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Class of February 2016 Support Thread Part 1

Old 02-06-2016, 09:46 PM
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Hey tinkerbell - I think you should share or not share as much as you want to as well.

It;s ok to have something private where you can be honest without having to feel you have to redraft things for an particular audience.

I'd recommend that you keep your pass word safe - don;t use auto log in and if your husband knows your user name, you can ask Anna to change it.

It's not about shutting him out - it's about priorities right now I reckon

D
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Old 02-06-2016, 10:18 PM
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Thanks everyone. Im still here, I cant sleep. No wonder. Thanks Dee, maybe I will just post about how Im feeling, doing, without going into details bout my current state of mind. And things going on around here.

Its so hard for me, cause I really want to let it all out, and let the bad stuff go. I figure I can do that, just not in great detail here.

I cant be isolated from any and all support I can get. Thats really a bad for me, to become that way again.

Gosh, this is soo hard. I just want to complain, and want things to work out. Its so very hard. I feel pissed, I feel sad. I feel depressed. Its so many emotions to deal with. This isnt just normal how I live. Nothing about it is normal. I crave normal, whatever that is. Guess Ive never known that.

If I just had a normal family, if I just had enuff money, etc, etc. It never ends, the what ifs.

Thanks for helping me see. That life isnt normal, for people like us.
But, it can improve, and be better.

Thank you.
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Old 02-06-2016, 10:26 PM
  # 423 (permalink)  
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I just watched Austin City Limits and the performer, Nathaniel Rateliff, sang a song, S.O.B., about his battle with alcohol. It's an uptempo song, but he explained afterwards it's making light of what was for him a very bad situation at one time. I'm sure we can all relate. I'd recommend a listen, esp. if you like Blues & Boogie Rock.

Battled a craving earlier, and won. Told the AV to get lost, and tried to surf it. Have a good night folks.
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Old 02-06-2016, 10:29 PM
  # 424 (permalink)  
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Maximus, I think those are things we all want. Alcohol is simply not the solution. Hope you stick around.
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Old 02-06-2016, 10:45 PM
  # 425 (permalink)  
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My problems currently for me are my family. All the crap associated with them. My resentments that I cant let go of. I have soo many.

Im a Christian woman, but I feel like a hypocrite when I say the Our Father. Because, it says forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive others who trespass against us. Ive said this as a Catholic girl, woman, So many times. Its the same message the 12 step program shows us. So, why do I have such a hard time of living it? When after a meeting, those words just roll off my lips? I meant them when I said them, I thought. I guess I really didnt tho. Because I have a big problem of forgiving. And huge anger issues. Its all about me, yes. Because Im defective in my mind, and my spirit.

Of course, added additional crap doesn't help matters. Im just sick, in mind, body, and spirit. I hope I can focus my recovery on my self healing, for now. I can deal with the rest later, I hope. If I dont, I will never be well, and free.
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Old 02-06-2016, 10:47 PM
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Morning all - got through yesterday so back on to Day 2.

I got 3, nearly 4, days under my belt last week and all was sailing until the very end. As I said, I have no excuses.

My son, at my request, has hidden my purse with all my cashpoint, credit/debit cards etc. I literally have no access to them without having a good reason.

Hope you all manage to hang on in there x
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Old 02-06-2016, 10:51 PM
  # 427 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by maximus97 View Post
Im a Christian woman, but I feel like a hypocrite when I say the Our Father. Because, it says forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive others who trespass against us. Ive said this as a Catholic girl, woman, So many times. Its the same message the 12 step program shows us. So, why do I have such a hard time of living it? When after a meeting, those words just roll off my lips? I meant them when I said them, I thought. I guess I really didnt tho. Because I have a big problem of forgiving. And huge anger issues. Its all about me, yes. Because Im defective in my mind, and my spirit.
You are not a hypocrite and you are not defective. You are human. Something that the Lord recognises and remember, you have already been forgiven before you say or do anything 'human'.
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Old 02-06-2016, 11:02 PM
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Thanks VF. The Lord is good. Thanks for reminding me. Without his grace and mercy, I would have been dead a long time ago. Thank you.

I figure any sober day is better then none. Ive been fighting this crap for years. We can do it.

Ive been so low, and even got my stash out of the garbage cans before, when I really said, this is it. How stupid.

Figure that isnt going to work, garbage or not, the corner market has an endless supply. This is pure madness. Hope we both overcome. Its all about just putting this devil to rest.

Thanks VF.
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Old 02-06-2016, 11:25 PM
  # 429 (permalink)  
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I believe God forgiveness is infinite Max - I also believe He wants the best for us always

It was my lack of forgiveness and my self hatred and my fear that was the problem.

D
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Old 02-06-2016, 11:39 PM
  # 430 (permalink)  
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You are so right Dee. I hate what I have become, but I do believe there is a way out.

I see the same issues within myself. I REALLY need to work on those, I know. Im trying. Thank You.

I feel like such a defective person. I know that I have alot of good things to offer. I just really need to get past me, ya kno? The classic alcoholic thinking. Its gonna take alot of time, prayer, and work. But, Im way so ready.

Thanks Dee, and everyone who responded.
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Old 02-07-2016, 01:42 AM
  # 431 (permalink)  
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Removing alcohol from my life gave me a chance to re-evaluate myself again - and to fix those things in me I didn't like. My happiness started again from that point really Max

D
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Old 02-07-2016, 01:56 AM
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Low self esteem/ not liking myself is a big trigger for me too. When my mood drops reaching for a drink to block the feeling is automatic the cravings are intense and hard to combat this is what I really need to work on.

