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Class of December 2015 Pt 3

Old 01-02-2016, 05:27 AM
  # 201 (permalink)  
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Miss P, So much is wonderful in your post, even though it feels raw and overwhelming. It's great that you and your father shared and that he is so supportive. It's also great that he has been sober for over a decade. Please consider yourself blessed to have him, to have him sober, and to have a relationship good enough to share that with him. Your post made me tear me- happy for you as well as missing my own father and wishing I could share that with him as well.

It has finally cooled off here so I'm looking forward to enjoying some time outside today. I have created a private file on my computer as kind of my "go to" for when I'm in the midst of a craving or just need to adjust my mindset or thought process. It's small now, just a few lists and reminders as well as some good links from Dee . It is on my home computer so a not always convenient or accessible, but its a start.

I read over some old journals last night it brought back some good solid sober times I've had over the past few years. My entries are black or white - drinking and miserable, full of complaints and promises to myself OR sober and full of clarity, perspective and optimism. It's so obvious....

Hope everyone has a good sober Saturday. Please check in , we need each other!
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Old 01-02-2016, 05:51 AM
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Miss P,

I think it's AWEsome that you were able to have that conversation with your dad. Life fabl, I also wish I could have that talk with my father who sobered up at the age of 48 but has been gone now for 15 years now.

I woke up feeling just plain good today on Day 9.
Remembering to put music on first thing has really been helpful to starting things out right for me.

Have been getting the house organized and cleaned in bits and pieces. That also has made a big difference in my mood.

Environment is so important, don't you think?
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Old 01-02-2016, 07:40 AM
  # 203 (permalink)  
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One thing I love about being sober... Waking up early on the weekends and taking my dog out for a walk in the peace and quiet.... When I was drinking I would have slept in and woke up late hungover and spend most of the day sleeping trying to get rid of the hangover.
Remembering how good this feels in the morning helps me to get through the evening without a drink.
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Old 01-02-2016, 07:49 AM
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Originally Posted by Jenses View Post

Funny, that is the exact thing I am dealing with. Not drinking has magnified my underlying urge to escape from myself - which is what drinking has done for me in the past.

Came across the following in a book and it made me stop in my tracks:

When we stop the busyness of the mind and come back to ourselves, the enormity and rawness of our suffering can seem very intense because we are so used to ignoring it and distracting ourselves. When we feel suffering, we have the urge to run away from it and fill ourselves up with junk food, junk entertainment, anything to keep our mind off the pain that is there inside us. It doesn’t work. We may succeed in numbing ourselves from it for a little while, but the suffering inside wants our attention and it will fester and churn away until it gets it.

We run away from ourselves because we don’t want to be with ourselves. Our pain is a kind of energy that is not pleasant. We fear that if we release our diversions and come back to ourselves, we’ll be overwhelmed by the suffering, despair, anger, and loneliness inside. So we continue to run away. But if we don’t have the time and the willingness to take care of ourselves, how can we offer any genuine care to the people we love?

Not sure if that helps, but for me, realizing how uncomfortable I am with myself has been my underlying, primary trigger.
The most accurate thing I have read. .. which is why I can't sit still for a minute when sober... always doing, making, cleaning, cooking. Anything but be me and feel emotions. I don't want to face up to anything!
Oh well, still trying to be sober ! X
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Old 01-02-2016, 08:33 AM
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Morning everyone....day 6 for me so just checking in. I'd never heard of AV before, or I guess just never put a label on "it". I am finding that helps a lot to split what goes on in my head. I'm able to use this to remind myself to not pick up that first drink, because everything isn't going to be fine this time.....because how many times have I tried that. The last two days have been a lot of "what ifs". What if I have to go to a work party and everyone is drinking? What if I have to go fishing with my dad that drinks like a madman? Etc.....Right now I am not in those situations, so I pulled myself back to reality and decided to just be here today and enjoy the sunshine. Thanks for listening.
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Old 01-02-2016, 08:51 AM
  # 206 (permalink)  
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Actually make that day 5. Guess I'm a bit overzealous
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Old 01-02-2016, 09:24 AM
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We are sober twins Bobby! I'm on day 5 too.

I too love waking up early and feeling good! And sleeping / lounging in bed a bit, just because I feel like it, not because my head feels like It was hit by a jackhammer.

I need to get some exercise but I'm having trouble motivating. I'll check in more later, have a great Saturday y'all
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Old 01-02-2016, 10:02 AM
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Checking in on Day 8. Hope everyone has a super sober Saturday .
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Old 01-02-2016, 10:09 AM
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Originally Posted by enfinthechange View Post
The most accurate thing I have read. .. which is why I can't sit still for a minute when sober... always doing, making, cleaning, cooking. Anything but be me and feel emotions. I don't want to face up to anything!
Oh well, still trying to be sober ! X
I had to get to the point where I understood on a deep level that I was born a child of God, and that I was worthy of good things happening.

