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Class Of January 2016 Support Thread part 4

Old 01-31-2016, 07:30 AM
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Good Morning from rainy California!! Since we don't get much rain, I am enjoying laying in my bed reading and listening to the sound of raindrops.

For those of you who have had a slip this weekend, I am so proud of you for coming right back. If you look at my join date, it is pretty obvious I have had my share of slips. I decided to be serious about recovery in October of 2012, and after 90 days thought "what if..." Since then I have had sober stretches, and on NYE decided this is it!! If today is day 1 or 31 hang in there, you can do this!!!

Just wanted to wish everyone a very happy last day of January, and I am looking forward to starting February with this fine group!!!

Happy Sunday!
❤️Delilah
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Old 01-31-2016, 07:52 AM
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Feeling really bad right now. Woke up pissed and feeling suffocated so I went to the gym. I just pulled over into a random neighborhood because I know once I go home I will be smothered again. I don't want to go home. I want to drink. I just spent an hour and a half at the gym and feel just as sh!tty as when I got there if not worse. I hate these feelings inside me. I just want to run away. Help me.
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Old 01-31-2016, 08:10 AM
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Day 20. Had a visit from my AV yesterday. Waited and the cravings went away. Feel OK today. One day at a time.
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Old 01-31-2016, 08:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife View Post
Feeling really bad right now. Woke up pissed and feeling suffocated so I went to the gym. I just pulled over into a random neighborhood because I know once I go home I will be smothered again. I don't want to go home. I want to drink. I just spent an hour and a half at the gym and feel just as sh!tty as when I got there if not worse. I hate these feelings inside me. I just want to run away. Help me.
((((Sunny))))

Would it be possible to rework your plan so you could have a little more "me" time?
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Old 01-31-2016, 08:32 AM
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I'm sorry you are suffering so acutely today, Sunflower. I feel you on the bouts of wanting to get away, not go home, overwhelmed (thankfully not to a high degree recently, in my case). That overwhelm was part of what ratcheted up my drinking - and in a given night it might "take the edge off" the feelings for a brief period but would inflame the hell out of them as I drank more. I'm learning just how much as I continue managing stuff without that "helper."

I don't know if any of these would be useful to you but my too-pissed/overwhelmed-to-want-to-go-home standbys include going to a movie I know will normally be immersive to me; spending time with someone who loves and supports me, like driving yo see my parents or catching friend for a grousing visit; wearing myself out with yard work - not housework, that just makes me more irritated; or reading something on mindfulness (practicing mindfulness, before i developed those muscles while more calm, generally did not work when really activated, other than simple grounding techniques, but downloading and reading one of the books geared towards suffering/struggle would usually grab me enough to de-escalate).

Working out can go either way, usually the endorphin/chemical changes just increase aggression-unless I just keep plugging at it until exhausted. So to be helpful I have to work out extra-long and hard or do something like walking in an area of our open space land that doesn't see much traffic-for a good while.

It also sounds like you may need to talk with your prescriber? My wife takes a lot of meds and we've seen a long list of side effects. Some are temporary, some indicate a bad fit, some indicate a dosage change may be needed. My empathy to you for having to go through the med on-boarding while navigating the early steps of recovery - tough cookie!

There are a few things I've learned reading your posts over the past three weeks, Sun, you are smart, strong, insightful, compassionate, willing to reach out for help, and motivated to get through the overwhelm. I can't relate to being a SAHM or parent while managing the course on quitting drinking. I have had the ability to isolate when needed, and ride out the early phases of quitting smoking and drinking. Hats off to you and others going clean for and around your children.
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Old 01-31-2016, 09:06 AM
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Sunflower, a bad reaction to an antidepressant catapulted my landslide at 8 months sobriety in ’14; I was impatient and, angry, angry, angry! I stopped cold turkey after taking them for 30 days. It will take a couple of weeks to stabilize, but know that how you are feeling is intensified by the meds. I wish I hadn’t of caved, it took me another year and a half to even attempt to get back on the sobriety wagon.

Can you go home and let your hubby know that you are having a bad day and just need some time out?

There are natural supplements on the market that have a greater success rate for depression than many of the prescription meds, without the side effects. I have tried several and found one that is working well for me now. First, you need to get the Wellbutrin out of your system.

