Class of November 2015 Part 9
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Originally Posted by KiKi0615 
Hi guys! Just wanted to check in real quick to say hi. Sorry I've been absent for the last few days. Things of been crazy with my kids, counseling, AA and today I'm going skiing! Yay!!!
Anyway, I haven't had a chance to read the posts for the last two days but I want you to know that you're all in my prayers.
I hope everyone has an amazing sober day and weekend!
Can you guys tell that I like to use !!!!!!!!!! Lol
Anyway, I haven't had a chance to read the posts for the last two days but I want you to know that you're all in my prayers.
I hope everyone has an amazing sober day and weekend!
Can you guys tell that I like to use !!!!!!!!!! Lol
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Hi guys.
My father in law passed away in our house yesterday. I found him and 911 told me to do cpr even though I've never done that before.
I am freaked out.
Those memories are haunting me all day.
AV is talking. I am still recovering from my relapse.
My father in law passed away in our house yesterday. I found him and 911 told me to do cpr even though I've never done that before.
I am freaked out.
Those memories are haunting me all day.
AV is talking. I am still recovering from my relapse.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Originally Posted by Olivia2011
Wow Patricia - I guess this was totally unexpected? Nothing wrong with him that he knew of? As Dee said don't let this influence you. Hang in there. Xo so sorry for your loss.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
Originally Posted by patricia68
He was an alcoholic. He never showed signs of illness, but in the end it was his daily drinking and weekend bingeing that killed him...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
So sorry Patricia. Stay strong. The death of my stepdaughter in our home is what really started my battle with binge drinking. Today is day 22! Still feeling good and rested. I find myself feeling more lately...more aggravated by things, less easy going. I have times when I romanticize about drinking but I've been stopping myself and have been reminding myself that my body just cannot handle drinking. I have I been munching a lot today. Hope you are all doing well!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Thank you so much for all your messages guys.
I had a nice long bath and now I'm going to make an extra large cup of chamomile tea.
AV was very loud today, but I didn't drink. I'm glad I didn't, I might call a help line later on. It's a help line for grief and loss that the police detective recommended and they work 24/7. I am feeling fine right now but I'm concerned about tonight when everybody goes to sleep.
I had a nice long bath and now I'm going to make an extra large cup of chamomile tea.
AV was very loud today, but I didn't drink. I'm glad I didn't, I might call a help line later on. It's a help line for grief and loss that the police detective recommended and they work 24/7. I am feeling fine right now but I'm concerned about tonight when everybody goes to sleep.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
I have been soul searching....trying to figure out why I can't control my drinking. I think I use drinking as an escape. I am feeling like I don't really have much freedom in my life. Work is demanding and requires constant focus, effort, structure. In my personal life I am realizing that I feel very controlled by my husband...I don't do anything right when I don't do it his way; he does the grocery shopping and when I don't eat the foods he bought it's a problem, etc. I can't even do a puzzle right bc I have my own way of doing things. He takes care of the bills so everything I spend is under scrutiny and I can't do extra things to help out my kids. It's frustrating. When I drink I start to relax and "have fun". I talk more and he seems relaxed and more easy going too. I never intend to overdo it. I just start having "fun" and don't want it to end so I keep drinking. Before you know it I'm smashed. My husband says no to me constantly when we are sober but when we drink that word is not in his vocabulary. After he'll tell me, well, I don't like to say no to you. But he does it all the time when we are not drinking. I am thinking about this and writing about it bc I am getting really frustrated and fed up. My AV is starting to talk...telling me a break from this is needed.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
Originally Posted by rah555
I have been soul searching....trying to figure out why I can't control my drinking. I think I use drinking as an escape. I am feeling like I don't really have much freedom in my life. Work is demanding and requires constant focus, effort, structure. In my personal life I am realizing that I feel very controlled by my husband...I don't do anything right when I don't do it his way; he does the grocery shopping and when I don't eat the foods he bought it's a problem, etc. I can't even do a puzzle right bc I have my own way of doing things. He takes care of the bills so everything I spend is under scrutiny and I can't do extra things to help out my kids. It's frustrating. When I drink I start to relax and "have fun". I talk more and he seems relaxed and more easy going too. I never intend to overdo it. I just start having "fun" and don't want it to end so I keep drinking. Before you know it I'm smashed. My husband says no to me constantly when we are sober but when we drink that word is not in his vocabulary. After he'll tell me, well, I don't like to say no to you. But he does it all the time when we are not drinking. I am thinking about this and writing about it bc I am getting really frustrated and fed up. My AV is starting to talk...telling me a break from this is needed.
