Tooshabby

Yes cbf. A huge loss :-( I just got home from my first day on the job and was told the news. What a complete and utter shock. Mr TS was saying why is it that it hurts when you don't even know this person? But in a way, if you loved his work you kind of did know him. They pour so much of themselves into their art, and like you say, Dee, this 'knowing' goes back decades and is filled with admiration. What an amazing, bountiful life he led. I feel so sorry for his family. I think he and Iman go back to 1992.

Thanks, Let. The first day at work went really well. Feel pretty at home already. Quite a bit to learn yet, but the people are lovely and the work is so worthwhile.

Fantail - that sounds like a really good plan :-)

tokidoki

Whoa. Stunned is the word. Sad day.

letitgo

I was listening to the new album as shabs suggested the other day. Stunning. Cancer is horrible. Really shows life is precious. Enjoy every minute.
From a music perspective I think his was so unique. Not like anything i ever heard before.
Outstanding artist. RIP

letitgo

It was nice the radio dedicated hours to David Bowie. There was a famous Nirvana song that was actually a Bowie cover. I had no clue. The man who sold the world. Great song.

tokidoki

Hello from the driftless zone (where it's blanking cold).

let- how are you doing? I'm glad you enjoyed the Bowie album. I'd like to get it. My XH is a huge Bowie fan (so am I), and when we got together, way-back-when, listening to him was one of our favorite past times.
The Vikings- Yeah, not good. I felt a little sorry for the kicker... Anyway, hope you are doing well. You're not missing a thing in these parts.

Shabby- I didn't know about Mr. Shabby's son. I'm so sorry. There are no words.

Hope all of you Julyers are doing well.

tokidoki

Yesterday was an all-day meeting of my department. The director came in and asked, "Where's your new schedule Toki? I emailed you about it last week?" -- Me: "Oh, the new schedule. I'll get that too you.. stat!"
I hadn't even started it. The new schedule was all in my head (?) Nothing written down at all...
So here I am. Three hours after work, trying to finish the schedule that should have been done last week.
I've got a long way to go before I become the New & Improved Toki.

fantail

So, new plan. (watch out, I will probably do this for a while). BUT, here's what it is anyway.

I got in on the Powerball pool at work yesterday, which meant I let myself daydream that afternoon while commuting about what I'd do with all that money if I won. First I spent a lot of time fretting about how I'd divide gifts amongst family members and friends, because even my happy daydreams have to be neurotic it seems. But then I got to me and thought right away that I would buy an apartment in San Francisco, and stay in Philly through the end of this year then move there.

So it seems I've flip-flopped back.

Part of it comes from imagining what it would really be like moving back into the same apartment where I hit that low-low-low. I mean... I had my bed up on those plastic feet to fit more storage underneath. One of them cracked one day, so the bed was wildly tilted. But the room was too messy to pull the bed out. So I just slept at my boyfriend's as much as I could and when I was home I drank enough to be able to sleep on the slanted bed.

So yeah. It's probably the best location and the best deal I'll ever have in SF. But really when I think about it it makes me a little sick to think about being in that room again.

I think I might be trying to throw away all the progress I've made here out of fear... when it would be better to stick it out and move back when I'm really financially ready, plus with enough experience under my belt to be confident in moving my freelance self over there.

Sorry for rambling, I'm the worst decision-maker ever. Anyone have any decisiveness tips?

fantail

Toki, I'm still lagging in areas like that too. My next thing to focus on is dependability. I really want to be someone who always comes through when I say I will. Or at least more like that than I've been!

