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One Year and Under Club Part 51

Old 02-01-2016, 02:22 AM
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Originally Posted by tootsl1 View Post

I guess like so many of you I thought that drinking was my problem. Nope. Drinking was my 30 year solution to all of my problems. So when I stopped I expected life to be great. Nope. My pre-existing problems just became clearer and suddenly I had to learn new ways of dealing with them.
Life is life. We have waded through it without making too much effort to make it what we want, we have just looked at it through beer goggles.
Now, sobering up, we need to pick and chose what aspects of our lives we like and what we want to change. It take time in recovery to decide what we want, time to figure what changes we want to make, and longer still to make those changes. We need patience and determination if we are to life life on our own terms.
You all have already made the biggest change, confronting head on that which has held you back for so long.
l
Beautifully said, toots!

Without booze, I am now actively making decisions about where my life is headed, instead of just wading through each day numbed. I am finding myself impatient with the process at times, confused at other times, but happy that I am in control of my life for the first time in three decades. No more leaning on booze for easy answers to life's questions.
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Old 02-01-2016, 02:56 AM
  # 122 (permalink)  
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I agree! Toots, you do seem to have a knack of hitting the nail on the head! Drinking not the problem but the wrong solution... I'm going to think about that...
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Old 02-01-2016, 03:13 AM
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Hey again guys. I just published the following on my monthly group and thought I might open it out to a wider audience. I am kind of concerned about my behaviour over this. Has anything like this happened to anyone else?

I have felt low on energy too, Sg. I'm relying on sugary foods to get me through which is always short term gain, long term loss and just not a good idea.

I'm having trouble cutting down on sugar and need to give it some real attention. I thought it was just a reaction to giving up alcohol and it would fade but I need to get a handle on it.

I bought a 250g bag of chocolate coated peanuts on Friday night and nailed the whole lot in 12 hours. Half Friday evening and half Saturday morning. It's not just that I did that but it's how I did it. I went out to do the weekly shop at the supermarket and nailed half the bag in the car on the way back. I knew I wasn't going to share it. It felt too similar to something else I used to do... Kind of scary...

The other half of the bag suffered a similar fate the next morning on my own away from the rest of my family.

That behaviour pattern is still active and I don't like it but it was just a bit stronger than me. I'm hoping that having now identified it I will be able to recognise it and make a rational choice in the future. It was just a little out of control and not the first time I've caught myself sneaking sweet things (though the first time I've taken it seriously).

Anyway... Any feedback would be welcome. Actually already feel better just articulating the situation here. Thanks everyone!
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Old 02-01-2016, 04:06 AM
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Toots, really great way to describe the effect of alcohol as a poor solution we use!

Amp, you are very far from alone in finding yourself with a different addictive behavior. The docs call it "transfer of addiction". I think many of us use sugary stuff when we stop alcohol. Think about it - alcohol is like taking in a large amount of sugar besides all of the mind-altering effects. Personally, I don't think the sugary foods addiction is as destructive as alcohol - we won't get a DUI from eating sugars and we won't do and say outrageous things! It's not good for our bodies, though.

If I have the stuff, I tend to eat it so my approach is to minimize what and how much I keep around. For example, a smallish bar of dark chocolate with orange is less addictive for me than milk chocolate. I can eat it more gradually and not run out to get more. Exercise helps, too. Try substituting positive things for the sugary things as much as possible.
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Old 02-01-2016, 04:55 AM
  # 125 (permalink)  
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Good morning. I had a good weekend. The weather was very nice yesterday so my wife and I went to the lake to enjoy the weather. There were some people around drinking but I didn't want any of that. It is pretty easy to pick out now who has been drinking and who is not. I like looking at life through sober eyes much better. I'm going to the gym then it is back to week.

I think there is something about the sweet tooth Amp. I have found I really need to watch myself with that too.

Glad you are doing well Paul.

Welcome Carmel!
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Old 02-01-2016, 04:56 AM
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Hi Undies,

Amp, I have soooo been there and done that. The difference for my doing it now, in active "recovery" vs in active "addiction", is the filtering system that any addiction must pass through in order for it to gain any sort of foothold with me. Sustained sobriety in an active recovery program has offered a clarity of thought.

