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One Year and Under Club Part 51

Old 03-04-2016, 03:46 PM
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Originally Posted by knb02 View Post
KeyofC I felt a lump in my throat when I read your post. I can cry at the slightest thing. But not because of sadness, because of hope. I never thought I could have 39 days of sobriety and only people who have this disease relate to where I have come from and where I am trying to go.

It's inspiration al posts like these that keep me strong
(Hug)! Hey I used to be real active here until my job got crazy and I'm trying to be more "present" in my home. I checked out if my life quite a few years ago and I'm trying to be a better Mom, wife, friend, etc to my family. It's very much needed! If I can say anything to you to help you, here's a couple of things. I am almost at 8 months. Thought I'd never get here! Every bad, horrible day sober is 100 times better than one second drinking, drunk. I know this to be true, I come in here and hash out my thoughts that are sometimes a mess and heartwrenching, but that's me just being honest, straight to the point, real. I'm still going to have bad days. I'm just in the process of trying to get tools to better deal with my emotions and feelings. That's the first thing I can offer. Secondly, remember ALL your wins, big or small. Any step in the right direction is a plus. Toot your own horn cause if you don't, there's nobody else that will! I have to remember where I came from to where I am now and THAT speaks volumes. Anyway I know you've had some of this under your belt from what your tag says. Just thought I'd put in my two cents, I wish you strength, happiness, and peace! ((Hug))!
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Old 03-04-2016, 04:21 PM
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Originally Posted by knb02 View Post
Heck. I am posting a lot on here. All I see is my face lol
That's perfectly ok, knb! Do what you need to in order to move along in your new sober life :-)
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Old 03-04-2016, 05:28 PM
  # 463 (permalink)  
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(((Key))), great to see you. Wow, you sound so different - much calmer and settled :-)
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Old 03-04-2016, 05:43 PM
  # 464 (permalink)  
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Thank you ((((Sas))))...(extra hug)...I am settling in, finally.
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Old 03-04-2016, 09:42 PM
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Originally Posted by knb02 View Post
Yrs...I need to reflect more. Step back before I react. It's a bad habit of mine which I am trying to break
Don't we all? I know I do. I did even more when I was drinking, less so now that I'm not, but perhaps that impetuousness is what put us here at SR, in AA or AVRT or RR?

I know that in large part my addiction is the result of thoughtless behavior on my part. This is why I find mindfulness so helpful in my own recovery -- analyzing my own thinking even as it happens forces me to slow down and, yes, think before I act.
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Old 03-04-2016, 09:48 PM
  # 466 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by knb02 View Post
I love the serenity prayer. It really helps me put life into perspective..when I remember it lol
That's the trick, isn't it? I mean, it's all nice and well to type the words on the forum, but the fact for me is that I wasn't making much headway in my recovery until inside the moment, at the point of disappointment or anger, I could tell myself, "You can't control this, you can only control how you respond to this."

Only at that point, when I could think inside the moment and let go of yesterday and/or tomorrow, could my own recovery really start. I was white-knuckling it before that, skating on thin ice.

Yeah, remembering it is everything. I grew up with those words hanging on my mom's kitchen wall in embroidery -- I knew the Prayer long before I knew I was an alcoholic -- but damn, putting those words into action is another thing altogether.
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Old 03-04-2016, 09:52 PM
  # 467 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by KeyofC View Post
You know, I am doing good. The questions I ask I think are normal, the feelings I am feeling, I know are normal as well. It's all a learning experience. It all feels so foreign to me. Some days I struggle hard with my emotions, other days I am comfortable with my emotions. It's all so new and different form what I am used to that it's just weird. Like a human being does, some days I guess I fight the change and want to revert back to the old comfortable ways of behavior. I don't, but it of course is tempting to just let it all slide. In the long run I know it wouldn't be worth it. I am on the road to recovery. I am recognizing a lot of things that need to be changed...hey! That's a good thing that I recognize things so I am happy for that small step. I am learning to admit when I am wrong. I am apologizing when I need to. I am taking ownership when I should. Huge steps for me that have taken time. So The biggest hurdle is telling myself that everything takes time and time I cannot control. I have to make myself slow the heck down and be patient. Live life...live it. Thank you for asking. I am so grateful for SR and all of you guys. I am so grateful that no one told me that there was a certain road to recovery and just let me find my own way. I am so grateful people were not mean to me here or judgmental or harsh and accepted me for who I am. There is not right or wrong way to recovery. You have to be accepting of what you're facing, what you need to do to get there, where you came from, and where you want to go. ((Hug))
Ya'll are awesome!
And you are as well, brotha. Thanks for a beautiful post, a post that truly touched me.
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Old 03-05-2016, 12:22 AM
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I feel that the nonjudgemental acceptance here is the key to being able to unblock our negativity about ourselves. Being able to offload all the cr4p about ourselves and have others say 'you know, you ain't so bad, and you are working on getting better' helps to finally let go the guilt that drags us down and that AV uses against us ....' I am unworthy therefore I might as well drink' . For many of us here, for the first time in our LIVES we can talk to people who not only don't judge, but who seem to actually understand what led us to the dark places we inhabited in our souls. Shining a light here on those dark places changes them.

