Chinaski

Time2Rise -- Glad you've made your way back here. We've got a great group going on and I look forward to getting to know you better.

forabetterlife --- So happy you stuck with your plan for today. That's awesome news! I know that Carlygirl was going for more a "tomorrow never comes, focus on today and let tomorrow take care of itself tomorrow" vibe in her post, but I understand your interpretation too. It's important for me to realize today that drinking is just not a viable option. Period. It needs to be off the table.

Camryn474

Time2Rise, of course you can join! Welcome aboard. Glad to have you with us and be able to share this journey with you.

Carly, thank you for that post. That made me smile.

Everyone is doing so well. I love it. We've got an incredibly strong group of people here.

I'm just down right pooped this evening. I haven't done much today but I guess my sleep having been messed up is catching up with me. I'll probably sleep great tonight which I'm so excited about. I've done better today. I ate really well, recognized that I have a certain time cravings hit, dealt with them appropriately, and am bringing the day to a close sober! I'll take that as a win.

Dee74

Welcome TimeRise

D

Stubbs16

Hi class, I caved earlier today. I just wanted to drink a few.

So, I did. Not a good thing to be posting for our class, much worse for me. See, I just wanted that instant relief. Its just the truth. I know it wasnt what I really wanted though. It never is. Glad I stopped at a few. But one is too many, as we all know.

Im admitting failing, once again. Ive done this scenario so many times. I just wanted to say, this is pure insanity. It really is. I feel I cant change things up, unless all around me changes. Thats stupid too, cause I have read about so many people's trials and struggles here, and they muddle thru. My problems aren't any different. Its just the old addiction calling me out. Not making any excuses.

I didn't reach out, because I guess deep down, my inner addict just got the better of me. But seriously, my AV is my bad part of me. It will always be with me. But I do believe, if I can somehow put enough space and time between it, and me, I still have a fighting chance. I really need to give myself a fair chance at this though. I really didnt want to come and admit my failure, but its the right thing for me to do at this point.

Im in alot of pain and turmoil now, with issues. Drinking only makes it so much harder.

So, tomorrow is another day . I hope to get back on track with my sobriety. It sometimes seems, this battle within my mind, will never leave me alone.

Thanks for listening all. Keep up the good fight.

RustyBanjo

Been there so many times, Maximus. I don't have any wise words of wisdom since I'm trying to figure out how not to succumb to that in the future like I've done so many times. I think by us posting here its a good start. Keep your head up.

Dee74

Hi Max - sometimes we know that, for things to be better, we need massive change - and thats scary.

We can even convince ourself that drinking is an easier option.

Of course it's not - and if there's two things I rally hope you learn from nights like tonight it's that the AV lies - and that maybe change isn't that bad after all?


D

Chinaski

Been a nice lazy day around Chinaski's house. I had those work meetings/trainings this morning, did a bunch of grocery shopping after that, and have mostly just lazed around the house since then. Finished a couple of books (The Orchard Keeper by Cormac McCarthy and The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris, if anyone cares) started a couple more. I'm watching last night's episode of Marvel's Agent Carter right now. It's good, dumb entertainment. I am off tomorrow so will probably stay up a little late tonight, maybe watch a movie or two.

I ate healthy today--cooked some salmon and made an amazing salad with lots of fresh green stuff for dinner. Spent too much money at the grocery store but I stocked up on a lot of various household essentials. I figure the less time I spend in places with wine aisles for the foreseeable future, the better, so I got a lot done today.

Did have a couple of passing thoughts of "a drink would be nice now" early this evening, but honestly they were quickly in and out of my head. Wouldn't call them cravings or urges, just a whisper of a habit that disappeared in a snap.

maximus97 -- Sorry you decided to drink but glad you are being honest and not hiding it and especially glad you are still wanting to quit drinking. Believe me, I completely understand the need for anonymity online, but we're here to help you as much as you'll let us. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you...sending good thoughts your way.

P.S. I like your new avatar.

