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Class of November 2015 Part 7

Old 12-30-2015, 07:56 AM
  # 461 (permalink)  
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Morning, All!

Blackbird, thank you for your honesty. I know how hard it is bc I've been there too. I'm just so glad nothing happened to you. Two bottles of wine in a short time is a lot for your body to handle. I was previously in the April 2015 class and one of our members made it seven months before relapsing, but when she did she passed out and was unresponsive and was in the hospital for two days. Just from drinking the liquor she normally had. And she almost died! That really terrified me. I'm just so glad you are okay Blackbird and you are back with us. I know you can do this. Stay close (((Blackbird)))

Ultra, thanks for coming here to post about the New Years triggers. Play the tape through: if you drank (like your AV wants to drink) on New Years, what would happen? Play the tape all the way through. Now, what are the possibilities if you don't drink? I bet there are quite a few (or at least more than drunk, hungover, guilty, frustrated, out x$ bc of booze, etc). I know you can make the right choice!

My recovery homework today is to make a psychiatrist appointment. Done a little research but I feel like I just need to pull the trigger with someone. I want this!!

Take care everyone!
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Old 12-30-2015, 08:06 AM
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Originally Posted by bblackbirdflyy View Post
Well, the grog is lifting after a good 24 hour nap. My stomach was churning so much yesterday, now I can at least get down some coffee.

I guess it's fess up time. I made it all day on Christmas with my heavy drinking family. Stayed sober. When everyone went home except my mom, stepdad, and OH, (who were all happily buzzed) I began drinking wine. I had 2 bottles in about 2 hours. Not proud. I should have come here for support and I didnt.

So, as my trend goes, I'm supposed to begin binging alone at home within a day or two. But haven't and don't plan on it. Pushed remaining alcohol out of the house.

I always feel bad posting about my failures to remain sober. Worried that it might trigger others to do the same. It's not worth it to drink.
BB-sorry to hear about your slip, but I'm glad you're not going to let it be a relapse. You got through the tough day, so what caused your slip? What do you have in plan for the next time? Time to saddle up!

I got through my first night without the wine police being home (hubby) 2 more to go. I'm just sticking close to you guys. I'm trying to remember the liver failure stories. (But my AV is telling me that I just gave my liver 52 days of rest and healing time so go for it)
A friend called me last night and was complaining about other friends that get so damn drunk they don't remember the conversation or become a different person, and how she's just had enough of it. In the past I was another of her drunk friends, but it felt pretty good not being that person lately. I like that and I'm grateful to all of you for helping me.
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Old 12-30-2015, 08:08 AM
  # 463 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by SwimKim12 View Post
Morning, All!

Blackbird, thank you for your honesty. I know how hard it is bc I've been there too. I'm just so glad nothing happened to you. Two bottles of wine in a short time is a lot for your body to handle. I was previously in the April 2015 class and one of our members made it seven months before relapsing, but when she did she passed out and was unresponsive and was in the hospital for two days. Just from drinking the liquor she normally had. And she almost died! That really terrified me. I'm just so glad you are okay Blackbird and you are back with us. I know you can do this. Stay close (((Blackbird)))

Ultra, thanks for coming here to post about the New Years triggers. Play the tape through: if you drank (like your AV wants to drink) on New Years, what would happen? Play the tape all the way through. Now, what are the possibilities if you don't drink? I bet there are quite a few (or at least more than drunk, hungover, guilty, frustrated, out x$ bc of booze, etc). I know you can make the right choice!

My recovery homework today is to make a psychiatrist appointment. Done a little research but I feel like I just need to pull the trigger with someone. I want this!!

Take care everyone!
That's scary Kim!!!
Good luck with the appointment.
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Old 12-30-2015, 10:49 AM
  # 464 (permalink)  
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hey bb, sry to hear it, nothing to do but dust off and keep trying!!
it'll soon be a new year!! : )
all the best
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Old 12-30-2015, 12:07 PM
  # 465 (permalink)  
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Sorry to hear that BB, but glad you're here with us! This stuff is sooo hard and I truly do feel your pain, I think we all do...that's what bonds us together, we've all been there and many of us will continue to go there, at least for the moment we have a reprieve. I relate so much to alcohol...country music, hip-hop music, hell....any music, a bright, sunny day or a cold, rainy day...they all remind me of drinking. Camping, certain smells and T.V., social media, watching fights...there's not much I used to do that didn't involve some type of drinking.

I keep trying to come up with a plan, but my AV must be a super AV on steroids because it keeps talking me into drinking!

Thank's SwimKim and KIR for the wise words! Hang on BlackBird!
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Old 12-30-2015, 01:10 PM
  # 466 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by ultradad View Post

I keep trying to come up with a plan, but my AV must be a super AV on steroids because it keeps talking me into drinking!
Mine too ultradad! Right now she's screaming at the top of her lungs! But you know what...I tried to control my anxiety and depression with alcohol for the past few years and honestly...what did I get in return?!