Wellbutrin and I clashed badly, and I tried it 3 or 4 different times!
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Old 01-31-2016, 09:14 AM
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Delilah, rain is a treat for So Cal; I love the sound of falling rain, I even enjoy thunderstorms! The only downside for me is bringing the dog in; not much worse than the smell of a wet dog!
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Old 01-31-2016, 09:17 AM
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Emma, you were another victim of the infamous 3 trigger - 3 weeks, 3 months, 6 months, 9 months, 12 months. I too have faltered at the first three milestones, but I have learned and will remain vigilant going forward. Get back up and keep on riding!
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Old 01-31-2016, 09:22 AM
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Emma, Mish, Virginia, Beerbgone and anyone else who has slipped in January, keep trying and dont give up! I hope each of you stay with this class. I dont think there is any rule that dictates membership based upon sobriety, otherwise, Id bet most of the classes would eventually dry up due to slips throughout the recovery journey.
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Old 01-31-2016, 09:36 AM
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Thump, Odelle and Rally, thank you guys so much. You brought tears to my eyes, your support means so much.

I came home and actually just let my feelings come and go and they did. I am okay now, and the desire to drink is gone. When I told my husband I wanted to drink today he said it was not a good idea and that I had come so far in such a short period of time. He is right. I am not going to let these emotions and my stupid AV get the best of me. It's not an option anymore to get drunk to numb the pain, the sadness and the anger. And it was really cool seeing how all of those feelings changed on their own, once i stopped resisting.

As for taking more "me time" I have talked to my husband about taking turns of Mondays since he is off and DS is in school. Tomorrow he is meeting his cousin for lunch so the following Monday will be MY day. I plan on going to the movies. I miss it so much.

Thank you again for everything. As for the meds luckily I was only on the Wellbutrin for 12 days and don't need to wean off. I will stick to the Zoloft for now and I really need to commit to daily meditation. I love it when I do it but resist doing it for some reason. Maybe my ego is holding me back.

Love you guys.
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Old 01-31-2016, 09:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife View Post
Feeling really bad right now. Woke up pissed and feeling suffocated so I went to the gym. I just pulled over into a random neighborhood because I know once I go home I will be smothered again. I don't want to go home. I want to drink. I just spent an hour and a half at the gym and feel just as sh!tty as when I got there if not worse. I hate these feelings inside me. I just want to run away. Help me.
Sorry you are feeling this way Sunflower. What is going on?
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Old 01-31-2016, 09:38 AM
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Odelle, I meant to ask. Could you tell me what supplement has worked for you? I used to manage the wellness department of a health food store so I love going the natural route when possible. Last time I weaned off the Zoloft I tried 5Htp and Rhodiola with no success. Magnesium helps a bit and I know I need to take more D. I would love to hear what has helped you.
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Old 01-31-2016, 09:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Delilah1 View Post
Sorry you are feeling this way Sunflower. What is going on?
Thanks Delilah, I will be ok. Just stressed with my kids as usual and tried a new medication but it made me really angry and irritable. I don't have friends or family here (we moved from PA to FL several months ago) so I guess I just feel alone a lot and spend too much time at home. I will get through this, feeling better already. Thanks so much.
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Old 01-31-2016, 10:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Sunflowerlife View Post
Odelle, I meant to ask. Could you tell me what supplement has worked for you? I used to manage the wellness department of a health food store so I love going the natural route when possible. Last time I weaned off the Zoloft I tried 5Htp and Rhodiola with no success. Magnesium helps a bit and I know I need to take more D. I would love to hear what has helped you.
Sunflower, I do take magnesium in the evening, it also helps with sleep. I've been taking Rhodiola since January 1, one in the morning. It seems to help. What worked previously was SAM-E Complete, by NatureMade. I took it off and on for years with amazing results. Again, I only took one in the morning. I tried taking it again this past October, but I think I was too far gone into anger induced anxiety and depression, and I was looking for instant relief.

Google it, and talk to your doctor first. If you decide to try it, Costco has the best price, and if you aren't satisfied, you can return it, no questions asked.

I still have some SAM-E and may switch back after the Rhodiola is finished, the jury's still out on that for now, I am so calm now that I am already into day 6 of no caffeine or cigarettes and it's so easy that I am astonished!