I had to forgive some other people who had hurt me deeply. I had to forgive myself for hurting others. Mostly I had to forgive myself for hurting me.

Every day that I continued to do things that were not good for me I was adding to my own misery. I deserve better. I deserve happiness and even joy. I am the one who has to give myself permission for good things to come in to my life.

I hope you stop running, enfin. Rest. Be still. It's okay.
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Old 01-02-2016, 10:51 AM
  # 210 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by kittycat3 View Post
We are sober twins Bobby! I'm on day 5 too.

I too love waking up early and feeling good! And sleeping / lounging in bed a bit, just because I feel like it, not because my head feels like It was hit by a jackhammer.

I need to get some exercise but I'm having trouble motivating. I'll check in more later, have a great Saturday y'all
Right on! Congrats to both of us

I find if I remind myself that exercising is never something I'll regret, I tend to get my butt in gear. You don't have to go from 0 to 100. Even 10 mins of something helps and is a start.
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Old 01-02-2016, 11:11 AM
  # 211 (permalink)  
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One of my sober friends invited me to go snowshoeing today. It's my first time and I am so excited . It's a sunny beautiful day and I've always wanted to try snowshoeing. Wish me luck Wouldn't have been able to go had I still been drinking as I would have been too hungover to make it . Loving this sober life today. I will remember this feeling when I get that urge to drink.
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Old 01-02-2016, 11:15 AM
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Originally Posted by leasha24 View Post
One thing I love about being sober... Waking up early on the weekends and taking my dog out for a walk in the peace and quiet.... When I was drinking I would have slept in and woke up late hungover and spend most of the day sleeping trying to get rid of the hangover.
Remembering how good this feels in the morning helps me to get through the evening without a drink.
Thanks, Leasha. Cannot remember the last time I took my dog for a walk. You just gave me an item to put on my list of my recovery plan. . Such a simple thing.
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Old 01-02-2016, 11:36 AM
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Made it through grocery shopping for the week with 3 of my kids. I'm pretty proud I got home without beer. We actually had a good time. Except my 7 yo trying to put a container of grape tomatoes in the cart and the top popped off! Oh my what a mess, lol.

You all have put the thought in my head of taking my kids for a walk to a nearby creek today. Might be a little chilly but it'll be good to get out in the fresh air and nature for a bit. A little exercise is a plus also.
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Old 01-02-2016, 01:22 PM
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I got through a stressful day today and I'm quite proud of myself. I've had huge amounts of admin to do for my business. Mainly catching up on mountains of accounts and me and my brother (who is just joining me in business) weren't getting on too well. I built my business from scratch and it was really hard and I felt he was undervaluing what i'd achieved by just criticising instead of appreciating the fact that over the past 2 years I had to work myself to near insanity to get to where I am now. Clearly I did enough to make him want to leave his own business concerns behind and hitch a ride with me instead! But he seemed to just see where I'd lost a hold on stuff and ended up having to pay money and lose profits where it could have been avoided occasionally. I mean, I was on my own, at the coal face and he doesn't understand what that was like! Of course instead of saying this to him I was just getting all apologetic and acting like he was right and I was useless.

I started to feel miserable and it crossed my mind a lot of times that I could just have a drink to feel better and not care but I didn't. Im glad I didn't though as I feel much better after sloping off for a while to be alone and he's stopped being an idiot now. I think he realised he was being a bit unfair.

Hardly a huge challenge to get through the day without drinking as I'm in a very safe place to stay sober but still... its only day 3 after all and I feel like every little trigger is dangerous right now. However, another day done and family tension resolved for now!
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Old 01-02-2016, 01:39 PM
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Good morning classmates. This site has helped me so much in remaining on track. Alone I cave in because I can't cope with the feelings/memories and become overwhelmed with no-where to turn outside of the bottle shop. I feel supported here and am really surprised as to how effective on-line support can be. I don't offer much except to read posts, make a few lame attempts to reply to posts but so far have not really started talking about me and my struggle. I think I'm afraid to start talking about it because I really don't know how I feel outside of anxious and depressed. I'm holding the view that with deeper sobriety this will change. I do have one positive feeling, trepidatious as it might be that I am so very glad to be sober. Depressed, anxious and drunk vs depressed, anxious and sober - no contest. The woman at the local shop smiled and engaged with me yesterday as she has now seen me sober for nearly two weeks. Stoked. No shame. Wishing my fellow December travellers everything that you wish for themselves. Yay us.

