VirginiaWoof

My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2010 and like in your case his was the first instance of cancer in the family. He had to have radiotherapy daily for a number of weeks. At the end of it the tumour, although still there, had shrunk so much that the consultant told him (in my dad's words) that old age will get him before it grows back enough to be a worry.

At first my dad had to go back every 6 months for tests, that became an annual thing and at his last visit the consultant said, in the nicest possible way, that he didn't want to see him again.

I really hope your dad's is like this.

Well, pathetic day. I had a grocery delivery and there was a bottle of wine there - the whole point of having them delivered is that I'm not tempted in the shop so placing an order while drinking wasn't wise!! That bottle turned in to a walk down the shop for another one.

Anyway, the delivery turned up at 9am although I had had a text saying it would be between 10-11am. I was still in my dressing gown and had just read a really sad story online so I was in floods of tears!

The good news is my car is fixed so I CAN get to my first AA meeting tomorrow night (Wednesday), I also self referred myself to AddAction (agin) so at their team meeting on Friday I will get allocated a case worker. I did say I had been before and that I didn't really 'click' with the young girl who I saw as she couldn't relate to my life experiences in any way, shape or form. The girl I spoke to this morning understood and also understood I wasn't questioning the girls professionalism at all.

So, I have AA tomorrow, a referral to AddAction, an assessment appointment on Monday for talking therapy for depression, this forum and a pile of print outs of hints and tips on stopping drinking. And I KNOW the only thing holding me back is me.

Because I've failed at so much in my life (personally and professionally) I keep telling myself that I'm going to fail at this too. I went through school being told I was a failure (back in the 80s when teachers could say whatever they wanted!!) and I believed that and as a result didn't try as hard as I should (what's the point in trying if you're only going to fail?).

I HAVE to work on riding myself of that voice and replacing it with a voice!

Apologies for the thinking out loud ramble x

Thumpalumpacus

You are going to succeed, Virginia.

Pedro1234

Australia day is not an easy day to live through without alcohol. Well done Nic.

SoberinSyracuse

Good job you survivors of Aussie day! I guess that must be like St. Patrick's day here in the US. It's all about the alcohol.

Today was my first day back at work and it went quite well. Got a lot done, and several people remarked that I was looking very well.

Thumpalumpacus

That's great, SiS.

Okay day here, I have the next two days off and work is going well tonight.

Welcome to the new guys sneaking in!

Dee74

Australia day used to be big for me too, but I spent yesterday quietly at home.
Change really is possible

D

KiKi0615

Hi guys!

I'd like to join your January 2016 class if that's OK. I'm also a November 2015 class member but relapsed on Saturday after 2 + months of sobriety. :-( I am really attached to the people in November so I would like to be a part of BOTH classes. :-)

It's a long story as to why I slipped but I need extra support right now.

I hope it's ok to join you guys!

Thanks!

Kiki

SillyHuman

Success is simply getting up one more time than you fall down.

You can do this.

gypsytears

Quick check in, too tired to go back and read what I missed. Day 12 for me. Yes, I did a little yoga today after work. Some moon salutations, sun salutations, couple of arm balances, headstands and other stuff I'm working my way back to doing slowly. Work was good, my kids have turned the house into what looks like a bomb went off in the kitchen and living room and I spent the night doing all their dishes. Bed now, I'll try and catch up tomorrow after work.

Namaste!

StrongBird

Day 8 here. I am feeling some mental sharpness come back. Out of curiousity, I looked at my heart rate on my Fitbit over the past week, and it's been steadily declining. I feel a lot better physically.

I'm not sure how I feel emotionally. I'm not anxious right now (which is great). I guess... I feel introspective.

At this point, I'm 100% committed to doing a 30 day break. I still haven't resolved in my head whether this is it or not. I wish I could put on that ideal sober person face and say, that's it, I'm NEVER drinking again... but I'm not there yet. I am debating even posting this, but I think honesty needs to beat out being a good student in this case.

At this point, I'm comfortable just putting off the decision for at least 22 days. I'll reevaluate as time goes by. I suppose it isn't something I need to have resolved in my mind tonight. All that's really needed right now is resolve to not drink TODAY, and I'm good with that.

