SoberLeigh

Goodnight, Julyers; catch you tomorrow.

SnoozyQ

Night Leigh xxx

Croissant

Hi Everyone. Putting my online dating on pause. I had a dream that I needed someone who was going to dote on me, (haha) and that the person I was talking to was a waste of time. Which of course is true - on both counts.

So, instead of being impatient about the "finding someone", and thinking its time after 3 years....I'm going to pare it back to me again. It's a bit frustrating, but I guess I'm not quite there yet. And that's ok. My little date and chats were fun. A little toe dipped in the water and no harm done.

Leshar

Hi Croissant. In my opinion, a partner should dote on you.

My sister wants to visit for a week in May. She drinks cocktails before dinner, wine with dinner and whiskey after dinner and all through the evening. I have a small house and it upsets me that after 2 and a half years, I still don't feel comfortable around alcohol, envious of those who can drink. She would never not drink, she would rather not come. We've sort of fallen out over it because I put her off visiting. She's angry.
When oh when will I be happy with sobriety? I remember other visits of hers and we happily chatted over dinner with wine and then drinks later. We'd go for hikes, then visit a cozy pub and have gin and tonics.
I'm more than frustrated and jealous of her being able to drink as she does.
She's not going to visit and says that she doesn't want to hear from me anymore if all I talk about is being lonely because I've rebuffed her plan to visit. I get that she's angry, so will not communicate with her for the foreseeable future.
But I can't live in an alcohol free cocoon! So many ppl here are so pleased in their sobriety and I like many of the advantages but being up close and personal with booze still sets me off. I don't think I would have bothered if I'd known it was still going to be a problem after all this time.

Soberwolf

Hello Julyers x

Soberwolf

So I'm off to the Dr shortly had a right stroppy rude receptionist this morning though I kept my cool didn't change the tone in my voice I stayed present and I didn't react the results ? I got to speak to my Dr and she agreed to see me today instead of the reciptionists date of in 3 weeks time

I have had a bath and I am prepared to show my bottom (I'm terrified lol) but it has to be checked out or possibly be sent for scans or other tests (I phoned my sister with Crohns and she gave me a heads up of what to expect)

I also found out in that conversation that one of my cousins has Crohns aswell apparantly its from my fathers side of the family

Still until its checked I won't be sure so hopefully it isn't something serious

Spk to you guys later x

Soberwolf

at the dr's now its pretty quiet spk soon guys

Soberwolf

Just got home my Dr referred me for some tests got to wait for a letter in the post

she didn't examine or anything but based off what I told her I'm going for tests to rule out anything serious

SoberLeigh

Hope it all goes very well with the testing and results, sw. Hugs.

SoberLeigh

It is really sad and unfortunate (and a little telling, too) that your sister won't give up drinking for a week to spend time with you in your home. It is your home and your sister should respect your wishes.

I think that the ability to be comfortable around people who are drinking involves being truly comfortable in your own sober skin and that being comfortable in your own sober skin involves truly being appreciative of the goodness and blessing of each sober day. To me, being appreciative of my sobriety is the foundation of my recovery; it is rather like nurturing a relationship or friendship; I can never take either for granted or it may lose some of its value, endurance or stability.

I think that is why a gratitude list is so important to me; it helps me keep my eyes open to the goodness in my life including how sobriety has impacted, enhanced and contributed to that goodness.

Having said this, your home is your safe place and people should respect your requests by not drinking in your home.

Hugs and love to you, dear Leshar. I really do wish that you lived closer; I believe that we would have fun.

SoberLeigh

Happy Monday/Tuesday, all.

Soberwolf

Thank you Leigh

Goodnight & have a nice day Venus Croiss D & Snooz

SoberLeigh

Goodnight, sw; sleep well.

Dee74

Hi Leshar

I think if you read back through your earliest posts you'd definitely see that it was a problem worth bothering about

I don't think many of us could deal with a heavy drinker in our home - I couldn't - while normal drinkers don't phase me now (after nine years or so) drunkenness still does..

I'm really sorry that other factors have stopped you from seeing the full benefits of being sober.

I'm continuing to hope and pray that you can make some kind of breakthrough this year and find a lasting version of the happiness you've experienced briefly over the last few years


D

Croissant

Leshar, I'm sorry to hear you've had a bit of a falling out with your sister over this.

I wish it was a little easier. The visit in theory would be lovely, but full of angst no doubt.

Thinking out loud here that I can sort of relate in that I have a birthday coming up and I want to go spend it at an old favourite location with some friends, but I know it will recreate some very real drinking memories for me. Am i strong enough to deal with that? I'm not sure, so my solution is I'm not going to put myself in that situation.

Thinking about it, romanticising about it wouldn't help me. The reality would be id be constantly checking my alcohol consumption and then feel hopelessly depressed once the weekend away was over. And in about a week or two, getting a bottle and feeling like **** and alone and hopeless and disappointed. Pigging out on food, waking up at 12, not showering, aching liver, etc, etc.

Is my sobriety strong? Yes. But, every action has a consequence, good or bad. And I can be in a bar with these people and not even think about alcohol, but put me in my old holiday unit where I did a lot of drinking and socialising....and I'm not so sure, not that I'd drink, but I might start pining for a drink....and I don't want to do that.

venuscat

When is your birthday Crois? Mine is tomorrow.
And no, I will not go out for dinner with my sister and friend because they will drink. I don't want to spend my birthday with people who are drinking. My sister understands this, and we are going for a walk on the beach instead.

I'm sorry your sister is acting in this manner Leshar. I don't think it is fair of her to dictate what happens in your house though. That seems very inconsiderate to me.

Glad you are OK wolfie.

Love to all of the Julyers. ♥

SoberLeigh

Hi'ya, dear sweet venuscat.

venuscat

Good morning Leigh my love. ♥

May I add....to be honest, I''ve been very grumpy about my birthday.
People ask me if I want to go out, and it is always to somewhere where they can drink.

My (younger) sister heard the tremor in my voice when she asked me this yesterday, and realised how upset I was. I told her....I don't do that anymore. I prefer to go out in the morning for breakfast, or for a walk, or to a movie....anyway, she heard me.

We have a right to a happy social life that doesn't involve alcohol if that is our choice. Just my feelings.

SoberLeigh

Amen.

Leshar

Thank you, everyone, for your helpful responses. You are right, of course, Dee.
I saw a lovely movie in the cinema this afternoon, Brooklyn. I highly recommend it!