KNB in the early days I shoulda paid rent I was here so much, I needed the connection, so please don't feel like you are monopolising or anything, as you become less needful of immediate help in your recovery,you will ease off the gas a little. As for emotions? Heck I believe all addicts, myself absolutely included, have egos like spun sugar, and as you said yourself, in early recovery are as vulnerable to our emotions as new born babes. Hang in there, you are doing all the right things.

Have a great weekend Undies and for those UK mums, happy Mothers Day for tomorrow!
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Old 03-05-2016, 04:00 AM
  # 469 (permalink)  
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I'm on another online group too and I can say the message boards there are harsh, judgemental, they only enforce one way to recovery. There's not the support system like I felt here because there's a few that pick everything you say apart and want to just fight and argue. There are a few that give great advice or experiences and to me, that's what an online message board should be. It should offer choices not just "AA is the only way", or sober living, or avrt, or therapy. You get the point. Some people need ALL things, some people, no. It depends because each case is very much individualized. A million times I've said we are all different, but have the same end goal: sobriety and recovery. No matter black, white, Chinese, American, etc. Addiction doesn't care what race, religion, creed, walk of life you come from. I don't pay attention to stereotypes nor do I care about it. I care about hoping I can offer one ray of sunshine into someone's day full of clouds and grey skies. I can't say enough how grateful I am to have joined SR, stumbled upon it just surfing for online help from alcoholism. I am grateful I found all of you. Everyone wants validation. Everyone wants to know they're being heard and not alone. Everyone wants unbiased thoughts, experiences, advice. They'll certainly get it here. Y'all are my peeps and I'll scream it from the roof tops!! (((((((HUG)))))))
Hang in there newbies! I promise you if you work toward sobriety/recovery and spill your guts on here as much as you can (God knows I did!) you will start to heal. Don't give up! Give yourself a chance to be the person you were meant to be!

Sobriety: July 20, 2015
Recovery: Each and every day!
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Old 03-05-2016, 04:04 AM
  # 470 (permalink)  
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Toots you are sooooo right on! ((Hug))
Thank you!
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Old 03-05-2016, 05:10 AM
  # 471 (permalink)  
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Key, right on! You said that so beautifully.

And Toots, you are right on the mark, as usual.

I may be past a year but I still learn and find inspiration here.
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Old 03-05-2016, 05:24 AM
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Wow, so many posts yesterday it is hard to keep up! Keep on posting knb! All of your posts have been great.

Toots- once again you are so spot on about the non-judgmental atmosphere here.

Key- You are sounding great! Your journey to your recovery have been have been very inspirational. You have definitely come a long way.

Welcome back Fradley!

It is great waking up with a clear head and reading all of your wonderful and thoughtful posts sets me up for a great day. Thanks everyone!!!
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Old 03-05-2016, 06:39 AM
  # 473 (permalink)  
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Thank WWS (hug), just hope my crazy stuff can help someone else. Even if it's to know they're not the only one feeling the way they do! Sometimes I'll say what people are thinking.
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Old 03-05-2016, 07:08 AM
  # 474 (permalink)  
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Hi Undies. Quick check in before I go womp. Still have some catching up to do around here. Hoping by tomorrow my wompfree day ill be all caught up. Hope everyone is doing ok and is having a nice weekend. It's supposed to rain here tomorrow so I'm looking forward to a lazy day inside watching movies and napping. I've been going out so much lately I don't remember the last time I stayed home all day. Might try and hit a meeting tomorrow as well.
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Old 03-05-2016, 07:33 AM
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err. I am doing something stupid. Talk me out of this nonsense because I seem to think I am acting normal. I am typing as fast as I can.

I am currently in the supermarket looking at a small bottle of wine. I know I am acting crazy. Will have typos cause I am on my phone. I am shopping for Mother day tomorrow and cooking her favourite meal which contains white wine in it. The wine really gives it the added flavour. I know I know I am being stupid. So this non alcoholic wine currently in my hand has 0.05% content. I am thinking that I wouldnbt taste the alcohol once its cooked.

God. I am being stupid

Will put this stupid bottle away . Godss ake
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Old 03-05-2016, 07:34 AM
  # 476 (permalink)  
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Big song and dance over this. I feel stupid but it s a big thing for me. big thing
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Old 03-05-2016, 07:36 AM
  # 477 (permalink)  
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I have put it back in my trolley ;-////
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Old 03-05-2016, 07:37 AM
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Put it back. Feel miserable now
Dear god
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Old 03-05-2016, 07:45 AM
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Originally Posted by knb02 View Post
Put it back. Feel miserable now Dear god
temptation is real, overcome! You got this!!
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Old 03-05-2016, 08:30 AM
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Originally Posted by CharlesG View Post
temptation is real, overcome! You got this!!
I ended up buying it (for cooking). Then poured it down the drain when I got home. Waste of time and money but I guess I needed to go through this to overcome this hurdle

Any normal person would have thought I was a nutcase. I guess I am. But I am still sober. Thats all that counts.

Cake time
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