When we drank, mostly we chatted and laughed and I felt better... except when we argued and overdid it when I didn't!
Time will reveal what is truly going in I guess... but till then... keep sober, u will find out more! !! X
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Originally Posted by rah555
I have been soul searching....trying to figure out why I can't control my drinking. I think I use drinking as an escape. I am feeling like I don't really have much freedom in my life. Work is demanding and requires constant focus, effort, structure. In my personal life I am realizing that I feel very controlled by my husband...I don't do anything right when I don't do it his way; he does the grocery shopping and when I don't eat the foods he bought it's a problem, etc. I can't even do a puzzle right bc I have my own way of doing things. He takes care of the bills so everything I spend is under scrutiny and I can't do extra things to help out my kids. It's frustrating. When I drink I start to relax and "have fun". I talk more and he seems relaxed and more easy going too. I never intend to overdo it. I just start having "fun" and don't want it to end so I keep drinking. Before you know it I'm smashed. My husband says no to me constantly when we are sober but when we drink that word is not in his vocabulary. After he'll tell me, well, I don't like to say no to you. But he does it all the time when we are not drinking. I am thinking about this and writing about it bc I am getting really frustrated and fed up. My AV is starting to talk...telling me a break from this is needed.
YOU, we and all of us deserve happiness!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
Originally Posted by rah555
I have been soul searching....trying to figure out why I can't control my drinking. I think I use drinking as an escape. I am feeling like I don't really have much freedom in my life. Work is demanding and requires constant focus, effort, structure. In my personal life I am realizing that I feel very controlled by my husband...I don't do anything right when I don't do it his way; he does the grocery shopping and when I don't eat the foods he bought it's a problem, etc. I can't even do a puzzle right bc I have my own way of doing things. He takes care of the bills so everything I spend is under scrutiny and I can't do extra things to help out my kids. It's frustrating. When I drink I start to relax and "have fun". I talk more and he seems relaxed and more easy going too. I never intend to overdo it. I just start having "fun" and don't want it to end so I keep drinking. Before you know it I'm smashed. My husband says no to me constantly when we are sober but when we drink that word is not in his vocabulary. After he'll tell me, well, I don't like to say no to you. But he does it all the time when we are not drinking. I am thinking about this and writing about it bc I am getting really frustrated and fed up. My AV is starting to talk...telling me a break from this is needed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Hi again,
Just a quick check in to say I need your support.
For the past 6 weeks I have been working with a therapist and it has been really hard work! I'm dealing with the trauma that I lived through from age 0-18 and the reason I drank.
I have used alcohol to numb the pain, nightmares, bad memories & flash backs for a very long time. I know I'm not alone & that there are many other trauma survivors out there. It's so sad that we have to "recover from our childhood"!
For years I have tried to run from this pain. I have tried so hard to stay a step ahead of it because it was just too painful! When I found alcohol it did the trick. It did the trick until it stopped working. It helped me feel better until the reasons I was drinking or less painful than drinking itself.
I feel like I've run 1,000,000 miles trying to just stay ahead of that pain. I have tried everything out run it and nothing worked. It wasn't until I realize that no matter how far I ran but I couldn't run my past that I had to finally come face-to-face with my demons and the trauma.
That I asked to be raped when I was A teenager? No! Did I ask to be abused as a child? No! But what I do with that now is my choice. Do I want these people to take away my future? No! Do I want to continue to give them power? No!
The bottom line is guys I'm having a really hard time. Therapy is really hard for me. Every time it is gotten messed hard in the past I have always run. I have always run to the thing that I know will numb it even just for a few minutes. And that is alcohol.
So I'm at a crossroads in my life. I had two choices: I can either keep drinking and numbing the pain and letting these people abuse me by abusing myself or I can fight through it head on and get to the other side.
With all of this being said, I just wanted to let you know that I may not be on sober recovery consistently for a while. I must get through this to the other side! I want to live. I want to be happy. I want to be sober. I want to stop numbing my pain.
Inside of most of us as a wounded soul, a broken spirit, a lot of pain. Most of us didn't wake up one day and decide we wanted to Number ourselves with alcohol. There's a reason why we drank so much. There's a reason!
I encourage everyone reading this and everyone of my November 2015 class to dig deep into your heart and your soul and work through the issues that you are trying to numb. It's so very hard but it's necessary!
I must work through these issues and stay sober so that nothing that I went through as a child will be in vain. I must work through and stay sober so I can help others get through the pain of going through what I went through.
I won't be checking in as regularly as I have been for a while. I need to focus on myself right now. I have so much homework for therapy and it is so exhausting. I barely have the energy to eat or take a shower some days.
