Class of October 2014 Part 26
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
It was a fun day. My brother and a couple family friends joined us for dinner, and we had some good laughs and great food. I struggled with an urge to restrict my food today, automatically resisting even tasting things until my real mind reminded me I need to eat them even if it's just for the sake of practicing going against that urge. I still ate light, so now I'm working on a sleeve of Ritz crackers. 500 calories right there.
I think what triggered it was checking my medical record earlier today for my test results and seeing the words "anorexia nervosa" prominently displayed. I'm a visual person, and seeing it in writing made it a new kind of real. I felt kind of horrified and ashamed of myself, and somehow that triggered me to do it more. Because that makes sense...no.
I hope I'm not being too much of a pain in the ass talking about this situation so much. It's just what I've got going on, but I realize I have a habit of writing novels about my personal issues, and the topic of weight and body image isn't everyone's favorite. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Please PM me if it bothers you, I totally understand.
Love you guys.
I think what triggered it was checking my medical record earlier today for my test results and seeing the words "anorexia nervosa" prominently displayed. I'm a visual person, and seeing it in writing made it a new kind of real. I felt kind of horrified and ashamed of myself, and somehow that triggered me to do it more. Because that makes sense...no.
I hope I'm not being too much of a pain in the ass talking about this situation so much. It's just what I've got going on, but I realize I have a habit of writing novels about my personal issues, and the topic of weight and body image isn't everyone's favorite. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable. Please PM me if it bothers you, I totally understand.
Love you guys.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 673
Briar, we are here for you-whatever you need to talk about is A-OK. I'm glad you had a nice dinner.
The local news is we are cold, cold, cold. They will blather on about that all day and night. It's a perfect day to meet my walking group at the Mall. Mall walking is my least favorite, but it sure fits the bill for today.
Venus, I read the synopsis for Grey's; no wonder you wanted to chat about it!
Hope you found someone.
Happy Valentine's Day all my friends!
The local news is we are cold, cold, cold. They will blather on about that all day and night. It's a perfect day to meet my walking group at the Mall. Mall walking is my least favorite, but it sure fits the bill for today.
Venus, I read the synopsis for Grey's; no wonder you wanted to chat about it!
Hope you found someone.
Happy Valentine's Day all my friends!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Briar, this is a recovery site and talking about our addictive issues is totally on topic and why we are all here. I think you have a harder challenge than sobriety. I know I do with eating. It is not something you can abstain from, and be healthy, like alcohol. Regardless of the direction you are going, trying to have just a little food if you tend towards too much, or enough, if you tend towards not enough, we have to control an addiction, rather than eliminate the source entirely.
I liken it to try to drink moderately as an alcoholic. It doesn't happen. Imagine if we all had to do that? So, the struggle with addictions related to food intake are a special challenge.
I liken it to try to drink moderately as an alcoholic. It doesn't happen. Imagine if we all had to do that? So, the struggle with addictions related to food intake are a special challenge.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Good morning gang. It is frigid here. -7 now. Wind chills are crazy, like 30-40 below. I have the heat cranked and still have icy hands and feet. 3 layers on as well, though they are lighter layers. Wool socks too, lol. I will not be walking the dog today! His poor paws would freeze, I imagine.
I am haunted by thoughts of homeless people and animals in this severe weather.
I am haunted by thoughts of homeless people and animals in this severe weather.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
I'm thankful to have this site, and more specifically our class, to be able to share my thoughts and struggles. We're all well into sobriety and it seems appropriate that we now share more of our lives that don't necessarily focus on cravings for alcohol. We're a team that lends support to navigating the lives of sobriety that we've all worked so hard to obtain.....and I know that I learn ways to improve myself from each of you here.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
I really appreciate you guys being so supportive. I look forward to a day when I'm not at war with myself. In the meantime, I know I'm winning with you all in my army. The AV talks to me this time of year too, the smell of warm spring air is a trigger for me. With this beautiful weather we've been having, the AV has had a lot of sentimental things to say. I actually came inside earlier today because being outside was just bugging me. I think it will just take time and a lot of positive new experiences to wash away all those old associations.