There's gotta be a better way even if I have to lock myself in the bathroom and meditate until I'm blue in the face
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Old 12-30-2015, 01:14 PM
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Patricia and Ultra, just keep playing the tape through! You'll have that first drink, and another, and another, and another...soon you've passed out only to wake up shaking, foggy, with a dry mouth, headache, and gut feeling of letdown knowing that you failed again at sobriety.

You can do it!!!! Hang tight!
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Old 12-30-2015, 01:18 PM
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Ultra-Patricia mentioned meditation. A coupke weeks back yet u had a great frame of mind and were in such a great place and you were meditating each morning. I'm be forgotten to continue trying! Have you been doing it? I think I better get back at it.
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Old 12-30-2015, 01:29 PM
  # 469 (permalink)  
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So it will soon be a new year. Don't know why we let it have such an impact on us, but I guess everyone always feel there are too much unsettled. Not least people who hang out on forums like this

Last new years I was away skiing. It was nice but from new years eve I only remember the dinner. After that I have seen pictures and it isn't pretty...appearantly I was in the sauna with my clothes on and later I fell asleep on my computer. Is that what I call fun?

There's a reason we all keep coming back here, and we know it's not fun anymore. I wish you all the best, hope you will have a new years eve that you will remember, and be proud of!
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Old 12-30-2015, 02:15 PM
  # 470 (permalink)  
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In a very real sense, it's just another day guys - we can do this!

D
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Old 12-30-2015, 02:37 PM
  # 471 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Dallow View Post
So it will soon be a new year. Don't know why we let it have such an impact on us, but I guess everyone always feel there are too much unsettled. Not least people who hang out on forums like this

Last new years I was away skiing. It was nice but from new years eve I only remember the dinner. After that I have seen pictures and it isn't pretty...appearantly I was in the sauna with my clothes on and later I fell asleep on my computer. Is that what I call fun?

There's a reason we all keep coming back here, and we know it's not fun anymore. I wish you all the best, hope you will have a new years eve that you will remember, and be proud of!
I plan on staying in with a mug of hot chocolate, a classic film and my dog. And I know I will enjoy it so much more than last year when I found myself in a strange Spanish town, having lost the group of friends I was with and forgotten the name of my hotel, throwing up in the street.
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Old 12-30-2015, 04:27 PM
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Hi everyone! Finally had a chance to catch up on the posts. We were celebrating one of our children's birthdays. :-)

46 days today. I still have thoughts of drinking but try to quickly dismiss them & stay busy. Sooooo much better than a few weeks ago!

@Dallow-you're right! It IS easy to forget how bad we feel when we drink! The AV is relentless! I think AA would be great for you. I really love it! There is zero pressure & lots of support when I need it. :-) Why are you afraid of AA?

@Swimkim-I totally agree with you. If people weren't happy & at peace in sobriety...no one would stay sober!

@learn2fly-I agree with you, alcoholics most likely wish they could drink like they used to (which is ALOT) without the consequences. And haha....you're so right..."why drink if you aren't getting drunk?" I have never understood how and why someone sits down & has one or two drinks with dinner & stops. Weird. Lol.

@KIR-How are you doing today?

@Canguy-how is Tokyo? Are you ok???

@FaithfulandFree-thanks for the kind words. :-) How are you doing today?

@Blackbird-how are you? Are you feeling better? I'm sorry you drank. Don't beat yourself up. It's not worth it. Can you pinpoint where you derailed? Any more tools you can add to your chest? Thinking about you!

@Snowvelvet-56 days!!! Yay!

@Ultradad-I understand how you feel. Alcohol is everywhere! I often feel like I'm being left out & wish I could drink like a normal person but I can't & it's ok. Out of all the diseases to have, alcoholism is the only one that you can put into remission just by not drinking. :-)

@Jemma-enjoy your family time & ski time!

@Patricia-how are you feeling? Did you get your AV to shut up?

@Dee-I agree with you...New Years is just another day & personally...I think it's over-rated!

New Years Eve: everyone is in their finest clothes, looking nice, smiling & laughing as they chug their alcohol...5-4-3-2-1....the countdown to the New Year. People like us won't remember it. Even many NON-alcoholics won't remember it! What they DON'T show in all those Facebook & Instagram photos are the people stumbling down the road, passed out in the bathroom, vomiting, make-up running down their faces, handcuffs on their hands because they just got arrested for driving drunk or public intoxication...etc...

New Years Day: (they don't show this on Facebook or Instagram either). More vomiting. Lost wallets, purses, cars, money, clothes, shoes etc. Horrible headaches. Lost memories because of a blackout. Waking up in a hospital or jail cell. Mysterious bruises. Anxiety. Depression. Confusion. Shame. Guilt. Embarrassment. Etc.