I love you guys so much. I'm just asking that you guys can be there amazing people that you areand I understand that I'm emotionally incapable of being strong for anyone but myself right now.
I love you guys and I'll check in and see how you guys are all doing. You guys are all amazing perfect creations of God. And if you don't believe in God that's okay you're still an amazing creation of the universe. We're all here for a reason! We are all here trying to make ourselves better!
There are so many people in this world that never attempt to become better people. They let this disease rule their lives, destroy their families and ultimately take their lives. We cannot let that happen to us! We must continue to fight!!!
Just a quick check in to say I need your support.
For the past 6 weeks I have been working with a therapist and it has been really hard work! I'm dealing with the trauma that I lived through from age 0-18 and the reason I drank.
I have used alcohol to numb the pain, nightmares, bad memories & flash backs for a very long time. I know I'm not alone & that there are many other trauma survivors out there. It's so sad that we have to "recover from our childhood"!
For years I have tried to run from this pain. I have tried so hard to stay a step ahead of it because it was just too painful! When I found alcohol it did the trick. It did the trick until it stopped working. It helped me feel better until the reasons I was drinking or less painful than drinking itself.
I feel like I've run 1,000,000 miles trying to just stay ahead of that pain. I have tried everything out run it and nothing worked. It wasn't until I realize that no matter how far I ran but I couldn't run my past that I had to finally come face-to-face with my demons and the trauma.
That I asked to be raped when I was A teenager? No! Did I ask to be abused as a child? No! But what I do with that now is my choice. Do I want these people to take away my future? No! Do I want to continue to give them power? No!
The bottom line is guys I'm having a really hard time. Therapy is really hard for me. Every time it is gotten messed hard in the past I have always run. I have always run to the thing that I know will numb it even just for a few minutes. And that is alcohol.
So I'm at a crossroads in my life. I had two choices: I can either keep drinking and numbing the pain and letting these people abuse me by abusing myself or I can fight through it head on and get to the other side.
With all of this being said, I just wanted to let you know that I may not be on sober recovery consistently for a while. I must get through this to the other side! I want to live. I want to be happy. I want to be sober. I want to stop numbing my pain.
Inside of most of us as a wounded soul, a broken spirit, a lot of pain. Most of us didn't wake up one day and decide we wanted to Number ourselves with alcohol. There's a reason why we drank so much. There's a reason!
I encourage everyone reading this and everyone of my November 2015 class to dig deep into your heart and your soul and work through the issues that you are trying to numb. It's so very hard but it's necessary!
I must work through these issues and stay sober so that nothing that I went through as a child will be in vain. I must work through and stay sober so I can help others get through the pain of going through what I went through.
I won't be checking in as regularly as I have been for a while. I need to focus on myself right now. I have so much homework for therapy and it is so exhausting. I barely have the energy to eat or take a shower some days.
I love you guys so much. I'm just asking that you guys can be there amazing people that you areand I understand that I'm emotionally incapable of being strong for anyone but myself right now.
I love you guys and I'll check in and see how you guys are all doing. You guys are all amazing perfect creations of God. And if you don't believe in God that's okay you're still an amazing creation of the universe. We're all here for a reason! We are all here trying to make ourselves better!
There are so many people in this world that never attempt to become better people. They let this disease rule their lives, destroy their families and ultimately take their lives. We cannot let that happen to us! We must continue to fight!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
And I'm really sorry about the typos in my post. I was talking (instead of typing) into my iPhone and it put words that I didn't say in the paragraphs. Hopefully you guys understand what I was trying to say.
Love you so much!
Love you so much!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Originally Posted by KiKi0615
Hi again,
Just a quick check in to say I need your support.
For the past 6 weeks I have been working with a therapist and it has been really hard work! I'm dealing with the trauma that I lived through from age 0-18 and the reason I drank.
I have used alcohol to numb the pain, nightmares, bad memories & flash backs for a very long time. I know I'm not alone & that there are many other trauma survivors out there. It's so sad that we have to "recover from our childhood"!
For years I have tried to run from this pain. I have tried so hard to stay a step ahead of it because it was just too painful! When I found alcohol it did the trick. It did the trick until it stopped working. It helped me feel better until the reasons I was drinking or less painful than drinking itself.
I feel like I've run 1,000,000 miles trying to just stay ahead of that pain. I have tried everything out run it and nothing worked. It wasn't until I realize that no matter how far I ran but I couldn't run my past that I had to finally come face-to-face with my demons and the trauma.
That I asked to be raped when I was A teenager? No! Did I ask to be abused as a child? No! But what I do with that now is my choice. Do I want these people to take away my future? No! Do I want to continue to give them power? No!
