Class of November 2015 Part 9
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 933
Hey Patricia,
I hope today is better for you. I really do empathise.
My experience of counsellors (and I've seen a few) is their primary concern is to get you feeling better and good about yourself in the short term so they can more effectively start to delve deeper over the longer term. Eliminating self loathing and negative self talk comes high up their list of priorities, part of this process is to encourage forgiveness.
This is all well and good but telling an alcoholic to forgive themselves for drinking is misguided. Dee is right, you can't solve the problems of drinking by drinking.
All of my counsellors asked me how much I drank and I was honest with my answers. I even suggested to them that alcohol might be a problem. Two dismissed this (one even said "that's not much") notion and one advised me to cut back to three glasses of wine a day. That was all bullsh*t advice I was paying £40 an hour for. You've got to cut it out completely Patricia, then move on to the other issues.
Today I'm going to write out some positive affirmations and stick them up around the house. If I can stop believing I'm useless I stand a better chance of getting better.
Take care, I'm sending you some love.
I hope today is better for you. I really do empathise.
My experience of counsellors (and I've seen a few) is their primary concern is to get you feeling better and good about yourself in the short term so they can more effectively start to delve deeper over the longer term. Eliminating self loathing and negative self talk comes high up their list of priorities, part of this process is to encourage forgiveness.
This is all well and good but telling an alcoholic to forgive themselves for drinking is misguided. Dee is right, you can't solve the problems of drinking by drinking.
All of my counsellors asked me how much I drank and I was honest with my answers. I even suggested to them that alcohol might be a problem. Two dismissed this (one even said "that's not much") notion and one advised me to cut back to three glasses of wine a day. That was all bullsh*t advice I was paying £40 an hour for. You've got to cut it out completely Patricia, then move on to the other issues.
Today I'm going to write out some positive affirmations and stick them up around the house. If I can stop believing I'm useless I stand a better chance of getting better.
Take care, I'm sending you some love.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 748
Originally Posted by tufty13 
Thanks Fab,
The latest is, flights are booked for 19th of Feb and I'll go out for ten days and meet the team there. I'm unsure about it now though. The business there is not owned by us, but it does owe us a significant amount of money hence the secondment. Originally I was told the owner welcomed the support but it's clear from the email I saw that he's now unhappy about it. I'm not one for conflict or conflict resolution so I think I'll decline the role. We'll see.
Also my depression has kicked in again big style. I thought abstinence from booze and my new regime of supplements had put a lid on it. Clearly not. Negative self talk and self hatred and suicidal thoughts are all back (temporary I know).
I was diagnosed as bipolar some time ago but I dismissed it. I know exactly what the problem is now but haven't been able to change habits of a lifetime......yet.
Back into therapy today with a new therapist.
The latest is, flights are booked for 19th of Feb and I'll go out for ten days and meet the team there. I'm unsure about it now though. The business there is not owned by us, but it does owe us a significant amount of money hence the secondment. Originally I was told the owner welcomed the support but it's clear from the email I saw that he's now unhappy about it. I'm not one for conflict or conflict resolution so I think I'll decline the role. We'll see.
Also my depression has kicked in again big style. I thought abstinence from booze and my new regime of supplements had put a lid on it. Clearly not. Negative self talk and self hatred and suicidal thoughts are all back (temporary I know).
I was diagnosed as bipolar some time ago but I dismissed it. I know exactly what the problem is now but haven't been able to change habits of a lifetime......yet.
Back into therapy today with a new therapist.
On the other hand if it does not than you can tell yourself that it will save you from a lot of potential stress and uncertainty that you may not need at this time when you are feeling fragile.
Follow your intuition and what your head is telling you.
On the bipolar. I was diagnosed as Bipolar type 1 about 10 years ago now. And for me it was a relief to at last make sense of why none of my previous therapy and meds had really been working. Bipolar depression is treated in a different way to mainstream depression as you no doubt are aware. I spent many years with the support of great medical system trying to get stable, including an unplanned period in a psychiatric clinic when one of my meds sent me off on an amazing high for a week and I got into trouble and ended up on the edge of a train track in my pyjamas ready to kills myself. I can laugh about it looking back because I was waiting and waiting for a train to come so that I could jump and it was bloody freezing! But after being rescued by the fireman who had been called by a passer by they informed me that it was an unused track! I guess God was really with me that day.
