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Class of October 2014 Part 24

Old 12-26-2015, 02:24 PM
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02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
 
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Congrats V, I'm so proud of you!


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Old 12-26-2015, 04:14 PM
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A cheerful congrats to the dynamic duo of V and Briar on their achievements.....best gift you can give yourselves and an inspiration to us all!

Actually went swimming today after my run. That's a 'first' for December. I think winter makes a return in a few days and I'm ready.
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Old 12-26-2015, 04:24 PM
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02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
 
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Hi guys,

I’m so glad to hear about the happy, sober Christmases. You guys are amazing and deserve all those wonderful, crystal clear memories. My Christmas day was nice with my family. My mom and brother always cheer me up and distract me from whatever troubles I’m having. I was so grateful to have them here, they saved Christmas for me. I love to cook for them, so I made salmon, garlic parmesan mashed potatoes, fresh bread, and a green salad with beets, goat cheese, cranberries, and walnuts in a peppery balsamic vinaigrette. For dessert I made lemon cream pie with lemons from my tree. For the fun appetizer portion, we always go full-on unapologetic junk food – Tyson chicken strips with ranch and BBQ sauce, salami and cheddar on Ritz crackers, corn chips and that jarred cheese dip that I’m pretty sure is petroleum-based…because hell yeah that stuff’s good! My daughter had a blast opening presents and playing with my mom. She loves my mom more than pretty much every awesome thing on this earth combined. Being with my family helped clear my head and brought me back into the present for a while, it was a very welcome relief.

WARNING: MISERABLE DEPRESSING CRAP AHEAD, FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS POST AND PRETTY MUCH EVERY OTHER ONE I WRITE UNTIL I CAN GET MY S*** TOGETHER. I JUST FEEL LIKE WRITING IT BECAUSE OTHERWISE I ISOLATE AND KEEP IT INSIDE WHERE IT FERMENTS INTO SOMETHING EVEN MORE TOXIC. BUT ANYWAY, I’M VERY SORRY. SERIOUSLY, DO NOT READ THIS IF IT WILL BUM YOU OUT.

Christmas Eve was very difficult with the depression and eating issues. I ate a lot with my husband’s family and then (you guys will never again appreciate my honesty after this) spent a great deal of time and effort trying to vomit all of it. Then I stuffed stockings and went bed and cried because I just couldn’t bear that my wonderful daughter has a mother like me. I woke up the next morning with a terrible sore throat feeling sick and guilty. It was almost as bad as a hangover.

My husband insisted I eat right away because both of his sisters had approached him the night before to express concern about my weight, while I thought I had been so clever in two layers of sweater dresses and leg warmers. In fact, after my initial effort to choose bulky clothes, I hadn’t put much more thought into whether his family would notice. While I know logically that 94 pounds is thin, I do not FEEL thin anymore and sometimes forget that I look that way to others.

Yesterday, after I’d sent all the leftovers home with my family, I gutted the kitchen and threw away all of the [emphatic expletive] extra food because I hated it. It enraged me, chips and cheese dip and cookies and peppermint bark crap…I slammed it into the trash bin hard enough to shatter the jars. This morning I was out in the early cold walking for miles on no food, no water, only caffeine pills, enjoying the satisfaction of feeling my body suffer because I hate it.

I try to challenge these destructive thoughts as much as I can, but they are overwhelmingly convincing right now. I try to remind myself that it is just “right now” and not all the time, that this will pass and is not my final reality. Sometimes that helps get me through for a while. I do have a couple of appointments this coming week that I hope will be helpful.

That’s where I’m at. Again, I’m sorry. Just trying to move through this to a better day.
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Old 12-26-2015, 04:42 PM
  # 124 (permalink)  
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I love you Briar ~ you know that I know most of this. And I am not shocked.
I am afraid, however.
Afraid that we will lose you.

I am beyond glad that you have your appointments this week.