My sugar addiction hit new heights when I lost my driver's license for 6 months a while ago. Yet, I knew what was happening. It was simply my addictive behavior wanting its own way at a base level....with the REAL meaning a bit hidden.

For me, moderation in any aspect of life will always present challenges. It could be just cleaning my house, writing a presentation, golfing, sex, a netflix series...a netflix series with sex ...point is, if I get started, I want to finish the whole thing.

My addictive behavior also has the nothing aspect as well as the all. If I don't get started - I can procrastinate and let the inaction fester.

Today, I easily recognize when I am in an all or nothing and I use my emotional sobriety tools that I am working hard at gaining to reset my thoughts and actions. It can be as easy as saying out loud, "Yes, there it is - time to restart my day." Just like the fact that I never have to drink and feel like I did with alcohol again - I don't have to eat that whole bag of M&M with peanuts. I have the tools to stop myself.

I've also come to realize that it has little to do with the actual event, and, much more to do with a transfer of some other fear, self-centeredness or ego driven event.

Bottom line, if I don't correct it, ACTIVE addiction wins and I am closer to a drink that I am further away. For me, this disease has no cure, only a daily reprieve based on my spiritual condition...not religion, but a spiritual condition.

Gotta dash...enjoy the day and new week, Undies.

Carlos
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Old 02-01-2016, 06:06 AM
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Hmm. The concepts of addictive transference and a simple tendency to obsessive behaviour (definitely me) would appear to add up. I feel confident about taking some positive steps on this now. Thank you! I just felt a bit scared when I realised that I was acting in the same way as I used to with booze. I don't want to be that person anymore!!!

I'll let you know how it pans out
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Old 02-01-2016, 09:28 AM
  # 128 (permalink)  
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Amp, I found myself doing the same thing with bars of chocolate, hiding them from hubby. I rationalised it that he hides his from me! I too worry about it being addictive thinking. I'll be honest, I haven't worried too much about it because I am eating much healthier these days so allow myself a wee sugar indulgence.

Maybe buy the monkey nuts in their shells instead of chocolate peanuts... Takes longer to eat as you have to shell them and you do away with the chocolate..... Just not while you're driving!!
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Old 02-01-2016, 09:49 AM
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Amp- I had a lot to say, but I think Carlos, Saskia, and Toots pretty much have it covered! I still find myself hiding food in my closet or top drawer for a binge, but I'm also eating a lot healthier and trying to exercise at least 5 days a week (I wonder why I can't get addicted to exercise and good food like I can to candy and Netflix????). I know that as soon as I have one little sneaky snack that's it's a downward spiral.
I have the same all or nothing personality that most of us do. I accept that and will just continue trying to make healthier choices and getting more control of my "out of control" behaviors if they can hurt me or another in any way! I know I drink more green tea or carbonated water when I'm trying to diet and I'm ok with that.
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Old 02-01-2016, 10:13 AM
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I know what you guys mean by chocolate ----whoa---I love it. and gummy bears-----oh good lord you don't just eat one. Yipes---I'm really getting in the mood to move around more tho--I feel so much better when I do.
Have a good day everyone !
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Old 02-01-2016, 10:34 AM
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Thank you for the welcome, folks
Have a good day.
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Old 02-01-2016, 01:50 PM
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Good thinking, KIR. I have heard of people getting addicted to the endorphin high from exercise .

I find I have to remain mindful about nearly everything! An occasional (non-alcohol or other drug) binge I feel is ok but when I start repeating, I know it's time to pull back.
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Old 02-01-2016, 04:43 PM
  # 133 (permalink)  
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Definitely fighting the sugar addiction too. I started to use things like ice cream and cookies as my "self reward" for not drinking. I rationalized that it was better to be a few pounds heavier than drinking all day. But now I am almost at my heaviest weight ever. Time to stop this addictive behavior.
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Old 02-01-2016, 07:00 PM
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Carlos - Your post really struck a chord with me.