But today I can feel that the bipolar is really stable and Under control. I have my ups and downs like everyone but not the major mood swings and the crippling depression.
Do you feel that you have the right support and treatment? Because without stabilising the bi polar it will be impossible for us to get sober and stay sober for any length of time. Under the supervision of the Bipolar Centre in my region. I take a mix of antidepressants and mood stabilisers and have learnt to tweak the meds as needed.
I can only imagine how frusrating this all is for you. Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 933
Thanks Fab,
I'm glad your condition is in check, your train line anecdote is truly frightening.
I really don't think I'm bipolar. The case for, would be my grandmother was a manic depressive (as it was called then), an incredible woman apparently. An Olympic diver, mountaineer and record breaking swimmer who spent her last years, and eventually passed away in an asylum. I believe it's a hereditary condition? Also, my mood can go from very high to very low (and back again) in a matter of moments, that much is true.
However, I've been working on myself for a long time now and am confident my problems are all of my own making. Getting to the cause of depression is analogous to peeling away the layer of an onion. I've peeled away so many layers and now I've reached a point I can't break through. Its a behavioural problem that paves a path for addictive behaviour. The addictions are not causing my depression, they may feed it by way of keeping me trapped in a cycle but they are not the cause. There is a possibility that the destructive behaviour is in itself an addiction, that's something I'm looking to explore in therapy but I'm acutely aware that conceptualising is no substitute for action and action is where I'm failing.
The good news is I'm not drinking or drugging or repeating any amoral behaviours of the past. I've been using the concept of an AVRT across the board and it's working. Staying sober has increased my self esteem and given me a platform for further growth and I'm really grateful.
I'm really sorry for the long post guys, It's never my intention to clutter the board with rambling, self indulgent musings but I'm finding it cathartic to write down stuff and sometimes it just keeps coming out.
Apologies!
I'm glad your condition is in check, your train line anecdote is truly frightening.
I really don't think I'm bipolar. The case for, would be my grandmother was a manic depressive (as it was called then), an incredible woman apparently. An Olympic diver, mountaineer and record breaking swimmer who spent her last years, and eventually passed away in an asylum. I believe it's a hereditary condition? Also, my mood can go from very high to very low (and back again) in a matter of moments, that much is true.
However, I've been working on myself for a long time now and am confident my problems are all of my own making. Getting to the cause of depression is analogous to peeling away the layer of an onion. I've peeled away so many layers and now I've reached a point I can't break through. Its a behavioural problem that paves a path for addictive behaviour. The addictions are not causing my depression, they may feed it by way of keeping me trapped in a cycle but they are not the cause. There is a possibility that the destructive behaviour is in itself an addiction, that's something I'm looking to explore in therapy but I'm acutely aware that conceptualising is no substitute for action and action is where I'm failing.
The good news is I'm not drinking or drugging or repeating any amoral behaviours of the past. I've been using the concept of an AVRT across the board and it's working. Staying sober has increased my self esteem and given me a platform for further growth and I'm really grateful.
I'm really sorry for the long post guys, It's never my intention to clutter the board with rambling, self indulgent musings but I'm finding it cathartic to write down stuff and sometimes it just keeps coming out.
Apologies!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Tufty please don't apologise at all mate, I am finding your posts and this discussion extremely helpful to read indeed.
Also, my mood can go from very high to very low (and back again) in a matter of moments, that much is true.
This is how I am feeling so often - also thinking its all of my own doing with the excesses but for the first time working at it to try and get things sorted and seeking help to do so.
Please keep rambling ;-)
Hope you feel brighter soon - misunderstood from your previous post I thought the plans were off completely - good luck with whichever way it pans out.
Also, my mood can go from very high to very low (and back again) in a matter of moments, that much is true.
This is how I am feeling so often - also thinking its all of my own doing with the excesses but for the first time working at it to try and get things sorted and seeking help to do so.
