Class of April 2014 Part 24
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
The good thing is that you didn't drink over the weekend obo.
Any idea what causes the anger, anything underlying? I think it would be beneficial to your sobriety to figure that out so you can learn the best ways to deal with it.
We're here for you obo.
Remember, you can come here to vent anytime. If you want to vent more privately you can always pm me.
Any idea what causes the anger, anything underlying? I think it would be beneficial to your sobriety to figure that out so you can learn the best ways to deal with it.
We're here for you obo.
Remember, you can come here to vent anytime. If you want to vent more privately you can always pm me.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I think Up makes a great suggestion.
You don't seem like an angry guy to me here on SR which makes me think this anger means something.
Maybe a counsellor could help Obo?
I know it's not something you'd be breaking your neck to do but it's got to be slightly more palatable than AA for ya?
D
You don't seem like an angry guy to me here on SR which makes me think this anger means something.
Maybe a counsellor could help Obo?
I know it's not something you'd be breaking your neck to do but it's got to be slightly more palatable than AA for ya?
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
ANGER.................!!!!
Thanks Up, cheers Dee....
Well no, Im not breaking my neck to see a counselor, but that's probably ego as much as anything else. A good one is so hard to find. After my father died, in ths midst of grief, I though that's what I should, become a counselor, help young men not go down the path I chose.
Why would I be angry....... I was...
victim of my parents domestic violence
victimised by a whole year level for something I didn't do
bullied at school for not being wealthy enough
bashed at 16 by two boxers
glassed at 20....
betrayed by past loves
But they're just life circumstances, all of them more probably than not, an outcome from my childhood!
I don't know why I'm angry. I've always had a streak, since I was a child.
I think its a sense of injustice and when I see it I cant turn away.....
I realise all of this doesn't sound so profound, as I don't really know.
My father was angry, had anxiety, they all say it was from seeing his father die aged 12. That would hurt anyone....
Maybe a counselor is in need here after all!
I have to do something, this is no good for my health, getting so worked up......
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
Hi everyone,
I really didn't mean to be gone for such a long time. I've been in Florida with my family for the last few weeks, and everything is good with me.
Obo, I've read your posts, and your angry outbursts sound very familiar to me. My father used to have outbursts like that. They seemed to come out of nowhere, were sometimes quite violent, and were almost always directed toward me (I was not an easy kid, not that that's an excuse). The reason I mention this is because it turned out that his problem was actually physiological, and I wonder if that's something you have considered. It turns out my dad is diabetic, and getting his blood sugar under control also got his temper under control. That doesn't mean he doesn't get angry ever, anger is a normal emotion, but he doesn't have those kinds of destructive outbursts anymore. It might be worth looking into.
Mariah, I am so sorry for what's going on with your niece. i'm glad her kids have the rest of your family, and I really hope she can get herself healthy and together again. I think you made the right decision about the job, too. In a place as understaffed as that one sounds like it is, the potential for devastating mistakes is so high. I wouldn't be comfortable taking that on either. Hopefully the cleaning jobs will keep coming.
Hello to all the rest of you, and I hope you are all well. I'll try to check in more often.
Take care Fools.
I really didn't mean to be gone for such a long time. I've been in Florida with my family for the last few weeks, and everything is good with me.
Obo, I've read your posts, and your angry outbursts sound very familiar to me. My father used to have outbursts like that. They seemed to come out of nowhere, were sometimes quite violent, and were almost always directed toward me (I was not an easy kid, not that that's an excuse). The reason I mention this is because it turned out that his problem was actually physiological, and I wonder if that's something you have considered. It turns out my dad is diabetic, and getting his blood sugar under control also got his temper under control. That doesn't mean he doesn't get angry ever, anger is a normal emotion, but he doesn't have those kinds of destructive outbursts anymore. It might be worth looking into.
Mariah, I am so sorry for what's going on with your niece. i'm glad her kids have the rest of your family, and I really hope she can get herself healthy and together again. I think you made the right decision about the job, too. In a place as understaffed as that one sounds like it is, the potential for devastating mistakes is so high. I wouldn't be comfortable taking that on either. Hopefully the cleaning jobs will keep coming.