Phoebe - I agree, it's really hard with food. You can't avoid it, you have to deal with it all day, every day. If you have a dysfunctional relationship with it, it can be a constant battle. Recovery means being on your game all the time. It's exhausting. One of my dearest friends and most constant supporters in my recovery is diabetic and has binge eating disorder. It's killing her, and she can't get a handle on it. Food addiction in every incarnation is brutal.
People sometimes don't realize that anorexics are addicted to food. When I was in it, I was obsessed with food, I absolutely loved it. I spent every available minute thinking about it, researching it, buying it, preparing it, weighing it, measuring it, counting it, organizing it, packaging it, cooking it, and eating it, or having others eat it as anorexics usually love to cook for other people (not to make them fat, but because we love to see them enjoy it). I never love and respect food more than I do when I'm in the disorder.
Baby and I came home a day early because she came down with yet another tummy bug. She was so bummed out that we had to leave, but she fell asleep as soon as we were on the road and four hours later is still crashed out on the couch. Clearly she needs the rest. Oh well, life happens!
I was listening to this song today and thinking that it really sums up my relationship with addiction (in addition to being, in my opinion, one of the most beautiful songs ever):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZSzS4_kHCI
But if you want something catchy and fun, here's one baby girl and I always have on the dance party playlist:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqXWsFg7tI8
He's so adorable, and he looks and acts just like my brother, so this always puts a smile on my face.
Phoebe - I agree, it's really hard with food. You can't avoid it, you have to deal with it all day, every day. If you have a dysfunctional relationship with it, it can be a constant battle. Recovery means being on your game all the time. It's exhausting. One of my dearest friends and most constant supporters in my recovery is diabetic and has binge eating disorder. It's killing her, and she can't get a handle on it. Food addiction in every incarnation is brutal.
People sometimes don't realize that anorexics are addicted to food. When I was in it, I was obsessed with food, I absolutely loved it. I spent every available minute thinking about it, researching it, buying it, preparing it, weighing it, measuring it, counting it, organizing it, packaging it, cooking it, and eating it, or having others eat it as anorexics usually love to cook for other people (not to make them fat, but because we love to see them enjoy it). I never love and respect food more than I do when I'm in the disorder.
Baby and I came home a day early because she came down with yet another tummy bug. She was so bummed out that we had to leave, but she fell asleep as soon as we were on the road and four hours later is still crashed out on the couch. Clearly she needs the rest. Oh well, life happens!
I was listening to this song today and thinking that it really sums up my relationship with addiction (in addition to being, in my opinion, one of the most beautiful songs ever):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZSzS4_kHCI
But if you want something catchy and fun, here's one baby girl and I always have on the dance party playlist:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqXWsFg7tI8
He's so adorable, and he looks and acts just like my brother, so this always puts a smile on my face.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
I hope that the day was good to y'all.
Today was lots of tree pruning with a pole saw and then clearing a large area of brush and some sort of thorny vine from hell that was suffocating a tree. Then breaking it all down for a massive burn pile. I look like I've been in a fight with a wildcat from all the thorns. The shower I just completed was well needed. I've got an abbreviated work day tomorrow and will likely sleep in and do the gym thing at lunch.
Wishing everyone a great Sunday night's sleep (and a productive Monday for you V).
Today was lots of tree pruning with a pole saw and then clearing a large area of brush and some sort of thorny vine from hell that was suffocating a tree. Then breaking it all down for a massive burn pile. I look like I've been in a fight with a wildcat from all the thorns. The shower I just completed was well needed. I've got an abbreviated work day tomorrow and will likely sleep in and do the gym thing at lunch.
Wishing everyone a great Sunday night's sleep (and a productive Monday for you V).
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