SillyHuman

Today, I learned that we have a "zen center" in town that offers tea, chanting and sitting meditation everyday, at no charge. Since I am loving the mindfulness and Buddhist approach, I am very excited! It starts at 6:30 a.m. What a great way to start the day! Many times today, especially when I get frustrated, I silently repeat, "I take refuge in the Buddha, I take refuge in the Dharma, I take refuge in the Sangya." It has become my mantra.

This is the first time I have worked the steps without having to begin with a lie, or trying to fake myself out, which never worked. This is rigorously honest and real.

Smoking did not go great because my vape ran out of power. I bought a pack, but only had a few while it recharged. Now I am back on the pen, and tomorrow is another day. It feels really good to be looking forward to tomorrow. That is not something that ever happened when I was drinking or using!

Congrats to everyone who survived Australia Day. It sounds like the American Independence Day on steroids.

Hi new people and old friends. Hope everyone has a good and sober night/day.

Odelle

Great to have you onboard with us Kiki!

Strongbird, hopefully you will see such an improvement in how you look, think and feel at the end of 30 days, you won't need to test the polluted waters again.

Wrapping up day 19, and day 1 of no nicotine or caffeine, so far so good!

emme99

Hi everyone~
Welcome to everyone new

Virginia, you can do this. I have failed a lot in my life too, but it doesn't mean I can't do this, and it doesn't mean you can't either

Today was a good day. It was busy at work and I have to be in early tomorrow for a conference call so I will be going to bed soon . I am glad to be on day 23 and glad to be a part of this class.

Thanks everyone for posting and have a great Wednesday

Dee74

Welcome Kiki

StrongBird I hope you'll find, like I did, that a return to drinking looked increasingly mad the more I built a sober life I loved

D

NZK9Lady

Mine too! Mine has dropped nearly 20 bpm since I stopped drinking, I still can't really get over how much I was affected physically, even when I didn't drink that day.

Hope everyone is doing well, good luck with your meetings Virginia

SandyO

Hello everyone and thank you for your posts. Sorry to hear about people struggling but it's great that you are right back here and willing to try again.
My plan of sleeping in and waking up more refreshed failed miserably. I was in and out of sleep this morning then woke up too late and had to rush to work. And of course I'm disorganized (yet another by-product of my drinking habit) so feel like I've been catching up all day. Blah!
I'm now enjoying a cafe cream at my favourite coffee shop before I start to rush again.
Good luck to all and thanks for the great advice coming in.
Take care.

TigerLili

9

out of sorts and tired. long, stressful day.

lisatryingagain

Hi Everyone. Welcome Haris, Proud Penguin, Kiki and Carrie and everyone else new.

Virginia Wolf I prefer long posts, so please don't apologise for long ones (all posts are great posts though).

Strong Bird thankyou for your honesty, truthfully a part of me feels like you do. Never is a long time, but then continuing in the same fashion as I have been isn't very appealing either. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

Silly human thanks for the info on Buddhism, there is a place near me that does Tibetan meditation on a Fri night that I am keen to try too.

I had a good day at work today. My job is very stressful, but today was a good day. I am very aware that if I had drunk yesterday I would not have had the positive day today that I had. I am grateful for that.

When I get into bed each night I tell myself the things I did well that day. They are simple basic things. I read about it in the book Hardwiring Happiness I think (its a really good book). Anyway forcing myself to have positive conversations with myself sounds a bit dicky, but its helpful to me in quietening the unrelenting critic that wants to dominate my thoughts.

VirginiaWoof

Hope you feel better soon x

Olivia2011

Welcome KiKi! Great to get to share you with the November class! You are a very strong gal and I like how you are modifying your approach. The "wave " has broken on the shore (ten days of constant AV harassment is just too intense ). Let's go!

Strongbird- funny I woke up this am and the first thing I checked was my BP and pulse. I was concerned. I was up at 80 resting pulse. I am now 69! Yay!!!! Woot woot! My husband doing the 30 day thing too. I really don't think he'll go back to fairly heavy drinking. He can turn it off tho. I can't seem to. Therefore, he'd also rather not drink so that neither if us do.

Been really busy with my granddaughter and aunt.

Hi Odelle (and everyone ). No cigs now either ! Good for you!

Sandy - Grease is the word!!! Japan - I'd love to visit there sometime!

Gonna start my new book "Rewired" again. No time to read lately.

Have a good day! Stay strong.

Olivia