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Class of December 2015 Pt 3

Old 01-19-2016, 07:30 AM
  # 441 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by brach123 View Post
G'morning folks and welcome Blacky.

Enjoyed reading everyones posts this morning, it always helps give me a boost.

I'm 25 days sober today and feeling pretty good. I'm feeling a little unmotivated and tired a lot of the time which is strange, I think it's a combination of the anti depressants I'm on which do make me drowsy sometimes and also the fact I'm just at the house a lot of the time. I need to make some plans to get active and have some more exercise.

Saw a promising job ad which I'm gonna apply for shortly, clean my bathroom and look after my niece for a while, that should keep me busy!

Have a wonderful sober day guys.
Brach - funny I am also finding myself tired and unmotivated too. I have appt with my psychiatrist next week and will see about perhaps switching up meds. I have worked out consistently at least 5 days a week for over the last 15 years - and now - nothing. I know I need to get moving but the get-up-and-go is gone :/ ugh. But alas sober and 5 extra pounds is better than the alternative.
Hope everyone has a great day.
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Old 01-19-2016, 07:49 AM
  # 442 (permalink)  
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Hi everyone, having a really busy week but finally getting a chance to check in. The big 50 days today. Great to see everyone hanging in there albeit not easy at the moment. Keep riding it out. There is plenty of time to focus on building our sober lives later but we all need to be sober first.

A weird thing happened today. I have been checked into a hotel for three days. A couple of minutes ago I was looking for a coke (the soft drink type) and it occurred to me that I didn't know if there was a mini bar in my room or not and I had to look for it. Can you imagine? My usual routine is to check in and drink it dry. Anyway there was and I feel zero compulsion to drink. Unbelievable. Anyway, off to bed, work, eat , gym , sleep. yada yada yada.
Its great to travel and work and be fresh every day. My team must think I am on the happy pills or something. No complacency here though, its my life now. Just keep on at it. Have a good day.....
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Old 01-19-2016, 02:13 PM
  # 443 (permalink)  
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Congrats on day 50 ubn and day 25 Brach

G;ad you're back with us Bobby - congrats on day 5

D
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Old 01-19-2016, 06:02 PM
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A quick hello today and welcome to Blacky! I had to take an 8 am call this morning from the office which is early for me and almost unthinkable in my drinking days (and a torture when I had to do it). I felt virtuous!

UB, I can relate to that. First step after putting the bags down in a hotel room was to check the minibar for what was on offer - types and quantities - without fail. Used to have a minor meltdown if the room was dry - as sometimes happened travelling through China in the "old" days. Good going on Day 50.

Have a great day all.
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Old 01-20-2016, 05:10 AM
  # 445 (permalink)  
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I am day 4 today am keeping a low profile no social events pending. I am not having any cravings etc as I never drunk much in the house anyway but keep getting flashbacks of my last drunken antics which is giving me some anxiety issues! I am feeling a bit tearful on times but am trying to be kind to myself.
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Old 01-20-2016, 05:50 AM
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Morning everyone. Day 6 checking in.

It's been a good week overall so far. Facing my cravings/AV stuff head on now, and I find its helping much better this time around. Other than that, it's not going to be -30 C today, so that's fun. Hoping the sun comes out sooner than later

Louise: I'm sorry you're feeling anxiety as you are. Like most people will say on here, it get's better. Perhaps talking with your doctor about what's going on would be helpful for you?
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Old 01-20-2016, 06:51 AM
  # 447 (permalink)  
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Good morning! Day 26. Funny that used to be a singing groups name :P Happy Hump Day. Congrats on 50 days MissP and Ub!!
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Old 01-20-2016, 07:19 AM
  # 448 (permalink)  
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Been awhile since I've posted here since I've been pretty busy lately. Just got back from my Florida vacation doing the dopey challenge and headed straight back to work. Glad to finally be back in my daily routine and back adjusted to my time zone.

Last night I had 2 completely different dreams. First dream I was at some event and ended up getting completely wasted and made a fool of myself and then the next day when I was still hungover everybody was making fun of for how drunk I was. I woke up and was so happy to realize it was just a dream. I went back to sleep and the next dream I had I was at a wedding and I was the only sober person there. Everyone else was dancing and laughing and having fun while I just walked around all by myself.