Please keep rambling ;-)
Hope you feel brighter soon - misunderstood from your previous post I thought the plans were off completely - good luck with whichever way it pans out.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 678
Originally Posted by tufty13
Thanks Fab, I'm glad your condition is in check, your train line anecdote is truly frightening. I really don't think I'm bipolar. The case for, would be my grandmother was a manic depressive (as it was called then), an incredible woman apparently. An Olympic diver, mountaineer and record breaking swimmer who spent her last years, and eventually passed away in an asylum. I believe it's a hereditary condition? Also, my mood can go from very high to very low (and back again) in a matter of moments, that much is true. However, I've been working on myself for a long time now and am confident my problems are all of my own making. Getting to the cause of depression is analogous to peeling away the layer of an onion. I've peeled away so many layers and now I've reached a point I can't break through. Its a behavioural problem that paves a path for addictive behaviour. The addictions are not causing my depression, they may feed it by way of keeping me trapped in a cycle but they are not the cause. There is a possibility that the destructive behaviour is in itself an addiction, that's something I'm looking to explore in therapy but I'm acutely aware that conceptualising is no substitute for action and action is where I'm failing. The good news is I'm not drinking or drugging or repeating any amoral behaviours of the past. I've been using the concept of an AVRT across the board and it's working. Staying sober has increased my self esteem and given me a platform for further growth and I'm really grateful. I'm really sorry for the long post guys, It's never my intention to clutter the board with rambling, self indulgent musings but I'm finding it cathartic to write down stuff and sometimes it just keeps coming out. Apologies!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 678
Day 60!!!
Feeling great about my decision and my commitment this time. This is my 2nd or 3rd longest stretch but will soon be my longest since I turned drinking age, half my life ago. Similar to what Tufty wrote, my self esteem is better and I'm out of the cycle of destruction.
Tomorrow I will travel to the northeast for meetings, on the road for 6 days and will be in the company of some longtime drinking buddies. My final binge was with some of these people. I'm going to be vigilant and strong, not conceding under any circumstances. Excuse for not drinking is marathon training, end of discussion. If I get through these days unscathed, I'll really start believing that this is it this time. Most of my relapses during the past 3 years have come in this environment, including 1 that was at this exact meeting 2 years ago. That relapse turned into a heavy binge and I nearly blew some critical career opportunities.
Anyways, I'll be checking in here for accountability. If you don't hear from me every day for the next week, please send the sobriety police!!
Feeling great about my decision and my commitment this time. This is my 2nd or 3rd longest stretch but will soon be my longest since I turned drinking age, half my life ago. Similar to what Tufty wrote, my self esteem is better and I'm out of the cycle of destruction.
Tomorrow I will travel to the northeast for meetings, on the road for 6 days and will be in the company of some longtime drinking buddies. My final binge was with some of these people. I'm going to be vigilant and strong, not conceding under any circumstances. Excuse for not drinking is marathon training, end of discussion. If I get through these days unscathed, I'll really start believing that this is it this time. Most of my relapses during the past 3 years have come in this environment, including 1 that was at this exact meeting 2 years ago. That relapse turned into a heavy binge and I nearly blew some critical career opportunities.
Anyways, I'll be checking in here for accountability. If you don't hear from me every day for the next week, please send the sobriety police!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Good luck SM - I know only to well how the wheels can come of in these situations, stay strong and keep checking in here like you say.
Only concern there would be the "If I get through" sounds like you are preparing for a potential slip - don't let your AV in there at all - you will / can get through it just keep telling yourself that mate and if need be make excuses that you're not feeling well - eat plenty and smash the sparkling water - get in in the gym early morning each day or before the evening out if possible too, of course you're training for that marathon ;-).
I've fortunately been able to remove myself from the situation at present as colleagues are fully aware of the issue but know its something I will have to work at and deal with down the line.
Look forward to your regular updates.
Only concern there would be the "If I get through" sounds like you are preparing for a potential slip - don't let your AV in there at all - you will / can get through it just keep telling yourself that mate and if need be make excuses that you're not feeling well - eat plenty and smash the sparkling water - get in in the gym early morning each day or before the evening out if possible too, of course you're training for that marathon ;-).
