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Class of December 2015 Pt 3

Old 01-06-2016, 09:01 PM
  # 321 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by MissPerfumado View Post
Brach, round here there is no such thing as rambling! As Jenses will tell you! Enjoy your movie and good on you for heading back to a place that made you uncomfortable and facing your anxieties.
So very true MissPerfumado! Brach - we even coined a new name for them! BUMOSI or Brief Uninterupted Moments of Shared Introspection In fact, I am always very thankful for people sharing. I often find that they help me by offering a new perspective or a challenge I hadn't considered - like the travel drink trigger we have been discussing recently.

Keep'em coming
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Old 01-07-2016, 04:12 AM
  # 322 (permalink)  
Reality...what a concept!
 
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So sorry Strong - job searching can be frustrating. If you haven't done so already don't be afraid to take advantage of assistance beyond unemployment. I have been there and wish I had taken advantage of things like food banks and other non-cash assistance - things I didn't know even existed until I was back on the other side of things and donating to them.
You will get there too - sending positive vibes!
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Old 01-07-2016, 04:25 AM
  # 323 (permalink)  
Reality...what a concept!
 
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Good Morning Day 8!

A week completely sober! When thinking about where I was just one week ago it blows my mind - shaking, vomiting, in so much pain both physically and emotionally. Funny how you don't realize how much damage addiction is doing while you are in the thick of it. I for one need to keep those images in the front of my mind, especially when my AV starts trying to convince me that total sobriety is not necessary, but keeping my low points in the front of my mind helps to just say NO!
Have a sparkling sober day all 😄
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Old 01-07-2016, 05:05 AM
  # 324 (permalink)  
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Good morning! Day 10! Double digits! I feel stronger than ever but I know I still have a ways to go. I've been doing some self-reflecting of what I want my life to look like going forward.
A humbling yet necessary exercise
Have a good day all
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Old 01-07-2016, 06:28 AM
  # 325 (permalink)  
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Day 13! Gotta pretty busy weekend lined up so happy for that. I seem to drink when completely bored. Then it turns into days of drinking sometimes. Congrats on a week Vin keep it goin.. Woo Hoo for double digits Kitty! Have a great sober day all!!
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Old 01-07-2016, 06:52 AM
  # 326 (permalink)  
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Good morning. Day 13 for me today too, Cute!

I had my first drinking dream last night and I feel so relieved it was just a dream. In the dream I experienced all the bad feelings that go along with giving up sobriety so it is good to experience those feelings in a dream just for the sake of keeping me from wanting to relive them in real life. I just don't want to go there ever again!

Probably had the dream because I really wanted to drink last night. When I finish a long hard day at work that is a big trigger for me. I had bought a big box of protein bars from Costco on Monday and brought them to work for that situation in particular, and when I finished work I gobbled down a protein bar and I think that really helped with the craving and I just drove home with no detour to the liquor store. Once I am home I know I am fine because I am a homebody and hate having to go out again for any reason, so I won't be going to get any alcohol. I just have to get home as fast as possible after work when I have the heavy cravings, and that protein bar really did help.

Anyway, happy sober day to all of us!!

Bluejay
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Old 01-07-2016, 07:37 AM
  # 327 (permalink)  
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Thanks Miss P and Jenses I'm sure I'll be offering some more BUMOS on this board!

I hope your job search gets you some results soon enough Strong. Do you have job agencies where you live, that specialize in getting temporary jobs for people? These type of places in the UK usually get openings regularly and although the contracts may only be for a couple of months, it helps fill the gaps. Good luck to you.

Well done on a week sober Vin, I'm glad to hear your feeling so much better already. I'm completely of the same mind as you in that it's extremely important to never forget how bad it has been from me when I was drinking, I've had some truly horrific consequences that I can not deny anymore.

I'm 17 days sober today and feeling quite content today. My worries about work are passing, as I have faith things will work out and right now I'm just grateful to be sober, with a roof over my head and food to eat! I have previously been off the mind that I need to be back right where I left off in my buying and merchadising career or even further on... Now, thinking more long term I just want to take my time to get balanced and stronger in sobriety and then in a years time look to progress my career. I have been wanting to take a University degree to study from home (in my spare time, whilst still working) for some time but have never been sober long enough or well enough to make it happen. I went back to college for a year, just over a year ago, to get a qualification that will allow me to study at degree level and I was the only student to get straight distinctions so I know I can do it! Anyway I've decided that if I keep on this path and have good sobriety and recovery behind me then I will start the first year of my course in September. I guess it's an incentive but also something I really want to work on for myself.

The suns out here, it's beautiful out. Have a nice sober day everyone!
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Old 01-07-2016, 01:19 PM
  # 328 (permalink)  
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Hi class, just checking in. Today is Day 11 and I have been feeling good. Very minimal cravings. I finally went through the links on creating a plan, and I've been tweaking it daily. So my plan has been on my mind a lot and it's like my AV has decided not to bother me at the moment b/c of all the time I've spent thinking how to beat it.
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Old 01-07-2016, 04:34 PM
  # 329 (permalink)  
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Good morning - it's Friday! Which means I get to think about what I'm going to do this weekend!