Just before Christmas when someone whom I thought I was a friend had a go of me in front of others basically because I didnt see her point on how horrible she thinks another friend is really knocked every bit of confidence I was slowly building up. Seems so stupid and childish now I really need to be less sensitive but I was still fragile to start and it lead me to every night drinking not good.

Anyway its a Sunday and sunny yay I like others are feeling unmotivated this weekend but I am just going to run with it enjoy being lazy whilst I leave my body and mind heal from years of abuse.
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Old 02-07-2016, 03:42 AM
  # 433 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SleepyDots View Post
Camryn - This is a link to an old thread called "Add one Early Sobriety Hint, to help new members". I bookmarked it awhile back as so many things that were posted there really spoke to me. Maybe check it out and something there will resonate with you?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...w-members.html
SleepyDots thank you so much for that link. I'll certainly be using it in the weeks to come!!!
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Old 02-07-2016, 04:56 AM
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Good morning everyone be well today
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Old 02-07-2016, 05:59 AM
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Good morning. Day 7. Super bowl Sunday. My usual excuse for margaritas.

We are doing pizza and wings and actually just remembered we don't have cable anymore and only get main channels on one Tv upstairs so we are going to watch the beginning in our bed with the kids lol then put them to bed. I did not say anything about margaritas and my hubby just has his "garage beer" as i call it (lol).

Maximus do what you need to do. I enjoy hearing from you.

Hang on everyone.
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Old 02-07-2016, 06:04 AM
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Applekat - does your husband know you have a problem with alcohol?

The kids and I are headed to a friend's Super Bowl party later, it should be very low key and we will be home early since tomorrow is a school day.
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Old 02-07-2016, 06:14 AM
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Not entirely. Not the mental game I have going. That's the missing component probably. It should be the next step, which I haven't taken yet.
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Old 02-07-2016, 06:19 AM
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Good morning everyone. Today would have had 3 weeks sober, but I drank Friday night and again last night. I drank for no particular reason, except that I had the opportunity to drink alone as my kids weren't home. I regret it beyond measure, but I learned a valuable lesson (again) hopefully once and for all. I want sobriety so much more than I want to drink.

I have an arsenal of tools, and they really help me on a day to day basis. Whats missing, though, is a specific plan for those moments when I have the "opportunity" to drink and my mindset switches from sobriety and recovery to almost a type of entitlement - "I deserve to drink", "Nothing bad has happened, why am I denying myself this one pleasure"- thoughts like that.

Usually a slip like this lasts weeks, or even months, for me. This time I am catching myself. Coming here right away, putting it out there, is a start. Today I will be writing up a plan with specific steps of what I need to do when I am faced with a moment like I had Friday night.

Maximus....I am sorry you are going through such a hard time with your family. Post as little or as much as you feel comfortable with. The first healthy step in getting through anything is staying sober. I know you know that.

On a good note, I bought a new laptop. Still getting used to it, but now I have no excuse but to post and come here or use other recovery tools I have found online. I'm not letting this bring me down, and I'm not continuing the madness.

Hang in there guys. I could care less about the Super Bowl or the drinking that is associated with it, so that's a good thing!
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Old 02-07-2016, 06:48 AM
  # 439 (permalink)  
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Day 6. Had some thoughts of alcohol this morning, but I've been repeating "I can't, He can, I'll let him" (Steps 1-3). It helps. Thankful i'm sober today.
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Old 02-07-2016, 06:56 AM
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It's day seven here. I kind of don't want to count days this time as I want to just focus on one day at a time for now, but with my sobriety date being February 1, it's too easy to count them this month without even thinking about it. So I'm guessing that's a habit that I can get rid of more easily once March hits.

I did have the crazy thought back on January 31 when I knew I was going to try quitting again the next day that it'd be cool to have February 29 as a sobriety date. But I also was still sane enough to realize that was just my addiction trying to give me an excuse to drink for another month.

Today is another long day at work, probably around 11 hours or so. I'm guessing business will be super slow once the Super Bowl pregame starts. But like I said yesterday, the good thing about working all day is it makes it hard for me to even think about drinking so I'm almost 100% guaranteed to go to bed sober tonight.

bluedog97 -- I'll check out that song you recommended. I didn't watch Austin City Limits yesterday but wasn't Leon Bridges on it too? I like him a lot so I assume I'd like whatever other artist they paired with him.

maximus97 -- I think it's easier to forgive others if you work on forgiving yourself first. Removing alcohol from the equation is the first step in that direction for all of us.

And I've also dug my stash out of the trash before. More than once. Those are low moments, aren't they?

VirginiaWoof -- Not having easy access to your money so you can go buy more booze is a good step. Wishing you the best today.

tiredofme -- Nothing wrong with a lazy weekend. You're doing great.

beerbgone -- So glad you checked in. How are you doing?

mns1 -- Good morning to you too! How are you doing?

Applekat -- Pizza and wings go great with water and soda. Enjoy the game.

SleepyDots -- Enjoy the party. If it's the kind of party where alcohol is served, don't be afraid to give yourself an out if you feel like you need to leave. There's nothing wrong with putting your recovery first.

forabetterlife -- Sorry you decided to drink. Glad you're back so soon and hope next time you'll give us a chance to help you before you take that first one.

lesh74lush -- Stick close to SR today!Don't be afraid to post once a minute if that's what it takes to keep you from taking that first drink. The thoughts/cravings will pass. They always do as long as we don't reward them with that first drink. Good job coming in here. Since you mention the first three steps, maybe you can make a meeting or two today as well. You're in my thoughts.

Hope everyone has a safe and sober Sunday. Remember that there is always someone here at SR 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Don't be afraid to use this tool if those cravings hit!
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