The bottom line is guys I'm having a really hard time. Therapy is really hard for me. Every time it is gotten messed hard in the past I have always run. I have always run to the thing that I know will numb it even just for a few minutes. And that is alcohol.
So I'm at a crossroads in my life. I had two choices: I can either keep drinking and numbing the pain and letting these people abuse me by abusing myself or I can fight through it head on and get to the other side.
With all of this being said, I just wanted to let you know that I may not be on sober recovery consistently for a while. I must get through this to the other side! I want to live. I want to be happy. I want to be sober. I want to stop numbing my pain.
Inside of most of us as a wounded soul, a broken spirit, a lot of pain. Most of us didn't wake up one day and decide we wanted to Number ourselves with alcohol. There's a reason why we drank so much. There's a reason!
I encourage everyone reading this and everyone of my November 2015 class to dig deep into your heart and your soul and work through the issues that you are trying to numb. It's so very hard but it's necessary!
I must work through these issues and stay sober so that nothing that I went through as a child will be in vain. I must work through and stay sober so I can help others get through the pain of going through what I went through.
I won't be checking in as regularly as I have been for a while. I need to focus on myself right now. I have so much homework for therapy and it is so exhausting. I barely have the energy to eat or take a shower some days.
I love you guys so much. I'm just asking that you guys can be there amazing people that you areand I understand that I'm emotionally incapable of being strong for anyone but myself right now.
I love you guys and I'll check in and see how you guys are all doing. You guys are all amazing perfect creations of God. And if you don't believe in God that's okay you're still an amazing creation of the universe. We're all here for a reason! We are all here trying to make ourselves better!
There are so many people in this world that never attempt to become better people. They let this disease rule their lives, destroy their families and ultimately take their lives. We cannot let that happen to us! We must continue to fight!!!
Just a quick check in to say I need your support.
For the past 6 weeks I have been working with a therapist and it has been really hard work! I'm dealing with the trauma that I lived through from age 0-18 and the reason I drank.
I have used alcohol to numb the pain, nightmares, bad memories & flash backs for a very long time. I know I'm not alone & that there are many other trauma survivors out there. It's so sad that we have to "recover from our childhood"!
For years I have tried to run from this pain. I have tried so hard to stay a step ahead of it because it was just too painful! When I found alcohol it did the trick. It did the trick until it stopped working. It helped me feel better until the reasons I was drinking or less painful than drinking itself.
I feel like I've run 1,000,000 miles trying to just stay ahead of that pain. I have tried everything out run it and nothing worked. It wasn't until I realize that no matter how far I ran but I couldn't run my past that I had to finally come face-to-face with my demons and the trauma.
That I asked to be raped when I was A teenager? No! Did I ask to be abused as a child? No! But what I do with that now is my choice. Do I want these people to take away my future? No! Do I want to continue to give them power? No!
The bottom line is guys I'm having a really hard time. Therapy is really hard for me. Every time it is gotten messed hard in the past I have always run. I have always run to the thing that I know will numb it even just for a few minutes. And that is alcohol.
So I'm at a crossroads in my life. I had two choices: I can either keep drinking and numbing the pain and letting these people abuse me by abusing myself or I can fight through it head on and get to the other side.
With all of this being said, I just wanted to let you know that I may not be on sober recovery consistently for a while. I must get through this to the other side! I want to live. I want to be happy. I want to be sober. I want to stop numbing my pain.
Inside of most of us as a wounded soul, a broken spirit, a lot of pain. Most of us didn't wake up one day and decide we wanted to Number ourselves with alcohol. There's a reason why we drank so much. There's a reason!
I encourage everyone reading this and everyone of my November 2015 class to dig deep into your heart and your soul and work through the issues that you are trying to numb. It's so very hard but it's necessary!
I must work through these issues and stay sober so that nothing that I went through as a child will be in vain. I must work through and stay sober so I can help others get through the pain of going through what I went through.
I won't be checking in as regularly as I have been for a while. I need to focus on myself right now. I have so much homework for therapy and it is so exhausting. I barely have the energy to eat or take a shower some days.
I love you guys so much. I'm just asking that you guys can be there amazing people that you areand I understand that I'm emotionally incapable of being strong for anyone but myself right now.
I love you guys and I'll check in and see how you guys are all doing. You guys are all amazing perfect creations of God. And if you don't believe in God that's okay you're still an amazing creation of the universe. We're all here for a reason! We are all here trying to make ourselves better!
There are so many people in this world that never attempt to become better people. They let this disease rule their lives, destroy their families and ultimately take their lives. We cannot let that happen to us! We must continue to fight!!!
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