MariahGayle

I am sick....sick with anxiety & fear. I am not drinking....have a job interview this am which last night seemed no big deal, but as I get ready this am, I am physically sick & feel incapable of doing anything. It's crippling me. I have been trying for 2 months now to get into coucelli g, I have called several times to follow up & will again today & may ask my primary Doc to help speed up the process. I really feel useless & at the me of my road. I want to just get into my car & dissapear...I won't, but that's how I feel.

Upward2Enlightenment

I'm sorry to hear that Mariah.
Have you tried taking some deep breaths?

MariahGayle

I did do some deep breathing & took my anxiety med about 45 minutes before interview & positive affirmations all the way there. Interview went very well & interviewer told me I seemed to be just what they are looking for....loved that I have experienced in the same work (front desk at Property Management Co) this was a pre-interview so we will see, but feel there is a good chance I will be called back. I followed up this am about councilling & have appt last week in March but if I get this job, won't be able to go. I have appt next week with Primary Doc to ask that he extend my anxiety med prescription that is due to expire.

The situation with my Niece & the kids is affecting me a lot. Very anxiou over the whole situation & am going to need to deal with that differently than I have been.

freein14

I've not been interviewed for a few years, so I'm not much help, sorry. But I wondered if it might help to think of the interview in terms of a practice, rather than a big deal. Just one of many practices getting you ready for the job of your dreams, by which time you'll be an expert at interviews?

I hope it goes well Mariah, I'll be thinking of you over the next few hours. Try to imagine all the Fools cheering you on from the back while you're in the interview

freein14

Oh, I was a bit late then. So happy to hear it went well Mariah!

MariahGayle

I ended up going to a noon AA meeting today....I shared about this last relapse & a bit about what triggered it (or gave me what I felt was a good excuse), as always, welcomed with open arms....talked to a member I know after the meeting & asked her to be my temporary sponsor, she asked me to call her this afternoon which I just did while it is quiet here. Sounds like we share the same past with drugs as well as alcohol, she said she too dealt with crippling anxiety, so it was really good to make that connection today, she also has a Loved one who is addicted to meth & she reminded me that we are powerless over their actions & that I needed to refocus on my own path. Anyway, I feel better after talking with her....I'm taking it easy here at home for a bit & plans to go to Great Nephews last soccor game in a couple of hours. It's cold here & I can not seem to get warm.

obosob

Good work Mariah...!

Great job getting to a meeting......

I am knee deep in ANGER literature.

Dee: Thanks for your quotes and input, was inspirational and has got me moving in a direction.

Mariah: Im watching 28 days with Sandra Bullock...... light but still not bad for us fools...!

stay tuned..............

MariahGayle

Thank You Obo & I think it is great your delving into some work for the anger issue....that is a big step! I saw that movie & rolled my eyes a lot

Upward2Enlightenment

I hope you were able to warm up Mariah. It's good that you found someone at the meeting that knows what you are going through, hopefully everything will work out.

I'm glad you are taking an active role in dealing with the anger.

I'm kinda sad this evening. I don't know what to do when there are times when when I see something or have something happen in my life and the only person I want to share it with I can't.
I think the worst part though is not knowing how they are doing.

MariahGayle

EThat is hard Up & I'm sorry for that. All this feeling stuff is over rated sometimes I'm glad you are sharing it here & maybe journaling about it some might be a good idea? With that advice, I will go get my journal out now & write some tonight about stuff that's heavy on my mind too.

So, I was called this afternoon by the person that interviewed me this am & she asked me to come in tomorrow afternoon to "shadow" on the job. I was reluctant to say anything here about it because it seems nothing has been working out but I will need to imagine you all cheering me on when I go tomorrow (thanks Freeing) & I am just going to do what I did today, remind myself I'm quite capable & know that they saw & know my potential to do this job. Going to do some relaxation meditation tonight in hopes I will get a good nights sleep.

Dee74

Thinking of all you guys and wishing the best UP, Obo and Mariah

D

Upward2Enlightenment

Thanks Dee.

We will be thinking about you and cheering you on tomorrow Mariah.
Maybe I should start journaling. Couldn't hurt right ... unless it fell into the wrong hands. Can you tell I still have trust issues.

I have to agree that all this feeling stuff IS OVERRATED sometimes. I would be scared of, as Freud would put it, the Id if I shut the feelings off though. Guess I'll just have to deal with it.

MariahGayle

I'm thinking your right about that Up....we must "feel & deal" thank you for the good wishes, I'll take them with me hope you get a good nights sleep

MariahGayle

Thank you Dee, for all your time & encouragement always

Dee74

My pleasure to help, however I can Mariah

Time for a new thread tho - join us here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...part-25-a.html

D