rahrah

FOR ME....I have to keep my AV in check...if I let it breath...it's gonna have life and grow....and that makes it dangerous....the more it grows...the louder it is. So FOR ME....I like to keep her in her place....hopefully she'll get the hint one day and stay quiet for good.

beautifulpines

Thank you for all your shares. SR is a great tool in my tool box.

SleepyDots

Funny how each of us sees our AV. Mine is the complete opposite of the party guy with sunglasses on his head - I picture mine looking more like Gollum, lol.

beautifulpines

my AV looks like one of the Wizard of Oz's flying monkeys.

rahrah

I see my AV as Animal from the Muppets...

rahrah

I see a lot of acronyms on this site...anyone know what RAH means...

My handle is my nickname...last letters of my real name.

Just curious what rah means here..

ChickChick

Rarah here is a link to the acronyms.... looks like maybe recovering addict husband? But I'm not positive.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-acronyms.html

Your screen name makes me smile. It reminds me of what my kids called my bff when they were little. They pronounced her name rahrah.

CuteNGayYay

Happy Sunday all. Day 9 here. Almost double digits. Woo Hoo. Bobby thanks for sharing your story. I see myself in a lot of it. As a binge drinker it's usually not too hard to go a week or two without drinking ..so I gotta be careful. I don't wanna feel like I felt 9 days ago. Ever again. I'm such a better person without it. My av needs to move out. I picture my AV looking like the Mucinex blobs lol. Thank u all for being here and sharing our sobriety journey together. If there is anybody reading this who messed up..or currently on a binge..please post. You're here and reading for a reason. You want out. Much love.

forabetterlife

Rainy, cold day here and I am allowing myself to be lazy. Sober lazy, which is way different than drunk or hungover lazy! Time ticks by slowly on a day like today, which is good I suppose. My AV has been relatively quiet, but there is a small nagging voice inside me that feels sad and empty...and wishes I could drink. I guess it's harmless as long as it's not screaming at me to do so, but I don't like it.

leasha24

I too am keeping a journal. I started it when I decided to quit drinking for good. I have always journaled... Since I was 12 (27 now) and I love going back and reading what was important to me as a 12 year old. However once I started drinking (around 20) my journal entries were all negative and I was usually under the influence while journaling. You are so right about how easy it is to tell when you were under the influence and journaling due to the handwriting too!!

I kept 4 of these journals in a drawer next to my bed and re read them often (could pretty much quote what some of the entries said). It would always bring me down after reading them. So I decided to throw all the journals with negative memories in the dumpster. It was actually pretty cathartic and now I'm still journaling and titled my newest journal, "a fresh start."

I find journaling a good way to get what's inside my mind and keeping me up at night out.

leasha24

I totally agree with you about sober lazy being different than hungover lazy! Time does tick by ever so slowly. (Especially when I'm waiting for my Seahawks to play football today!!) However, it has forced me to go back to doing things I used to love before being hungover on the weekends took over my life.

forabetterlife

I have always kept a journal for as long as I can remember. In fact, I always knew when I was
losing myself somehow because I would stop writing. That was even before Drinking was an issue. But now I don't journal when I'm drinking and really can't even bear the honestly when I'm hungover.
It was brave of you to throw the negative ones away leasha! I have been throwing away and deleting a lot of things pertaining to my ex lately and after 12 years of hanging on it really feels good to let go finally.

MissPerfumado

Morning everyone - it's Monday morning here which means the start of a work week.

I pretty much got to where I wanted to with the flat at the end of yesterday. It's clean and organised, inside and out, which actually feels better than drinking.

I let go of a lot of stuff, which is also cathartic, like Leasha felt with the old journals, though less personal. Much of it was just obsolete flotsam (a 2007 Sony digital camera charger anyone?) but there were also old books, music, notes etc. that are no longer "me" that I have got rid of. I've rearranged my things in a way that I feel represents and reflects "me" - the person I am getting to know again. I've also started digitising my music, which is organisational project no. 2.

Brach, in my sorting out, I actually found a book I'd bought but never read by Thich Nhat Hanh, whom you'd linked to. I've got the book right here next to my computer, it's called "You Are Here" and is about the power of mindfulness and how to achieve it. I will read it in the coming days .

Of course, my AV did have a say about it when all the hard work was done. She was pretty quiet when I was actually cleaning up. However, when the flat was neat, tidy and clean, I went out and bought some lovely yellow lilies for the dining table. I had my old favourite jazzy music on and I turned the lamplight on low. It was drizzling outside and the flat just felt soothing and inviting, you know. So of course, AV was right there in a flash, telling me what I needed to complete this, aka glass of wine.

I'm sure you can imagine the thoughts ... you deserve it after the hard work, just put your feet up, it will be all so cosy and relaxing, blah blah blah. It was a very strong trigger, to be honest. I had to "play the tape" right through to this morning of struggling out of bed feeling foggy and fuzzy, getting into work late and so on - instead of being up and ready to face the day and saying good morning to you all like I am now.

Of course, playing the tape is a technique I picked up here on SR and it worked perfectly.

Have a great day and week ahead everyone.

rahrah

My AV was at me today as well...I felt better today as I recuperate from the flu....but for hours and hours I had a terrible headache, and the one thing I ALWAYS take for headaches (and everything else of coarse) is my wine....something about it thinning the blood (or getting me drunk) that helps the pain....but ya, She was asserting herself. These past weeks I've been good about shutting her down...but I was so desperate for my headache to go....I had to skip tobogganing with the family because of it and felt so guilty for being unproductive, that I thought of having some wine to help get rid of the 'problem' but I remembered that I don't have any REAL problems, unless I start drinking again.

Steely

I am 2 weeks today feel depressed and unmotivated. Got a few things done in the kitchen including a stinking fish pan. All clean now but more to do. Organise. I'm finding that by not thinking that I have to get everything done at once and feel OK about hitting the couch if I need I am doing OK. Sobriety and all that goes with it is my main activity at the moment. Me, with a sober brain WOW. but lovin' it.

ubntubnt

I agree with that. Keeping the AV in check is essential regardless of how we visualise it. I was referring more to how my brain personally glorifies drinking.

When I first discovered AVRT it was a real wow moment. I think its a really great way of understanding addiction and how the mind craves its drug. I also think its a fantastic way of understanding and combatting cravings.

ubntubnt

Thanks Bobby for your share. It seems you still can turn all this around despite previous missteps if you can quit the booze permanently. In that respect, you are on the same path as all of us. Reading around this site for an hour or two a day for a few weeks will really help you to stay sober as will an understanding of AVRT and some group support like AA or confiding in a couple of people close to you who can help at times when the going gets tough.

Yesterday was straight forward enough and today so far also. Its like my AV is saying: "you just go right ahead and jump into all this fitness stuff, I'll go watch a DVD, tell me when you get bored and we can have a chat".

Plan for the week:
Today: work-eat healthy-gym-family time-sleep
Tuesday, Wed, thurs, Fri.....repeat

Have a good week everyone....back to the grind, a new year. This is where we can build new habits and keep the momentum.

Jenses

This is so me. I have actually noticed on the days I haven't journaled, I am much more apt to crave a glass of wine - which made it even easier to forget myself. Glad you posted this.
Finishing day 28. Four weeks under belt.

Dee74

good for you Jenses

D

Steely

Congratulations Jenses. My AV looks like an angst ridden zombied dead person. Now that I've seen the rat I've decided to live. Two weeks today.