Originally Posted by Healthygoals

Good morning everyone.

Been reading and lurking, drinking some days, not drinking others.

Congrats to all of you maintaining sobriety.

I guess I want sobriety but not bad enough?

Originally Posted by SoberMarathon

41-days, checking in. Had a few challenges throughout the past week, out for dinner with family last night and to a bar with live music afterwards. I'll admit that I'm not overly comfortable being in bars like that just yet but I didn't have much choice given family were visiting from out of town and this is what they wanted to do. Watching others drink and act tipsy ain't my thing, not sure it will ever be anymore. Also had to watch the others break out the champagne yesterday afternoon and just sit around and gab. Again, not my thing anymore so I just focused on keeping our kids entertained.

I was told this first year of sobriety and all the first's that go along with it will be tough - proving to be fairly accurate. Still I have zero desire to drink, the thought of it makes me nauseous, thankfully. No romanticism going on here!

Stay strong everyone. Sobriety is worth it's weight in gold.

Originally Posted by ultradad

Welcome back enfin!

Blackbird, I hope your day starts to look up! We have a large family and I know quite well the stresses of trying to raise, correct kids who aren't getting along!

Feeling better this morning, the AA meeting was seriously what I needed! Something about listening to others stories and being with people that have the same disease, yet have found a solution, is comforting!

I have a lot of work to do on myself and my marriage, when I drank the other night I sent this women that I had an affair with 9 years ago a Facebook message basically telling her I was still in love with her. My wife saw it before I could erase it and destroyed our laptop, says she's divorcing me and taking the kids! The crazy thing is that I don't love this other women, somehow when I drink I start to think I do, but I'm actually madly in love with my wife! Anyway, its been a rough couple of days around the house, I don't have a drivers licence so I depend on her for most everything!

Alcohol, every time I drink it takes something from me and has never giving me anything good! Each time a little more of me dies and it takes longer and longer to dig out of the hole of depression and overcome the pain I cause others! My wife and family deserve better!

Originally Posted by bblackbirdflyy

Lying in bed hangover free day 48 out of 49... (7)

I need to go get milk and make breakfast for the kids. Safer in bed. We live in a blended family and our kids have been clashing like crazy. Especially the girls. Hope this gets easier someday. Feel like all we do it yell and correct behaviors.

Originally Posted by enfinthechange

You poor thing...alcohol makes me also make poor choices about people too... I find my husband different now to when we met 20 years ago, not entirely easy. .. and I find it very easy to fall in lust with people who show me attention and seem to fancy me... usually this is when I am drunk. Otherwise I can keep a tight lid on my emotions and live through it all... the thing is I find once the drunken mistake is made it is very hard to climb out of the hole, it's like giving a tiny part of your heart away and you can't get it back, the sad hing being it was given away drunk, so didn't mean it... and the struggle lasts on into sobriety. ....
Our spouses don't deserve this... sobriety must be the only way as alcohol sure doesn't help however alluring obliteration is....
I hope u can sort it out x

Originally Posted by ultradad

Just read this quote and love it; "Serenity is what you get when you stop hoping for a better past" anonymous

Originally Posted by KiKi0615

@Canguy-you can have peace & happiness beyond your wildest dreams if you want it. It's yours...all you have to do is take it. Praying for you!

@SnowVelvet-I'm ready for my regular routine again too & that's awesome that your depression and anxiety are gone! Mine are gone too. Yes I agree that alcohol was the cause of those things and I'm so happy to be out of its grips!

@RedAndy-you are doing so great! Maybe it's good that the party was canceled. Maybe it's a safer alternative? I hope you have a great night playing games with your kids. Happy new year!

@blackbird-I think it's great that you were able to pinpoint exactly what your trigger was. I'm glad you got right back on the sober train. I have a feeling you're not gonna let that happen again! I really believe in you and I can see how badly you really want sobriety. You're doing great!

@sobermarathon-39 days is great!!! You really sound determined to make it this time & I feel confident that you will!!! I agree with you that drinking is usually a way to numb ourselves and hide from much deeper issues. That's the way it was for me at least. Counseling, SR and the 12 steps of AA are helping me work through all that crap, get underneath it and get rid of it so I never have to drink over it again and I can truly be happy, joyous and free. Happy New Year!

@SwimKim- Hi!!! :-)

***My prayer for all of us this New Year's eve is that we have an amazing 2016!

I pray that we all find the strength to get through whatever challenge we may face without drinking alcohol (a.k.a. poison).

I pray that our bodies, minds and spirits will be healed so that we can live wonderful lives.

I pray that any pain, depression, anxiety, shame, hopelessness, fear, anger & resentment will all be taken away for this year and for all the years to come.

Lastly, I pray for those who may be still be struggling. I pray that their cravings, shame, sorrow, hopelessness, depression & anxiety will be taken away and that they will realize how amazing they really are. I pray that they will know how special and unique their lives are. I pray that they know that they are worth getting sober and they deserve happy lives.

There is a sweet man in AA that always says "Kiki, don't quit before the miracle happens!"

Class of November 2015, don't quit before the miracle happens!!! Happy New Year everyone!

PS- I could've never gotten this far without all of your support and for that I am extremely grateful. Thank you so much everyone. I'll check back in later.

Originally Posted by Dee74

There's some really good reading and advice at the top of the FFA forum about abuse Patricia - what it is and what you might do about it.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

Originally Posted by blondsober

KiKi,

I think at this point you have probably saved at least a few people's
lives. At a minimum I can say that you have been a wonderful
inspiration for me. Dee, of course, is God-like, but there is only
one of him, and there is only one KiKi! : )

A few posts back there were some questions about people's real
intentions, and their honesty. I read those yesterday when I was
1/2 way through bottle of Gran Marnier (the big bottle) AND a bottle
of expensive red wine.

I have been a superstar for the most part since mid-November, but
I have had a few slips, almost intentional slips, with no really bad
things happening, and many people, even my very sensitive kids,
couldn't even tell.

Well, as often happens going down this road, a dark hole appears
somewhere, and that is what happened yesterday, Jan 1. At 8 PM
I woke up and wandered around the house. The dogs and non-alch
GF were in the living room. I couldn't tell if it was morning or night.
12 hours later I am still super dehydrated and feel sick, and I have
again disappointed everyone - I was supposed to be on the road
this morning for some skiing with my daughter, I'll need to re-
assess that now.

So here the cycle goes, down further each time after trying so hard
now for almost 3 years. 2014 I drank only 60% of the days in the year,
and 2015 I drank less than 50% of the days. The long stretches where
I drank nothing for 1-2 weeks + showed me a life that is simply far
better than I could believe - but the temptation was always there, and
always won.

I need that plan that Dee keeps talking about.

I will not drink today, but other than that I'm not sure where to go.

Originally Posted by SoberMarathon

UD - have you ever truly been able to figure out what goes on in your head from the moment you go from being on SR, feeling happy as a sober man, to picking up a beer, that later turns into a dozen and a complete mess? Are you on autopilot when you decide in your head 'screw it, I'm drinking'? I think if you can figure out a way to better deal with these moments, you'll get there.

Originally Posted by patricia68

I feel hopeless, sad, confused. My head's still spinning from last night's conversation with my husband. I put some Baileys in my coffee. Then the dog wanted out. I came back inside and drank the coffee. I don't feel anything different. I think the alcohol evaporated while I was outside, But I crossed the line. If it wasn't for the dog...this is getting bad. I need to be strong and calm down without "help"...