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Class of November 2015 Part 8

Old 01-11-2016, 01:07 PM
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Originally Posted by patricia68 View Post
I'm beating myself up today. I know it's not helpful...I am just frustrated. I know I improved a lot since I first joined SR. But I keep struggling, I keep reaching for a drink after 5-6 weeks sober. I keep thinking there's no hope for me. I keep thinking that the best years of my life are over and all there's left is just to survive. I keep slipping even though I know the consequences are more anxiety and depression. I'm determined until my heart starts pounding and a wave of panic paralyzes me and I reach for the easy quick solution. I am my own worst enemy...
Don't beat yourself up, Patricia! I know exactly how hopeless this can feel like - as if there is nothing to look forward to but misery. I have a problem keeping sober longer than a month and it's a constant struggle. I am trying to think that these feelings of how "the best days are behind us", is just because we are still so affected by this depressant...I really do think there are much better days coming for you, Patricia, and for all of us. I really do think we can reach that light in the end of the tunnel, maybe even stronger than we ever were before.

Don't give up, we will pull this through together!
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Old 01-11-2016, 01:08 PM
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Originally Posted by rah555 View Post

You are not alone! I am struggling with the same thing. It seems that I have accomplished the initial phase of abstinence but fail when some times passes. I start feeling confident and before you know it I'm back into the same ugly cycle. This time I am aware that I have another hurdle to jump...continued abstinence. I continually remind myself how much better I feel emotionally, mentally and physically; remind myself how much I like sober me better than drunk me, and I replay what can happen if I take that first drink, etc. so far it's helping. I have to take each challenging situation one at a time. Making a plan, avoiding trigger places, ordering soda it iced tea first before I hear other people's orders are things I am trying to do to overcome long term. Hang in there! We can do this!!
I agree.... it's like your brain goes, hey, I can be sober, so feck it, driiiěnnnnnlkkkkk! Odd, when you want sobriety so much ( not you as such, but one.. although it sounds a bit posh if I use that....)

I find the though ' I love being sober. It's so nice. I'm so happy. I could have a drink...' whaaaaaaaaa......

Lets be strong!
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Old 01-11-2016, 01:10 PM
  # 463 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Fabat50 View Post
I'm finding it really tough here tonight guys. The most amazing storms virtually all day so I have not been out of the house. The dog is crawling the walls with frustration and all I can think about is a bottle of Chablis, a Xanax, and getting in to bed to surf the net... dating sites, Britain's got Talent, the Best of Fools and Horses and whatever other crap I used to do when I was drunk.

AV is saying "You are more than 2 months. You are amazing. You are not like all the other people on SR. You are one of those people who really can have one drink and then stop again. You are different. You are stronger than they are. Go on.. do it, do it"

Miserable
Hey fab... that's just what I was typing. .. it's TOUGH. ..BUT.... it's better than the bloody alcohol winning ! And you'd feel like shite.... and my AV is saying the same as your so sod them. No way. Beat it for tonight. ...
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Old 01-11-2016, 01:12 PM
  # 464 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dallow View Post

Don't beat yourself up, Patricia! I know exactly how hopeless this can feel like - as if there is nothing to look forward to but misery. I have a problem keeping sober longer than a month and it's a constant struggle. I am trying to think that these feelings of how "the best days are behind us", is just because we are still so affected by this depressant...I really do think there are much better days coming for you, Patricia, and for all of us. I really do think we can reach that light in the end of the tunnel, maybe even stronger than we ever were before.

Don't give up, we will pull this through together!
Second wise Dallow. .. don't give up! Don't make the light at the end of the tunnel the blinkin train! Make it beautiful!!!
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Old 01-11-2016, 01:15 PM
  # 465 (permalink)  
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I went to the gym today. On the crosstrainer all i could think of was how nice it would be to have a couple of beers after training. Thinking about beers, how I would have "just two or three". I know...

As I was entering the store i started thinking: "Really!?! Again!?! Even if you stick with two today, what about tomorrow?". I bought candies instead, think I was low on blood suger. Eating them now, feeling better. But that was a close call...must be vigilant
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Old 01-11-2016, 01:19 PM
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Enfinthechange.. my AV has just told me to totally ignore you. He says you are just being a party pooper. Who do I listen to? Him or you?
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Old 01-11-2016, 01:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Fabat50 View Post
Enfinthechange.. my AV has just told me to totally ignore you. He says you are just being a party pooper. Who do I listen to? Him or you?
I'm voting for Enfinthechange here, not your AV! Come on Fabat50, you can do this. Play the tape through, would you like to have another day one? I had a close call today myself but am feeling better now, and I definetly don't regret that I didn't by beers.