First of all ... Strong, all the best with the search. Keep posting on your thoughts, if it feels better to get them out. We are all behind you!

It' so nice to see folks feeling the positive effects of being sober. Planning, looking forward, saying no to our AVs! ... it's a great vibe.

I had an anxious moment about work this morning. I'd been reflecting on the work stuff I posted about yesterday, and I'm seeing how work causes me stress and how that tied into my drinking. I've stopped stressing so much about my professional abilities - I guess time and experience has helped with that. But I still stress about where I sit in the "hierarchy", how I can gain respect of people I view as "important", etc.

It sounds petty but the anxiety I had this morning was around asking to be included in an event with a key client. I have developed a strong relationship with the client but it's one of those "exclusive" corporate-box gigs that involves jostling with big egos. Putting myself forward always makes me feel judged / scrutinised. In the past, I drank away the insecurity. But part of the motivation for getting sober was to reach my potential in all parts of my life which is now feeding into my career anxiety. Where is that confidence I posted about yesterday!?

The mindfulness book I'm reading (hat-tip Brach!) has helped. Perhaps I should journal about it. I might also make another appointment with the counsellor just to talk it through.

Anyway that was my BUMOSI for today.

My plans for the weekend include continuing to transfer my music and donate my CDs (yes, I still have loads of them). I am also thinking of re-working parts of my recovery plan. This coming Monday will be 4 weeks sober for me and as I've been learning more about myself and my alcoholism, I think my plan could do with updating.

Stay strong everyone and thanks for putting up with me and my BUMOSIs. I wish you all a great Friday ahead.
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Old 01-07-2016, 04:53 PM
  # 330 (permalink)  
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Morning all, Friday is here another week gone. Zero alcohol, lost 1.7kg this week, a little more than expected, need to be a little kinder to myself next week.

My plans for the weekend ....zzzzzzzzz.....I have been working half way through the night the last two nights so need to catch up a little.

Miss P.....don't put yourself under too much pressure in work. Look at what you have achieved in these past weeks. I think you have every reason to turn up, very much at peace with yourself and proud of what you have achieved. Lets the big egos jostle and drink and collide and whatever else big egos do. You can be calm, professional, confident and happy. The best people always recognise that.
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Old 01-08-2016, 03:28 AM
  # 331 (permalink)  
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It's so great to see the days accumulating just on this one page of posts!

I've been busy back to work, but doing well. Today is day 12 for me. I don't feel as obsessed with "not drinking" as I have in the past, not sure if that makes sense. Often when I quit I would be counting the days like they were gold, thinking about it, writing every feeling, and battling cravings left and right. I'm just as busy as usual, so I don't know necessarily why, I'm just trying to stand guard so I don't fall prey to a sneak attack.

I am also sticking solidly to Weight Watchers and exercising each day, even if it's just a long walk. That is is helping. Its nice to see the alcohol bloat long gone. Now hopefully for some real weight loss too. That's always a good motivator for me.

The usual triggers are there: the witching hour (4-7), my children (mostly just if they have attitudes or if they complain), boredom, missing my father, finances, my "houseguest" (that would be my ex-husband that I have taken in kindly as he is in a bad spot, but there seems to be no end in sight- long story), and just the usual AV lies. But I recognize them for what they are, push past them, and before I know it, poof, they are gone. Thank goodness.

I love reading posts, and will try to post more myself this weekend. Have a great sober day all....
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Old 01-08-2016, 03:42 AM
  # 332 (permalink)  
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Morning. Checking in on day 11.

I'm sleeping through the night, but still so flipping tired in the morning. Didn't make it on the treadmill in time this a.m., so either tonight or tomorrow. Looking forward to the weekend and getting some more stuff done around the house. My brother has been staying with us for a few days now and we're able to just hang out without drinking, which is a major milestone for me. Something I never thought would be possible....but the changes are happening every day.
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Old 01-08-2016, 03:55 AM
  # 333 (permalink)  
Reality...what a concept!
 
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Happy Friday Class!!

Made it through a difficult one last night...we went to a restaurant that was highly recommended for their pasta, but it turned out the biggest attraction was the wine list and bar 😯
As soon as we walked in, the aromas hit me - rich Merlot, dark Cabernet, refreshing Sav Blanc...people imbibing with large glasses, laughing and raving about the contents. Really wanted to bolt but my daughter was really excited for the pasta and I didn't want my issues with alcohol to ruin the evening ( or any future evenings for that matter ), so we sat down right away and ordered a special bottle of sparkling water...this helped because it was served as if we had a fine bottle of wine. But I couldn't help noticing everyone else, and pretty soon I actually started feeling withdrawal symptoms again - developed a headache, body aches, and anxiety. Such weirdness and strange reminder of the whole mind / body connection. Anyway - we finished our pasta and left to go to a brightly lit store, and it was amazing how much that changed my mood and completely removed the withdrawal feelings! So grateful to have such a supportive and understanding daughter - she is one of the only ppl who know about my struggles and has been totally flexible when I have to say "I just can't right now" and completely understand.
On another note - made it through the first night without taking a Xanax - left it on the nightstand in case of emergency and it is still there 👍
Hope you all have a sparkling sober Friday ☺😊😀😁
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Old 01-08-2016, 05:05 AM
  # 334 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Vinificent View Post
So grateful to have such a supportive and understanding daughter - she is one of the only ppl who know about my struggles and has been totally flexible when I have to say "I just can't right now" and completely understand.
Wow Vini! Fantastic job sticking it out in those surroundings. And walking in without being prepared for it either!