Moderation is a real struggle for me, be it with sugar, exercise - or a Netflix series with sugar and exercise (I couldn't resist ). I struggle with exercise that isn't so intense that I feel buzzed afterwards. I've plowed through more than a few jars of frosting over the last couple years. Carlos has seen me eat my weight in Greek food in NYC & Italian in DC. I am at the top of my personal scale, and I've wanted to drop the bad habits, but I've been stuck.

Emotional sobriety doesn't come overnight. My life is busy, and my path to sobriety has had its fair share of interference. My husband drinks, and for the first year plus of my sobriety, he drank alcoholically and often, as I once had. Some days the best I could do living in that environment was just not drink. However, as Carlos mentioned, following an active recovery program offers a clearer outlook on emotional sobriety.

Earlier in the week, the Universe pointed me to call a sober friend of mine. As I was relaying an emotionally un-sober incident I'd had, my friend suggested that there's often something underlying that type of behavior. I didn't poke or prod my psyche too much over it; I just kind of let the suggestion sink in, and prayed for openness.

Friday was the first time I was aware of what was going on with me emotionally while I ate all that candy, and actually thought of some tools I've learned in my recovery program that I could use to soothe myself instead of sugar.

For me, finding something that I enjoy more than booze - or an exercise buzz, or a sugar high, etc. - is nothing short of a MIRACLE. Recovery for me is not based on deprivation of booze, sugar or other quick fixes, but on replacing those fake highs with substance and character.

I am grateful to be sober, and to have this ever developing tool chest to guide me through my challenges!

Undies - Thanks for all your insight into this topic. Have a safe & sober night!
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Old 02-01-2016, 09:06 PM
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Hi everyone. So I failed my test, again. Missed it by just a couple questions this time. I was planning on drinking over it but have been hanging out with a friend instead all day and went to the casino and won a little playing blackjack. My mom will be here Wednesday. I'm dreading everything about it. The drinking and out of control behavior.
I can relate to the chocolate posts. I'm not much of a candy person but every now and then when I crave chocolate I eat wayyyy too much.

Hope all is well
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Old 02-01-2016, 10:21 PM
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hey you lot......

just checking in.....

despite the shambles my life has become over the last year or so of relapse I am grateful that it has brought me again to the point of being sober.

If I was to reflect on past attempts aside from my first initial period of 7 years sober it was always to save something or appease someone or whatever.........

I have known I am an alcoholic since my early 20s and the first time I got sober I felt much the same as I do now.......because my circumstances are such that I have lost many things as a direct result of my drinking over the past few years......and it truly fees like the rock bottom I had all those years ago.......

which puts me in a position to WANT rather than "NEED" recovery.

this I feel is great even though it feels horrible when I survey the mess my life has become.

Thanks for listening, hope it makes sense.

v
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Old 02-02-2016, 04:45 AM
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BF, so sorry you missed on the test but it sounds like good improvement. Are you going to do it again? With the stress of your mom coming, have you thought about what you need in order to stay sober?

Van, I think we do best living in today, looking forward, and learning from but not dwelling on the past. Do you have everything you need in your life to help you stay sober? For me, I have found that good intentions are not enough. I've had to dedicate significant time to things that support my sobriety.
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Old 02-02-2016, 05:38 AM
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Vandermast- That sounds like a good step forward to want sobriety instead of needing it. I agree with Saskia that it is not enough without a good toolbox to work on recovery and deal with cravings.
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Old 02-02-2016, 06:40 AM
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Thanks for that feedback Saskia I do think that your advice regarding focus in the present is relevant. To be honest I have been quite maudlin about how my life has panned out. I do understand that it's probably not too healthy to dwell on it. And you are right about tools and such. I'm working on keeping a real open mind around any and all help I can get.

V
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Old 02-02-2016, 06:49 AM
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oh you guys !! the more I read all of your posts the more I realize why it is important that I come here everyday--I'm really not in this alone and I once again want to tell you how much I appreciate SR.
Hugs
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