Last edited by Steely; 01-02-2016 at 01:44 PM. Reason: Grammar
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Old 01-02-2016, 01:54 PM
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Hi Solow, that's brother's for you! I know how you feel. With sobriety we will be able to assert our achievements and be able to hold our own. When I'm drinking I can never genuinely assert or hold my own because I feel so guilty and useless. And now I'm going to surprise them. So glad you didn't pick up.
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Old 01-02-2016, 02:09 PM
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Originally Posted by BobbyLight View Post
Morning everyone....day 6 for me so just checking in. I'd never heard of AV before, or I guess just never put a label on "it".
I've been trying to quit for 30 yrs. 10 yrs ago I sought help, but wasn't introduced to AVRT...I wish I had been, it may have helped a lot.

See, I have always thought I had a split personality....fer real! I wanted so desperately to quit, but then there was another person in my head 'Her' telling me to drink. She would whisper all sorts of things to me about picking up again and eventually I would.

I couldn't understand how I could be so dedicated to quitting and end up drinking again. Eventually.... over many years...I had convinced myself that I must have 2 personalities....independent of each other. I felt crazy... and hopeless.

Then I learned about AVRT and WOW!!!!! Turns out I'm not crazy...I don't have a split personality...I have an addiction (which I always knew) but that addiction has a VOICE. Identifying that 'other personality' as an intruder... made me able to hate it, rather than hate myself. For some reason, that distinction... separating my addiction from me... was like a light turning on....I saw my addiction as an entity... not as ME.

So I chained HER up and put that lunatic in a cage.... and every time I hear her stirring... whenever her chains are rattling....I go and check the lock on the cage and make sure her chains are secure (by working my Big Plan) and get on with my life....SOBER!
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Old 01-02-2016, 02:27 PM
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It's so true, Rahrah! I was dumbfounded many a time how I would be driving home thinking confidently that I was going to have a sober weekend, and then my car turns into the lot of the liquor store and I would be buying a BOX of wine. I felt like I was possessed sometimes, or had two personalities as you say.

I am chaining up my lunatic too!!

(Pink Floyd fan as well. ;-) )
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Old 01-02-2016, 02:42 PM
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Morning all! It will be three weeks sober for me tomorrow, which means today is my Day 21.

I am grateful many, many times over for SR. forabetterlife and Obladi, a heartfelt thank you for your replies and especially the reminders to be grateful for the relationship I have with my father and every day that I have with him. forabetterlife, I especially recall your touching posts about your father which brings home the power of your message even more. Thank you!

Bobbylight, like you, I find the AV concept extremely useful. It's interesting when you catch it taking to you, and can call it for what it is - it's a very effective way to combat urges and temptations. I don't imagine my AV in a cage like rahrah's - when she's not bothering me, my AV is probably hedonistically partying like there's no tomorrow in some alternate AV reality with a bunch of other AVs, till the next time she gets bored and decides to be a pain again.

It is early morning again here, which I have experienced in pleasant solitude and contemplation everyday since returning from holidays. I've made headway in organising the flat and have the final tasks of sorting the kitchen today and taking the stuff out to charity bins/trash.

However you spend today ... exercising or lounging (with your kitty cat ), walking the dogs or going walking with the kids, or even snowshoeing (that sounds like fun Leasha, wish I could come), enjoy the rest of your sober weekend!
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Old 01-02-2016, 02:53 PM
  # 220 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by solow View Post
But he seemed to just see where I'd lost a hold on stuff and ended up having to pay money and lose profits where it could have been avoided occasionally. I mean, I was on my own, at the coal face and he doesn't understand what that was like! Of course instead of saying this to him I was just getting all apologetic and acting like he was right and I was useless.

I started to feel miserable and it crossed my mind a lot of times that I could just have a drink to feel better and not care but I didn't. Im glad I didn't though as I feel much better after sloping off for a while to be alone and he's stopped being an idiot now. I think he realised he was being a bit unfair.
Solow, I find criticism from my siblings really hard to take. In my case, I particularly hate hearing my elder sister put on her big sister voice ... !

In your situation, you've really put your shoulder to the wheel to make your new business viable and suddenly here comes someone who should be backing you up but instead goes straight past the good stuff to the bad ... I'd be feeling the same as you.

Yours is an amazing achievement considering the proportion of new businesses that never take off. Now that you and your brother are business partners in a sense, I wonder if this could be dealt with sooner rather than later so that you don't risk what you have worked so hard to achieve already. Rather than drink (which you're obviously identified as absolutely not the right response), perhaps you could write down a few simple but clear messages to say to him which both acknowledge his perspective but gets yours across. Then bring them up calmly when things have cooled down.

I am no counsellor or expert ... these are just friendly suggestions. Whatever you do please don't be too hard on yourself for how you reacted. We may be sober but I think early sobriety is still hard on our emotional state ... there's a lot of adjusting and recalibrating to do, I think. All the best to you.
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