countinglkp

I just found a cute little tea shop, gotta find somewhere other than my bar....
Then home laundry, taking down the Christmas Tree, maybe even purging my basement/closets etc of all the clutter that makes me crazy....
Gotta keep busy. Worried about 8pm. That is my ramp up time.
Keep up the fight folks.

Plenny

Oh my gosh. I looked for the January thread for a long time. I haven't been here in a long long time. I had a very rough 2015. Yet another very transformative year. Yet somehow I still feel the same. I'm trying to give it another shot. I keep coming back...
Looking forward to getting to know you all

ClearCut

Welcome Plenny.

All the best for a fresh start in 2016. Some determined folk on here, all moving forward, one day at a time.

CC

Plenny

Thank you.

At this point, I've moved myself across the country and I'm on my own. I had been drinking during my first few months in the new place. Made several friends already who I think are not only drinking buddies. At least that's about to be tested...
I have a chance to make a new start in so many ways. We all do

Plenny

Lately I've been laying in bed all day, barely eating well and my new house is a mess. I'm unmotivated creatively and overwhelmed. I do have a job and I'm trying to pay debts that I took in order to free myself of my old life.
I'd love to enjoy my life a lot more and be productive. And watch myself become something new.

I'm trying to write down a good thing that happened every day, and write in my journal. I'm trying to learn an interesting language on Duolingo. Other daily goals include read a real book or comic book, and make art every day. And of course, not drinking. I just have a very hard time with rebelling against rules. I'm very very contrary and it takes me down.

I don't really think it's a good time for me to have any lofty or big ideas about where my life is going. I often feel overwhelmed and let myself down. I've been stagnant for some time now.

ClearCut

Sounds like you've made some positive steps Plenny.

I was also reading similar accounts on here a while ago that when alcohol leaves the equation, you find out who your real friends are. Not only friends, its a whole way of life we have to change and learn to accept. Fresh surroundings & opportunities can hopefully reinforce that for you.

Embracing those changes seems to be 75% of the battle. The rest is probably all "between the ears", so to speak.

I've managed to remove the harmful cues and the rest is up to me now. Need to move past the early stages this time and fill the vacuum left by drink with deeper meaning, new friendships and positivity.

Easier said than done, but I've learned a lot recently and feel more ready than ever.

Edit: just saw your further post. I like your plan to make small steps towards where you want to be without overwhelming yourself Plenny. Good plan early on. I'm keeping it simple here to - kind on myself in these early weeks/months.

CC

Dee74

welcome deepblue, countinglkp and plenny

Hope everyone is going well this Friday/Saturday

I cannot over emphasise the importance of a good recovery plan

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

Plenny

Wonderful. It's good to feel ready.
I wish I felt ready. I feel like swimming in a vat of wine. Hiding from my issues and responsibilities, my goals, my potential even.
I am sorry to sound alarming, but I've struggled with suicidal thoughts over the past year, and I've become apathetic. I don't care about throwing money away or my appearance or my wellbeing. And that sets off the alarm in my head! It says, "Plenny you feel so much better when you're sober, put down the bottle and just heal up, the rest will happen naturally IT ALWAYS DOES"

I am ready for that feeling, it's just over a mountain range that will take me about a week to get over. Then I think I'll be a bit clearer.

LOOKING FORWARD TO GRATUITOUS CONSUMPTION AND CONVERSATION ABOUT FOOD. ))

And ice cream

ClearCut

It'll take time to find some mental clarity Plenny. Obviously you're coming out of some difficult times too.

Funny you mention food - I've really indulged this week and never enjoyed food more! It's been a lavish extravaganza of steak, salmon, my signature chicken and chorizo risotto, cheesecake, ice cream and dark chocolate.

Not normally a foody - but this week I'm whatever I want to be, as long as that's sober!

CC

Plenny

I am a cook and I haven't been cooking at all over the past couple of weeks. I ordered Chinese food today. I've just been lying here.

Normally my domain is the kitchen. I love it and I love to cook and create recipes and share them.

Salmon sounds great right now...

Soon I'll have to get to the store and just stock up on things that make me feel good.

DeepBlue

Hi Plenny - "hiding from your potential" wow - that comment struck a chord. Have always felt that my drinking was a form of self sabotage to some extent. Almost like I am frightened of being successful. But why would I be like that? Enjoy your ice cream

Plenny

I am terrified to explore my potential and I don't know why

Shantilove

Good morning!
Day 5 here, sleept terrible last night. I have anxiety about going to my part time job today because during my recent relaps I called in sick with a lame excuse and I know they will all be judging me today. It's ok, I have to do what I have to do.
Have a nice day everyone!

Timeforchange18

Day 8 and feeling so much better today. Still not sleeping well but it will take time. Made it to the gym which felt great to be back there. Working nights all weekend so I'll be keeping busy and out of trouble. Glad to see all the new people here. Keep up the great job everybody. Feel free to check out the chat room. Meeting in there tonight @ 9pm est. Hope to see you there.

Dee74

I was so terrified of success.

I had this deep seated insecurity that I was a fraud and if I stood out too much people would definitely call me on my 'fraudiness'.

I also felt my life as it was, how ever sucky, was familiar.

My fear convinced me living another kind of life might be a loss of control - success means responsibilities and having to be there for various things and people.

Alcohol made me paranoid on top of that.

Turns out I'm not a fraud, and I'm in total control of my life.

It's all good Plenny

Sunflowerlife

Well it's almost bedtime which means Day 3 is over and I made it!

Hi everyone. New to the site and still trying to figure it out. It's nice to see a place like this where everyone is so supportive.

I think the longest I have ever gone (in my life) without a substance is 7 weeks sober which I did back in 2013. I was meditating a lot and also doing hypnosis. I think those two things will be part of my plan (still working on a concrete plan).

Anyway, thanks for having me and I am so happy to have found this place.

Sunflowerlife

I think that is what holds most of us back, the fear of our true greatness. I know it's huge thing for me. Once you see your potential and embrace it, you won't want to go back.

My signature holds one of my favorite quotes on this

benice

Even the best plan gets tested! I had a terrible and loud battle with the AV tonight. Completely out of the blue. I WANTED to give in, but didn't. I had to eat a lot of chocolate. Yea, not the healthiest answer, but it worked. Chocolate and a large Vitamin Water and I'm over it for now. Whew!

Plenny

Thanks everyone

Glb82

End of Day three. And it was a Friday (Can't remember my last sober Friday.) It's my birthday weekend this weekend also so gotta keep on top of that.

Usually on the bday weekend I would have started and been cajoled into social occasion after casual drink after dinner after club... But this year I've said no. First sober birthday since I was twelve.. So in more than twenty years (won't say exactly!)

Cinema tomorrow, a dinner with sober friends, and a lunch with the SO Sunday. Early Sunday Super Sleep also!

Just got to make it til Monday, when work can control it all again.

Sun... I also love hypnosis and meditation... Going to go down that route with some asmr as I can't sleep.

Hope you all had a good Friday... Day 8 for lots of you. Well done