Huge huge hug. ♥
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Old 12-26-2015, 05:04 PM
  # 125 (permalink)  
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Congrats Venus and Briar

Briar there was nothing in that post that shocked or depressed me or made me think any less of you

I do believe there can be an end to self destructive behaviour, and I hope 2016 will be your year

Hope everyone else had a great Xmas

D
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Old 12-26-2015, 05:10 PM
  # 126 (permalink)  
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Hope you had a great Christmas Dee!!!
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Old 12-26-2015, 05:20 PM
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Originally Posted by venuscat View Post
Just my way of adding to the Christmas cheer.

And Briar will have 10 months in a few hours....so double boom.
Congratulations on 10 Sober Months, Briar.

Well done.

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Old 12-26-2015, 05:24 PM
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Goodnight, Octsobers. I am beyond tired.

See you tomorrow.
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Old 12-26-2015, 05:47 PM
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This is not your final reality Briar.

I'm so happy that you have the wherewithal to get those appointments for yourself. I know that was a difficult post for you and I'm so glad to see you working through this.
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Old 12-26-2015, 05:55 PM
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It was fine thanks Venus

D
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Old 12-26-2015, 06:01 PM
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Congrats V! Your awesome. Hope your in a good place right now with all that sober time.

Thanks for checking in Briar. Glad you have family around. It's a good thing, right? To have people when you need them the most. Lean on them. We can't do it all alone. Take care.
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Old 12-26-2015, 06:47 PM
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Originally Posted by venuscat View Post
Morning all. Glad you all had lovely Christmas dinners (well, I hope so ).

14 months sober today.
So awesome, V!!
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Old 12-26-2015, 06:58 PM
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Briar, your sharing does not depress or shock me. I do hope you hear yourself, though. You clearly know it's not healthy, so you need to find a way to follow through on that knowledge. Just choose healthy foods, but eat, my friend, just eat. You are so brilliant and full of energy. I wish I had your energy. We all have wonderful gifts. Embrace your gifts.
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Old 12-26-2015, 07:10 PM
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Hi phoebe love.
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Old 12-26-2015, 10:16 PM
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Id like to echo the others and say that your honesty and openness isn't depressing, Briar. Don't ever hold back here out of fear of burdening others with your hurdles. I'm truly relieved to hear that you are continuing to work hard at healing and have some follow up appointments already scheduled. And also glad to hear that the support of your family is there. I know I wouldn't be where I am without mine. Big hugs your way
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Old 12-27-2015, 05:45 AM
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Gmornin friends!
Our steakhouse dinner was incredible last night, no alcohol ordered by anyone, just a great time in gorgeous downtown. We've got several options for New Years Eve coming up, and I even threw out our house as an option. Wherever we end up, I'm focusing on the food. Found a great link for some snacks with a southern twist...
Best Party Appetizers and Recipes - Southern Living
It's going to be a rainy, warm, football on tv all day, Star Wars Legos everywhere while I unpack more boxes kinda Sunday for us.
But first, coffee.
Love yall!
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Old 12-27-2015, 07:34 AM
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Just a quick check-in, dear Octsobers.

Have a great day, all.
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Old 12-27-2015, 08:04 AM
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I love Christmas but it is truly exhausting! I am worn out. Enjoy your day.
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Old 12-27-2015, 02:16 PM
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Conquest honey ~ please check in if you can and let us know you are OK.

Prayers for everyone affected by the tornadoes in Texas. ♥

And I have no idea how far south these things travelled...so Mark, hope you are safe as well.

Good morning BD, and love to all of you.
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Old 12-27-2015, 03:04 PM
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Fine here V, you're so thoughtful. There was a tornado warning earlier but it expired.

I had a nice run earlier and with the house to myself I decided to go get a nice beef filet. I'm going to attempt cooking it steak house style by searing it in a cast iron skillet on each side and then putting it in the oven to finish. I've only grilled them in the past so this will be fun. Nice steaks make me think of my dad and bourbon, but I've gotten pretty good at ignoring the bourbon part.

I hope you ladies are resting up from all your holiday laboring. Back to work tomorrow and I'm ready. It'll be a short week though followed by another long weekend. Woot woot.
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