Talk about 2 totally different dreams... Any of you guys have these kind of dreams about drinking???
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Old 01-20-2016, 08:13 AM
  # 449 (permalink)  
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Checking in on day 30!

Louise - the anxiety was definitely there for me when I sobered up after my last binge and can crop up when I see certain people or places associated with my worst memories of drinking, but for the most part it faded right down after a couple of weeks. You can get through it and will feel much better for it in a short time.

Leasha I'm afraid I don't remember a great deal of my dreams, but I hear drinking dreams (nightmares?!) are quite common in early sobriety. Just be grateful it wasn't real ;-)

I went out today to meet somebody from AA for a coffee and then went to a meeting. There was a new guy there who was my age and it was nice to be able to tell how I've got through these early days remaining sober. On the flip side then when I was heading home I bumped into a guy I used to know and drink with sometimes, he looked in a bit of a mess and his life sounded chaotic so I'm definitely glad I'm moving on from that. It was a good reminder of where I could be, but at the same time I'm glad it was brief. I did feel a little anxious how I would deal with being around somebody I so heavily associate with my drinking and all the bad memories from that time. I just told him how I was sober and wished him all the best.

Meeting my sponsor tonight to start working on the steps.

Have an excellent sober day everyone!
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Old 01-20-2016, 01:25 PM
  # 450 (permalink)  
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Congratulations Brach

Leasha - drinking dreams are very common - I think nearly everyone has them at some time or another. The second dream sounds like a reaction to the first

D
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Old 01-20-2016, 01:29 PM
  # 451 (permalink)  
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Beach - I bet you planted a good seed in your old drinking buddy. Good for you. It's always an eye opener when I hang with non- drinkers or people who are in recovery. Gets me motivated! And you know your friend had to have envied you for getting your act together.

Keep up the good work.
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Old 01-20-2016, 04:22 PM
  # 452 (permalink)  
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Dreams can be so weird, Leasha. I had one a couple of nights ago dreaming I was out drinking with colleagues. No one noticed I wasn't drinking but then someone handed me a bottle of beer. I was trying not to make a big fuss but no-one would take the beer away from me no matter how many times I asked. I had to draw more and more attention to the fact that I wasn't drinking until I woke up in a mix of frustration and anxiety ... The sub-conscious is a sneaky thing!

Cute, wish I was on Day 50 myself but I was just congratulating UB on his 50 milestone - sorry if that was confusing. I am on Day 39 here, but Day 50 is in my sights .
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Old 01-20-2016, 07:45 PM
  # 453 (permalink)  
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After having a few years sober sometime in the past I can remember having a dream where the beer was already in my hand and half gone, so there was no decision made in the dream, I bolted awake with my heart beating wildly ..

Like I had thrown it all away because I was the sort that one sip and that was it .. might as well get a case .. all that clean time is gone. I made it another year before I did take that sip and get that case. I did not go to any meetings or have any plan I just did not drink for those years. I also had no social life but work.

So now I am not all that big on counting sober time and more concerned now with finding out how to not make the same mistakes that led to that first sip. I feel no urge to drink so I have time to figure out a recovery plan. That was the missing part I think.

I don't like the idea that I am permanently defective but .. when it comes to using alcohol .. that does appear to be the case. The facts are that most every time I start back drinking it ends in some sort disaster real or in my mental state at some point.

Well I have a group meeting every week now led by a councilor that is addiction education so I guess I should pay attention this time.

Also if I did find myself with a half empty beer in my hand .. I could just set it down, no need to go off the deep end like it is all or nothing.

I hope not to test that any time soon though. ha ha ..
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Old 01-20-2016, 08:09 PM
  # 454 (permalink)  
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I don't look at it as being permanently defective but then I'm a disabled guy and defective is kinda a detestable word for me.

I do amazing things with what I have (or I try )...I think we all do

D
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Old 01-20-2016, 08:24 PM
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I guess I don't like the idea of having some sort permanent label or something.

