Soberpotamus

Hi Phoebe, at this point I'm a bit mystified about what happened. As of a week ago, he has become more helpful. I'm wondering if it's because he sees I'm out of the 'danger zone' maybe? And also, we've seen a lot less of Tom, the ex. This I'm sure has a lot to do with it. He was angered by Tom's presence here in the house, not so much at the hospital. Last night, I was yelling in pain (from elastic bands!) and Brian woke up and came into the bedroom to check on me. It's like he finally got it that I actually needed him, a few weeks too late.

He has stepped up and has gotten the food items I've requested the past several days, he is cleaning the kitchen, and he is cooking all his meals, as well as the dogs' meals.

Maybe he was in denial the first two weeks when I was at my worst?

Anna

Yeah, maybe he feels more comfortable now that he knows you're feeling better. Maybe he was afraid when he saw you suffering and in pain and didn't know how to handle it. Have you talked to him about your feelings?

Soberpotamus

Oral surgeon follow-up appointment #2 is tomorrow. I'll be three weeks out at that point. I don't expect more x-rays tomorrow. I do expect some shocking 'electrical current' pain when he pokes in my mouth with that instrument. And I also expect a 'well done' on teeth brushing and hygiene. I have made effort to keep my mouth clean. And let me tell you -- it's been a bitch. The two top molars at the back aren't at 100% cleanliness yet, but it's impossible still.

This time, before he starts I am going to ask him to please let me know beforehand if he plans to do something that will hurt. I have severe anxiety about pain, and it makes the perception of it worse. I don't appreciate him springing it on me last time and then making a snarky comment. I am prepared to give him some attitude if needed tomorrow.

SoberLeigh

Your doctor should absolutely tell you when something is going to be potentially painful.

Good luck tomorrow, Potamus!!!!

Soberpotamus

I have tried, Anna. I don't think I've asked him if he was afraid. I am unsure if he is aware he might be afraid, and if he was, doubt he'd admit it. He'd see it as a weakness or admission of fault.

I will mention it tonight and see what happens.

Soberpotamus

Some of my depression is from not being able to sleep well at night. I'm sleeping on my back, which is what I thought would be the problem. As it turns out, I'm able to adapt to the back-sleeping. It's the slack jaw while sleeping that seems to be the problem. I wake up several times, sometimes in discomfort, and other times from instinctively waking myself out of fear I might be hurting my jaw. Pretty much sleeping 'on guard.' He said I could wear the elastic bands at night to hold my mouth in position. Well, in theory that's great. They are incredibly painful!! Headaches, jaw aches, nerve pain. Tremendous pain. I have to remove them about 1-2 hours in. So they're useless.

I will mention this tomorrow at the appointment. I have got to be able to sleep if I'm going to work again.

SoberLeigh

(((Potamus)))); it's so hard to sleep through pain . .

venuscat

J ~ I am wondering if one of the chin straps that you can buy to help with snoring might help?
They are designed to keep your mouth closed while you sleep.
It seems that the one with velcro might be very gentle...just a thought.

SoberLeigh

That looks very interesting, venuscat.

Soberpotamus

That looks like what I need, V!

I have been using a soft, squishy down feather pillow propped under my chin, but it always moves.

Thank you!! I will google for one.

SoberLeigh

Yay, v!!!!!! Venuscat to the rescue!!!!

venuscat

Hoping it helps. Just an idea, really, and I would probably check with the doc tomorrow that it's OK to use.

GroundhogDay

I hope you get some resolution on this tomorrow. It seems wrong they are so painful.

Soberpotamus

He became defensive and verbally abusive tonight when I asked him what happened. I asked if he was scared, unaware of the level of care I needed early on, angry... He denies he dropped the ball. He says I'm a liar. He said it's over between us if I believe he dropped the ball. He completely denies any negligence or wrong-doing. He called me names. Extremely combative and immature.

That's all I needed to hear I guess.

I was trying to understand, in order to get past and forgive. It completely blew up in my face.

He became enraged, hateful, and verbally abusive.

Soberpotamus

My marriage is over. He refuses to be reasonable, to communicate, or to get past his issues and be honest.

Soberpotamus

I can't believe I married this moron.

I am sad and so angry with him and with myself for failing in a marriage. I waited until I was 34 years old, and still screwed it up. I despise him for this.

SoberLeigh

I am so very sorry, Potamus.

Sending love, sweetheart.

Soberpotamus

Thanks, Leigh.

Soberpotamus

Yes, it does. I googled it and it's common. Makes no sense though. Seems dangerous to wear these bands if it's going to pull in all the wrong places and require me to swallow meds to deal with pain.

phoebe64

SP, I was encouraged when I read your response to me, but then got to the last few. .

I'm so sorry he reacted to you that way.