What you are going to see if you log onto Facebook or Instagram over the next few days: it's gonna look like EVERYONE on the planet EXCEPT you is smiling, laughing, drinking & having a blast! It's a LIE! It's not that fun! What you see on FB is not real life. I plan to NOT log on to FB for a few days b/c my AV will use it to trigger me.

Sooooo....I hope you all are having a great day. I'm planning to lay low for the next few days & watch sports & eat good food! I'll be checking in here a lot too!

Just remember...don't drink! You will REGRET it!

If I missed anyone...HELLO!!! :-)
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Old 12-30-2015, 04:54 PM
  # 473 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by KiKi0615 View Post

New Years Eve: everyone is in their finest clothes, looking nice, smiling & laughing as they chug their alcohol...5-4-3-2-1....the countdown to the New Year. People like us won't remember it. Even many NON-alcoholics won't remember it! What they DON'T show in all those Facebook & Instagram photos are the people stumbling down the road, passed out in the bathroom, vomiting, make-up running down their faces, handcuffs on their hands because they just got arrested for driving drunk or public intoxication...etc...

...

Just remember...don't drink! You will REGRET it!
OH YES! Thank you Kiki and it's so true It all started for me when I was 19 and I through up all over an apartment and spent the night in someone's guest room. Coming home at 9 in the morning an my sister was going away, doing something productive...what have I been doing? With others? Drunk, not remembering. Alone? Sometimes, rejecting invitations to be at home drinking. It's so tragic really.

This year I made plans with family and my sister. We will cook dinner togehter and it will all be fine. I don't know what's wrong with us, seems we are all too idealistic, wishing for something that isn't there.

Time to face it, guys It will be better
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Old 12-30-2015, 04:57 PM
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Originally Posted by KiKi0615 View Post
@Patricia-how are you feeling? Did you get your AV to shut up?
Hi Kiki! AV is quiet now. I don't feel very well. I've been eating healthy for the past month, but today we had pizza. Now I look like 6 month pregnant! I think it's gluten intolerance. So I'm looking up gluten free recipes. I'm not giving up my pizza!
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Old 12-30-2015, 05:02 PM
  # 475 (permalink)  
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@Kiki Yes I am afraid of AA. It's another step to take I guess. To make it public, to meet face to face. It's ridiculous really...I mean, what I want is what I find here. Understanding, sharing and support. I don't judge anyone and I don't want to be judged. Maybe I should try AA once. I think SR is great but I think maybe I need more. It seems like I am not serious when I keep slipping, but I really am serious. This is not a joke to me, I am trying my best just maybe I need somebody around Thank you Kiki, you have such great energy!
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Old 12-30-2015, 06:24 PM
  # 476 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by patricia68 View Post
Hi Kiki! AV is quiet now. I don't feel very well. I've been eating healthy for the past month, but today we had pizza. Now I look like 6 month pregnant! I think it's gluten intolerance. So I'm looking up gluten free recipes. I'm not giving up my pizza!
Oh good! Glad your AV is quiet now!!! Mmmm...pizza! I wonder if I have FOOD intolerance because I feel like that all the time! Lol! Ha.
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Old 12-30-2015, 06:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Dallow View Post
@Kiki Yes I am afraid of AA. It's another step to take I guess. To make it public, to meet face to face. It's ridiculous really...I mean, what I want is what I find here. Understanding, sharing and support. I don't judge anyone and I don't want to be judged. Maybe I should try AA once. I think SR is great but I think maybe I need more. It seems like I am not serious when I keep slipping, but I really am serious. This is not a joke to me, I am trying my best just maybe I need somebody around Thank you Kiki, you have such great energy!
I wish I could take you to a meeting with me & introduce you to my sponsor & friends. You would love them & they would make you feel so safe, loved & comfortable. :-) Just Remember...everyone in AA has been right where you are...maybe worse...and NO ONE judges. I promise! :-)
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Old 12-30-2015, 06:36 PM
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Hey KIKi-
I'm doing great so far!!!!
As for New Years's that doesn't bother me at all. I can remember all the years getting all gussied up to spend a fortune to go out, but it's often just a facade. It's forced fun....drinking or sober!
I'm going to snuggle up by the fire and binge on Netflix!
We are supposed to get our first "El Nino" storms next week. I hope we don't slide away!
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Old 12-30-2015, 06:59 PM
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Alright people! One more day to go this year - make it a good one!

I don't have so much to say, I am just logging in here instead of facebook It's really helpful, you all share real things instead of just some photos of "happiness".

I am sure we can make next year a better one. it's hard, it's devestating---but it will never change if I won't, if we stay the same.

Happy new years all of you - and no, it is not pathetic to avoid the champange, it is not pathetic to be alone - it's a great choice to fight for your life See you in 2016
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Old 12-30-2015, 07:36 PM
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I'm off to bed. Happy New Year Dee! Let us know how's 2016 going so far!
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