I understand alcoholism is a chronic progressive condition/disease if left untreated.
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Old 01-20-2016, 10:26 PM
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Leasha..I always have drinking dreams.. And they r usually quite similar to what usually happens on my binges. Hotels and just segregate myself is common. Which is very much the opposite from when I'm sober. It's always a relief to wake up. MissP haha I just saw that..my bad. I read through quickly in the morning right before work. 39 days is awesome!
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Old 01-20-2016, 10:38 PM
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Hello, friends . . . day 36 here. I have stopped constantly thinking about what day it is, but did put an app on my phone to track it for me, so if I want to be reminded, it is right there. That seems to be helping me relax a little bit.

Met a friend at the pub the other night. He is the first (and only) person I have told that I have quit drinking. He enjoyed his beer and I enjoyed a soda and his company. It was good - I don't know that I want to go there again for awhile, though.

I have a doctor appointment on Friday and I am nervous. More blood tests will be needed for sure. Other stuff may be needed, also. I keep telling myself that I have accomplished great and astonishing things in the past month and I have nothing to be ashamed of for facing up to what must be done to move forward. I am so fearful of judgement - maybe even moreso than I am afraid of what I have done to my body. Ugh.

I remember nights when I would stare into the bottle and know it was hurting me, but also believing that it was the only thing that was keeping me from hurting myself. I actually did tell myself that if I ever did get sober that I would just have to accept that at the time, it was saving my life. That sounds so crazy to me now . . . but I do not know how/if I could have gotten here any other way.

Peace and much respect to you all on your own paths.
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Old 01-20-2016, 11:10 PM
  # 458 (permalink)  
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Good to hear from you Eleven

D
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Old 01-20-2016, 11:43 PM
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Morning all. Just starting day 27 and am feeling hopeful but fearful at the same time. Fearful about not being able to find a new job and the financial worry that goes with it and fearful that I will relapse and pick up a drink. I am trying to do it one day at a time but sometimes I can't help but worry about long term sobriety. I really, really don't want to drink ever again but can I trust myself?

On a positive note, over the last few days I have noticed that my skin is looking better. At the age of 48 I am under no illusions that I will ever regain that youthful bloom and become the poster girl for Clinique but my face is less puffy and grey with red blotches!

Wishing you all a peaceful and sober day.
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Old 01-21-2016, 05:25 AM
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Originally Posted by eleven View Post
I have a doctor appointment on Friday and I am nervous. More blood tests will be needed for sure. Other stuff may be needed, also. I keep telling myself that I have accomplished great and astonishing things in the past month and I have nothing to be ashamed of for facing up to what must be done to move forward. I am so fearful of judgement - maybe even moreso than I am afraid of what I have done to my body. Ugh.

I remember nights when I would stare into the bottle and know it was hurting me, but also believing that it was the only thing that was keeping me from hurting myself. I actually did tell myself that if I ever did get sober that I would just have to accept that at the time, it was saving my life. That sounds so crazy to me now . . . but I do not know how/if I could have gotten here any other way.
Hi Eleven, I'm glad you're going to see a doctor. It's normal to be nervous but you need to know what the facts are and what you're dealing with. You may be over-worrying.

I went to see a doctor on Day 1 because I knew I would eventually kill myself with alcohol. I knew I had to be honest and it was so hard. It was hard to tell her how much I was drinking and what my history was. I was pretty emotional after the appointment because I had never admitted those things to anyone before.

My doctor was just great. She was professional and firm but also completely non-judgmental. She didn't make me feel ashamed at all.

I'll never forget that she asked me if I was prepared to have my blood tests done right then or if I wanted to wait a week and do it at a follow-up appointment. I was so scared of how bad things were that I asked her to give me a week sober first. I already knew I had high liver function results from a medical check the year before. So I waited a week, and the results came back - unsurprisingly - elevated. But thankfully not extremely so. I am going back to have them done again in a few weeks and we will take it from there.

Even though the results weren't great, at least I know what I'm dealing with. And instead of judging me, my doctor gave me credit for doing something about it. Which is exactly what you did - you're more than 5 weeks sober!

Please don't be so hard on yourself and please give yourself due credit for the hard decision you took to stop and the decisions you have taken every day for the past 36 days to stay stopped!

I'm so sorry that you have had such dark moments in the past when drinking. The post you had here before describing how much you'd gained from sobriety was radiating with optimism and positivity so I hope you have moved far away from that darkness and are in a much better place.

Peace to you and be strong for your appointment on Friday!
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