24-hour Recovery Connections Part 103
2
February
RESCUED BY SURRENDERING
Characteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity. . . . Inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from man or God. He, the alcoholic, is and must be the master of his destiny. He will fight to the end to preserve that position.
— A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 311
The great mystery is: "Why do some of us die alcoholic deaths, fighting to preserve the 'independence' of our ego, while others seem to sober up effortlessly in A.A.?" Help from a Higher Power, the gift of sobriety, came to me when an otherwise unexplained desire to stop drinking coincided with my willingness to accept the suggestions of the men and women of A.A. I had to surrender, for only by reaching out to God and my fellows could I be rescued
February
RESCUED BY SURRENDERING
Characteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity. . . . Inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from man or God. He, the alcoholic, is and must be the master of his destiny. He will fight to the end to preserve that position.
— A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 311
The great mystery is: "Why do some of us die alcoholic deaths, fighting to preserve the 'independence' of our ego, while others seem to sober up effortlessly in A.A.?" Help from a Higher Power, the gift of sobriety, came to me when an otherwise unexplained desire to stop drinking coincided with my willingness to accept the suggestions of the men and women of A.A. I had to surrender, for only by reaching out to God and my fellows could I be rescued
Thanks, erfra, for these wise words.
It's crazy that 24 hours feel almost impossible. It's just one day! Feeling like this reminds and reinforces to me that I've got a real and actual problem.
This is my third Day 1 since beginning this journey last summer. The first time I did this I made it almost one month, and didn't have much withdrawal, other than sleep issues and anxiety/depression. This time, I am feeling the pull of the AV waaay more strongly than the last. I feel like I am going to fail, and it's only 11:40am, and I have no reason to be so pessimistic! I feel like I need to stop being weak.
Almost 12 hours through this day...12 hours to go.
This is my third Day 1 since beginning this journey last summer. The first time I did this I made it almost one month, and didn't have much withdrawal, other than sleep issues and anxiety/depression. This time, I am feeling the pull of the AV waaay more strongly than the last. I feel like I am going to fail, and it's only 11:40am, and I have no reason to be so pessimistic! I feel like I need to stop being weak.
Almost 12 hours through this day...12 hours to go.
It's crazy that 24 hours feel almost impossible. It's just one day! Feeling like this reminds and reinforces to me that I've got a real and actual problem.
This is my third Day 1 since beginning this journey last summer. The first time I did this I made it almost one month, and didn't have much withdrawal, other than sleep issues and anxiety/depression. This time, I am feeling the pull of the AV waaay more strongly than the last. I feel like I am going to fail, and it's only 11:40am, and I have no reason to be so pessimistic! I feel like I need to stop being weak.
Almost 12 hours through this day...12 hours to go.
This is my third Day 1 since beginning this journey last summer. The first time I did this I made it almost one month, and didn't have much withdrawal, other than sleep issues and anxiety/depression. This time, I am feeling the pull of the AV waaay more strongly than the last. I feel like I am going to fail, and it's only 11:40am, and I have no reason to be so pessimistic! I feel like I need to stop being weak.
Almost 12 hours through this day...12 hours to go.
So glad that you found us, Whiteturtle; I had too many Day1s to count before it finally clicked. Stay close to us and never, ever give up.
I finally told my sponsor about the pot I smoked. He hasn't told me to change my sobriety date, but he hasn't told me not to either. Alcohol was my DOC. I haven't had a drink since April 13, 2014, and I don't want to start now. This may seem strange, but I don't feel all that guilty about the weed. I didn't drink or do any other substances, and I don't see it as much different than smoking a cigarette or drinking coffee. Maybe I'm just rationalizing it, but I don't know if I really blew my sobriety.
Today is the first day I'm really sharing this with anyone - including my sponsor. I needed to get this out in the open rather thanked it secret.
Today is the first day I'm really sharing this with anyone - including my sponsor. I needed to get this out in the open rather thanked it secret.
It is 7:15 pm in the UK and I'm coming up to the end of Day 1.
But this is a 'different' day 1. I feel that mentally and emotionally something has 'clicked'. I've a library of self help books due to be delivered tomorrow. I also had a counselling session yesterday for depression/low mood/anxiety and the chap I saw sent me away with three booklets with tips, advise and exercises (as in think about/write down/tick boxes etc NOT squat thrusts etc!). Yes, my AV played up yesterday - I put the booklets to the side and drank BUT this morning I sat and read them and started doing the exercises and thinking things through - and beginning to see that the voice that tells me I can't do it is what other people have said to me over the years and I can prove them wrong.
So while it may be 'just' the end of day 1, it's also the end of the 1st day of the rest of my life
But this is a 'different' day 1. I feel that mentally and emotionally something has 'clicked'. I've a library of self help books due to be delivered tomorrow. I also had a counselling session yesterday for depression/low mood/anxiety and the chap I saw sent me away with three booklets with tips, advise and exercises (as in think about/write down/tick boxes etc NOT squat thrusts etc!). Yes, my AV played up yesterday - I put the booklets to the side and drank BUT this morning I sat and read them and started doing the exercises and thinking things through - and beginning to see that the voice that tells me I can't do it is what other people have said to me over the years and I can prove them wrong.
So while it may be 'just' the end of day 1, it's also the end of the 1st day of the rest of my life
It's crazy that 24 hours feel almost impossible. It's just one day! Feeling like this reminds and reinforces to me that I've got a real and actual problem.
This is my third Day 1 since beginning this journey last summer. The first time I did this I made it almost one month, and didn't have much withdrawal, other than sleep issues and anxiety/depression. This time, I am feeling the pull of the AV waaay more strongly than the last. I feel like I am going to fail, and it's only 11:40am, and I have no reason to be so pessimistic! I feel like I need to stop being weak.
Almost 12 hours through this day...12 hours to go.
This is my third Day 1 since beginning this journey last summer. The first time I did this I made it almost one month, and didn't have much withdrawal, other than sleep issues and anxiety/depression. This time, I am feeling the pull of the AV waaay more strongly than the last. I feel like I am going to fail, and it's only 11:40am, and I have no reason to be so pessimistic! I feel like I need to stop being weak.
Almost 12 hours through this day...12 hours to go.
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