Tooshabby

^^^Lol.....are you my long lost identical twin sister? Those things are so typical of things that I do. Same with the tardiness on the schedule thing, Toki. It's good to know I'm in such good company when it comes to foibles :-)

Speaking of that, today I read your recent thread in newcomers about likability, fantail. I've got that in spades. (Ha!!! I just realised how that sounded like I thought I was extremely likable.....ha ha....I wish!) No - I have bucket loads of self-doubt and fears. It's really unpleasant to say the least, isn't it? I think I've made headway with it but I'm not sure I'll ever be entirely rid of it in this lifetime. For what it's worth, I find you extremely likable, as I do everyone on this thread - the vast majority of people, actually. We are such neurotic creatures, eh? You gotta laugh (wobbly smile). Anyway, thanks for your honesty about it. I had kind of gone to the dark side a little bit and reading that thread made me feel like maybe, just maybe, it's okay to be shabby. If you feel similarly, and you are so lovely, maybe there's hope for me(?)

Good luck with writing the schedule, tokes. I'm sure you'll hammer it out no problem :-)

That's funny, let.....I didn't know Nirvana had covered that song. I bet it's good - must find it on youtube.

Oh, and fantail, re decisiveness and San Fran.....just an observation, but it really does sound like you want to move back there and that that desire is not going anywhere anytime soon. Do you have to move back into that particular apartment? Not saying that I wouldn't go if you have to, because it may just be a fear that would probably subside when you got there.....just wondering.

tokidoki

Got the schedule done. It looks beautiful but don't know if it's completely accurate (sigh)- a work-in-progess.

fantail- May I ask you- What do you mean by 'might be trying to throw away all the progress I've made here out of fear'?

fantail

Well... the timeline for moving back to SF (if I want to keep my apartment) would be beginning of April.

I've got some really good stuff going on in Philly. I like all my jobs. I'd be really leaving the non-profit in particular in the lurch... if I stayed with them through the year I could really accomplish some notable things for them. They need the help. But also I'm genuinely happy here, even if I miss SF like crazy.

But I'm afraid that if I let my apartment go I'll never be able to move back.

So I guess the progress is two things. One, being practical and building up my client base and skill set for a more significant period of time while paying half the living expenses in Philly, rather than always impulsively moving, which is what I've spent most of my life doing. Two, if winning the power ball would make me stay in Philly for another 8 months, shouldn't I do that anyway even if I have to get a new apartment when I go back to SF?

It's hard to sort out. I don't want to make decisions from fear. But is it fear of losing the apartment that's the problem, or is it fear of more financial instability when I move back that is? I'm not sure which of these gut feelings is the one to follow. I don't really trust myself anymore. And so yes... part of me worries that the impulse to move back NOW is a way of tossing aside all of these good sober responsible things I'm building.

Shabs, I'm glad that other thread was helpful to you too. It was very embarrassing to post but at that time I was just feeling so overwhelmed by how deeply I felt alienated from everyone. Luckily it passes but I'm glad to have that great thread now to read whenever I feel that way again.

letitgo

Thanks for the reminder Tokidoki by forgetting. I need to help coordinate a volunteer event. I was suspose to call today. Totally spaced on it.

Its so much fun to day dream. I did not get a ticket for the lotto. I am sure my wife will.
I would go to space definately.

Its been 45 and heavy rain over here. Always foggy like the Twilight Zone.

I am kinda of jealous you can freelance work Fantail. I think that would be cool to work anywhere. However, i need the benefits my corporation provides for the family and I.

I think changes have just began for everyone. Nothing can hold us back. Time to move onward and upward. I dont trust myself making decisions but i do learn from my prior mistakes. Leap of faith i guess.

Cbf123

Woah, I missed a lot of posts yesterday! Everyone seems to be doing well, though.

... Can't believe some of you didn't realise / haven't heard Nirvana's fantastic cover off the MTV unplugged album, though... Come on, people!! :-)

Seriously, here in the UK, Bowie has been EVERYWHERE, every radio station, newspaper, TV channel. Kinda forgot how many awesome, varied and touching tracks he wrote.

Everyone in the group seems to be doing well at the moment, huh? Who'd have thought we'd actually all be making it through the first month of the year so well. I mean, other than little things like LIFE getting in the way and causing problems, no-one here is drinking, no-one is in a particularly bad place. Good on you guys!

