Dee74

I'm glad you're back Toki.
Reaching out is important when we feel like that I think?

D

Upwardspiral

Be careful Toki. I do that too, I've been working too much and not sleeping enough and my headspace gets dark real fast when I do that.

I'm gonna take my own advice and skip the gym tonight and go to bed early (on time, actually) instead.

Take care everyone!

letitgo

I know that feeling Tokidoki. I have focused on rest, hydration and eating small snacks or i get silly or hangry.

Tooshabby

Hey toki :-) I've been in a similar place. The last few days have been pretty bad - feeling pretty down and anxious. I don't know if it's hormonal. It could be, as there are physical indications that my hormones are way out of whack, which happens around my age, apparently. Anyway, I feel for you and totally get it. The job is going well. It's good that it takes my mind of my head space for a while.

Love to all xxx

tokidoki

Thanks Dee, Upwards and Let. I appreciate your thoughts.

You think right, of course Dee- I'm going to make a point of posting- whatever.

So.... I'm volunteering at a film festival this weekend. The festival focuses on environmental-sustainability issues. My job will be helping the 'VIPs' during an opening reception at an art museum near here. Rough gig, eh? (The venue is the same museum where I used to volunteer as a 'greeter', which basically meant surrounding myself with beautiful things and making sure someone didn't palm a Chagall or something).

Now, I'm not in the least bit excited about this and just a few days ago was going to bail on it. But now I'm thinking just getting out will be a good move in keeping the black dog at bay, if only a little.

I hope you all are doing well.

tokidoki

Hey Shabby- Thanks to you too! I completely get the hormonal stuff- dealing with that as well too.

So happy you like your job. Yep, sometimes it's all about getting out of that head space.

fantail

Toki, I'm sorry you're feeling badly. I also stop eating when I'm depressed. I really hate how it causes the worst behaviors in response: poor eating, poor sleeping, isolating, drinking if that were still a thing. It's so hard to take care of yourself when it's happening. I really like "the black dog" as a description though, I hadn't heard that before but it's absolutely creepy and wonderful. So perfect.

Let, you are the open bar pro. I'm so amazed at how strong you've been through all those.

So... my maybe exciting opportunity thing is still looking good. But I also got my doctor's results back and they're kind of frightening. Very, very high levels of a chemical that shows inflammation (like five times the maximum healthy limit). So it could be something really serious? It could also be something like Mono. That would be ok. But yeah. My doctor told me not to get scared but I'm pretty freaked out. Arthritis is one of the better things that could be going on.

Luckily I haven't thought about drinking. Which is really something. It's an overwhelming spot to be in... I could be getting really amazing news in the next two weeks. I could be getting terrible news the same time period. I could have both happen, WTF. Or neither. So I'm proud of myself for staying sober and mostly calm while I wait for whatever's coming to hit.

letitgo

Glad your doing well Fantail! My approachnis to be social and have fun. For example i was the designated driver last night. If i aat in the hotel room i would get lonley and depressed. Its a give and take

I believe in man pms Tokidoki. I know i have my moments
Glad your all here

fantail

"Well" is probably a stretch, but I'm doing well for the situation. I honestly feel like I can say that I will not drink even if the worst happens.

tokidoki

(((fantail)))

Geez, sorry to hear about the health issues. Here's to a quick resolution (the least bad one). Sending all good vibes your way...

Glad to hear about the exciting opportunity though. I can't wait to hear what it is.

What a wild roller-coaster ride, indeed. Hang in there.

tokidoki

Oh, and Let, I do believe there must be man pms. Just not as obvious as ours, I guess.

Dee74

If your Dr told you not to worry try to stick with that fantail - and don't ask Dr Google!!

I hope you get some answers soon

D

tokidoki

Oh yes, Dee is so right, fantail. Dr. Google is full of it.

Still trying to crawl out of this bad mental space and must interact.
So here I am.
Wishing you all the best. Have a great weekend.

letitgo

Hi all.
Survived my trip sober wohoo.
Leaving again Monday to Pennsylvania. Hitting a mental wall. I cant do this anymore. Too much stress. Killing my home life it time to get serious . I need a new job. No sense in doing this over again.

If your not changing your dying.

Lets find our metaphorical sludge hammer

Dee74

I'm sorry you're under pressure let. Can you think of positive ways to get some relief?

D

letitgo

Thanks Dee. It will be a process. Probably take several months to a year. I applied for 1 job last night. I think its more the about action itself and getting a future plan. I have been putting this off for a while.
While its not unbearable it does take a heavy toll. The costs are not exceeding the benefits anymore. My daughter is becoming self conscious of her disability and differences in the world . We are fighting insurance for a mobilized chair or scooter. I need to be home. I cant hug or give encouragement or proper emotional support through skyoe.
I feel motivated and am going to go at this full force until i figure out what is right.

Dee74

I have faith it will all work out - for you and your family let

D

tokidoki

I have faith too, let.

You've done remarkably well under what I consider pretty brutal circumstances, so I'm glad you're getting the ball rolling on a plan.

fantail

Good for you Let. I think this is the right decision. And if anyone can do it, you can!

Cbf123

Hey, folks!

I've had a little look over the posts, some of you are going through some real hardships, and I hope you manage to find your way out soon. I'm hugely pleased nobody has turned to drink though - well done all of you!

I passed the two month mark on the 27th of Feb. Think that's the first time I've done that for a while. I always found myself hovering at a month. I sort of always found some sort of forward reason why NOT drinking couldn't last. 'One day I'll need to go out for such and such's birthday', 'It's nearly *INSERT HOLIDAY*, guess I'll have to drink', that kind of stuff. But this time, I realise how much I want to stop. I've done my time of going out with my friends, getting smashed. That's generally what my friends like to do. It's what my work mates like to do. But I don't have to succumb to it anymore. If it meant not really seeing my friends much anymore, hey, so be it. We'll always be friends. We've had some great times, and I still talk to the by text, email, whatever. But I'm done making excuses as to why I have to drink, what days I'll need to drink on. I look at my daughter, or I think about some of the clearly also-alcoholic people I work with that just bury their heads in the sand, and I think just want no part of it. I'm off work again this week on holiday, and at no point have I thought, 'Gee, I'd really like a beer right now'. Not once. I think about what it'd do to me. How it'd taste. How I'd need to go sink another 7 or 8 afterwards. I feel disgusted that that's been me. Accepting that I'll wake up hungover. Feeling crap. What on earth was that all about??

My not being here recently has partly been due to just not wanting to have anything to do with booze whatsoever. Apologies that this means I've neglected our friendship, because I DO still think of you all, even when I'm not around. But it has been nice to step back a bit, take some time away from the internet. I've been ill again, too, but that's kinda par for the course with me!!

So yeah, I hope you guys all keep keeping on, I'll make sure to always check in, and I'll make sure that I don't get complacent, and that if I do, I'll come here and talk myself off the proverbial cliff edge. But for the first time that I've ever tried long term (life term!) sobriety, I feel like I'm actually in control. Dee has said it to me so many times before: I just need to not drink. Nothing else comes into it. No thoughts, no emotions, no overthinking stuff – just don't drink.

Haha, I've just made up for not posting in weeks by posting weeks worth in one go. Sorry for the long message, but I know you guys will understand.

Much love to you all. X