Hello to all the rest of you, and I hope you are all well. I'll try to check in more often.
Take care Fools.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
I have a spare class, so am looking into anger management....
This seems accurate for me.....
You may have witnessed your parents' or other adults' anger when it was out of control, and learned to think of anger as something that is destructive and terrifying. This could mean that you now feel afraid of your own anger and don't feel safe expressing your feelings when something makes you angry. Those feelings might then surface at another unconnected time, which may feel hard to explain.
This seems accurate for me.....
You may have witnessed your parents' or other adults' anger when it was out of control, and learned to think of anger as something that is destructive and terrifying. This could mean that you now feel afraid of your own anger and don't feel safe expressing your feelings when something makes you angry. Those feelings might then surface at another unconnected time, which may feel hard to explain.
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
I have to say that say that I had a bit of anger before too. Like Dee, mine was an inability to forgive. I am still working on it but things are much better.
It is also a good idea to get a medical checkup just in case there is something physically wrong. You want to be healthy no matter what so you have many happy years with your wife and daughter.
Good to see you adna. Glad things are good with you.
It is also a good idea to get a medical checkup just in case there is something physically wrong. You want to be healthy no matter what so you have many happy years with your wife and daughter.
Good to see you adna. Glad things are good with you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
I guess the question then is: How do you forgive...?
So Up and Dee, no pressure, but how did you come to a place of forgiveness, of others and yourself.....
I feel I'm on the verge of something here. Im going to pursue this anger issue and see where it leads me....
stay tuned...............
So Up and Dee, no pressure, but how did you come to a place of forgiveness, of others and yourself.....
I feel I'm on the verge of something here. Im going to pursue this anger issue and see where it leads me....
stay tuned...............
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Let me mention a few things about forgiveness ...
- Forgiving is not forgetting or pretending something didn't happen, it's about your peace.
- Forgiveness is about you, not about the other person.
- It takes SO much more energy to be angry than to forgive.
- Sometimes anger is about control, or lack thereof ... so I try and remember the serenity prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
I'm getting much better at forgiving (others and myself). Eckhart Tolle teachings have helped me greatly. We are products of years and years of conditioning. How can any of us think or behave differently if we're not even aware that we are being taken over by our incessant thoughts and hungry pain bodies. The same applies to those people who we feel have wronged us.
One way to dissolve the pain body and let go of ego is to practice "being present in each moment".
I can't explain it as well as Eckhart, so I won't try, but you might find a spiritual path helpful too?
One way to dissolve the pain body and let go of ego is to practice "being present in each moment".
I can't explain it as well as Eckhart, so I won't try, but you might find a spiritual path helpful too?
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
I read a book called The Shack.
It's a Christian novel - it's framed as a discourse with God - so again I'm not sure if that would appeal, but anyway the point is - it taught me a lot about forgiveness:
D
It's a Christian novel - it's framed as a discourse with God - so again I'm not sure if that would appeal, but anyway the point is - it taught me a lot about forgiveness:
“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat......Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their mind and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established.........Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation.........Forgiveness does not excuse anything.........You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely.......”
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack
“...if anything matters then everything matters. Because you are important, everything you do is important. Every time you forgive, the universe changes; every time you reach out and touch a heart or a life, the world changes; with every kindness and service, seen or unseen, my purposes are accomplished and nothing will be the same again.”
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack
“You... were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around... Living unloved is like clipping a bird's wing and removing its ability to fly... A bird is not defined by being grounded but by his ability to fly. Remember this, humans are defined not by their limitations, but by the intentions I have for them; not by what they seem to be, but by everything it means to be created in my image. Love is NOT the limitation; love is the flying.
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack
“Anger is the right response to something that is so wrong. But don't let the anger and pain and loss you feel prevent you from forgiving him and removing your hands from around his neck.”
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack
“Forgiveness is first for you, the forgiver...to release you from something that will eat you alive; that will destroy your joy and your ability to love fully and openly. Do you think this man cares about the pain and torment you have gone through? If anything, he feeds on that knowledge. Don't you want to cut that off? And in doing so, you'll release him from a burden that he carries whether he knows it or not--acknowledges it or not.”
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack
― Wm. Paul Young, The Shack
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