Glad to hear your daughter has your back too - that is great.
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Old 01-08-2016, 06:51 AM
  # 335 (permalink)  
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Checking in before work. Day 14 . Soooo glad it's Friday. Hope everyone is having a fabulous day. Let's stay sober this weekend all!
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Old 01-08-2016, 08:22 AM
  # 336 (permalink)  
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Quick check in for too today on 18 days sober.

I've had a good day, got a few things done that I had lined up, but generally been a pretty quiet day. I'll be having a quiet evening and off to an AA meeting in the morn and then cooking up for nice food with my girlfriend! I'm looking forward to the weekend!

Have an excellent sober Friday guys!
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Old 01-08-2016, 08:25 AM
  # 337 (permalink)  
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Checking in on Day 13!

Things have already been changing for the better. Im sleeping at night... and sleeping well, taking better care of myself and spending a lot of time with my sponsor and at meetings. Im starting to make sober friends which is very new to me and since ive stopped drinking my anxiety has actually minimized which means im able to get out and do things.

Grateful for today and looking forward to it.

Bless you all.
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Old 01-08-2016, 10:14 AM
  # 338 (permalink)  
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Morning went well until about 9:30 and I just got incredibly sad....about nothing. I could have cried had I let it happen. I went for a run in the snow to try and shake it off, which helped me feel better. Once I was back, I was then angry/sarcastic/irritable. Working with my team to take in some new inventory and I felt like I could have snapped on someone for no reason other than whatever the heck is going on in my head. Nothing changed, nothing happened.....it's like something was introduced into my system and completely messed up my mood. Now I am sitting here after lunch super depressed. I'm supposed to go to a tattoo consult after work and I just want to cancel it, grab a bunch of junk food, and go home to snuggle on the couch with my fiancée and dogs. Thanks for reading.
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Old 01-08-2016, 04:06 PM
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Morning all.

UT, thanks for the supportive words. I'm aware that in the space left by alcohol I am allowing my obsessive tendencies to flourish. I'm becoming rigid about diet, exercise, work, finances, keeping the flat and office organised, everything.

Bobby - I feel for you. I have had some severe cranky spells. Whatever you decided to do about the tattoo consult, it doesn't matter - whatever felt right for you that didn't involve drinking.

I'm sorry to post again about work but I will keep it short. I ended the work week with a difficult meeting - the sort of meeting where I had to deliver bad news. It went worse than I thought it would.

I need some headspace to think about work this weekend and make some sort of peace with it. I would have loved to have a drink last night but it wasn't an option. I went to a class at the gym and then I called my sister and we talked. I have lots to be grateful for.

I've booked in to see the counsellor and have an appointment for Monday next week to address some of what I've been thinking in this post. I want to keep ahead of the risks.

Thank you for reading. I put a lot in my posts because these are the best record I have of my thoughts. I've been considering saving my SR posts in a file as a proxy journal to read back on, because so many of my BUMOSIs go in here! I could create a blog or threads on the main board but I really enjoy it here in the Dec classroom.

Have a great sober weekend all. I have a massage later today to look forward to
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Old 01-08-2016, 05:12 PM
  # 340 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by forabetterlife View Post
It's so great to see the days accumulating just on this one page of posts!

I've been busy back to work, but doing well. Today is day 12 for me. I don't feel as obsessed with "not drinking" as I have in the past, not sure if that makes sense. Often when I quit I would be counting the days like they were gold, thinking about it, writing every feeling, and battling cravings left and right. I'm just as busy as usual, so I don't know necessarily why, I'm just trying to stand guard so I don't fall prey to a sneak attack.

I am also sticking solidly to Weight Watchers and exercising each day, even if it's just a long walk. That is is helping. Its nice to see the alcohol bloat long gone. Now hopefully for some real weight loss too. That's always a good motivator for me.

The usual triggers are there: the witching hour (4-7), my children (mostly just if they have attitudes or if they complain), boredom, missing my father, finances, my "houseguest" (that would be my ex-husband that I have taken in kindly as he is in a bad spot, but there seems to be no end in sight- long story), and just the usual AV lies. But I recognize them for what they are, push past them, and before I know it, poof, they are gone. Thank goodness.

I love reading posts, and will try to post more myself this weekend. Have a great sober day all....
You are doing a great job even with all the tough circumstances. Thanks for sharing - I always find some comfort in your posts.
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