I've fortunately been able to remove myself from the situation at present as colleagues are fully aware of the issue but know its something I will have to work at and deal with down the line.
Look forward to your regular updates.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
Originally Posted by KiKi0615
Hi Patricia, I think you are caught in a vicious cycle. The panic & anxiety makes you want to drink and the drink causes more panic & anxiety. After a few weeks of sobriety in December you sounded so great and here is a post I found from May of 2014.....
On 5/16/14 you posted this post BELOW: (maybe it will give you some hope & encouragement to read what has helped you in the past?)
-----------------------------------------
They say it takes 21 days to break a habit...
Happy 21 days sober to me!
After 21 days I:
-No longer crave alcohol 24/7
-Sleep through the night
-Stop sweating, even on warm days!
-The shakes are barely noticeable
-My mouth is not dry anymore
-My anxiety decreased immensely
-No more panic/paranoia
-No more wobbly legs
-No more stained teeth
-My skin and hair look so much better
-I am eating healthier and loving it
-I have more money!
-I have more energy
-I remember what I did last night
To all of you who are struggling to stop drinking...keep trying! Don't quit quitting! It is worth it!
Life is so much better sober!
I love you all! Thank you SO much SR!!!
On 5/16/14 you posted this post BELOW: (maybe it will give you some hope & encouragement to read what has helped you in the past?)
-----------------------------------------
They say it takes 21 days to break a habit...
Happy 21 days sober to me!
After 21 days I:
-No longer crave alcohol 24/7
-Sleep through the night
-Stop sweating, even on warm days!
-The shakes are barely noticeable
-My mouth is not dry anymore
-My anxiety decreased immensely
-No more panic/paranoia
-No more wobbly legs
-No more stained teeth
-My skin and hair look so much better
-I am eating healthier and loving it
-I have more money!
-I have more energy
-I remember what I did last night
To all of you who are struggling to stop drinking...keep trying! Don't quit quitting! It is worth it!
Life is so much better sober!
I love you all! Thank you SO much SR!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
I am too busy! ack. School, school, school, Work Work, Work. I cant wait until I have graduated and moved on in my career, so I can have a life again.... but as I was rushing in late to class this morning, I was thinking, it could be worse, I could be hung over. Don't know if id be able to keep working towards this goal if drinking were still the number 1 priority.
love you guys and gals. Hang in there!
love you guys and gals. Hang in there!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,075
I went to see a different counselor today. A trauma counselor. I cried for 90 minutes non stop. I told her things I'd never told anyone before. She admitted me to their program. I am still crying. 2 hours later I'm still crying. It doesn't hurt though. It just feels good to cry. It's weird though, like I finally can cry after years of faking it til you make it. Hard to explain. I think I need to cry a little bit more.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
Originally Posted by patricia68
I went to see a different counselor today. A trauma counselor. I cried for 90 minutes non stop. I told her things I'd never told anyone before. She admitted me to their program. I am still crying. 2 hours later I'm still crying. It doesn't hurt though. It just feels good to cry. It's weird though, like I finally can cry after years of faking it til you make it. Hard to explain. I think I need to cry a little bit more.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 888
Originally Posted by patricia68
I went to see a different counselor today. A trauma counselor. I cried for 90 minutes non stop. I told her things I'd never told anyone before. She admitted me to their program. I am still crying. 2 hours later I'm still crying. It doesn't hurt though. It just feels good to cry. It's weird though, like I finally can cry after years of faking it til you make it. Hard to explain. I think I need to cry a little bit more.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 625
Good news Patricia! Today is day 21! Feeling good. I went out to dinner and was tempted to drink but didn't. Also, a friend asked me to go out for drinks in a couple of weeks. I told her I gave up drinking. Passed it off on trying to lose weight. I told her I'd really like to go for dinner instead. Small victories. I'm really trying.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
I'm so happy for you, Patricia! You deserve this, you are worth it, and I'm glad you are letting yourself cry. (((Patricia)))
SM, congratulations on 60 days!! Sounds like you have a real "test" coming up...do you have a backup plan other than training for a marathon? Are these the kind of folks that will take that excuse and then not bug you about drinking the rest of the trip? Just want to make sure you've thought it through because it sounds like you've slipped up hard before and I know how much you want to come through unscathed this time. And I know you can! It just all comes down to a plan (as Dee always says).