Camryrn474 -- Congrats on another successful day sober! Glad it was a better day than yesterday and much much better than it would have been if you were fighting regrets and/or a hangover.

Hope everyone who hasn't checked in yet has had a safe and sober Wednesday. Talk to you all later.

Stubbs16

Thanks much RustyB.

I know everybody here understands, and thats one of my reasons for being here. I dont expect to explain, we all have been there. Im still in this class, and I will never give up trying for total sobriety.

Like Dee said, this is a welcoming place. No interrogation here. Just support, and I thank everyone here for that.

WizingUp

Been a member here a while. Heck this may be my first post. I am trying for the fourth time in a year to kick this nasty habit. Been a heavy drinker for about 1 0years. Went through horrible withdrawals when I quit for 14 days this last time (should have probably gone to the ER). This time around isn't so bad, but I am at 48 hours and definitely hurting a bit. Can't wait to start feeling better.

Dee74

Welcome wizingup

D

Chinaski

Welcome WizingUp. Glad you decided to speak up and join us, and I look foward to getting to know you better.

Stubbs16

Thanks Dee, and Chinaski.

Dee, I really want change, I suppose it has to start with me. Ive always known that. I cant change anyone else, but I still have the power to change me. I still want everything else to change up tho, its not reality . All I can do is try to change up me.My thoughts, my reaction to things. I can experience them all, good or bad. Its how I react that is my key, cause there is no hope in changing up the other circumstances . I just seem to want a better, easier way. Isnt possible.

Chinaski, thanks for the words of encouragement. I really do appreciate it. I have to be honest, if I cant do that, well, its my recovery afterall. And I do want recovery.

Thanks .

Time2Rise

Welcome Wizing.

RustyBanjo

Last night I had a strong urge. I had to go to the store and rather than go alone I took my 6 yo daughter with me. Kept telling myself not to disappoint her and buy anything. Sounds silly but it helped.

I'm in my garage right now lifting weights. One of the few activities that I've never associated with drinking. Kick my butt until I'm exhausted and then all I want is a bunch of food and a protein shake.

Hi Wizing. Welcome!

RustyBanjo

I keep telling myself to react differently to things. That I want to, need to. Then I go and do the same thing over and over again. Not just with drinking. Reacting to coworkers, my kids, my wife, etc. But I think there is a common thread. The internal dialogue in my head sounds like a lunatic. I wish I could just flip a switch but I know its going to take a lot more work. Probably would do me some good to see a therapist again, but its so dang expensive.

I'm rambling.

Stubbs16

So thankful I didnt go on a full binge ahead. Progress, not perfection here. So grateful for that. Im a work in progress. The more I feel bad about my current slip, the worse it is on my mind. So, not going there.

Keep on keeping on. That's what Im going to do.

Night all.

SansaS

Keep going guys. We are doing so well.

Stubbs16

Yes Rustyb, therapists are expensive. Actually, I never got much from them at all, except what I already knew. They can only give suggestions, advice. They dont live in my home, they have totally different lives. But hey, Ive done the therapy routine myself. It doesnt hurt to try.

Chinaski

Trying to learn that all-important pause where I think before I react has been an important part of my previous attempts at sobriety and is something I'm continuing to work on today. Before I walk into work or other potentially stressful situations now, I usually take a moment and tell myself, "Today's going to be a good day. I'm not going to get upset at things I can't control no matter what. I'm not going to show anger or frustration to others if at all possible. I'm going to treat and react to others as I'd want them to do the same to me." Don't get me wrong, I still react without thinking plenty, but after working on this a lot for the last year or so, I see definite improvements.

And of course that pause also comes in handy when those thoughts of drinking start in. It gives me a chance to ask for help. I am hoping I remember and use this tool when those moments happen.

There's a lot about AA that I don't care for but one positive that has always stuck with me from their readings is "Progress, not perfection." It's a good way to live life.

Chinaski

Hey, SansaS. I know you're on a way different time schedule than a lot of us here. How are you doing today? Is your holiday still starting today? If so, have a great one.