Can you do something to distract you from your AV for a while? Anything! Eat candy like me! or watch a movie to distract you, clean the house, read through your first posts here?

You can do this Fabat, don't listen to that Mr Hyde of yours!
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Old 01-11-2016, 01:36 PM
  # 468 (permalink)  
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Rooting for you Fabat,

Ignore the AV; who wants to be perusing dating sites whilst half cut anyway? If beer goggles work in 2d, who knows what might happen?
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Old 01-11-2016, 01:43 PM
  # 469 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dallow View Post
I went to the gym today. On the crosstrainer all i could think of was how nice it would be to have a couple of beers after training. Thinking about beers, how I would have "just two or three". I know...

As I was entering the store i started thinking: "Really!?! Again!?! Even if you stick with two today, what about tomorrow?". I bought candies instead, think I was low on blood suger. Eating them now, feeling better. But that was a close call...must be vigilant
Well done! You're going to love that decision tomorrow!

Do you think your craving may have been thirst rather than low blood sugar?

I know when I get thirsty the first thing I think of is a beer, probably because I rarely ever drank water. Just booze or coffee.

I've definitely had some success handling my cravings by just drinking water.
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Old 01-11-2016, 01:47 PM
  # 470 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tufty13 View Post
Well done! You're going to love that decision tomorrow!

Do you think your craving may have been thirst rather than low blood sugar?

I know when I get thirsty the first thing I think of is a beer, probably because I rarely ever drank water. Just booze or coffee.

I've definitely had some success handling my cravings by just drinking water.
I should definietly bring a water bottle at all times (and actually filled with WATER, not anything else like before ). I think you've got a good point there.

For me it was probably a combination, I had not eaten before I went to the gym, just had to huge cups of coffee before. Not wise, need to take care of ourselves better and watch out!
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Old 01-11-2016, 01:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Fabat50 View Post
Enfinthechange.. my AV has just told me to totally ignore you. He says you are just being a party pooper. Who do I listen to? Him or you?
Listen to me. I'm a teacher. I'm ways right... and I'll put you in detention if your are bad. And make u write lines! And I can always tell if u naughty!!!
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Old 01-11-2016, 01:49 PM
  # 472 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by enfinthechange View Post

Listen to me. I'm a teacher. I'm ways right... and I'll put you in detention if your are bad. And make u write lines! And I can always tell if u naughty!!!
Eat fruit and nut. I did...

Feel to sick for beer now. Beer and Chocolate is gross anyway. But fruit and nut is lush...
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Old 01-11-2016, 01:52 PM
  # 473 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by tufty13 View Post
Rooting for you Fabat,

Ignore the AV; who wants to be perusing dating sites whilst half cut anyway? If beer goggles work in 2d, who knows what might happen?
Well my experience of dating sites whilst out of my head so far Tufty is that they suddenly seem full of the most intelligent handsome men ever and I myself become the world's wittiest, most charming and sexy lady. Then just as I think I have found the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with I usually throw up or black out and spend all the next day kicking myself for having given the local village idiot my telephone number, or email addresse or bank account détails or god knows what.....!!!!!
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Old 01-11-2016, 01:55 PM
  # 474 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Fabat50 View Post
Well my experience of dating sites whilst out of my head so far Tufty is that they suddenly seem full of the most intelligent handsome men ever and I myself become the world's wittiest, most charming and sexy lady. Then just as I think I have found the man that I am going to spend the rest of my life with I usually throw up or black out and spend all the next day kicking myself for having given the local village idiot my telephone number, or email addresse or bank account détails or god knows what.....!!!!!
Oh lŕ! I once was trying Tinder while drinking. I matched with someone and I wrote a message like: "Hey, how is your evening going?". Then at some point I passed out. When I logged in the following morning (still drunk, probably) I saw our conversation and I thought this person asked ME how my night was going. So I wrote an answer: "Quite alright, how are you doing?"....to MYSELF. That person must have thought I was a complete idiot. I removed the app after that.
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Old 01-11-2016, 02:01 PM
  # 475 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dallow View Post
Oh lŕ! I once was trying Tinder while drinking. I matched with someone and I wrote a message like: "Hey, how is your evening going?". Then at some point I passed out. When I logged in the following morning (still drunk, probably) I saw our conversation and I thought this person asked ME how my night was going. So I wrote an answer: "Quite alright, how are you doing?"....to MYSELF. That person must have thought I was a complete idiot. I removed the app after that.
That one made me laugh out loud! I needed a good laugh!

