertired

19 days no alcohol, 3 days no cigarettes, 20 minutes no fried egg sandwich

TaylorSaint

Entering day 7! One week, I can't remember the last time I went a full week. I'm am so irritable this morning though. Thursday's are hard, considering how much I drank last Thursday. I'm riding the waves of my desire to drink. It feels great to wake up every morning and 100% have no regrets. I think it's good for my husband to see that I like to have conversations, it's not just chatty drunk talk.

But 1 week of not drinking has just made me so much more aware that I am surrounded by alcoholics. It's frustrating and heartbreaking and exhausting. I have managed to hide away this week and focus on my self. I ignored the phone a lot. Just checked my voicemail to hear everyone else's drunken messages. For now with the exception of my husband, children and one sister I am keeping my journey of sobriety to my self.

So today I'm feeling accomplished with 1 week under my belt. But I'm just so incredibly crabby and irritated with the world around me. Drinking masked that reality, now I just need to find better ways to deal with it.

OldSkoolFool

I have a full sealed bottle of Bulleit Bourbon sitting in my cupboard peering out at me through the glass window. I like to walk by and flip it the bird every day.

soberjim

Congratulations on 1 week. I relate so much to your last sentence. This last week I have been overly irritable.

Stay with it. one day at a time.

safeandsound

Feeling a little less down today, probably because I finally got some sleep. Went to my counselor yesterday. I told her I needed to focus more on the positives, so in addition to writing about things I regret I did to myself and others while drinking, I'm making positive lists:

--Adding to my plan as ideas occur
--Daily gratitude list
--Daily list of ways I'm taking care of myself and how life is better without drinking (physically, mentally, emotionally). This one is super important as I tend not to take care of myself
--Daily effort to help others (alcoholics or "regular" people)

I know I'm someone who responds best to encouragement and positivity, so hopefully this will help. One thing I've discovered this time is that I love to write and love to make lists. I am creating a binder with all my counseling worksheets and have a journal as well as a "tips" file on my computer.

Maximus--hope your mood lifts. I know exactly how you feel. It's hard to believe, but it will pass eventually if you hang on.

Welcome WizingUp and Knb.

Jeni--I've said before that my husband also drinks. I'd agree with what others said about making a plan. For me, getting out of the house is really important. Going to a movie, (window) shopping, browsing bookstores, getting a pedicure, going to meetings . . . anything that keeps me active and gets me away for a bit.

KarenOskie--I agree with Dee: whatever works. If that's AA, that's great. I think f2f meetings are so important, like Knb said. I'm getting a lot out of SOS.

kittycat, you said, "Sometimes these nights scare me more - nothing terrible happened, thank goodness, but I know that eventually it will if I keep drinking. Praying hard to my HP today to help give me strength to make better decisions in the future. I know these repeated slips are me giving my AV the control." I've been reading about this lately. One worksheet says, "Using even after a long period of abstinence renews cravings and increases their strength and frequency" BUT "Cravings lose power, little by little, each time you respond to the craving by not using." Again, I prefer to focus on the positive!

Hope everyone gets through today sober no matter what.

Ladybug2

Hi everyone,

Been very hesitant to post today, but if I don't then I am just giving my AV more power. So today I'm back to Day 1. So very frustrated and scared. I can't seem to get past 4 days this time around. I'd like to go back to some AA meetings that I used to enjoy years ago. I never got into working the steps or getting a sponsor, but the face to face support and just listening to others share did help. The only problem is the meetings are in the middle of the day so I would have to take my 1year old and that could be interesting. I need to do something different though because I can't stay on this roller coaster. Anyway, it helps to post and be honest. This thing is bigger than any of us. I am still determined to get my sober life back.

Outonthetiles

Now that I feel like I'm coming out the other end of this thing, I'm trying to figure out how all this happened.
I apparently have a susceptibility to alcohol that I didn't recognize, but I see now that alcohol has been part of my life since high school. It really never seemed like a problem, until it became a huge problem.
I think the trigger for becoming non-functional was a break up two years ago with someone I really cared about. In a way I'm glad it all came to a head because if it hadn't, I'd still be drinking at the same level I was back in college, which was tolerable, but not healthy. I'm grateful I came so close to death because that was the only way I was going to wake up and realize what I was doing to myself.

Badger07

Day 8

Chinaski

Laundry is all done except for the folding and hanging. Going to do that now and then take a nice day off work nap.

TaylorSaint -- Congrats on one week! That's huge. You can't control what others around you are drinking, but you don't have to take that first drink yourself. You can do this. We all can do this.

Outonthetiles -- I was drinking a lot of box wine towards the end. Because it was cheap and, I think this was an even bigger reason for me, because it was easier to hide in the trash. No tell-tale clinking of the bottles. I'd even tear the boxes apart and turn them inside out before putting them in the trash. Crazy.

Supertired -- Hope you'll come in here and post asking for help before you take that first bite out of the next egg sandwich. Your post made me laugh. Thanks for that and congrats on another successful day of not smoking or drinking.

OldSkoolFool -- Welcome to the Class of February 2016! While it might be fun to flip off now, I'd dump that bottle of bourbon if it was mine. No reason to have temptation so close.

safeandsound -- I like your plan of positivity and gratitude.

Ladybug2 -- Sorry you drank again but glad you're being honest and are back on the path of sobriety. You shouldn't ever feel like you can't come in here and talk about this stuff. We've all relapsed. I've done it hundreds of times. That's why we're all here. I think you should find a way to get to those AA meetings if they appeal to you. The having your baby with you thing will work out. Talking to another alcoholic, whether it be in person or here, is such a cleansing and healing process.

Badger07 -- Welcome to SR and the Class of February 2016! Congrats on eight days. That's awesome!

Ladybug2

Thanks Chinaski for your comforting words. I already feel so much better after having posted on here. My AV has been telling me I should just drink again tonight since I am already back on Day 1, but I'm not going to let that sneaky hag win again.

Chinaski

That AV is a stinking liar. It'll say whatever is necessary to get what it wants and doesn't care about how your drinking affects you or anyone else in your life. Don't listen to it. Hang close to here, post as much as you need to keep away from that first drink today.