Soberpotamus

I won't define myself in terms of my marriage status, because I never have. Society is designed that way. We are often judged by that status, and treated accordingly. When I married, it was important to me to keep my name, so I just added his last name to the end of mine. Now I have four names. The way I see it, I had that name my whole life -- why should I change it?

Just so happens that his last name is nicer than my own last name, and much less common, so I decided to keep it for publishing, when the time comes!

Soberpotamus

Keep an open mind. It could be a good thing.

Also, you don't ever have to marry.

I probably won't marry again. It makes more sense for me not to. Most of my day requires solitude anyway. On the other hand, having a travel partner would be nice. I can see living alone at my cabin most of the year, and then finding a travel partner for a few months.

brynn

I'll probably never marry again either, potamus. People look at me like I have two heads when I tell them I'm not interested in a relationship. Everyone wants to set me up constantly. No thanks! I like the idea of a travel companion...I also like one night stands...but guys can get clingy. Gotta be careful
Xo

Soberpotamus

The regular sex will be a hard thing to give up. Although lately, it hasn't been the same as it was. That's to be expected as the relationship deteriorates.

It's also odd to realize I will be entering my 40s single, if we do divorce. I guess it's just a number. Plus, people always think I'm younger anyway.

Well, I'm sure there are plenty of single 40-something men out there, somewhere.

I always had in mind to go have a fling with an Irish man anyway, lol.

Soberpotamus

Brynn, I think Chef Brockett is my favorite on Mr. Rogers.

Soberpotamus

My chin is starting to tingle, the pins and needles feeling. That's a very good thing. I hope it continues across to the right side. That side still doesn't have much feeling yet.

Waiting for the numbness to go away is a bit unnerving.

venuscat

Hello love.
I missed you today!

I tried to PM, but your inbox is full, left you a visitor msg.
I'm OK, lots of pain atm, but it will be better tomorrow.
You are lovely....

How are you? Sounding a lot better...a fling with an Irish guy huh, sounds pretty good to me.

Kris47

Most people I suspect, would never marry the same person now that they're sober. We need to be healthy to pick a mate. We need to work on ourselves everyday to be spiritually, physically and mentally healthy.

Hope today will be a great day for healing for you SP.

I'm off to an early morning meeting.

MLD51

SP - I didn't realize you had this thread going! Im glad I found it now - I'm just reading now and getting caught up. I'll reply again when I'm done reading.

MLD51

Wow - I just finished reading the whole thing. What a roller-coaster for you! Brian sounds like a piece of work - but I suspect you are right about his feeling threatened by your independence and willingness to take risks. I had a husband like that once. He would be supportive of my big decisions until I made them, and then tell me it was my fault for doing it if things didn't turn out well. Never any compassion or support in the rough times.

Anyway - it sounds like your physical healing process is going pretty well. It will be good when you can take care of yourself better, and don't have to depend on him. Seems like his "analysis paralysis" does get in the way quite a bit.

Sorry I didn't find this thread earlier - I would have been here supporting you! I wondered how you were doing.

Soberpotamus

Hi, MLD. Yeah, I'm over here on this thread, documenting my progress, and receiving support.

Soberpotamus

Snow flurries here today.

Soberpotamus

I do appreciate your sentiment, Kris, and I know you mean well. You've been here supporting me emotionally through this hard time.

I would like to mention that this sort of recovery philosophy isn't what I used, this isn't good for me. It reminds me of the perfectionism I have had to learn to let go, over many years. My grandmother was a perfectionist and tried to raise me this way (my mother had another style of parenting and wasn't much better, worse actually). It's partly what led to my drinking, after so many let downs from not being good enough, and having your self-esteem tied up in works, looks, performance, grades, etc., it was easy to pick up a bottle and drink all the frustration away.

These days, I no longer "work" on myself, trying to do or be "better." My recovery hinges on self-acceptance, self-love, and tolerance and acceptance of others. Pretty much -- accepting things as they are. That's my antidote.

That said, change is a good thing, and I try to embrace change, and if that means learning better how to cope, then, yeah I need to focus on enhancing my ability to cope.

I like Mr. Rogers' philosophy -- that we are likeable just as we are. We might not be likeable by everyone, but someone is going to like and appreciate the real me.

I know your philosophy does work and appeal to many though, and I am not knocking it. It's just not something I do.

I appreciate all your support though, Kris, please know that.

Soberpotamus

Mushroom soup today.

Soberpotamus

I missed you too, V!

I do hope your situation is improving.

Cleared out all my pm's. I read your message about staying five hours. Are you happy to be home now?

Kris47

Happy that your life way works for you. I was speaking mostly about finding a mate but it does overflow into all our areas of life.

Progress, not perfection. I have already surrendered, accepted and know God is in my corner. I respect everyone's ability to stay and keep sober; healthy. What works for one may not work for another. I have had to use many different ways to stay sober and as long as I am growing I don't have to look for another way.
I am happy that you are healing well physically. I leave the other areas up to you. Just was wishing you WELL.

Light and Love to you!
Kris

Soberpotamus

I won't be seeking any more mates, but thanks, Kris.

SoberLeigh

That's good news, Potamus!!!!!!

Soberpotamus

Yeah, it's kind of exciting, Leigh. Every little bit of feeling is a great thing at this point.

Anna

Yay, who would have thought a tingling chin would be reason for celebration!