I'm with you on the 5Htp, and St. John's Wort, neither did anything for me.

Hopefully, with continued sobriety, your body will recover to the point that you won't need to take anything! We've done a lot of damage to our bodies and it's going to take time to heal.
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Old 01-31-2016, 10:29 AM
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Sunflower, I am glad you figured out some "me," time. It sounds like your husband is very supportive.
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Old 01-31-2016, 10:40 AM
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Yeah, your hubby sounds like a good man.
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Old 01-31-2016, 10:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Odelle View Post
Sunflower, I do take magnesium in the evening, it also helps with sleep. I've been taking Rhodiola since January 1, one in the morning. It seems to help. What worked previously was SAM-E Complete, by NatureMade. I took it off and on for years with amazing results. Again, I only took one in the morning. I tried taking it again this past October, but I think I was too far gone into anger induced anxiety and depression, and I was looking for instant relief. Google it, and talk to your doctor first. If you decide to try it, Costco has the best price, and if you aren't satisfied, you can return it, no questions asked. I still have some SAM-E and may switch back after the Rhodiola is finished, the jury's still out on that for now, I am so calm now that I am already into day 6 of no caffeine or cigarettes and it's so easy that I am astonished! I'm with you on the 5Htp, and St. John's Wort, neither did anything for me. Hopefully, with continued sobriety, your body will recover to the point that you won't need to take anything! We've done a lot of damage to our bodies and it's going to take time to heal.
Ah yes, I have read great things about Sam E and believe it can actually be used while tapering off of Zoloft. It is very expensive which is why I haven't tried it although I can get a 20% discount from the store DH manages. I will look into Costcos prices as well, thanks so much for the tip! I am glad it is helping you
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Old 01-31-2016, 11:04 AM
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Hello all . It's day 8 for me . I found myself being miserable today , didn't want to deal with anything , cravings went over the roof and I wasn't in a mood to do anything or attend a meeting. But I'm there , I was brave enough to get out and go to the meeting.
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Old 01-31-2016, 11:43 AM
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I did have an episode last night that briefly brought the thought of smoking and drinking to mind. I have a rescue cat, looks a lot like avatar, who is sweet and docile. My adult daughter brought home a kitten nearly 3 years ago. I told her at that time that the kitten acted like it was feral, if not fully, at least partially. As she grew, she remained withdrawn and mean, to the point of growling and hissing at times.

I always hoped she would come around, and at times she does. She will approach you, sit in your lap and happily purr, when she wants.

Last night, she used her litter box and must have not used the Charmin, so she scooted across the floor, leaving skid marks. Okay, I cleaned that up easily. I knew cleaning her up was going to be a problem, so I took her into the bathroom with paper towels and closed the door. The fight was on! I only removed part of what was stuck in her fur when she turned into a Tasmanian Devil and sliced my hands up pretty bad. Ears back, growling and hissing; I had enough of this she devil. I grabbed a towel and threw it over her, grabbing her up I marched her to the front door, opened it, and let her go! Note: both cats are indoors only. Boy, a cigarette would have been the next thing I lit up, followed by a trip to the store for you know what!

Ten to fifteen minutes passed and I went out and called a couple of times, but it was dark and she didn't respond. Honestly, it would be such a relief to not have her in the house any longer, but I still felt guilty. Two hours later, when my husband came home, I confessed and he went out looking for her. She was hiding in a planter near the house so he brought her in.

We do have coyotes in our neighborhood, so being an indoor/outdoor cat is unrealistic. What would you do if you had a cat that you didn't like because she is so damn mean? I know taking her to an animal shelter will result in euthanasia due to her antisocial nature. Help, I don't know what to do with her!
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Old 01-31-2016, 11:59 AM
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Odelle, sorry but you love her anyway. How would you feel if she was eaten by a coyote or killed by dog, hit by a car? Shot with a pellet gun? Starved to death? She has no survival skills at this point. It breaks my heart when animals are discarded for being what they are. I spend a lot of my time and love rescuing animals that are going to be euthanized, or have been abandoned. The sadness and stress of this has certainly contributed to my escalating drinking. Many rescuers have other issues, including financial insolvency.

I have a feralista kitty who has had an almost decade long grudge against me but now lets me love on her. I was thrilled. Sorry /not sorry if this is a guilt trip.
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