Sometimes guys used to call and say "Hello, it's me" (Think Adele) and I had not got a bloody clue who they were! The shame of it all.
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Old 01-11-2016, 02:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Fabat50 View Post
That one made me laugh out loud! I needed a good laugh!

Sometimes guys used to call and say "Hello, it's me" (Think Adele) and I had not got a bloody clue who they were! The shame of it all.
I never give my phone number online, but I've had guys I've met out calling me for months, even though I never answered. And I was also unsure who this person was and what we spoke about.

Sometimes I would get messages like "Hi, I have you in my phone list but I don't remember where we met" and so. Some people calling in the middle of the night from secret numbers.

And back then I still thought it was "fun" to go out getting that wasted. Really fun getting some unknown stalkers to handle...
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Old 01-11-2016, 02:10 PM
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Originally Posted by Dallow View Post
I never give my phone number online, but I've had guys I've met out calling me for months, even though I never answered. And I was also unsure who this person was and what we spoke about.

Sometimes I would get messages like "Hi, I have you in my phone list but I don't remember where we met" and so. Some people calling in the middle of the night from secret numbers.

And back then I still thought it was "fun" to go out getting that wasted. Really fun getting some unknown stalkers to handle...
I too would NEVER dream of giving my number out on line.

Except after 2 bottles of wine I sometimes forgot my rules. And then I would panic and take my message of off my voice mail so that if they called they did not hear what my real/full name was!
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Old 01-11-2016, 02:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Fabat50 View Post
I too would NEVER dream of giving my number out on line.

Except after 2 bottles of wine I sometimes forgot my rules. And then I would panic and take my message of off my voice mail so that if they called they did not hear what my real/full name was!
The situations we put ourselves in! I was thinking so often of changing my number...But I figured that I would just give the new number away again...Don't miss that at all!
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Old 01-11-2016, 03:11 PM
  # 479 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Fabat50 View Post
Enfinthechange.. my AV has just told me to totally ignore you. He says you are just being a party pooper. Who do I listen to? Him or you?
Do you really need an answer there Fabat?

Patricia (and rah and anyone else struggling with this)

if you know days 5-6 are a problem for you with feelings of helplessness and hopelessness can you work out some strategies, now, to try and beat that?

D
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Old 01-11-2016, 03:23 PM
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Originally Posted by tufty13 View Post
Well done! You're going to love that decision tomorrow!

Do you think your craving may have been thirst rather than low blood sugar?

I know when I get thirsty the first thing I think of is a beer, probably because I rarely ever drank water. Just booze or coffee.

I've definitely had some success handling my cravings by just drinking water.
Got to agree with this - definitely when thirsty it enhances any cravings, Earlier I was reading the news online and an article from the Golden Globes regarding Ricky Gervais presenting, opened the page and the first pic was him stood there with a glass of beer, guess most people wouldn't have noticed it but it was absolutely glaring at me - immediate massive craving, noticed how thirsty I was and thought drink a glass of water which definitely helped - seems one problem that I know others have mentioned before is actually seeing the damned stuff everywhere on tv / news / online / advertising billboards and I notice the lot in a big way - on tv whether it be adverts etc or in a bar / people drinking on any programme I notice it immediately, the odd time I've been around it the feeling is relentless too - cravings straight away, I know it will not make me pick up a drink and I will never drink again but thought this would have relented a little by now, 60 days tomorrow.

Same time my AV keeps telling me how good it tastes and how much I miss it too and the fun of it all (yup, euphoric recall loud and clear), I keep telling myself play the tape thro to the idiot appearing and the problems I cause / out of control / anxiety / depression and know it's not ever going to be an option again but still something craving that drink that joint that line that whatever else I can take - whilst I mess up massively on occasion and out of control far too often I did enjoy so many good times too and genuinely enjoyed the states I got in, it wasn't something I was afraid of I just realised it isn't acceptable and can't continue without dire consequences - guess I'm trying to justify it when I know there's not going to be and never can be any return to that and the drug fuelled binges, I then tell myself one day at a time then think well I'm told that if I've said I'll never drink again then one day at a time shouldn't be an issue or a thought entering my head and also not counting the days ?

Then again now have days 60 to 90 to contend with from tomorrow, telling myself this will pass - I know I'm over thinking all of this and doing fine the majority of the time plus the obsession with not drinking is doing me just fine at present in handling not drinking as I definitely won't drink just wish I could get off the continual merry go round of thoughts and missing the good times which I still realise will only ever ultimately end in disaster.

God the AV was good there it nearly convinced me I'd be fine and I can do what I want until I just thought back to that flight 59 days ago - nope / no way / not happening - EVER !!!!

Sorry for rambling a bit just trying to get it down as to what's going on in my head.
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