I've got a free day today, my daughter is off to my mum so I'm going to be partaking in such thrilling past times as vacuuming, doing laundry, and my favourite, attacking the mountain of dishes in our kitchen (I call it Mount Washmore).

What an exciting time to be alive...

Have a good one :-)

letitgo

I had no clue that wasn't an original Nirvana song

Cbf123

Tut tut!!

:-)

Tooshabby

Glad to hear you sounding so positive, cbf :-)

Would you be able to get another apartment if you lost that one, fantail? When you say lost, do you mean the lease would be up, sort of thing?

fantail

Yeah TS, I mean I'm off the lease if I don't move back by April.

It's ok though. Freaked out last night (as you all saw) and woke up today knowing that it'll be ok. I can give up the apartment and that doesn't mean I can never live in SF again. I have tons of friends there who will give me a place to stay anytime I want to move back and look. Right now just isn't the time. And that's OK. The break up made me want to move immediately. But I have reacted to almost every major break up in my life by leaving the state at minimum and sometimes the country. Impulsive travel is my alcoholism's cooler twin who gets invited to more parties and has more friends. But they're both escape hatches.

Getting financially stable in a lower-tier city isn't sexy. But I'm having lots of fun. And I haven't had a proper summer in 5 years!!

Also, this time I sat my mom down and told her I'd be giving up the apartment in SF. She almost cried when I told her I might still move back to SF in a year. It's not the right time for that yet. My parents are still terrified for me, I have to remember that. I've put them through a lot. So, no changing my mind this time, unless I want to do some major damage there.

CBF, you do sound positive! I'm glad you're finally feeling better! And I really like Mount Washmore. I'm gonna copy that one.

Let, I'm trying to get to the point where I can work from anywhere, but the results are yet to be seen! Remember you're still talking to a 32 year old woman who lives with her mother, at least for the next month.

Go to space? Really? On an intellectual level I can appreciate that. In practice I think HELL NO. I would be a gibbering mess. But I'd like it if you went and took pictures and told us stories. That would be good enough for me.

Tooshabby

Let - I would love to go to space too but would never have the courage.

Hey, fantail, that sounds really great. Absolutely, you can move back even if you give up that apartment. It sounds like your habitual inclination to move was latching onto the idea of the lease finishing, but you saw through it. Glad you are feeling resolved about it - I hate those feelings of uncertainty.

cbf - did you see "Montage of Heck'? I was disappointed.

Great you got the schedule done, toki! Whereabouts are you semester-wise over there? In the thick of it or are there some holidays coming up soon?

tokidoki

Hi from the driftless zone.

Cbf- Sounding good! I hope you were able to tackle that Mt. Washmore. I have been known to have quite the pile. My dishwasher (yeah, I'm lucky) broke a couple of years ago, and I didn't even try to get another one till recently. (otherwise occupied, I guess- sheesh.)

let- Ooh, cold and rainy. I think I would have a hard time with that. But as I said, you're not missing a thing here. We're having a bit of a warm-up but should be bitterly cold again soon. How long are you staying in WA?

Fantail-I'm glad you decided to stay in Philadelphia for awhile. Totally understand the pull of SF, but it will always be there when you're ready. Sounds like you have a good thing going now...

Shabby- How's that new job? And what is Montage of Heck?There's a silly little show you might like- "Master of None". I watched the series after Making a Murderer; needed something light.

tokidoki

So I finished the new schedule and now I'm trying to actually follow it. (Oh, btw Shabby- the semester ends a week from Friday so that *is* part of it). It's a really tight schedule. I was running around wildly. Oh well, it's good for me.

About space: Friends and I were talking about going to space a few weeks ago. They asked me if I would go; "Yeah, I think I would". "Aha! That's what we thought. We don't want to go but we bet you would." Nobody's asking me to go but I wonder if they're hoping. ..

So I'm right there with ya, let!