Blackbird, hang in there! You can absolutely do it. And you're right, it would be almost unimaginable hungover. Yikes!
I hope everyone else is doing well. I stayed home sick again today and I am so ready to get back to work tomorrow. Take care, All!
SM, congratulations on 60 days!! Sounds like you have a real "test" coming up...do you have a backup plan other than training for a marathon? Are these the kind of folks that will take that excuse and then not bug you about drinking the rest of the trip? Just want to make sure you've thought it through because it sounds like you've slipped up hard before and I know how much you want to come through unscathed this time. And I know you can! It just all comes down to a plan (as Dee always says).
Blackbird, hang in there! You can absolutely do it. And you're right, it would be almost unimaginable hungover. Yikes!
I hope everyone else is doing well. I stayed home sick again today and I am so ready to get back to work tomorrow. Take care, All!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Southern California
Posts: 690
Hi everybody. I'm sorry I haven't been around to help support, but I have been reading.
Patricia-I'm so glad you found somebody to help you.
Ultra- amazing job on 50 miles.
Swimkim- I'm glad all is well
Kiki-you're amazing as always.
Andy-sorry for the weird feeling and struggles. I totally understand. The last 2 weeks have been a real b**** for me.... Totally out of the blue... Feeling down and daily alcohol craving. What's up with that after 76 days? Blah
Rah-great job. Keep the days coming.
Sober- you've got these meetings. Don't give in!!!
BBB- work and school sounds busy. Sounds like you are keeping your priorities straight.
Tuff- it sounds like you have a good handle on where you are and what steps you might need going forward.
Enfin and Jemna-you both doing ok?
Dee- great job taking care of everybody. You're awesome.
Patricia-I'm so glad you found somebody to help you.
Ultra- amazing job on 50 miles.
Swimkim- I'm glad all is well
Kiki-you're amazing as always.
Andy-sorry for the weird feeling and struggles. I totally understand. The last 2 weeks have been a real b**** for me.... Totally out of the blue... Feeling down and daily alcohol craving. What's up with that after 76 days? Blah
Rah-great job. Keep the days coming.
Sober- you've got these meetings. Don't give in!!!
BBB- work and school sounds busy. Sounds like you are keeping your priorities straight.
Tuff- it sounds like you have a good handle on where you are and what steps you might need going forward.
Enfin and Jemna-you both doing ok?
Dee- great job taking care of everybody. You're awesome.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Newfoundland
Posts: 365
hey all checkin in at the 8 week mark! great to be here, and truly there are some really positive things beginning to happen in my life, however I've been feeling pretty withdrawn lately, but I'm chalking that up to the seasonal affected! not really engaging with friends or family. just kinda waiting it out i guess : / anyway just wanted to holler
big hugs to those struggling right now
big hugs to those struggling right now
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Thats really great Patricia 
congrats on 60 days SM
Congrats on 8 weeks too Supertired - things can be a little up and down in the early days but I bet they get a little bit more consistent now
D
congrats on 60 days SM
Congrats on 8 weeks too Supertired - things can be a little up and down in the early days but I bet they get a little bit more consistent now
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Good on you Jemma for knocking back the drinking lunch, it's also good to hear support from your friends, tells you something when you hear them say "great" or "about time hey"
Good luck with the counselling too - must admit it is something both my wife and I are finding hugely beneficial already.
Good luck with the counselling too - must admit it is something both my wife and I are finding hugely beneficial already.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Hi guys! Just wanted to check in real quick to say hi. Sorry I've been absent for the last few days. Things of been crazy with my kids, counseling, AA and today I'm going skiing! Yay!!!
Anyway, I haven't had a chance to read the posts for the last two days but I want you to know that you're all in my prayers.
I hope everyone has an amazing sober day and weekend!
Can you guys tell that I like to use !!!!!!!!!! Lol
Anyway, I haven't had a chance to read the posts for the last two days but I want you to know that you're all in my prayers.
I hope everyone has an amazing sober day and weekend!
Can you guys tell that I like to use !!!!!!!!!! Lol
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